tinkerbelldandy Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I was recently in a serious 2 year long distance relationship (me: US and him: Italy). He broke up with me about a month ago citing that he doesn't want to be responsible for forcing me to move there, which I've been working on (saving money, visa paperwork, etc.) this past year. We have been getting along well up until I had a complete breakdown from all the stress associated with moving and broke down crying to him; a week later he broke up with me. I've gone this far with the preparations and have my mind set to learn the language and live abroad (at least in Rome he's in Milan). I told him I was going to go through as planned a week after we broke up and he became very upset that "why now after these two years that now you want to go that we are not together anymore? Is it revenge?" He also informed me that he doesn't want me to have the idea that my coming there would fix things and we could be together. So should I stay out of respect for him? Or should I go for my personal growth and development? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 should I go for my personal growth and development? Were you going to Italy for personal growth or to be with your boyfriend? That's not clear. Also, why were you moving to Rome when he is in Milan? It's like planning a move to Ohio when he's in Washington D.C. It doesn't make much sense to me. Also, how would you sustain yourself once there? Because if you move to stay, you need a job. While if it's just a vacation, you can just go and enjoy the trip. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinkerbelldandy Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 I was going for my boyfriend, to show him that he was not forcing me to move there and that I wanted to be there with him. But after he broke up with me it doesn't make sense for me to be in Milan if he says he doesn't want me to think that my coming there we could be together (I'm hoping he may just be saying all this out of anger, we had just recently broke up). If I go there there could be a better chance that we could reconcile or am I kidding myself? It's been a month post breakup, he hasn't spoken to me in two weeks after I told him I still wanted to move regardless. I have sold my home and worked lots of overtime shifts to save the money in order to go there. I'm going to school there to learn the language and experience living abroad which I've always wanted to do but never had the courage until now. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I was going for my boyfriend, to show him that he was not forcing me to move there and that I wanted to be there with him. But after he broke up with me it doesn't make sense for me to be in Milan if he says he doesn't want me to think that my coming there we could be together (I'm hoping he may just be saying all this out of anger, we had just recently broke up). If I go there there could be a better chance that we could reconcile or am I kidding myself? If I understood correctly, he broke up with you because you started crying due to the big step you were taking. He probably felt a lot of responsibility upon him. After he broke up with you, you didn't try to fix it. So I wouldn't expect it to go anywhere. My opinion is that if you don't fix things before leaving, you shouldn't bother contacting him while he's there. It would just feel awkward, maybe he starts dating some other girl, it's not worth it. I have sold my home and worked lots of overtime shifts to save the money in order to go there. I'm going to school there to learn the language and experience living abroad which I've always wanted to do but never had the courage until now. So, you didn't make any arrangement for the school in Milan, therefore you can pick a school in Rome? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Let me get this straight. You were about to move, got overwhelmed with ****, he breaks up with you, and now you consider relocating? I'm not sure whether this is what happened. But if it did, you certainly don't move! You don't want to be all alone, not fluent in the local language in a different country? Right? Or like someone said above, you move for your own sake, but certainly not just to fix things, if they are fixable, that is... Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinkerbelldandy Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 Thank you all for your advice. I did try to fix things explaining that I was just having a rough day. I've been holding in my stress with trying to get everything done as soon as possible (because I wanted us to be together by the end of the year) for fear that it would upset him and make him feel guilty, but I broke down.... Unfortunately, the visa, my leave of absence and payment for school in either Milan or Rome was accepted after the fact. I tried explaining this to him, but it just angered him thinking that I went through the process after the breakup, which I didn't...everything took time to process, it's only been two months that we started the process... Link to post Share on other sites
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