MM lies about home life

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Great post Georgia girl. It is always great to hear everyone's perspective.

[Praying4Peace]

Thanks for sharing Georgia Girl. I wonder if your childhood would impact how you'd react as a BW...but I hope and pray and trust that'll never happen!

[WanderedOff]

Great post GeorgiaGirl! I can tell you this...I agree with what you, LadyGrey, and AtheistScholar say about not dismissing how an A affects the children...my father had an A and it sure as hell does mess a child up! Maybe I have some deep rooted issues that I need to work through, maybe I'm using it as an excuse, but I know that what my parents went through must have left some impression on me. I remember NYE one year when I walked in on my father talking to his OW wishing her a "Happy New Year" with my mother right there. I remember the day he walked out and how he told me that he no longer loved my mother. I also remember the day my mother found letters from my father's OW and had me read those letters! WTF?!?!? Then...holy hell after the divorce a few years later they're remarrying??? What message was I learning when I was just entering my teens??? That's it's okay to abandon your W and kids because a few years later she'll take you back anyway? So YES, knowing the A does affect the children...morally, I know an A is wrong. Society teaches us that an A is wrong. But in my household. An A was acceptable because my father was let back into the home. Like I said, I'm not validating my A...not even saying that it's the best thing to do...just saying that an A does effect children, don't let someone say otherwise.

[Lillyfree]

Please explain to me how badly children are affected by Infidelity?? Id say thats more of a cross to bear by the WS/BS. And what the hell does a little kid know about Infidelity?? Even if you explained it to them they probably wouldnt understand it, especially if the WS was coming home every day and making like there is no problem. .Kids view their parents in strange ways...The love/adulation they have can far outweigh any misdeed. I think, as they mature and become adults, THEN they might likely harbor some resentment.

 

TFY

 

my father had a long affair when i was young. might have started when i was around 9-10, but it all came to light when i was 14 or so.

he was away a lot. sometimes he wouldn't come home for the night. he was distant, abusive while he WAS around - physically and verbally. my mother, even though she said nothing to us, was a beaten-down, sad woman for most of that time. my brother and i took on a role of being her support, even though we had no idea why it was happening. i remember begging my mother to divorce him. this is all before we knew about the affair.

 

when i found out, it all fell into place. i understood why. on top of that, his OW went full bunny boiler - she tried to run my mother over in the street. she threatened that she will harm my brother and i. my father was obsessive for a while about our whereabouts, who we spoke to, if anyone was following us... then THAT became clear too. i thought he was losing his mind, when in fact he was sh*t scared that she will make good on her threats.

 

i hated him as a kid; now i just don't care. i actually threw it all in his face a few months ago - we had a 'family discussion' regarding other things. and he said 'i chose you (as in the family) over HER'. as if we were supposed to be grateful for his immense sacrifice!!!

 

i haven't spoken to him since. that really was the last straw.

 

so to summarise: yes. it affects kids, greatly.

[Inthewell]

My xMM told me that he slept in the couch, that she did not want to have sex with him since the birth of last child, that she was nice to everyone else but him. That she shout at him etc. She called one day to work (we work in the same place) and the one I could hear shouting was him, I thought to myself it could be that one day the one he is shouting at would be me since then I made up my mind that I had to leave this R one way or another. Although in another occasion on one of his no longer used cell phones I read a message where she asked him what he wanted for dinner this was at about 6 pm 3 hours later another message sent by her asking where are you the dinner has been ready ages ago. Another message send by him (she was away) saying "honey me and the kids miss you so much please come quickly". I should have put the 2 and 2 together the day of the dinner he was not with me. Now I know he had another OOW. Stupid me!

And when I found out about his OOW he told me that it was just an affair that eventually it would fade, to wait for him and me not to become like his wife that wanted to know who is that he talks to on the cellphone all the time. I could not believed what I heard, and yet his wife is mean.

Is nothing wrong about the wives is all about their twisted personalities.

