To all those who need the strength thread

[younglove17]

So I was thinking after reading some threads that this might be the perfect place to share stories of strength and empowerment, to men and women alike, when it comes to getting out of and healing from an abusive relationship - I mean any kind of abuse.

 

 

I'll start with my story.

I am 17 years old.

I met my ex boyfriend when I was 15, he was about 2 years older than me. I instantly fell for him, and in the first few weeks, he truly swept me off my feet. Then again, this was my first relationship so I had nothing to compare it to. Slowly he became controlling - asking where I was, who I was hanging out with all the time. He'd disrespect my family members to my face and tell me how he hated my friends. But I thought I loved him, so I ignored this.

He started drinking and smoking too.

He'd tell me if I didn't comply to his sexual needs, he'd find another girl who would.

Then came the attack of my self confidence.

He'd tell me I was ugly, stupid, mean, accusing - among other things. He'd tell me other girls were prettier. He cheated on me multiple times, but when i confronted him he'd scream at me saying it was my fault and that i was probably cheating behind his back too. I'd end up being the one to apologize.

Then the violence came.

I decided to refuse to send a nude picture, things escalated and he threatened to slap me.

Our fights continued, I could expect one every single day.

One day he got so angry at me he punched a hold through his bedroom wall.

I'd never been more scared.

I thought it couldn't get worse. But I was so wrong.

After one particularly bad fight, he told me he'd come to my house and kill me.

These threats continued because he knew he could scare me this way.

I couldn't sleep some nights for fear that he'd break into my house to murder me.

Finally, he cheated on me one last time. And that was it. I was 16 at this point, my self confidence was non-existant but I knew he was slowly killing me. Just like he said he would.

I told him I'd get the police involved, I blocked him on everything and luckily he went to a different school than I did so I didn't have to see him. I told him to never contact me again and I was done with the way he was treating me. I was so scared, but I called him out on his abuse.

For once in 8 months, I finally felt safe.

I didn't trust guys for months after that. I flinched when my guy friends touched me and I thought I was the ugliest human being alive.

But then something changed in me. I refused to be the victim but rather a survivor in a sense. He took everything from me except my hope for a better future, and I ran with it. I looked at life with a new appreciation and understanding, and I started rebuilding - rekindling with friends he had forbade me to see, reconnecting with my family, rediscovering my values and focusing on being able to look in the mirror and smile at the reflection.

I am honestly so proud of the person I am today, and I feel as though my future is incredibly bright.

 

I know I'm very young, and perhaps the abuse I experienced does not seem like "real abuse" and maybe my attempts at reaching out on this forum seem hopeless or ignorant, but what I have to say is with the utmost sincerity. No matter the abuse you have gone through/are going through, just remember that YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT. No one gets to control your life like that, NO ONE but YOU.

If you're scared, just know that there are so many people that would be willing to help you and that support you but you must, for the sake of your life, get out of any abusive situation. Find that strength in you, because I know it's there, it's in all of us - the strength to look fear in the eye, take a deep breath, and say IVE HAD ENOUGH.

Life's only dark if you are unable to find the light, but you have to come to the realization that a change HAS to be made, and you're the only one who can do it.

Just know that I believe in you - you are beautiful, inside and out.

 

If anyone else have words of advice/stories of strength to share I encourage that you post them! Thank you for reading <3