Can't get away from my parents.

[Shooting_Star]

Don't feel bad.. a lot of people don't have their own car at 19.. I have a few suggestions.

 

1) I don't know how it works where you live, but in the states, we get income taxes back at the end of the year. So if this is the case where you live, maybe you can use that to buy your lessons and a cheap car or motorbike (or horse, whichever..).

2) Maybe you can ask your parents to reduce your rent or help pay for your lessons and you can save up for a car.

3) As Queenie said, figure out what you can cut back on.

4) Instead of buying brand new clothes, shop at a thirft store. Some places have very nice stuff for cheap.

5) Since you're surrounded by farms, see if any of the farmers need some extra help with livestock or during harvest season.

6) Start your own lawncare business when you aren't working your PT job. Mowiing lawns in the summer, raking leaves in the fall, snow removal in the winter.

7) Sit down and make a list of your skills and figure out what skills you have to offer your neighbors and offer them. Obviously you can't charge as much as a professional business, but that's why they'll want to hire you.

 

There are plenty of solutions to your problem, you just have to think outside of the box and set goals and work towards them.

[Ed the 3rd]

I hear you, dude. I feel such an idiot for not getting motivated to start driving earlier, I'm 22 and relying on lifts way more than I'd like. Not to mention the likelihood I'm not going to get any dream job offers any time soon, since I wouldn't be able to get myself to work.

 

How good are your driving skills at the moment? Do you think, rather than just giving you a lift to work, your dad might let you drive instead? With him as a passenger and supervisor of course. If it's a long commute you can get a lot of practice in pretty quickly. That way you may not need to buy as many lessons and can save a bit extra money as well towards a vehicle of your own.

 

And keep a record of your savings and spendings. Try figure out if there's something you can cut back on, even if it feels like a major sacrifice. Even just an extra $10 saved each week gets your $10 closer to your goal. It's an uphill battle, but it can be done. Good luck.

I can drive perfectly fine thankfully. I'd need a couple of catch up lessons to remember the techniques and such that you have to employ while doing a driving test but for the most part money is the problem. Lessons, tests, the car, the road tax, the insurance and the petrol not including the fact non of these one time payments (not guaranteed anyway) means my wallet wants none of this.

 

And while being able to get around with my provisional would mean the world to me since all I would need is someone else with me in the car the insurance fee's are extortionate and would only set me back in the end.

 

Just a case of fattening up my wallet I guess.

[2sure]

I'm sure your parents would to help you become independent and are not intentionally impeding you. What is their advice to you as far as a plan to make this happen?

[turnera]

I know lots of young people who have moved out, rented an apartment in town near transportation with several friends, lived on rice and beans, and had a great life.

 

I know young people who buy stuff at yard sales and fix them and/or sell them online to make extra money.

 

I know young people who go door to door asking old people if they need their yard cleaned up or some housework done to earn extra money (which they save up to buy a car).

 

I know young people who get inventive and start online businesses to earn money.

 

I know young people who've joined the military to get them a fast track to success.

 

It's your choice.

[Harradin]

3 hour trip on a bike and 2 hours to the gym? How many miles are you away?! You should start cycling and see how quickly you can get there on a bike, you'd have awesome fitness and you could cut down the time substantially!

[Els]

Its apparently easy to get a full time job in a small village now. Great?

 

Where do you people actually live? I want in on this.

 

Also its hardly a first world problem. A first world problem is your steak being overcooked. Not being under house arrest all your life.

 

No, I'm pretty sure that complaining about your dad chauffeuring you around for your part-time job IS a first-world problem. Equating it to 'house arrest' is not only a first-world problem, it's a... well, I'm not even going to say it. Frankly, your dad is doing you a favour, and it seems rather ungrateful to complain about 'not being able to get away from him'.

 

Asking for advice is valid, but your posts really do give off an air of complaining more so than asking, especially when you shoot down every piece of advice given. Food for thought.

[suladas]

You make it sound like getting your license is nearly impossible, when it is incredibly easy. I had virtually no driving experience at all so I took a 2 hour lesson, and passed my drivers test perfectly..... Driving is not difficult at all, nor is getting your license. Short of hitting something, they pretty much give them to anyone. As far as cost, besides for the actual vehicle it cost barely anything.

 

As far as not being able to afford it, do you expect it on a silver platter? I started working at 12 and had a lot saved up by 16 for a nice first vehicle. Granted I had it easier because I worked with my dad so I didn't have to look for the job, it still meant wanting to work.

 

As far as household stuff, that should be expected and not be compensated for it.

 

You're going to get a real shock when you move out of your parents place and have to fend for yourself.

[melodicintention]

Wow it sucks that you have someone who cares so much about you that he sacrifices his time and gas to shuttle you around to wherever you need to go. It sucks to not be stuck riding the bus, or worse, walking all the way there, but rather forced into riding with someone. Wow ya your life sucks terrible

[Ed the 3rd]

Wow it sucks that you have someone who cares so much about you that he sacrifices his time and gas to shuttle you around to wherever you need to go. It sucks to not be stuck riding the bus, or worse, walking all the way there, but rather forced into riding with someone. Wow ya your life sucks terrible

Just so you know I pay for the gas. Perhaps its funny from your point of view but perhaps if someone stripped you of every ounce of Independence you had and there was no way around it other then taking a 15 hour walk to work every morning perhaps you wouldn't find it so funny.

