It's been 2 weeks, when does it start getting easier ?

[Urban Rubble01]

So, 2 weeks ago my girlfriend of over 3 years told me she needs some time alone to concentrate on finishing school and holding her job. She assures me she still loves me, that she sees us back together eventually and that she still wants to see me, just not as much as we did. We are broken up, but, like I said, she says she still loves me and feels the same about me as she did a year ago. Now, I know it's at least a little naieve to believe that, but I've repeatedly told her that if she's holding anything back to spare my feelings to tell me now, but no, she maintains that this is just about needing some time and that she still loves me. She has said she hopes towards (roughly) the end of the school year that we can try and start things back up.

 

I'm obviously having a tough time with this, but I've accepted it and realized that all I can do is be there for her, let her know I still love her yet at the same time prepare myself for the worst. It's been 2 weeks, and we've actually seen each other since then. I was up near her house (I live about 50 miles away) so I called her and we hung out for around 2 hours. Everything was cool, no awkwardness, everything was normal minus the sex and kssing and all that. I'm trying to limit myself to talking to her once a week, but it's hard. What I'm wondering is, when does it start to get easier ? I'm not putting all my hopes into us getting back, I realize that she may change and that things may happen, so I'm trying to brace myself. But at the same time, I'm not going to completly break off contact because I still love her and if we have any chance at working this out eventually, I think it's important that we maintain limited contact.

 

Is this going to get easier ? I understand that seeing her and talking to her is making me want her back even more, but as I said, I can't stop seeing her completly, I think that would throw any chances out the window. Does anyone have any advice ? I still think about her constantly, I still get that pain in my heart when I think about all the things we've done together. I just miss her so much.

[nadia2515]

Your dillema is a little ironic. I actually just found this website looking for the same answer except I'm on the other side. I typed in 'how to leave a good man' and this is where it took me and after I registered, this is the first thread I read. Kind of neat, huh?! Anyway, I think we can help each other understand the other side -hopefully. I am a student, a single mother, and a full time worker, but thats not my reason for leaving my boyfriend. I don't know your outlook on religion but I just recently dedicated my life to God (about 6 weeks ago) and I am really serious about taking the full plunge. Meaning giving it my all and not just half or picking and choosing. My boyfriend is a christian but not to the extent of really grasping the importance of being wholehearted. Anyway, he lives an hour away so for us to spend time together he comes and spends the night with me on his two days off. I love him and I love spending time with him and all of that but I feel like he's in the way of what I'm trying to do. We've been together for almost 2 years and we have been sexually involved. The problem is mainly that I'm new at this and I'm weak. If he's there and he wants to have sex, I'm going to eventually give in and have sex. We've been doing it for 2 years and it's not an easy habit to break. Not that he doesn't respect me or my decision, but he's a man. If I'm weak, he just doesn't have it in him to be strong for me, in that area. I understand that but I also feel awful afterwards every time I give in. I'm very serious about living right and it is killing me to even think this, but he's holding me back. He's my only weakness and I feel very led to remove that blockage but how in the world do I do that? He's a great guy, we have never once argued in 2 years (very strange). How do you leave the perfect man? Seriously, how do u do it, what do I say or do??

 

Ok, I'm sorry, I just completely took over your thread. What I would say about your situation is to 'pray' about it if you're spiritual. If not, I would probably just keep doing what you're doing and let time tell where it goes. I know u miss her and u love her and it's killing u but she's obviously someone that u feel is worth the wait so just do it. If u feel at any point that she is avoiding u or acting funny or just sounds distant then I would advise u to leave her alone and go your own way. Easier said than done ,I know, but thats life. Something probably 90% of people face, heart ache, but u WILL get thru it and you WILL find happiness with someone else. Do u really feel that she is being honest with u? Is she IN LOVE with u? Is she calling U or missing U? Or is she acting like this isnt affecting her at all? Those ofcourse are all signs of what shes really feeling. If shes fine and u r doing all the calling and shes just like sure u can come see me, big deal, then u have a problem. If she calls u often and tells u she misses u and shows signs that this is REALLY hard for her as well, then she may be sincere in really needing to focus on her future. How old are yall?

 

This is probably the longest responce in Loveshck history. Sorry!

[Urban Rubble01]

O.K, well, I was raised in a very Christian home. I always considered myself a Chrisitan until I was about 13/14 and really started thinking about it. I still don't know what i believe, but I'm no Christian. I just think there are too many contradicitons, too many questions that can't be anwered. If God wants to send me to hell for being a good person that couldn't figure out what he believes, so be it. BUT, I have prayed, despite what I said. Eventhough I don't know what to believe, I still pray, though it doesn't seem to help.

