youngnlove89 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) I’m in a weird mood today, so my disclaimer is just that. I am in no mind, world or skirt short enough to call myself a professional. I am in no body, shape or sober mind to concur that I am right. This is I just sharing the obvious, taking all the advice giving on here and putting it together in one eeny beeny teeny post. So if you got some vodka, pour yourself some, gather around and give me the rest of the bottle. Here we go... Once upon a time, I fell for an emotionally constipated man, whom for two years could never directly give me his heart, but instead shoved it up my tush instead (I always knew he was kinky). After I got back with him 100 times over, had break up sex twice as much, felt “content” with his uncommitted decisions and made myself believe I was okay for a day or two, then realized I wasn’t, broke up with him, sought for advice and after the billionth “move on and go NC” was given (takes deep breath), I finally smelled the p.iss, gave up on the fact that my story is not different and went NC (and still am). You know what I learned? We are all in the same situation. We got dumped. Everything else is irrelevant; age, term of dating, eye color, and whether they picked their nose or not. Fact is, they left us. And here we are, in a cyber world seeking advice like a crazy diabetic person with braces in a candy story—we are lost. Our hearts are racing, hands shaking, and we’re biting our lips while staring at our phones like a pathetic ape. We are putting our lives on hold for these people that walked away from us. We are aimlessly walking off a cliff. Our lives are in sloooow mooootion while we wait around for the inevitable: them never coming back. (For those in denial: yes that is the cold hard truth, tastes like cough medicine, don't it?) We stalk, text, call, we leave ten voice mails, and it only leaves us feeling out of control, weak and angry. Why do we do it? Because we think we are the exception. We knock, bang, lock and reload. We wish on falling stars, dream about them every night and see it as a “sign” rather than a mere coincidence and eat the whole pint of ice cream (or if you’re like me, one pint for each thigh) in sheer pity for ourselves. We purposely set ourselves up for failure every time and then decide to log on to LS shamelessly seeking advice, spilling our secrets and crossing our fingers for answers we will never get, EVER. Over and over again. Aren’t you dizzy yet? And when they do contact us in the most pathetic way, we immediately log on here, exaggerate the question and everyone gives us the same answer every time: breadcrumbs, nothing but breadcrumbs. So here is what I learned, this is me standing on the front lines, looking at all of you wounded soldiers with your hearts torn out of your chests, battered and beaten souls and tired eyes. Here I am repeating the same thing that has been said every day, every thread, every time. If you have been left by the person you loved (or if they gave you no choice but to leave them), if they have given you every indication that they do not want you back, if they have chosen time over chance and you are laying in bed alone every single night…Then you must do what follows: 1. Apply immediate No Contact - Don’t ask questions - Don’t look for answers - There is no such thing as closure - There is no going back - There are no wishbones, candles to be blown and exceptions to the rule. 2. Mourning with NO CONTACT Symptoms include: pouting, whining, making excuses, getting drunk, crying randomly, posting several times on LS, looking for their car while driving, checking your phone 100x a day, eating for one, being sleepy, having urges to contact them, wishing on stars, looking for them at the supermarket, planning what you would say if you saw them at the supermarket, wishing on 11:11, sleeping with a stranger, regretting it in the morning, crying, biting your nails, checking your email 50x a day, drinking too much coffee, shouting at them to yourself, becoming angry for no reason, acting recklessly, having anxiety, dreaming of them, having heart palpitations, missing them, wondering if they miss you, feeling okay and then feeling horrible, eating too much ice-cream, being bored on the weekends, crying, not going to the gym because your lazy Symptoms may very person-to-person. Symptoms may last longer than others. Symptoms can come and go. Symptoms are never a reason to contact an ex. Symptoms don’t last forever. And then finally **lets out deep breath**… 3. Shake hands with indifference BAM. That’s it. The end. You are not the exception. Your story is not different. You are not the only one. I hate to ruin the ending for you and all, but everything will work out in the end. You will move on. This will be just a figment of the past that you will look back on one day and realize how much you grew from it, learned from it and moved on. Your goal is to be indifferent, correct? To be that, you just have to buckle up, endure the ride and know that this hurt you are feeling will pass. Edited May 22, 2013 by youngnlove89 37 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 You are not the exception. Your story is not different. You are not the only one. EXACTLY this. Coming here with the "we had a great relationship with the usual fights/arguments" or some variation of that asking if there's hope, or what they were thinking (yes I did it too)......doesn't change reality. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartsClub Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Couldn't have said it better. I still think this is a good place to vent, even though deep down we all know the answers and what we should do. I think that as humans we need some sort of validation or encouragement that we're handling things the right way. Also, I've run into a few curve ball situations on here which I'm pretty sure that I would never have to deal with, but it's good to know that I'm armed with the info in case that situation arises. Great post YnL89. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonadekiwi Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 thankyou for posting this. Link to post Share on other sites
