Overheard her gossiping about other guys...

[Iama]

So my girl pocket dials me today by mistake. I'm about to hang up and I over hear her and one of her girlfriends talking about these 2 guys G1 and G2 and how hot they are. One of them G2 me and my gf had an argument about a while ago, since they were flirt txting when we first got together and then she completely started ignoring him. (as far as I know)

 

Same day, I talk to my girl on the phone at midnight. She said she had been to this concert (I knew she was going), and had ran into G2. All she said was he asked her why she hadn't been answering his txts.

 

... Now I haven't told my girl I overheard her. I asked her about her day, she said she was doing female talk with her friend. When I asked her what about, she said about this guy that is into her friend, but no mention about anything else....

 

Idk what to make of this. Part of me is kind of hurt.

[ScreamingTrees]

Girls will do this. People probably do this is general, though. Especially if you look like me, it's just something that can't be helped. They'll still drool over the next best thing even if they're settling for you for the moment. Just make sure you use protection, no point in getting STDs from someone who's going to inevitably leave you.

[Iama]

Too harsh?

EDIT: I know this girl is in love with me....

[HuffmanMontana]

When I have a GF I still notice and tlaka bout hot women. Doesn't mean I would ever cheat or do I want them over my current GF.

 

Jealously is natural.

 

I think you should leave this alone and act as if you didn't hear the conversation. Imagine if you were in her shoes.

[Iama]

When I have a GF I still notice and tlaka bout hot women. Doesn't mean I would ever cheat or do I want them over my current GF.

 

Jealously is natural.

 

I think you should leave this alone and act as if you didn't hear the conversation. Imagine if you were in her shoes.

 

I agree 100%.

 

However, the fact that we argued about this guy and she is still talking about him, although she knows that my feelings get kind of hurt when it's about him, makes me wonder...Also the hilarious fact that she met him the same day makes me think that maybe they contacted.

It was like after overhearing the convo and knowing she'd be at this concert, I was wondering if they would meet. And when she told me they did it just left me speechless. Like all the suspicions I had were true...

 

On the other hand, I know this girl loves me and she has showed it to me multiple times. And I know that girls gossipping about guys is just normal.

[AsonUnique]

Aside from the using condoms part, take what ScreamingTrees tells you with a grain of salt. Telling someone their girl will "inevitably leave you?," seriously wtf man?

 

Yes, most people will have day dreams of how life would be with someone more attractive, someone richer, someone with more charisma, etc... but if she's in love with you then they're nothing more than thoughts. Like Huffman said, we still talk about the hot ladies while we're in relationships, girls do the same thing.

 

All that being said, I understand why you needed to vent and felt hurt. It's about finding balance...don't waste time being paranoid but never ignore your gut feeling. If you find something concrete that says she's keeping contact with another guy, then you should address it with her again. If keeping in contact with another guy is more important than reassuring you, then it's probably time to start looking at your own future without her.

[ScreamingTrees]

If keeping in contact with another guy is more important than reassuring you, then it's probably time to start looking at your own future without her.

 

OK. Fine. Maybe she won't leave him, maybe he'll leave her. The result is the same.

[AsonUnique]

OK. Fine. Maybe she won't leave him, maybe he'll leave her. The result is the same.

 

But that's not inevitable either way. Couples have been through way worse and ended up staying together....though not often enough I'd admit.

 

I get it, you give the no-BS, look out for yourself advice in posts. That's def needed. I'm just giving the other end of the advice spectrum. Good to meet you Yin, I'm Yang.

[hppr]

Only issue I see is that the guy is still chasing her around and she hasn't told him to **** off, I'm in a relationship, etc. Girls that are in love with you will usually end up pretty pissed off at guys who go after them while they are in relationships. If she's really really nice, almost to a fault, then it may take awhile, but if she really likes you eventually she'll tell the guy off.

[Iama]

Only issue I see is that the guy is still chasing her around and she hasn't told him to **** off, I'm in a relationship, etc. Girls that are in love with you will usually end up pretty pissed off at guys who go after them while they are in relationships. If she's really really nice, almost to a fault, then it may take awhile, but if she really likes you eventually she'll tell the guy off.

 

On that concern, she just has had a 100% no contact policy after our arguing. Meaning anytime a guy contacted her and she knew he was hitting on her, she would just not answer. The guy would text / message 2-3-4 times then give up. Sometimes she keeps getting messages from these guys saying there's a party at XYZ.

 

And the guy isn't really chasing her around, he just sends her txts once in a while and tries to get a convo going. I'm not gonna lie, he's a good looking guy, but so am I on the other hand (not being biased ). On a 1 to 10 I think he's a 9 and I'm an 8, but personality wise (I know the guy), and loverwise, I'd say I probably dump him by far.

 

I am not bothered about it at all in a "she'll cheat on me sense", I just feel slightly bad about it. It's not logical. And given that she hasn't contacted with him in a month and she's still gossipping about him.... Idk just smells fishy.

[Iama]

Did you honestly expect her to say, "I was talking about how HOT G2 is and how I'd love to get my hands on him" ???