 

Now, as for how she acts towards me. See, the day after this all happened I called her because I was having a hard time. We agreed that we'd get together and talk. So, a week after it happened she drove out and we talked. We got everything straight about where we were, she loves me but needs time and she says she hopes we can start focusing more on us towards the end of the school year. Then, the next saturday was the night I was up there and hung out. Last night, which was 2 weeks since this happened, I called her real quick just to ask how school went. So, she hasn't really had much of a chance to call, but she has E-mailed me twice just to say hi and that she misses me. But no, she hasn't called, but when we've seen each other there was no coldness or anything like that. I turned 22 2 months ago and she turns 22 in a month btw.

 

Also, I did ask her kind of what you asked. I asked why this was killing me so much yet she seemed fairly good, she told me that if she felt like it was really over she'd be crushed but she doesn't feel like it's over. So, you know, she could be just saying that but I thought that was pretty encouraging.

 

 

 

Now, as for your situation my advice is this: He's a man and he's been having steady sex for quite some time. That desire isn't going to go away. If you aren't willing to give him what he needs that will most likely be a problem. Now, I could go into some big talk about my views on religion, but I'll try to keep it to a minimum. I think much of what Christianity teaches is totally unnatural for humans. The God you believe in gave you these desires for a reason, was it to torture you ? I just think you shouldn't worry so much about things like that. If it is something you desire, and it isn't harming anyone, why should you deprive yourself of that ? How does getting a marriage license make it any better ? Anyway, I think we could have some very good talks on these things. I do believe in some sort of God, I just think that it is unwise to believe in one particular religion because I can't accept that all those who choose the "wrong one" shall burn. I can't accept that. But we should talk, it may be fun.

 

But yeah, there could be problems if you guys have something that serious that you disagree on. Sex is an important part of a relationship, especially after 2 years. I think it would be ridiculous beyond belief to leave a man whom you love and think is perfect because an outdated concept says you should feel bad about your natural human desires. You aren't sick, sex is natural, why lose someone you love so much for something you actually want to do in the first place ? Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to, I just can't understand I guess.

[nadia2515]

So, has your girl called you today? What is her major? Does she work? Is she a freshman? Sophomore? Just curious, trying to understand where she's coming from. I don't want to be negative and get u all upset when I really have no clue what's going on. One thing that bothered me was that she said she wasn't bothered by this because she knows yall will end up back together. If I was with a guy for 3 years and we were 'in love', even the thought of being away from him for an extended period would be devastating much less actually doing it. I'm not her and she's not me and I hate to throw judgement at someone or something, especially when I'm not involved, but it really seems to me that she is......... nevermind. I can't do it. Answer my questions at the top first. Sorry, those questions each change everything. Another question, how did she lay this on u? Where were yall, what did she say? How did u react, initially? How close were yall before this? I know some people can be together forever and still not really have that connection. I'm real affectionate, open, I get comfortable. Did yall live together or spend all your time together,minus a few hours with your friends or her with hers? Did u know where each other were 'all' the time? That may sound posessive or obsessive to u but after 3 years, I think thats how a relationship should be. Anyway, I feel for her to be able to go 'days' without talking to u and still act unbothered is a sign that she can do without u and thats gonna speak louder and louder to her as time goes by. Someone once said to me -if u really think u love someone or if u think u r ready to marry, truly ask yourself if u can live without them and if you can, don't do it. Not that yall are talkin marriage and I know you have to work up to that point of comfort and reliability and so on. What I'm sayin is that her being away at college with new 'prospects' and new friends, for her to keep that passion burning for you, she's going to have to fuel it and if thats not what she's wanting to do, It's eventually going to burn out. Even if she 'is' sincere about her reason now. Maybe I'm wrong, Ihope I'm wrong, I'm basing that on my personal self and how I feel I would deal with her situation from the given information. Did I go too far? Did I make any sense? Maybe not , but I had a point somewhere in there, I think. If she realizes, even by mistake, that she can live w/o u, thats going to give her need to see what else is out there. She's young, she's obviously torn or confused or she wouldn't be doing this. I'm a single mother with 2 little girls to watch over. I am a fulltime student in pre-med with 11 years left. I work full time 8 to 5 M-F and sometimes 1/2 a day on Saturdays. I go to bible study every thurs night for an hour and a half. Church Sunday morning and Sunday night. I go to the gym for an hour 3 days a week (not always possible). I have no one in the town we live in to help me. I have a 1st grader and one in preschool. We come home, do their homework, eat supper, do their baths, and get them to bed. Then I have my bath and stay up till 2,3,4 o'clock studying and doing my homework. We just moved here in Aug to follow my college career. My sister lives an hour away and my parents live 2. I'm not pouting or complaining, or bragging, I'm trying to say that thru all the cluster of my everyday circus, I still find my boyfriend is very essential to me and I 'always' find time for him. He's worth it.

