Skye1234 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) So, I recently took on a friend with benefits and we actually speak quite often (he calls me to talk regularly). But, four times in a row he has ASKED ME to meet up for sex and after I agree, he completely flakes on me. No call. No text. Nothing. Then, he'll call to talk about other things like life in general, what he's been up to, really personal stuff. But THEN, he'll ask to meet up for sex again and will be a no show! I have told him before that he does NOT have to have sex with me to be my friend yet, he STILL asks for sex and doesn't follow through. BTW... I'm a pretty attractive woman. Just keeping it real. I know I can easily find someone else to have sex with but, I'd rather it be a friend and well, I'm choosy. And dang it... I'm really confused as to what the hell is going on. I can't even find another story like this anywhere on the web! Edited May 22, 2013 by Skye1234 Mispelling of Title Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Tell him to go take a lon walk off a short pier. Anyone who does that is devoid of a heart. Yes, it's understood that you're to get together for recreational sex and how're not in love with each other and may be in relationships with others you consider your "number one" Although I get the impression you're single and are not cheating with him on your number 1). I was in that position once where I wasn't seeing anyone an e/g gf who lived with a long distance trucker would call me up when he was on the road during the weak and say she would come by that Friday. One several occasions for whatever reason she cancelled--she always called. But I hat to make it clear to her that she couldn't keep getting me all excited that we were gonna get together and then cancel. I had to tell her unless she's sure, don't float any ideas that it going to happen and then back out. It's very disappointing--especially is you're not seeing anyone else. Depressing actually. Even angering. I never blue uo at her and inly happened maybe four times but she had to be told because it didn't occur to her that it really really left me disappointed to the extent of going out and doing reckless stuff. She cooperated without any conflict and generally just called me when she wanted me to go to bed with her and nothing else was keeping her from doing it. She has a son, and that was mostly the issue. No sitter? No nook nook with big Jim. Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Men and women cannot be real "friends." If he's a bootie call, likely he has more than one bootie call aligned. If he's not available enough then maybe you want more than a bootie call? You can't get into these FWB "relationships" and expect anything from the other person. It's not a real relationship. And forget about "being friends" because men and women cannot be friends unless there is no attraction. He's not your friend. He's taking advantage of the situation you are providing him. He's doing nothing wrong. If you don't like it, drop him, move on. If you're hot, you'll have no problem finding the next guy right? Be true to yourself Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Men and women cannot be real "friends." If he's a bootie call, likely he has more than one bootie call aligned. If he's not available enough then maybe you want more than a bootie call? You can't get into these FWB "relationships" and expect anything from the other person. It's not a real relationship. And forget about "being friends" because men and women cannot be friends unless there is no attraction. He's not your friend. He's taking advantage of the situation you are providing him. He's doing nothing wrong. If you don't like it, drop him, move on. If you're hot, you'll have no problem finding the next guy right? Be true to yourself Well... no. You're wrong. You CAN expect that when you make plans with your FWB that they will show up. It's a mutually agreed relationship, for the purposes of sex. However if one part promises sex and doesn't deliver, then that person is at fault. What you can't (or shouldn't) expect is your FWB/booty call to be availale 24/7 and be in the mood to have sex with you whenever you want to. Sometimes you'll text and get a no back or a simple no response. That's fine. But if you arrange something?? You better show up! So... you need to tell your FWB that he can't do it anymore. Ditch him and find someone else. I get the wanting someone you know. It makes it better. But I'm sure you can find another someone who doesn't flake! I had one of those. We'd make plans to hang out and without fail he'd flake. Though he usually called or texted. I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that it was not acceptable and if I was last on his list, then he shouldn't even bother trying to call me again. He apologised. Then did it again. I stopped replying to his texts and calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) It's disrespectful to stand someone up, whether the meet-up is for sex or coffee or anything else. Four times is ridiculous. It seems you are not getting either the benefits nor friends part because that is not how a friend treats you. I would not be interested in hearing all of his personal problems when the concern doesn't go both ways. Good luck. Edited May 30, 2013 by Dragonfruit Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 With all due respect.... This statement: I'm choosy. contradicts this statement: But, four times in a row he has ASKED ME to meet up for sex and after I agree, he completely flakes on me. Someone who is choosy wouldn't put up with this sort of dis-respect more than once... The fact that you KEEP going back for more would indicate that you are far from choosy, but rather desperate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 With all due respect.... This statement: contradicts this statement: Someone who is choosy wouldn't put up with this sort of dis-respect more than once... The fact that you KEEP going back for more would indicate that you are far from choosy, but rather desperate. Yup it seems girls like to chase guys that run the other way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skye1234 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 Thanks for the input, guys. You were all right in one way or another. He's since been dismissed. Sigh, was just a shame to wait all time time to finally choose someone you thought a no strings attached deal would work out with only to find out that he can't do without strings. Now I have to patiently wait, and scope out another candidate. Hopefully this next one will work out for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
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