 

Guys do this crap all the time and don't go home and tell their wives or girlfriends that they were all acting like knuckle-draggers when a hot woman walked past them at Burger King. Jeez.

 

No but at least something like yeah, my friend was saying how hot G1 o G2 is and whatever gossip they were making.

 

I couldn't hear their gossip perfectly. I just kept hearing G1 and G2's names. And like I said before. She hasn't been in contact with G2 in more than a month. Why is he still occupying space in her mind. At least pay ****ing rent.

 

EDIT: And don't generalize to all guys. I'm a guy. I never gossip about girls.. NEVER. I can look, I can think a girl is cute, I can even like the attention when a girl is talking to me (without me doing anything), but the moment I actually speak up about her, I am disrespecting my girl, since it shows to anyone I'm speaking about this that I don't give 1 single **** about her.

Edited May 22, 2013 by Iama

[AsonUnique]

How long have you two been dating?

[Iama]

How long have you two been dating?

 

non-exclusive for a year. exclusive for 3-4 months. I guess we're also still getting used to each other...

[Jbum5]

Let's put it this way: if you're going to be a paranoid clown you might as well parade out the front door now because it will eventually drive you nuts. What would you prefer? A partner who you have kept in a box under your thumb or a partner who has experienced exposure but chooses you out of freewill despite the surrounding temptations?

[Iama]

Let's put it this way: if you're going to be a paranoid clown you might as well parade out the front door now because it will eventually drive you nuts. What would you prefer? A partner who you have kept in a box under your thumb or a partner who has experienced exposure but chooses you out of freewill despite the surrounding temptations?

 

Obviously the second and believe me, we had a whole year to experiment with that. And we chose each other in free will.

 

But I think there is a deeper issue, that came from before which is me trusting her.

 

I caught her lying a while ago. She asked me to be back and I told her I'll give it a try but my trust in her was about nil. It's gone up a bit, but truth be told I don't trust her that much :|

[ExpatInItaly]

Let's put it this way: if you're going to be a paranoid clown you might as well parade out the front door now because it will eventually drive you nuts. What would you prefer? A partner who you have kept in a box under your thumb or a partner who has experienced exposure but chooses you out of freewill despite the surrounding temptations?

 

This! You've summed up my sentiments perfectly.

[ExpatInItaly]

Obviously the second and believe me, we had a whole year to experiment with that. And we chose each other in free will.

 

But I think there is a deeper issue, that came from before which is me trusting her.

 

I caught her lying a while ago. She asked me to be back and I told her I'll give it a try but my trust in her was about nil. It's gone up a bit, but truth be told I don't trust her that much :|

 

What did she lie about?

[therhythm]

I don't know the whole history of the two of you but just by the fact that she was speaking with a female friend about hot guys is not a crime... can you honestly tell me you don't talk with your pals about hot girls?

When you have other issues with her in the past that make you unable to trust her or not is something we can't really advise you about because you have not shared that part of your story but the talking about other guys is really nothing you should make a big problem of, everybody have eyes for beauty and you like it or not your girlfriend will notice hot guys as much as you will notice hot girls!

[Iama]

She was flirt txting with G2 when we were non-exclusive which was fine. She never went out with him and all she'd tell me was that this guy was hitting on her. I was way less invested back then and didn't care.

 

After we became exclusive she toned it down a bit, but still was flirt txting with him a bit. One day she went to the washroom and I saw a message from this guy along the lines:

"Oh yeah but I need exclusive lessons first ;)". I got curious and saw them talking about her teaching him dancing and him owing her a drink, bla bla, pretty flirty.

 

We got in an argument about this, where she denied it, until I pretty much told her I saw with my own eyes. Then she said it was nothing. I told her my trust was broken but I knew we both cared about each other a lot and it was also the beginning so I thought small mistakes would happen.

 

She said she would regain my trust. I told her I'll give it a few months to see how things go and hopefully they go for the best. After that she opened up to me and told me pretty much everything that was going on in her mind the last few months, when we were non-exclusive and the situation was kind of weird.

 

So my problems is pretty much that:

a) I know she can lie if she doesn't like the truth.

b) Her version of "this guy was hitting on me" before meant "I'm flirting with this guy as much as I can and he's hitting on me". So when she told me she met him again and he told her "where have you been, bla bla bla".... what am I supposed to make out of this.

 

The only thing that has changed is how much she is into me, which I would say A LOT MORE.

 

EDIT: Again I wanna point out that I didn't get too pissed that she was txting some other guy, which I've told her as long as she consciously knows she's doing that for self-satisfaction and it's not going anywhere it's fine.

I got pissed because she straight up lied to my face

Edited May 22, 2013 by Iama

[Chi townD]

I'm a little confused on your orginal post. You stated that you overheard a butt dialed convo of HER GIRLFRIEND not YOUR GIRLFRIEND saying that G1 and G2 were hot. Was your girlfriend agreeing or throwing her two cents into the convo? Or said anything incriminating?

[Iama]

I'm a little confused on your orginal post. You stated that you overheard a butt dialed convo of HER GIRLFRIEND not YOUR GIRLFRIEND saying that G1 and G2 were hot. Was your girlfriend agreeing or throwing her two cents into the convo? Or said anything incriminating?