[Urban Rubble01]

Well, she's a senior. This is supposed to be her last year but she has to make up credits and stuff, so she's really stressed.She also has work. That bothered me too how she was acting so normal, but I felt that her answer of "It's because I feel like it isn't over" was a good one. Am I wrong ? Should I be worrying even more than I am ?

 

As for how she told me, we were on the phone. I had kind of been noticing she as acting a little different, so I brought that up and all this came out. She just started telling me that she feels like she needs some time for school and stuff. I didn't react well, crying, asking her why and all that, but since then I've stopped the crying and we've had a long talk about the reason and all that, and I told her that if it works out then it this will all be for the best. She agreed.

 

How close were yall before this? I know some people can be together forever and still not really have that connection. I'm real affectionate, open, I get comfortable. Did yall live together or spend all your time together,minus a few hours with your friends or her with hers? Did u know where each other were 'all' the time? That may sound posessive or obsessive to u but after 3 years, I think thats how a relationship should be.

 

We were really close. We live about an hour from each other, but we talked every night and were together every weekend. We always knew where each other were. We were very close, she was my best friend. We talked about marriage, we told each other that we were the most important thing in each other's lives.

 

Well, I'd be laying if I said your advice and opinion didn't make me sad, they did, but I appreciate you taking time to help me anyway. If there is anything else you need to know, please ask because I'm in alot of pain right now, I need all the help I can get. I just love her so much.

[Urban Rubble01]

One more thing.

 

I went out last night and tried to have fun. This morning I feel like it's the first day she broke it off all over again. Why is that ? When does this start getting easier ? I feel like my life has no purpose, like I'm missing something. Why do I feel worse than I have in 2 weeks right now after going out ?

 

I just want her back so bad.

[nadia2515]

I feel horrible for making u feel worse. What do I know anyway -I don't even know her. You should probably just respect her wishes and step back. By being understanding and allowing her to focus on school will just proove to her over again how much u truly love her and that u are willing to do WHATEVER it takes to spend the rest of your life with her. This can be kind of a pre 'thru thick and thin' deal to test yalls strength as a couple. Does that sound better? I was being negative and I'm sorry. I can see you really do love this girl and that it would kill u to lose her whether it happened now or a year from now so it really doesn't make any sense to cry and be depressed 'before' it actually happens. If u lose her in the end, THEN u can cry and be depressed but untill then, SMILE because u haven't lost her and you're not going to. Your baby is workin hard to get her edumacation lol and when she's done, you'll go to her graduation and pick her up and spin her around and share the most important moment of her life with her. She'll be proud and you'll be proud and it'll be the first day of the rest of yalls lives -together. It'll be a whole new beginning with the puppy love and the baby talk and all that because u guys will have made it thru something hard and u will feel a very strong bond because of that. I wish yall the best of luck and I will be your man of honor lol. No, seriously, be positive, u have no reason not to be.

 

U feel bad today because u feel guilty. U feel like u took a step toward moving on because u went and had fun, or tried. U subconciously feel like u r supposed to set at home depressed and crying untill the day she comes back because if u smile or accidentally have fun, that's in some way saying that u don't care. It's kind of like when someone loses a loved one. They go days without laughing or focusing on anything else because inside they feel guilty for being happy or smiling or even going 5 minutes without thinking about that person. It's natural, it'll get easier, losen up. Don't be so hard on yourself. Look at it like she does, really. Yall will be back together and better than ever before u know it and this is your LAST chance for complete freedom. I'm not saying go hook up with someone, I'm just saying u go out and u have the most fun u can. U have nothing to feel guilty about. I bet she goes out and has fun when she finds some extra time.

 

It was my pleasure to help u if I did. If not than oh well -just kidding. Love is precious.

[Strike3]

I'm pretty much going through the same thing bro, all I can say is hang in there and try to keep your mind off of her.

 

My girl wanted a break for a lot of the same reasons. I had been with her for 3 years and right before that she was in a 5 year relationship. So pretty much she has been involved since she was 14. She is now almost 22.

 

At first I was devastated, but once we sat down and talked about it I understood where she was coming from. She said that she still loves me more than life, but she just needs a break from relationships. She says that she feels like she has wasted her whole youth. Her last boyfriend was very controlling and never let her do anything while she was in high school. I've been pretty cool about her going out on weekends and stuff while at college, but we were still seeing each other every other weekend.

 

We go to different schools, and she claims that the long distance relationship thing is too hard for her to do anymore. We've pretty much agreed to go our seperate ways and try again in may when we both graduate.

 

It's been almost two months since we decided to take a break, and I have broken down a few times and called her. Let me tell you, do not call her or e-mail if you are feeling down. It's a horrible mistake.