CelticGibson Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Wow. Excellently put! You have summed it succinctly that it should be a sticky for all to read. Good job. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 This site has really helped me. I mean, I never thought I wound end up here 6 weeks ago. I thought I had the perfect relationship. Yeah, well now I realize I am no different. It's comforting to know that there are other people feeling the same pain I am feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Hockeyguy19 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Ah, 11:11, my mosted hated time of day. Great post, down to the freaking tee. We are all different, but we are all the same, we feel the same emotions and letting go is the hardest part. But that post said it all. Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 few people get involved and give with good intention and wholeheartedly. most people dont. both types can get equally hurt, maybe stemming from different reasons, but still. ive moved on and past rollercoaster relationships and breakups, evidenced by my last one. im so glad im learning, as its been a long road and my instincts and choices were not always conducive to happiness Link to post Share on other sites
michaelbluth Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Thank you for posting this. For me it's been 10 weeks and the last two days have been horrible. It's the first time I have seen her and spoken to her since it happened. Today I created an account. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Hmm. Good post. Hopefully your getting the NC part now. Once again this whole BU thing isnt very complex. Stay NC and suffer until indifferent. I might just stop posting because i dont really have anything to add anymore. Its all in the NC guide. Sorry i guess im losing pacience being on here now. Everyone just needs to suck it up. Its so easy to recover. Just takes some time, NC, and some emotional fortitude. Cav 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 Thanks everyone I'm glad you liked my post. Hmm. Good post. Hopefully your getting the NC part now. Once again this whole BU thing isnt very complex. Stay NC and suffer until indifferent. I might just stop posting because i dont really have anything to add anymore. Its all in the NC guide. Sorry i guess im losing pacience being on here now. Everyone just needs to suck it up. Its so easy to recover. Just takes some time, NC, and some emotional fortitude. Cav Cav, don't stop posting!! It's good to hear from you every now and then. Actually I think posting on here is really good for moving on, because it allows you to dump your feelings out instead of contacting your ex. I've had several severe urges to contact mine, but post here instead. I'm thankful this site!! Don't leave 2 Link to post Share on other sites
McGriff Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) Excellent post! I've done everything but the ice cream (substituted with cigarettes and Vegas Bombs, but I digress). You pretty much covered the whole gamut of emotions, thoughts, actions, and feelings of this tired army of love warriors. (Love that analogy) I think you are right on about the fact that even though everyone is different, the common denominator is we got dumped. Boom, that's it, that's all we needed to know. The most important thing for me to focus on is the big picture, and you touched on that as well. A year or 5 or 10 years from now, this will all be just a memory. A couple pages of the novel that is our lives. We live in these pages now, but ultimately the pages must turn and we must keep reading. So again, great post, and I vote it to be a sticky for everyone to see. Edited May 22, 2013 by McGriff 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 Excellent post! I've done everything but the ice cream (substituted with cigarettes and Vegas Bombs, but I digress). You pretty much covered the whole gamut of emotions, thoughts, actions, and feelings of this tired army of love warriors. (Love that analogy) I think you are right on about the fact that even though everyone is different, the common denominator is we got dumped. Boom, that's it, that's all we needed to know. The most important thing for me to focus on is the big picture, and you touched on that as well. A year or 5 or 10 years from now, this will all be just a memory. A couple pages of the novel that is our lives. We live in these pages now, but ultimately the pages must turn and we must keep reading. So again, great post, and I vote it to be a sticky for everyone to see. That'd be awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Something like this coming from you this is even more awesome. Considering where you were and how far you've come makes this even better. That you're moving the spotlight back onto you slowly but surely, going out with your friends, going to the gym, (I think hitting on/being hit on too right? ) You pretty much just wrote down what all of the advice everyone we give here is in one post. I hope people will read this and take what you're saying to heart instead of just scanning and forgetting about it. That they actually think about everything and use it to help them. because you really put things into perspective. No one had a different relationship. We all were in loving relationships and had them end at some point. We were all heart broken and had no idea how to move on. We figured the world was going to end because the person we loved, no longer wanted to date us anymore. I hope that people will realize by reading this thread that everything they are going through is normal. Great post YnL! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I’m in a weird mood today, so my disclaimer is just that. I am in no mind, world or skirt short enough to call myself a professional. I am in no body, shape or sober mind to concur that I am right. This is I just sharing the obvious, taking all the advice giving on here and putting it together in one eeny beeny teeny post. So if you got some vodka, pour yourself some, gather around and give me the rest of the bottle. Here we go... Once upon a time, I fell for an emotionally constipated man, whom for two years could never directly give me his heart, but instead shoved it up my tush instead (I always knew he was kinky). After I got back with him 100 times over, had break up sex twice as much, felt “content” with his uncommitted decisions and made myself believe I was okay for a day or two, then realized I wasn’t, broke up with him, sought for advice and after the billionth “move on and go NC” was given (takes deep breath), I finally smelled the p.iss, gave up on the fact that my story is not different and went NC (and still am). You know what I learned? We are all in the same situation. We got dumped. Everything else is irrelevant; age, term of dating, eye color, and whether they picked their nose or not. Fact is, they left us. And here we are, in a cyber world seeking advice like a crazy diabetic person with braces in a candy story—we are lost. Our hearts are racing, hands shaking, and we’re biting our lips while staring at our phones like a pathetic ape. We are putting our lives on hold for these people that walked away from us. We are aimlessly walking off a cliff. Our lives are in sloooow mooootion while we wait around for the inevitable: them never coming back. (For those in denial: yes that is the cold hard truth, tastes like cough medicine, don't it?) We stalk, text, call, we leave ten voice mails, and it only leaves us feeling out of control, weak and angry. Why do we do it? Because we think we are the exception. We knock, bang, lock and reload. We wish on falling stars, dream about them every night and see it as a “sign” rather than a mere coincidence and eat the whole pint of ice cream (or if you’re like me, one pint for each thigh) in sheer pity for ourselves. We purposely set ourselves up for failure every time and then decide to log on to LS shamelessly seeking advice, spilling our secrets and crossing our fingers for answers we will never get, EVER. Over and over again. Aren’t you dizzy yet? And when they do contact us in the most pathetic way, we immediately log on here, exaggerate the question and everyone gives us the same answer every time: breadcrumbs, nothing but breadcrumbs. So here is what I learned, this is me standing on the front lines, looking at all of you wounded soldiers with your hearts torn out of your chests, battered and beaten souls and tired eyes. Here I am repeating the same thing that has been said every day, every thread, every time. If you have been left by the person you loved (or if they gave you no choice but to leave them), if they have given you every indication that they do not want you back, if they have chosen time over chance and you are laying in bed alone every single night…Then you must do what follows: 1. Apply immediate No Contact - Don’t ask questions - Don’t look for answers - There is no such thing as closure - There is no going back - There are no wishbones, candles to be blown and exceptions to the rule. 2. Mourning with NO CONTACT Symptoms include: pouting, whining, making excuses, getting drunk, crying randomly, posting several times on LS, looking for their car while driving, checking your phone 100x a day, eating for one, being sleepy, having urges to contact them, wishing on stars, looking for them at the supermarket, planning what you would say if you saw them at the supermarket, wishing on 11:11, sleeping with a stranger, regretting it in the morning, crying, biting your nails, checking your email 50x a day, drinking too much coffee, shouting at them to yourself, becoming angry for no reason, acting recklessly, having anxiety, dreaming of them, having heart palpitations, missing them, wondering if they miss you, feeling okay and then feeling horrible, eating too much ice-cream, being bored on the weekends, crying, not going to the gym because your lazy Symptoms may very person-to-person. Symptoms may last longer than others. Symptoms can come and go. Symptoms are never a reason to contact an ex. Symptoms don’t last forever. And then finally **lets out deep breath**… 3. Shake hands with indifference BAM. That’s it. The end. You are not the exception. Your story is not different. You are not the only one. I hate to ruin the ending for you and all, but everything will work out in the end. You will move on. This will be just a figment of the past that you will look back on one day and realize how much you grew from it, learned from it and moved on. Your goal is to be indifferent, correct? To be that, you just have to buckle up, endure the ride and know that this hurt you are feeling will pass. now follow your words so we can stop yelling at you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dabesdiabetic Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Hey some of us on here are a diabetic (who had braces) in a candy land! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kristopher1 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 "Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 "Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them." I love that. Link to post Share on other sites
Kristopher1 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) Well it's exactly how I feel =/ Great post by the way! Edited May 23, 2013 by Kristopher1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
rricardo35 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I love reading all these posts, it sucks that so many people are in pain but it really really really helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 I agree Rricardo! Coming on here, writing, venting and helping others feel better (even if for just a second) helps me tremendously!! Making everyone here smile, makes me smile I want all of us to move on and be happy !!! Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I agree Rricardo! Coming on here, writing, venting and helping others feel better (even if for just a second) helps me tremendously!! Making everyone here smile, makes me smile I want all of us to move on and be happy !!! I think being truly happy means never coming to this site again... Be well TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 "Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them." This is all about EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT!!! We are heavily invested and we expect/hope they are to. But who knows how much they really are. Suffering this realization as we speak!! I wanted to believe it was equal, but it was not. Sad Link to post Share on other sites
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