Why do I think everyone hates me?

[Dooda]

And not in the sense of "do they really hate me?" I know that it's blasphemy, and that people don't really hate me. But, what is the stem of the thinking process that's going on here?

 

I was physically, emotionally and verbally abused as a child by my family. I went to a boarding school at 16 and was verbally abused there by both peers and teachers.

 

The best solution I can come to is that I equate those horrible relationships I've had to the rest of the world. And, maybe I still blame myself for those relationships?

 

My family told me how much of a worthless person I was when I was at home, and I was told the same thing at the boarding school I went to. In my mind, the only valid reason for this is that something is wrong with me.

 

Everyday, all I can think is : "I'm a horrible human being."

 

Maybe, I think others think the same about me too?

[Emilia]

Do you have specific examples OP? Do you jump to conclusions easily?

[Treasa]

The way you were raised, and the way you learned to cope, was to take an experience, have a thought about it, which usually happens in the blink of an eye (most of us aren't even conscious of these thoughts), and that thought dictates the emotion that follows.

 

A book that helped me tremendously and was a quick read and really clarified things for me was Go Suck a Lemon: Something About Improving Your Emotional Intelligence.

 

It's really amazing.

 

I know I sound like I'm trying to sell this book, but if I had to keep ONE self-help book and lose my memories of the countless others I've read, this is the book I would keep. In a heartbeat.

 

You need to learn to question yourself. "What does it mean if this person does this?" "What does that say about me?" For example:

 

"A coworker frowned at me."

 

What does that mean?

 

"It means she's mad at me."

 

What does that mean?

 

"It means she doesn't like me."

 

What does that mean?

 

"It means I'm unlikeable."

 

For all the person knows, someone at McDonald's ****ed up her breakfast that morning, and that's why she was scowling. But if your reactions and those initial thoughts are negative, you end up thinking you're unlikeable because someone didn't get her McMuffin right. See what I'm saying? It's an odd example, but it works for me.

 

When you can know that you have faults, and be ok with them and with the fact that you will never be perfect, but you can still completely and unconditionally love yourself, you will find happiness that no one can ever take away.

 

I love myself the way a parent loves his/her child. You still want your child to achieve things and push themselves, and on occasion you want to choke them, but you still love them unconditionally.

 

When I started being the Traci I wanted to be, and stopped trying to be the Traci I thought others wanted (which, of course, would vary, even if my perceptions were correct), I started having a lot more fun with myself. I became my best friend. I started to smile often, and laugh quite often. That in turn draws people to me. Go figure. Happiness and confidence are attractive.

Edited May 23, 2013 by Treasa

[Esoteric Elf]

Dude, if you really are a horrible human being, just think about how much improvement you can show the world you are capable of! For example, my bench started out being 105 lbs and is now nearly 300 lbs. The farther down you are, the more you can rise and show others that you went from "nothing to something".

 

Honestly, people these days prefer to situate themselves in a little bubble of entertainment and self-pleasure, so rarely will they venture outside of this. With people around you acting apathetic to antipathetic, you may want to isolate the issue they have with you. Is it your looks? Weight? Mannerisms? If it is something you do not feel comfortable changing, don't worry. Whatever the cause, you are in not only company, but usually good company.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Honestly the thing that I have found helps me the best is simply EXPECTING good things to happen or expecting the best thing to happen in a situation or for example if you meet a new person, you EXPECT that you will become friends.

 

And guess what, if you think that way, the best DOES happen.

[hppr]

I was raised up in an environment like that, my father was a really overbearing jock type of guy and I think that he was disappointed by a son who'd rather read books than play football. Probably why I have an intense hatred for burly, loudmouth types. Eventually I grew past that stuff and am my own man which is what you need to do. Find a new way to self-identify; you're not the 16 year old kid being pushed around the boarding school anymore you're an adult with friends, a job, etc.