 

She also came down to here to go to a wedding with me a few weeks ago because she was also pretty good friends with my buddy that was getting married ... another huge mistake on my part. The thing that I've realized is that I was very dependent on her, even though we were in a long distance relationship. The more and more I think about it, I think we may have been together for the wrong reasons.

 

While we are completely compatible, there just seems to be something missing. Maybe the thing that is missing is the fact that we only really get to be in a real relationship 3 months out of the year when we are home from school. These are questions that I need to figure out before May comes around.

 

I've gotten a few girls numbers in the last few weeks, and have been talking to one of them regularly. That also helps out a lot. I've also been working a lot.

 

I promise you bro, just keep yourself busy and try to make yourself better during this time. The way I look at it is that I can either sit around and be miserable and turn to alcohol and drugs like many do in tough times, or I can focus on school, make some money, get in even better shape, meet new people, and just enjoy my last year of college.

 

Everything happens for a reason, I really do believe that.

[Urban Rubble01]

Well, I've already broken that rule about not calling or E-mailing her when I'm down. But I didn't beg or grovel, just told her that I was feeling kind of sad.

 

So are you telling me that I shouldn't call her at all or that I should just call her to talk about casual things ? Also, we're still going to be seeing each other, just not as much. Next week we're going to s show, is this a bad idea ? I mean, I love her so much, am I really supposed to go without seeing her if she wants to ? Also, I was thinking 1 call a week is good, just to catch up and say hi, do you think that's too much ?

 

If you don't mind me asking, why do you think it was a mistake that she came down for the wedding ?

 

Anyway man, thanks for the advice, your situation is very similar to mine, so we should keep in contact and let each other know how things go. I hear what you're saying about improving myself in this time, that's what I've been doing. I just started school and I've been studying my ass off, I've also been working out twice as much as I ever did. Even if she falls out of love with me, she'll have to still want me if I've got sexy abs ! =) But yeah, this is definitely a good time for that stuff. Though I'm having a hard time enjoying much of anything. My life just feels like there is something missing. I feel kind of empty, hopeless, I do't want to feel like this anymore.

 

Nadia, thanks for the advice as well, and don't worry about making me sad, that's not hard to do lately. Even if what you have to say hurts, I still need to hear it. I hope you're right when you say I'll get her back.

[nadia2515]

No problem, take care.

[Strike3]

Well as far as the wedding is concerned, it really was a horrible weekend. I tried to stay strong, and I did for a while. She came down Friday and we left for the wedding right away, she broke down and started crying about things saying that she hated the fact that she feels the way she does and how she hates the fact that we are so far away from each other. The wedding was okay I guess, but she was pretty upset during the whole thing and really couldn't have fun.

 

We decided to leave the reception early so that we could talk about things and get stuff straightened out. She told me that she had gotten a few guys numbers and stuff when she went out and was kinda talking to one of them. Well from that point on I pretty much lost it for the rest of the weekend. At times I was fine, but others I turned into a whiny little girl, which is not like me at all. When she left it felt like we had just broken up all over again. I was in pretty bad shape those next few days.

 

That was about three weeks ago, and during these three weeks I've realized a lot. She wants to talk to me several times a week, but I say the hell with that. I think girls, more so than guys, don't realize what they have until it is gone. I feel like if I continue to see her "when she wants too" and talk to her "when she wants too" she'll never grasp this concept. You have to make them realize on their own what they are missing. I don't know about you, but I have more respect for myself that to let her toy with my mind like that.

 

Also, the guy whose wedding I went to went though a very similar thing last year. His girl wanted a break, and they both started dating other people. He said that they talked a lot at first, but felt like they weren't getting anywhere so he basically told her to call him if she ever wanted to get back together. Four months later they are now married. I've talked with him a lot about the situation and say that the no contact way is the best way to go.

 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe the occasional phone call may not be that bad, but I wouldn't suggest seeing her. Let her be for now and just hope and pray that she comes back to you. If she doesn't, well then it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. That's the way I look at it. I promise that things get better, I have felt stronger than ever this week and I'm not really sure why. When I got off work tonight she left me a text message saying, "I love you baby, hope you had a good weekend." And while it's hard as hell not to reply, I now have the strength to just let it be. Stay strong bro, and if you have AIM and ever need anyone to talk to let me know. You are right, we are in the same situation.

[Lonestar]

You're in a tough situation, and you're going to have to make some decisions soon if you want the pain to stop. It will get better, but only if you move on, and that doesn't mean never talk to her again or not be her friend. It means you need to move on emotionally, and the only way you might be able to do that is to break off all contact for a little while. Sure you answer the phone and be nice when she calls, but let her know you don't want to keep talking unless she's ready to try working on your relationship again. You have every right not to be strung along while she's trying to decide what she wants.

