Firepiddle Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 A couple years ago, I made a horrible mistake and cheated on a girlfriend (not my current girlfriend). She never found out because the girl I cheated on her with was my girlfriend's best friend. Trust me, none of you can beat me up as much as have already beat myself up... Since that stupid mistake, I have never been able to fully trust whoever I get with (there have only been two since then, and the second I'm currently with). I know that I CAN whole-heartedly trust this girl, but I just can't seem to actually do it. When she doesn't text me back for a little bit, millions of "what-ifs" flow through my head, each worse than the last. What complicates this further is she just moved to California from South Carolina, where I live. I KNOW I can trust her, but I am just hardly ever at ease. I know it stems from my own guilt and insecurities, but what do I need to do to be able to give this girl the trust she deserves? I don't want to lose her, and I can't lose her... Someone please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 See a therapist. Or you will seriously screw this - and every other subsequent relationship - up. Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 A couple years ago, I made a horrible mistake and cheated on a girlfriend (not my current girlfriend). She never found out because the girl I cheated on her with was my girlfriend's best friend. Trust me, none of you can beat me up as much as have already beat myself up... Since that stupid mistake, I have never been able to fully trust whoever I get with (there have only been two since then, and the second I'm currently with). I know that I CAN whole-heartedly trust this girl, but I just can't seem to actually do it. When she doesn't text me back for a little bit, millions of "what-ifs" flow through my head, each worse than the last. What complicates this further is she just moved to California from South Carolina, where I live. I KNOW I can trust her, but I am just hardly ever at ease. I know it stems from my own guilt and insecurities, but what do I need to do to be able to give this girl the trust she deserves? I don't want to lose her, and I can't lose her... Someone please help me. Talk to her. Explain your fears and how they are affecting the relationship. If this is long term you should have told her about your past infidelity already. If you haven't now would be a good time to do that. If she really wants to be with you she will work with you as you try to abate your fears. If she doesn't.....well that's her choice and you should respect that. It's hard to be with someone who doesn't trust you and even if you haven't accused her of anything I bet tensions will rise as your insecurities get worse if you don't talk to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Ugh. My Dad did this to my mother for 30+ years. She could barely leave the house without a barrage of questions or insecure suggestions that she might hit the ground running the second a 7-11 clerk smiled at her. Mystery solved as to why: he was a cheater. My mother even got chylamidia after my brother was born. My Dad convinced her it must've "laid dormant" since she was a teenager Because he had never been with any other woman. Deal with this insecure crap, it's not fair to ANYONE. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Tara is spot on. See a therapist. Problem is, is that you NEVER thought you would be a cheater; and yet, you did. And it was done easily. Now that you know how easy it was to succomb to the temptations, your feeling ANYONE can just as easily cheat as you did. Link to post Share on other sites
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