New Relationship - HELP!!

[Stan]

I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I began seeing 'Jenna' about 6 weeks ago. When we met we made an instant connection. I am a very emotional (even complex)guy and Jenna 'gets me' more than any other person I've ever known (I'm 30 years old). Since we've met, Jenna and I have spent nearly every day together - we booked a trip to the Bahamas over New Year's eve.

 

Problem is, I often don't know whether I 'feel it'!! WE have great conversations, the sex is great - I just find myself shutting off from her. And she feels it when I do - and she calls me on it (the thing that attracts me most to her is the fact that she 'calls me on my #####' - i.e., I can't get away w/ anything).

 

I've had a lot of loss in my life. I lost a VERY close family member in a tragic manner, I was mugged at gun-point . . . I wonder how that's effecting me now.

 

Last piece of the puzzle is that I'm now one year out of a five-year relationship that lasted 3 years too long (get it?). In my heart I know I want to find that special 'love' and live happily ever after. But . . . am I supposed to FEEL it ALL THE TIME??

 

Help me PLEASE!!

[Tony T]

You probably have some fear and hesitation, rooted in the past. This is something that likely will go away as the relationship progresses.

 

The biggest issue is will your new honey hang around long enough for you to get very secure in the relationship in order to open up emotionally.

 

I don't know what you mean by am I supposed to feel it all the time?" There are some things you could feel all the time and get arrested for. However, if you're talking about having loving feelings all the time, no, you just feel what you feel. This relationship is very young. Because of what you've been through, it will take you longer to achieve a heightened emotional response to it...that is, if you are really going to...if you are really into it.

 

So, have patience with yourself and communicate often with your honey. I also warn you that women don't like to hear their men talk about all this bunk about being afraid to let go and stuff. Oh, yes, they will be happpy you communicated this to them but it doesn't give them much encouragement and sometimes causes them to begin going more slowly or to shut their own selves down emotionally in response.

 

Have patience with yourself and just try to bury the past.