 

Now in her defense, she very well could only need some time. We all go through different stages in our lives and maybe she needs some breathing space, but that breathing space consists of you letting her be free of you, free of feeling responsible for your happiness, because you're telling her how sad you are. I think if we love someone, we should never forget to respect their personal space, and all of us are guilty of invading that at one time or another.

 

While she is taking this time to figure things out, why don't you do the same. Limit contact unless she calls, keep it short, and get out there to live your life and have some fun. I know it's hard, but every time you call her, or cry to her, or let her know you're upset and having a hard time, you are pushing her away, and you're reinforcing why she is feeling smothered by you. Whenever someone needs time away from someone, it's usually because that certain someone is overwhelming them emotionally.

 

I hope this post helped a little, but don't expect it to get easier any time soon. It took me two years to get over the pain of losing my ex-husband, but eventually you do move on. My only advice is to keep youself so busy that you have no time to think. Before you know it, you're having fun again.

[Urban Rubble01]

Well, I've tried not to call too much and not to tell her how wrecked I am, but I haven't been totally successful. I've stopped all the crying nonsense and pouring out my heart to her, but when we talk and she asks I still tell her how hard of a time I'm having. Is that the wrong thing to do ?

 

It's just weird, we're so close that I don't know how I can just stop calling. I mean, she said that talking and seeing each other will be O.K, just not as much, and we've seen each other once since this happened, but do you think I just shouldn't do that anymore ? I guess what I'm asking is, is there any way that we can still see each other and talk without me feeling this pain ? One point a friend of mine brought up is that if I stop calling and stop making an effort to keep in contact, she might feel as if I've moved on without her, and I don't want her to feel like that.

 

While she is taking this time to figure things out, why don't you do the same. Limit contact unless she calls, keep it short, and get out there to live your life and have some fun. I know it's hard, but every time you call her, or cry to her, or let her know you're upset and having a hard time, you are pushing her away, and you're reinforcing why she is feeling smothered by you. Whenever someone needs time away from someone, it's usually because that certain someone is overwhelming them emotionally.

 

Well, I understand what you're saying about when I cry and tell her how upset I am that it drives her away, but do you really think the same goes for when I call her ? I mean, when we talk it isn't anything serious or even relationship related, it's just small talk between friends, just seeing how each other is doing. Can that really be unhealthy ? I'm not trying to say you're wrong, just looking for understanding, I can't imagine that totally breaking contact can be healthy for us.

 

The thing is, this would all be so much easier if it wasn't up in the air. If I knew she was gone and not coming back, it would be horrible, but I'd be able to know what's up and get through it. But this way I'm still not sure what's happening and so it doesn't allow anything to heal. Now, obviously that is unhealthy, but I feel like it has to be this way if we have a chance of making it. That's why I feel like not calling may not be healthy. I can see that being good for a relationship that is without a doubt over, but this seems different because she seems so sure it will work out, and if she feels like that shouldn't we maintain contact ?

[Urban Rubble01]

Strike 3

 

So when she told you that she had gotten some numbers, did you ask her why she was meeting guys when she said the reason for this is to see what it's like to be single ? I don't blame you for taking that bad, I've been worried about that too. My girl told me that she isn't planning on meeting any guys, that this isn't about that, but I can't help but be scared that she will anyway.

 

I guess what I have to do is decide whether I'm going to continue to see her and/or talk to her anymore. On one hand I feel like not contacting her is going to allow feelings to fade on both sides because we aren't there to remind each other how we feel. I also worry that she'll think I've decided to go on without her and that she'll then try to go on without me. On the other hand, I feel like not talking to her will give her a chance to miss me (is that what the point of NC is ? I'm not sure). So I don't know what to do, it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do to stop contacting her, but that doesn't mean I'm opposed to it, I just want to make sure I'm not hurting myself for no reason. If I'm going to do NC that will require alot of pain, I just want to be sure that pain is going to be for a good reason.

[blackendangel13]

Wow, I was just like this a little over a month ago. My ex also gave me the whole "I need space speech". Not to be negative but this type of breakup is unfair when you continue to see each other. I saw my ex for almost a month after the breakup and everytime I felt like a part of me was dying. I love him very much but it was so painful that I would continuously subject myself to being around him because he would say the same thing "Let me get my s*** sorted out and we will get back together". I believed him for a long time, but continuing this pattern only let him have all the power and did not force him to realize what he was losing. It seemed that I was the only one having problems with the breakup because he was more than content in seeing me once a week or so. The best advice I can give you is, although it is so hard in the beginning, do not contact her for emotional support. Find friends who you can talk to when you need to vent. No contact with her will give you time to sort things out in your head. It has been over a month since I have seen or talked to my ex and it is still hard, but it is making me put a lot of things in perspective as to what went wrong and it made me finally realize that there was nothing I could do to fix things.

