bellasue Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I ask because I was the MW in an affair with the MM. From the outset, we said we both were content in a "FWB" role but as things went on, I found I needed more from him. I wanted more from texts, or email, etc, validating the relationship we had. In the end, he wasn't willing to do more than was necessary to keep a sexual partner happy.....so he broke it off completely. I, on the other hand, loved him enough that I would have considered leaving my H if he wanted a relationship. Maybe that scared him. Then he should have not said about 50% of the things he said! Just saying..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrixLove Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Hi bellasue I'm new here and haven't posted my story yet. I'm in the same position as you, but my MM doesn't know how I feel and we haven't broken it off. We almost had our first mini D day this morning, but I managed to get ourselves out of it My MM always say and do things that (I think) only people in love would do, like singing to a love song and looking me straight in the eyes while his W is sitting at the same table, or sending me songs that makes him think of me. Also holding on to "sentimental things" of us. To answer your question, I'm in conflict at this moment to whether I would leave my H for him, if you asked this question 6 months back I would have said YES!!!! But H came around and changed his behavior, habits and attitude towards me and our kids and now I'm not as certain. Although my family and MM's family are close friends for several years now, I'm only now starting to see the real man, some of which I don't like. But hey, who's perfect? Link to post Share on other sites
Heather1 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I wouldn't have left for him, no. You probably scared him & you both agreed to FWB. For men, they mean that it's nothing more. I don't even think FWB means "friends" really. That's usually thrown in for good measure. What it is is a FB, but most women won't go for that. I'm in a tad bit of a bad mood though..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I've wondered this myself. I've wondered what I would have done if he even entertained the idea of talking about us being in a relationship in the "real world". I wouldn't have wanted xOMM to end his marriage because of me though. That would have caused resentment in the future. If he wanted to leave his marriage, he should do it for reasons other than someone else. Same with my M. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 See, this is where the dichotomy (sp?) comes in for me. I was in an abusive marriage, didn't cheat and left because I needed to get out. If I was in a marriage that had the average problems, I wouldn't cheat...I would work on the issues. If it was not "workable" I would have left. I know it sounds strange coming from a former OW, but I would not cheat on a marriage. It's either work on it and if it is totally impossible and my spouse has some extreme issues, I would leave. If there is a foundation built on love and things go stale, I would work my rearend off to fix it...whatever it takes. It's so strange that I ended up as an OW because it really does go against my core values. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I did (get divorced); she elected to remain with her boyfriend. Smart move, IMO. Worked out good for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 See, this is where the dichotomy (sp?) comes in for me. I was in an abusive marriage, didn't cheat and left because I needed to get out. If I was in a marriage that had the average problems, I wouldn't cheat...I would work on the issues. If it was not "workable" I would have left. I know it sounds strange coming from a former OW, but I would not cheat on a marriage. It's either work on it and if it is totally impossible and my spouse has some extreme issues, I would leave. If there is a foundation built on love and things go stale, I would work my rearend off to fix it...whatever it takes. Exactly! An affair is the worst possible response. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I ask because I was the MW in an affair with the MM. From the outset, we said we both were content in a "FWB" role but as things went on, I found I needed more from him. I wanted more from texts, or email, etc, validating the relationship we had. In the end, he wasn't willing to do more than was necessary to keep a sexual partner happy.....so he broke it off completely. I, on the other hand, loved him enough that I would have considered leaving my H if he wanted a relationship. Maybe that scared him. Then he should have not said about 50% of the things he said! Just saying..... It seems more men are willing and able to "keep their end of the bargain" with keeping things casual, even if they develop feelings in the A, than women are. It seems more MW leave their spouses or are willing to, while more men stay put. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Huh? I don't even like another man to LOOK at me when I am in a relationship. One man at a time, thanks. I don't cheat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
secretlady76 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Both married with families. Were friends for some time. A lasted only weeks. Was not a PA. We planned to yes. Was talked about and planned. In our heads it was a total smooth transition...we'd go off together and everyone would be fine about it...............we must have been bonkers. Broke news to both spouses. Realisation of D-Day hit. Hiroshima would be an understatement. In conclusion it was rapidly decided that the marriages needed to be worked on, not tossed aside so easily. Now we're stangers to eachother. Total NC. 0-100-0 in under a month. Total maddness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I ask because I was the MW in an affair with the MM. From the outset, we said we both were content in a "FWB" role but as things went on, I found I needed more from him. I wanted more from texts, or email, etc, validating the relationship we had. In the end, he wasn't willing to do more than was necessary to keep a sexual partner happy.....so he broke it off completely. I, on the other hand, loved him enough that I would have considered leaving my H if he wanted a relationship. Maybe that scared him. Then he should have not said about 50% of the things he said! Just saying..... Yes. I left about a month into the affair but I was already planning on leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 See, this is where the dichotomy (sp?) comes in for me. I was in an abusive marriage, didn't cheat and left because I needed to get out. If I was in a marriage that had the average problems, I wouldn't cheat...I would work on the issues. If it was not "workable" I would have left. I know it sounds strange coming from a former OW, but I would not cheat on a marriage. It's either work on it and if it is totally impossible and my spouse has some extreme issues, I would leave. If there is a foundation built on love and things go stale, I would work my rearend off to fix it...whatever it takes. It's so strange that I ended up as an OW because it really does go against my core values. I think the same way as you. I'm in a relationship with a single man now and I feel if we weren't working out that I'd end things with him before going into another relationship. It baffles me how that I ever went there with a MM, looking back. So it's difficult to answer your question honestly since I can't comprehend being in that position. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I don't think I would have as I knew I wasn't that committed to the A, and I also had a feeling xOM wasn't that committed either. In fact, he told me at the end "don't even think of leaving your H for me." Of course five minutes later he said he would run away with me in a second. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Both of us married. Plenty of Ddays. Both wanted to leave, but he always felt worse about it than me. The way I saw it- I don't want my H in a marriage where he feels second best and some things are too broken and hurtful to fix. I got a D. He is working on his marriage. We've been NC 5 months. I finalized my D while we were NC. It was happening regardless. It was really hard, but always easier and much more socially acceptable for a woman to end a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I am 100% devoted romantically to my MM, period, one man for me,, i cant do the juggling thing and multi sex partner thing. Historically I have had very few intimate partners,,, very very few Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I am 100% devoted romantically to my MM, period, one man for me,, i cant do the juggling thing and multi sex partner thing. Historically I have had very few intimate partners,,, very very few I can relate to this somewhat. First, to answer the thread question, I am MW seeing a MM, and no, I won't even consider leaving my husband, but that might be because I don't want to have a real emotional relationship with MM. Somehow I have been able to separate the two, when I'm with H, I'm happy, and don't think of MM, and vice versa. I am a cake eater and then some, I admit it! As far as the sexual partners, I have had VERY few also. I think people would assume that I am easy, because of what I'm doing. I have had two serious relationships in my life, one is my H, whom I started dating less than a year out of high school. There was nobody else for ten years... I still sit around sometimes and wonder what in the heck MM has that sucked me in, how could one average guy break all those years of being faithful? I go from being with two people up until 28 years old, to committing the worst of all marital crimes. Sigh... Link to post Share on other sites
Mycatsnuggles Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 We're at different points in our lives. My kids older and beginning own lives, he justs starting a family. Cultural differences, I would never be accepted, age differences, I am quite a bit older then him. Maybe this is why we work so well. We both agree we are meant to be together, just not in this lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
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