HonestNeurotic Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Months, Years? I'm just curious. If it lasted years, and you weren't looking for the OM/OW to be with you exclusively, did you get BORED? i.e., without a dday, would you see this as something that would eventually just fizzle out on it's own? Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Months, Years? I'm just curious. If it lasted years, and you weren't looking for the OM/OW to be with you exclusively, did you get BORED? i.e., without a dday, would you see this as something that would eventually just fizzle out on it's own? It's hard for me to define a start date since mine was an EA. But A bit less than a year with about 6-7 weeks of NC (by me) about 6 months into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 We had a PA for a little under a year, and an EA leading up to that for several months. About 2 years in total, maybe a bit less. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 His affair was over the span of 1 1/2 yrs. But only 6 months real contact (via facebook, email and text). Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 My MM and I are on our 7mnth of what we consider dating or a relationship, before that we were flirting and back and forth more innocently and at about month 5 of our A we considered eachother gf/bf 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 EA for 2 months and then EA/PA for 14 months. If no Ddays it would have never ever fizzled out. We had that discussion at the beginning. If anything the feelings just got stronger and stronger. We ended it after the last trickle truth/Dday when his W left the house with the kids and was clearly at the end of her rope. I think it would have still gone on had we not had 3 weeks of forced NC due to logistics...we never went more than a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Months, Years? One year & counting. did you get BORED? Well, there are plateaus, yes. I just focus on business. That's what he's doing. It's good for both of us. i.e., without a dday, would you see this as something that would eventually just fizzle out on it's own? Can't predict the future. Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I guess I feel horrible...i thought mine was short (and apparently it hasn't been)...6 month EA, and then continued into another 1 1/2 year PA. Recently ended...has been NC...but i think will go LC very soon I have a friend who had a 5 year...it killed him. It hasn't been that long since we ended it...I still miss her every moment, second of every day...and in my heart do not know if I'll ever feel as strong for anyone else. I've dated, been married etc...different women through the years...none stole my heart like this one. Stinks! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 About 3 years. I still saw other people the whole time, as per my "rule" in the other thread. I didn't believe in being faithful to him in light of the situation. Granted, I never managed to fall inlove with any of those other people, because of my feelings for him, but I felt it was better to meet other men rather than acting like I was his exclusive gf when he clearly wasn't my exclusive bf. During year one I already knew this was not permanent as it was. I told him he couldn't have two of us forever and one day he'd have to choose and I knew him choosing me made no sense in his life. He tried to ignore this and say he didn't know what would happen but he wanted me as of the date at the time. He simply wanted to ignore reality it seemed and cake eat for as long as he could and I honestly think if I had never complained and overtime got fed up and said we were done, he'd have been happy to have me as his "girlfriend" forever. It didn't fizzle out so much as I got disillusioned and felt like I was on a treadmill to nowhere and so we ended more abruptly. Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 4 1/2 months (plus 3 weeks NC) The most difficult times of my life, yet I miss him. I wish I'd never met him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 My MM and I are on our 7mnth of what we consider dating or a relationship, before that we were flirting and back and forth more innocently and at about month 5 of our A we considered eachother gf/bf Hey Lil, just curious, does your bf plan to be with you in a non-A context or will the relationship most likely always be an A? Link to post Share on other sites
who_am_i Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 We began speaking in November but never met until February. This is when I consider the affair to have truly begun and it was almost exactly two years to the day between the first meeting and last meeting. Damn that sounds like a long time... Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I guess I feel horrible...i thought mine was short (and apparently it hasn't been)...6 month EA, and then continued into another 1 1/2 year PA. Recently ended...has been NC...but i think will go LC very soon I have a friend who had a 5 year...it killed him. It hasn't been that long since we ended it...I still miss her every moment, second of every day...and in my heart do not know if I'll ever feel as strong for anyone else. I've dated, been married etc...different women through the years...none stole my heart like this one. Stinks! I'm sure your wife did, if you think back before her A...at the beginning? I'm just asking bc sometimes I feel like I felt stronger for my exAP than my exH when we were married. It must be the fog or the nature of an A, bc that can't be true.... Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 About 3 years. I still saw other people the whole time, as per my "rule" in the other thread. I didn't believe in being faithful to him in light of the situation. Granted, I never managed to fall inlove with any of those other people, because of my feelings for him, but I felt it was better to meet other men rather than acting like I was his exclusive gf when he clearly wasn't my exclusive bf. During year one I already knew this was not permanent as it was. I told him he couldn't have two of us forever and one day he'd have to choose and I knew him choosing me made no sense in his life. He tried to ignore this and say he didn't know what would happen but he wanted me as of the date at the time. He simply wanted to ignore reality it seemed and cake eat for as long as he could and I honestly think if I had never complained and overtime got fed up and said we were done, he'd have been happy to have me as his "girlfriend" forever. It didn't fizzle out so much as I got disillusioned and felt like I was on a treadmill to nowhere and so we ended more abruptly. MissBee- forgive me since I feel like you've probably answered this before...but then you just went NC and he was just done too after 3 years? Or were feelings subsiding the whole time? Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I'm sure your wife did, if you think back before her A...at the beginning? I'm just asking bc sometimes I feel like I felt stronger for my exAP than my exH when we were married. It must be the fog or the nature of an A, bc that can't be true.... I'm not married ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie Harper Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 2 years 7 months, we agreed that our relationship could or should be to try to fix our marriages, so in some way it was therapeutic. We both were so happy and enjoyed incredible things together,a dn I helped her to make a huge project and be successful in that, she also helped me a lot. In november she told me she was having problems with our relationship (namely she fell in love), so she went away 3 months came back and we agreed to let go, I am in the 3 month of NC, I miss her and surely she does, but I really want her to fix her marriage and give a 100% to it, with me in the picture it would be impossible, so there you go, It lasted a lot and it was great, but it had to die... for all people involved... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 MissBee- forgive me since I feel like you've probably answered this before...but then you just went NC and he was just done too after 3 years? Or were feelings subsiding the whole time? The feelings were increasing actually, thus making it more frustrating for me to be in an A. Those feelings of there being a glass ceiling grew over time and I felt more and more like I was not getting what I wanted from him/the situation, and he didn't seem bothered one bit by it ( and why should he be?). Before the final NC, things declined. I told him we needed to just be friends. He didn't like it but agreed, except we had no clue how to be friends so it just went back into the usual pattern. We argued a lot more overtime and then our communication started dwindling from everyday calls to every other day until once a week until it was sporadic. I was sad about it but also angry and also felt it was the right thing, since we were supposed to be working on just friends. But I felt neglected and he felt his hands were tied because "he knew I deserved more" but he couldn't provide it. In this atmosphere was when he enforced NC abruptly and I wrote him one email saying I felt abandoned etc to which he didn't respond. We didn't communicate for an entire year after that. But during that time I actually had a new boyfriend and all of that. A year later he resurfaced and told me how hard it was for him but he knew it was the best thing to do etc. He was right! Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Mine was over 5 years. I wouldn't say fizzled, just nowhere left to go w/ it? No dday, just got off the roller coaster. Maybe you just get to a point w/ it where the newness is gone (addiction really) & you just finally figure out it's not worth it to hurt a bunch of people? I factored in a dday & how that would look, ugly for me. I factored in what my kids would think & if they would even like him? He wouldn't fit in w/ my family @ all. Then I factored in the "lover & friend" part that I thought we had. Lover, yes, friend, no. 0 for 3, time to bail. I miss him, but I'm not better for having him in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Mine was over 5 years. I wouldn't say fizzled, just nowhere left to go w/ it? No dday, just got off the roller coaster. Maybe you just get to a point w/ it where the newness is gone (addiction really) & you just finally figure out it's not worth it to hurt a bunch of people? I factored in a dday & how that would look, ugly for me. I factored in what my kids would think & if they would even like him? He wouldn't fit in w/ my family @ all. Then I factored in the "lover & friend" part that I thought we had. Lover, yes, friend, no. 0 for 3, time to bail. I miss him, but I'm not better for having him in my life. To the bold: yes that's how I felt. It wasn't that I no longer had feelings for him and was dying to date other men. It was simply that there was nowhere to go with it. We hit a glass ceiling and I was dying to move forward and he was content as is. I was ready to leave the fish bowl and go into the ocean, he was content swimming around in the same waters. In the beginning it was new and didn't feel that way but over time, it just started to feel pointless and I got more irritated with it. I was way past the point of trying to "enjoy what we have." I was never a happy OW anyway; as in, I never accepted an A as simply an alternative relationship. It always bothered me, but was simply tolerated at first. As time passed, I couldn't really deal with the relationship as an A and felt it was in a stunted state so it had to end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 To the bold: yes that's how I felt. It wasn't that I no longer had feelings for him and was dying to date other men. It was simply that there was nowhere to go with it. We hit a glass ceiling and I was dying to move forward and he was content as is. I was ready to leave the fish bowl and go into the ocean, he was content swimming around in the same waters. In the beginning it was new and didn't feel that way but over time, it just started to feel pointless and I got more irritated with it. I was way past the point of trying to "enjoy what we have." I was never a happy OW anyway; as in, I never accepted an A as simply an alternative relationship. It always bothered me, but was simply tolerated at first. As time passed, I couldn't really deal with the relationship as an A and felt it was in a stunted state so it had to end. Exactly how i feel....i want more... Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Months, Years? I'm just curious. If it lasted years, and you weren't looking for the OM/OW to be with you exclusively, did you get BORED? i.e., without a dday, would you see this as something that would eventually just fizzle out on it's own? Almost 2 years. It was very intense, as affairs (especially long distance ones) tend to be. Did I get bored? No. Would I have, if we'd gone on forever LIKE THAT? Probably after many, many years. We DID want to actually be together though. Live together, be exclusive, etc. We weren't just meandering along through Affair Town forever with no end goal. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Months, Years? I'm just curious. If it lasted years, and you weren't looking for the OM/OW to be with you exclusively, did you get BORED? i.e., without a dday, would you see this as something that would eventually just fizzle out on it's own? A year and some change. And never a boring day. Link to post Share on other sites
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