 

It does get easier. If you are comfortable enough, go see other people. Not on an intimate level but the more time you spend out the less time you will be sitting in front of the phone trying your hardest not to call her. Love is a sacrifice and it looks like she is not ready to make a sacrifice to be with you yet. So give her time and space to see that you are worth it and in that time, better yourself. Raise your esteem and self worth because everyone is worth being loved. Hope this helps.

[Urban Rubble01]

It seemed that I was the only one having problems with the breakup because he was more than content in seeing me once a week or so

 

You know, I felt like that too and I actually brought it up to her. What she said was "Well, If I felt like we weren't going to be back together I'd be crushed, but I don't feel like that". I thought that was a perfect answer and made me feel alot better, is that wrong of me ?

 

The best advice I can give you is, although it is so hard in the beginning, do not contact her for emotional support. Find friends who you can talk to when you need to vent. No contact with her will give you time to sort things out in your head.

 

Now when you say that, do you mean don't talk to her about relationship/emotional stuff or do you mean not to talk to her at all ?

[blackendangel13]

I think you should aviod talking to her at all for a little while. That way she has time to miss you. Don't go out of your way to avoid her, if she calls and you are home keep the conversation short and impersonal. Try to be less available to her. If she wants space, give her space and take time for yourself too. Don't sit in limbo. It really sucks when one person is trying so hard to hold up the relationship while the other is out there putting forth minimal effort. Find a support group of friends and things will get easier.

[Green_and_White]

Urban,

 

I am currently going through the same thing. My girlfriend out of the blue said she thinks we need "space" 3 weeks ago last Sunday. She cried told me she didnt want to hurt the best relationship she has ever had and blah blah blah. She says she felt like she needed to be by herself for awhile since she was always in a long relationship. I am her longest of almost 2 years. This is really bad timing because I thought we were just about to get over a bump that we were in this summer. We both moved home from college and starting to really be adults. I just started working for her father at his law firm and she went back to school in our city to become a teacher. Well, 4 days later she said she needed to breakup because this is too hard for myself. I wrote her an email saying that I was hurt, etc (i acted like a scared kid in he email...almost demanding an answer). I have been kicking myself but all I really did was speed up the process. Anyways, 2 days before she broke up with me she said she can see herself marrying me and things like that

 

When she did breakup with me she said she still loved me and always will. She needs this she said and that its better to do it now instead of 2 years from now. Deep down in my heart I dont think its over, yet. She hasnt really called me or anything like that. Its bothersome but its her life and her space. I've called her twice in 3 weeks and we talked once for 2 hours and last night for about half an hour. She says she didnt call because it was too fresh for me and worried how I would react.

 

Part of me believes that we'll make it through. When we broke up she said she doesnt know how she'll feel in a few months but if we get through this then we will be toegether for good. I think the best thing to do is do your own thing. I have been meeting girls, going back up to school, do things to show her that you WANT and not NEED her in your life. Girls are very attracted to independence so show her you arent devastated. The only thing I hope is all this little contact doesnt distance ourselves from each other. I know it wont for me, but for her, maybe

[Strike3]

Originally posted by Urban Rubble01

Strike 3

 

So when she told you that she had gotten some numbers, did you ask her why she was meeting guys when she said the reason for this is to see what it's like to be single ? I don't blame you for taking that bad, I've been worried about that too. My girl told me that she isn't planning on meeting any guys, that this isn't about that, but I can't help but be scared that she will anyway.

 

 

Yeah, she pretty much said that she just wanted to know what it's like to be single. She wants to be able to call a guy without feeling guilty because she has a boyfriend. Basically, she says that after 8 years of serious relationships she just needs a break from it all. When I step back and think about it, I do understand.

 

I am the kind of person that absolutely hates to play games in a relationship, I tell it like it is and don't beat around the bush. Well I've realized that isn't always the best thing to do. We are both in a power struggle, I guess you could say. If we give in and let them have all the power, then they will take it and use it to it's full potential. Take a stand bro, it will hurt, but you will feel a lot strong once you do. Have confidence in yourself and believe that she is the one at loss and not you. The one reason that I have been able to take this so well is because I know that I am a great guy and that she won't find anyone better than me. But if she does, then so be it. It wasn't meant to be anyway.