 

I didn't hear them very well. I just heard G2 and G1's names thrown around. But either way, G2 at least, her GF does not know. So it's obviously MY GF starting the gossiping about him.

 

AND I would understand gossiping about a guy hitting on them in the last few days, or that they've seen in the last few days, but about someone my gf hasn't been in contact for a month.... according to her...

Edited May 22, 2013 by Iama

[Chi townD]

Meh...I'd let it go. You stated that she is way into you and that should be enough for you. Nothing wrong with admiting that a person is hot. Hell, my wife knows that I think Sandra Bullock is hot. But, she also knows that if were between her and Sandy, well, it would definitely be my wife.

 

But, you have to put a little more trust out there because when the hell am I EVER going to have the opportunity to be around Sandra Bullock. This guy is very real and very close. So, my advice is to trust her and be the best boyfriend you can possibly be to her. Send her flowers with a note on there saying, "Just because it's wednesday". Leave several "I love you" post-it notes in her car to find. Like on the steering column, on the glove box. Take her out on a surprise picnic to a lake somewhere. Tell her she look pretty in a certain dress, or she looks hot in those shorts, or that you like the way her hair looks today. Let her know that you notice her. MAke a reservation to her favorite resturant and surprise her with that. Dude, just the little things goes a long way in a womans heart.

 

Then, perhaps the next time she talks with her girlfriend she'll probably say, " Yeah, G2 is hot...But, so is my Iama. And there's no way G2 would treat me as good as my boyfriend does. I know where my bread is buttered."

 

Give it a shot. Trust her a little. She tells you every time he texts or calls. She's not hiding anything. And most of all, remember this. SHE CHOSE YOU!!! She's yours! So, enjoy her. I've learned that if you treat the RIGHT girl with respect and with love and kindness, you get the same back and more!

[Iama]

 

Then, perhaps the next time she talks with her girlfriend she'll probably say, " Yeah, G2 is hot...But, so is my Iama. And there's no way G2 would treat me as good as my boyfriend does. I know where my bread is buttered."

 

Give it a shot. Trust her a little. She tells you every time he texts or calls. She's not hiding anything. And most of all, remember this. SHE CHOSE YOU!!! She's yours! So, enjoy her. I've learned that if you treat the RIGHT girl with respect and with love and kindness, you get the same back and more!

 

I am pretty confident that when the convo comes up she says I am the best and I know she believes she'd never leave me. Like I said my personality is way better, we always have a blast together and I TREAT HER LIKE A LITTLE PRINCESS (She's a bit spoiled and she likes that and Im surprisingly OK). The sex is really on another level. Like there is so many GOOD THINGS about this relationship...

 

As for the trust, that's the main issue, I did trust her, she would tell me, and yet she hid stuff from me before (read a couple of posts above)

 

And lastly that's part of the problem, that I treat her good. So my mind says that she didn't chose me, but my way of treating her. I know enough about girls psychology to know that they wanna have a good boyfriend provider and **** 'the alpha guy' so to speak.

Now I was the alpha guy for many many years (never settled down) and do not wanna go to being JUST the provider with my nice ways.

[Chi townD]

Now I was the alpha guy for many many years (never settled down) and do not wanna go to being JUST the provider with my nice ways.

 

And.... that's what you have to evaluate. Relationships are all about give and take. And there has to be an even balance. If you notice that you're giving and really not getting anything in return....then maybe you're not with the right girl. And I'm not talking materialistic things....

 

Look, one of the (many) things that my wife did for me while we were dating was this. When we were dating, twice a month, I was working on the far north side of the city and I would have to work till 10PM. The last train going to the south side left at 10:15. I would have to catch the last connecting train to get me home from downtown and I would arrive at 1:30 in the morning. I always told my wife (girlfriend at the time) that I would just get a cab from there to go home. She was working a full time job as well and I didn't want to put her out because I'm sure she was tired. She wouldn't even hear of it. She was always there waiting for me at 1:30 in the morning with a smile on her face and NEVER complained once about picking me up at such a late hour. NOT ONCE! Which I thought was pretty cool.

 

Again, it's just the small things that make a difference. If I were a complete douche rocket to her, do you think she'd go out of her way for a guy that doesn't treat her right all the time? The most important thing to remember as well. If you have her on a pedistal, you need to take her off of it. You shouldn't look up to her. She should be next to you; by your side. Your partner in life. Your better HALF. Walking together through life.

[Iama]

I definitely do not look up to her. I've told her we're like Batman and Robin. I'm Batman obviously , but when I'm down she takes the spotlight. Finding the right balance is harder than you think. What happens if you think you have the right balance and you find her lying to you and txt flirting with guys behind your back?

 

And yes, my girl does a lot of cool things for me too. It's just that Idk how to measure balance.

 

I'm in my hometown for a few months. This weekend she's taking a 6 hr bus ride to come and see me. Took a day off work.

 

But what bothers me is these little screw ups. Her being jealous, me being jealous, her lying to me, it's like because of how close we are to each other we get a few weeks of awesomeness and then every 2 weeks or so there is some kind of problem we need to work on...

Edited May 22, 2013 by Iama