[NPP10]

My xMM told me that he slept in the couch, that she did not want to have sex with him since the birth of last child, that she was nice to everyone else but him. That she shout at him etc. She called one day to work (we work in the same place) and the one I could hear shouting was him, I thought to myself it could be that one day the one he is shouting at would be me since then I made up my mind that I had to leave this R one way or another. Although in another occasion on one of his no longer used cell phones I read a message where she asked him what he wanted for dinner this was at about 6 pm 3 hours later another message sent by her asking where are you the dinner has been ready ages ago. Another message send by him (she was away) saying "honey me and the kids miss you so much please come quickly". I should have put the 2 and 2 together the day of the dinner he was not with me. Now I know he had another OOW. Stupid me!

And when I found out about his OOW he told me that it was just an affair that eventually it would fade, to wait for him and me not to become like his wife that wanted to know who is that he talks to on the cellphone all the time. I could not believed what I heard, and yet his wife is mean.

Is nothing wrong about the wives is all about their twisted personalities.

 

OOW as well?! Wow....

 

Sometimes I wonder how people have time..but if there is a will, there is a way.

[thefooloftheyear]

my father had a long affair when i was young. might have started when i was around 9-10, but it all came to light when i was 14 or so.

he was away a lot. sometimes he wouldn't come home for the night. he was distant, abusive while he WAS around - physically and verbally. my mother, even though she said nothing to us, was a beaten-down, sad woman for most of that time. my brother and i took on a role of being her support, even though we had no idea why it was happening. i remember begging my mother to divorce him. this is all before we knew about the affair.

 

when i found out, it all fell into place. i understood why. on top of that, his OW went full bunny boiler - she tried to run my mother over in the street. she threatened that she will harm my brother and i. my father was obsessive for a while about our whereabouts, who we spoke to, if anyone was following us... then THAT became clear too. i thought he was losing his mind, when in fact he was sh*t scared that she will make good on her threats.

 

i hated him as a kid; now i just don't care. i actually threw it all in his face a few months ago - we had a 'family discussion' regarding other things. and he said 'i chose you (as in the family) over HER'. as if we were supposed to be grateful for his immense sacrifice!!!

 

i haven't spoken to him since. that really was the last straw.

 

so to summarise: yes. it affects kids, greatly.

 

You are missing the point....

 

Yes...Once you were older and can process it, then it all came together...Little kids dont get it...Frankly your Dad could have told you when you were 6 years old that he slept with three different women on his way home from work...You wouldnt have any clue what that meant..

 

So, in your case your Dad chose to handle it improperly...How would your feeling towards him be if he divorced your mother and was as supportive as can be and apologized to you for making a huge error in judgement? Or if he chose to stay, rather than act like a jackass, try to reconcile and make amends and repair the damage that was caused? I'd be willing to bet that you might have a differrent outlook...

 

Truth is I think its horrible that parents drag their kids into the middle of this mess..Yes, they may suffer by default, but they shouldnt purposefully be brought into the middle of it...

 

We are all humans...No one walks on water. Its what you do after the error that counts...

 

TFY

[ThatJustHappened]

You think a little kid won't notice that daddy isn't spending as much time at home anymore? Or that daddy is sleeping in another room? Or that daddy left and isn't living at home anymore? Or that mommy is sad and angry at daddy? Or if they're reconciling, you don't think a kid will notice that the dynamic between mommy and daddy is different? Kids are extraordinarily perceptive.

 

One of my closest friends just discovered that her husband had been sexting with other women. She and I took her 2 year old son and their dog to the park one weekend. She put on her happiest face for him but on the way home, this 2 year old toddler piped up from the back seat "mommy sad", with a frown on his face. He didn't know why his mommy was sad, but he knew she was even though she was pretending not to be, and it made him sad.

 

You're not giving them enough credit. Kids know. They may not know exactly what infidelity means but they certainly know something is wrong.