[Strike3]

Originally posted by Green_and_White

Urban,

 

I am currently going through the same thing. My girlfriend out of the blue said she thinks we need "space" 3 weeks ago last Sunday. She cried told me she didnt want to hurt the best relationship she has ever had and blah blah blah. She says she felt like she needed to be by herself for awhile since she was always in a long relationship. I am her longest of almost 2 years. This is really bad timing because I thought we were just about to get over a bump that we were in this summer. We both moved home from college and starting to really be adults. I just started working for her father at his law firm and she went back to school in our city to become a teacher. Well, 4 days later she said she needed to breakup because this is too hard for myself. I wrote her an email saying that I was hurt, etc (i acted like a scared kid in he email...almost demanding an answer). I have been kicking myself but all I really did was speed up the process. Anyways, 2 days before she broke up with me she said she can see herself marrying me and things like that

 

When she did breakup with me she said she still loved me and always will. She needs this she said and that its better to do it now instead of 2 years from now. Deep down in my heart I dont think its over, yet. She hasnt really called me or anything like that. Its bothersome but its her life and her space. I've called her twice in 3 weeks and we talked once for 2 hours and last night for about half an hour. She says she didnt call because it was too fresh for me and worried how I would react.

 

Part of me believes that we'll make it through. When we broke up she said she doesnt know how she'll feel in a few months but if we get through this then we will be toegether for good. I think the best thing to do is do your own thing. I have been meeting girls, going back up to school, do things to show her that you WANT and not NEED her in your life. Girls are very attracted to independence so show her you arent devastated. The only thing I hope is all this little contact doesnt distance ourselves from each other. I know it wont for me, but for her, maybe

 

Another reason why I have no idea what is going on in a womans head. One day they want to get married, the next they want something completely different. Two weeks before my girl and I split up we went on a little three day camping trip. Well we ended up going to this presentation about a time share to get some free tickets to a couple of shows. She was 100% sold on the presentation and wanted us to get this together saying things like this will be great for our honeymoon. Two weeks later she is gone. Women are crazy!

[Urban Rubble01]

Well, I still don't know whether I should keep contacting her for the moment. I mean, she says she wants to stay in contact and I know I want to, so it seems unnatural to stop calling her. Then again, I guess some time to miss me couldn't hurt. I'm thinking a call every week or so couldn't be that bad.

 

I also forgot to mention, we're going to see a show next Tuesday. A band that we both love (as lame as it is we considered it "our" band) is playing and when I told her she said to get her a ticket (she offered to pay but I said don't worry about it). What do you guys think about that ?

 

She was 100% sold on the presentation and wanted us to get this together saying things like this will be great for our honeymoon. Two weeks later she is gone. Women are crazy!

 

Same thing with me man. She said she had been feeling like she needs some time for the last 2 months, yet 2 weeks before she told me she needed a break we were talking about what kind of dog we're going to get when we get married. I mean, we've always said that it's inevitable we'd be married because we're so compatible, but saying that kind of thing 2 weeks before when she had been feeling like she needed a break for 2 months ? Women are crazy.

[littlelaxer]

hey..... i just wanted to say that its been two weeks since my bf broke up with me after dating for a year. Its been very tough because he did the whole "i dont know what i want" "not ready for a long term relationship". yes i am very up set and it is almost sicking thinkin of him with anohter girl. But ive decided to pick myself up and carry on. He does call me and text me to see whats up, but ive decided that if i keep answering to his every move, im not gonna get anywhere.

 

he needs to realize that im not sitting around waiting for him to make up his mind. and that im not his back up for when hes done his whole "need to be single" stage. Its not fair to me, becaseu i know im a good person and me stickin by his side is not helping at all.

 

when he calls i act as if everything is fine and as if my life continued to move right along after we broke up, but i know he knows i still miss him............

 

so ive decided to lay low. not answer his calls everytime and textes, but eventually i wil but i will be short and sweet at the same time. cause i believe in the kill them with kindness deal!

 

through this whole thing, well except the day we broke up, i have not cried to him or beg for him. He said "i think if we are apart now and we are still close throughout the years, maybe we will be able to get together." At the time i was all for it. but each passing day i think, man if he doesnt want me know then i DO NOT need im in the future.

 

Yeah deep down i want him back very badly. But i got to show that im ok without him and that im not sitting and waiting for him. i kinda think he mgiht start to re-think the whole thing and miss me, but who knows....

 

THats my plan, anyone think its good? just let me know.... i hope things work out for you very much becuase i know just how u are feeling. dont worry it will be o.k.

[Good heart]

is the average time of complete recovery after that the game reverses and they might try to come back. A strong dumper would never take the dumpee after that period, let them suffer in pain.............

[iceisles]

Originally posted by littlelaxer

hey..... i just wanted to say that its been two weeks since my bf broke up with me after dating for a year. Its been very tough because he did the whole "i dont know what i want" "not ready for a long term relationship". yes i am very up set and it is almost sicking thinkin of him with anohter girl. But ive decided to pick myself up and carry on. He does call me and text me to see whats up, but ive decided that if i keep answering to his every move, im not gonna get anywhere.

