Am I crazy?

[Johndoe94]

Ok, first off... You'll be thinking the way I'm feeling!"This dude is crazy!" I am 18 years old and been in a relation for 2 and a half years(very happy,serious, and wanting the future together to last) but I worry a lot about her cheating and I admit to my unreasonable pathetic concerns about it because she has gave me no reason that she does so. This has been my first serious relationship, and we both plan on it lasting, and I think the way I'm worrying is just because I've never felt this kind of love before and I don't want to get hurt by it. See, at the beginning of the relationship, shed talk to guys, text them,etc...(stuff that's absolutely fine and there's nothing wrong with). And this is were the crazy part comes in! She and I both, weirdly are very jealous, which to me isn't a problem but in reality jealous causes a lot of issues! Simply putting, I don't talk/look at any girls, and vice-versa! Surprising and crazy as it sounds, I've abided by this the whole relationship! And although I know she has aswell, but the point I'm trying to come off is, is us doing this just going to end up terribly wrong?(like in the future it'll end up making one of us have an affair after acting like this for so long?) or is this something that could surprisingly work out for the best? And yes, I'm young and alot of people say young people don't know what love it and what I'm talking about, but as I said, this is a serious loving relationship and I come with the question so I can get some advice for the future from people that has been/seen,etc this issue! Thanks!

[TaraMaiden]

Well, I hate to sound like your mother, but putting stringent limitations on one another, or even imposing them on yourselves, will come unstuck.

 

You're both young, and to be honest, you're both of you not fully mentally formed yet. (That's not intended to be an insult, that's actual biological fact.

 

You both still have a measure of 'growing up' or maturing, to do, and in that time, you will meet other people, and your interest to diversify will doubtless be stimulated.

 

I would suggest you lighten up.

Enjoy this for what it is.

A dedicated commitment, the boundaries of which, have a right to be flexible and open to different experiences.

Do not tie yourself down to intensely.

Otherwise, the gradual diversion of views, opinions and ideas, will be too painful to contemplate.

[Johndoe94]

I greatly appreciate your I formation and suggestion. It's a great idea but its hard for me to do because she's honestly all I want in life. Going back to before, we are young, and your exactly right on the fact we haven't fully matured, but see, it's hard to explain really! I know all young couples instantly think they know right, and what love and relationship is all about,( and it turns out they don't) but honestly, I really feel like its a sure thing. We are the exact same people, went through life with the exact same problems(as my earlier post explain we are both on the weird over controlling side haha) and even our families and everyone say they know we're going to get married, etc...(although they dont know the about the issue we have) so honestly, I feel over 100% sure we will have a splendid future together(maybe not economically but happily) and as similar to what you said, I just worry that the issue will end up making worse in the future! For example, if we continue to act this way I'm afraid in the future when she has her career choice job, and other things, those times away from me, I guess you could say, "would make her feel free" and that's what I'm worried about the most

[therhythm]

I greatly appreciate your I formation and suggestion. It's a great idea but its hard for me to do because she's honestly all I want in life. Going back to before, we are young, and your exactly right on the fact we haven't fully matured, but see, it's hard to explain really! I know all young couples instantly think they know right, and what love and relationship is all about,( and it turns out they don't) but honestly, I really feel like its a sure thing. We are the exact same people, went through life with the exact same problems(as my earlier post explain we are both on the weird over controlling side haha) and even our families and everyone say they know we're going to get married, etc...(although they dont know the about the issue we have) so honestly, I feel over 100% sure we will have a splendid future together(maybe not economically but happily) and as similar to what you said, I just worry that the issue will end up making worse in the future! For example, if we continue to act this way I'm afraid in the future when she has her career choice job, and other things, those times away from me, I guess you could say, "would make her feel free" and that's what I'm worried about the most

 

If you want us to think your love for this girl is mature you need to deal with the situations as they come in a mature way.

I do think you are very young, but I have seen very young people in relationships that lasted many, many years.

The only thing you can do when your girlfriend makes her career choice or when she gets a job, or even when she doesn't but you are just one night out of town is to trust that your girlfriend will do the right thing for you.

Relationships are always about compromise and trust, if you can't trust your girlfriend the relationship is already damaged and will never survive.

If your girlfriend has not cheated on you just because you have been always there to prevent it is not really a good signal, but if she has not cheated because she didn't want to do it even when she had the chances is when you can be secure she is a keeper!

 

Anyway you are young and you should enjoy being young and having someone who loves you besides you... instead you choose to be miserable thinking about possibilities of your girlfriend cheating on you in the future, it is pretty lame, is like not enjoying your holidays being afraid that it will rain any minute even when till that moment all the days were beautiful and sunny!

[TaraMaiden]

Sadly, they do say 'what you fear will come to pass'.

 

I know you feel super-dooper 100% convinced this I the be all and end all of your romantic life - but as I say, the more you fixate, the harder the fall will be.

 

You can only deal with the issue as, when and if it arises.

 

You guys seem to have a problem with jealousy and trust.

Both of those are rooted in self-esteem and in security issues.

 

You lack confidence in your holding power.

 

Why?

Because you know you're the only guy she's ever been with, you know the world is chock-a-block with other guys, and you fewer they will prove too great a temptation.

 

Well, nobody has a crystal ball.

All you can ask for - and promise her - is transparent honesty.

If you DO meet someone else, tell her.

If she is tempted by other things - she must tell you.

Communication, Trust and Respect are the three lynch pins of every single relationship.

Never abuse them.

They hold everything up.