 

he needs to realize that im not sitting around waiting for him to make up his mind. and that im not his back up for when hes done his whole "need to be single" stage. Its not fair to me, becaseu i know im a good person and me stickin by his side is not helping at all.

 

when he calls i act as if everything is fine and as if my life continued to move right along after we broke up, but i know he knows i still miss him............

 

so ive decided to lay low. not answer his calls everytime and textes, but eventually i wil but i will be short and sweet at the same time. cause i believe in the kill them with kindness deal!

 

through this whole thing, well except the day we broke up, i have not cried to him or beg for him. He said "i think if we are apart now and we are still close throughout the years, maybe we will be able to get together." At the time i was all for it. but each passing day i think, man if he doesnt want me know then i DO NOT need im in the future.

 

Yeah deep down i want him back very badly. But i got to show that im ok without him and that im not sitting and waiting for him. i kinda think he mgiht start to re-think the whole thing and miss me, but who knows....

 

THats my plan, anyone think its good? just let me know.... i hope things work out for you very much becuase i know just how u are feeling. dont worry it will be o.k.

 

This is precisely what I'm doing with my ex-girlfriend (we also dated for a year). The only contact I have with her is when she initiates it, and even then my responses are brief, impersonal, and usually come a few days later. I miss her dearly (something she probably knows), but I also believe in the "killing with kindness" philosophy. I'm making her think that I'm moving right along with my life and not waiting around for her to call. And actually, aside from having the occasional sad memory, I'm pretty much doing that. The difference with our situations is that I sent cards, flowers, etc. right after the breakup to try and show my feelings for her. I have now stopped that completely and she has to be wondering what the heck happened. If you'd like to compare and talk more about our situations, that would be great. I think we are both doing the right thing, though, however hard it may be.

[9Lives]

Originally posted by nadia2515

Your dillema is a little ironic. I actually just found this website looking for the same answer except I'm on the other side. I typed in 'how to leave a good man' and this is where it took me and after I registered, this is the first thread I read. Kind of neat, huh?! Anyway, I think we can help each other understand the other side -hopefully. I am a student, a single mother, and a full time worker, but thats not my reason for leaving my boyfriend. I don't know your outlook on religion but I just recently dedicated my life to God (about 6 weeks ago) and I am really serious about taking the full plunge. Meaning giving it my all and not just half or picking and choosing. My boyfriend is a christian but not to the extent of really grasping the importance of being wholehearted. Anyway, he lives an hour away so for us to spend time together he comes and spends the night with me on his two days off. I love him and I love spending time with him and all of that but I feel like he's in the way of what I'm trying to do. We've been together for almost 2 years and we have been sexually involved. The problem is mainly that I'm new at this and I'm weak. If he's there and he wants to have sex, I'm going to eventually give in and have sex. We've been doing it for 2 years and it's not an easy habit to break. Not that he doesn't respect me or my decision, but he's a man. If I'm weak, he just doesn't have it in him to be strong for me, in that area. I understand that but I also feel awful afterwards every time I give in. I'm very serious about living right and it is killing me to even think this, but he's holding me back. He's my only weakness and I feel very led to remove that blockage but how in the world do I do that? He's a great guy, we have never once argued in 2 years (very strange). How do you leave the perfect man? Seriously, how do u do it, what do I say or do??

 

Ok, I'm sorry, I just completely took over your thread. What I would say about your situation is to 'pray' about it if you're spiritual. If not, I would probably just keep doing what you're doing and let time tell where it goes. I know u miss her and u love her and it's killing u but she's obviously someone that u feel is worth the wait so just do it. If u feel at any point that she is avoiding u or acting funny or just sounds distant then I would advise u to leave her alone and go your own way. Easier said than done ,I know, but thats life. Something probably 90% of people face, heart ache, but u WILL get thru it and you WILL find happiness with someone else. Do u really feel that she is being honest with u? Is she IN LOVE with u? Is she calling U or missing U? Or is she acting like this isnt affecting her at all? Those ofcourse are all signs of what shes really feeling. If shes fine and u r doing all the calling and shes just like sure u can come see me, big deal, then u have a problem. If she calls u often and tells u she misses u and shows signs that this is REALLY hard for her as well, then she may be sincere in really needing to focus on her future. How old are yall?

 

This is probably the longest responce in Loveshck history. Sorry!

 

I will tell you a good man is very hard to find. I think you need to count all your blessing and see if you can work it out with him if he is really a good man. I would start there. If he cant get it together then maybe you should take a different route. But a good man is not easy to find.