 

What I am to do if he drops dead?

[Ed the 3rd]

You make it sound like getting your license is nearly impossible, when it is incredibly easy. I had virtually no driving experience at all so I took a 2 hour lesson, and passed my drivers test perfectly..... Driving is not difficult at all, nor is getting your license. Short of hitting something, they pretty much give them to anyone. As far as cost, besides for the actual vehicle it cost barely anything.

 

As far as not being able to afford it, do you expect it on a silver platter? I started working at 12 and had a lot saved up by 16 for a nice first vehicle. Granted I had it easier because I worked with my dad so I didn't have to look for the job, it still meant wanting to work.

 

As far as household stuff, that should be expected and not be compensated for it.

 

You're going to get a real shock when you move out of your parents place and have to fend for yourself.

When did I say it was hard to drive? ITS THE MONEY. The car, the road tax, the insurance, the tests and the petrol to keep the damn thing rolling. The insurance for me would almost be the cost of the vehicle itself. I work hard and deal with a lot of crap. I wasn't handed a job at twelve. In fact I was never handed a job. I had to search the whole of cornwall for this one and its 40 miles from my house with no transport going to it. Please do not speak to me about expecting things on platters or being shocked by the real world.

 

If the only intention you guys have is to be condescending morons then please just don't post.

[turnera]

What I am to do if he drops dead?

Are you kidding me? I hope your dad kicks you out on your ass, so you can GROW UP.

[turnera]

If the only intention you guys have is to be condescending morons then please just don't post.

I always tell people, if 99 people in a room see a purple cow and one person sees a brown cow...it's a good bet the damn cow is purple.

 

Every single person posting to you has told you to get your head out of your a$$ and stop being a spoiled, self-centered child. The REASON you act like such a pampered, entitled child is your parents' fault for raising you that way.

 

But for you to go on and on about how bad YOU have it, when the people you criticize are going out of their way to help you, an ADULT, have a better life? All I can say is I hope that some day, you've learned what it means to be a selfless, giving, respectful person, through your life experiences, and can look back and see how disrespectful you are at this point in your life. I hope that for YOU and for your loved ones.

[Ed the 3rd]

So very insightful. The people calling the cow purple have zero credibility when they can not see it in the first place. Please tell me more about how selfish I am when I'm nothing more then words on a screen as far as you know.

 

Perhaps a change in perception is required. My dad is medically retired and from a young age has coddled me immensely. I wasn't aloud to take the bus to school or even walk home when home was 5 minutes away from my school. I'm nearly twenty and while I'm "aloud" to take public transport the area we have moved to is barren.

 

Why don't I move? My mother has severe depression and would brake down if I moved away now. My brother has Autism and needs my help and my father is medically retired. Money situation is also a sinking ship. Before wrapping your head around how awesome it is to be housebound in this atmosphere also understand that whenever I go to the gym it is with my mother because I want her to lose weight. I also front the massive country club memberships because a normal gym membership isn't enough to keep her happy.

 

Also understand that my father can't kick me out because its just as much my house has it is his. I pay the landlord just like he does. Leaving would also have them paying more rent then they can afford.

 

But I understand I'm selfish. I'm such a brat. They should of raised me better since I'm just a freeloader now. How dare I let fears of being trapped here with no independence or life of my own forever bubble to the surface?

 

Also how horrible of me to think that if my father died in this current situation I would lose everything I have.

[turnera]

*shrug*

 

Maybe you should join Peace Corps or something so you can see how the really bad-off people live. You say yourself you were spoiled. How do you expect to get out of that mindset you were raised with unless you get off your butt and do something about it? They have taught you to be self-centered, and the only way out of that is by YOU changing your circumstance.

 

Honestly, though, give it a few years. By the time you're 23, 25, you'll have a different outlook on this period in your life.

[Ed the 3rd]

Yeah people have it bad. So? I can't display distress at my situation? People jump off bridges because their girlfriend left them. Doesn't mean I'm significantly stronger then them but its true. I resent the accusation that I'm self centered. I'm not. I want to inject some positivity into my life one way or another or is helping my family and other people all the time not good enough?

 

I got a job. I help my family immensely. I'm not sure what you have done to put yourself in a position to judge me so very harshly. You basically called me a freeloading, selfish parasite and why? because I asked for some guidance? I can get off my but and find my own place very easily. Would drop my family in the crapper though.

 

In all honestly you should should stop being pretentious. I'm not the one that needs my head pulled out my a$$.

[ASG]

Yeah people have it bad. So? I can't display distress at my situation? People jump off bridges because their girlfriend left them. Doesn't mean I'm significantly stronger then them but its true. I resent the accusation that I'm self centered. I'm not. I want to inject some positivity into my life one way or another or is helping my family and other people all the time not good enough?

 

I got a job. I help my family immensely. I'm not sure what you have done to put yourself in a position to judge me so very harshly. You basically called me a freeloading, selfish parasite and why? because I asked for some guidance? I can get off my but and find my own place very easily. Would drop my family in the crapper though.

 

In all honestly you should should stop being pretentious. I'm not the one that needs my head pulled out my a$$.

 

You can be distressed and ask for advice, sure. What is rubbing everyone here the wrong way is how you dismiss everything we say, with a "I couldn't possibly!!!"

 

What's stopping you from getting your license and taking YOUR DAD'S CAR out? Surely he can lend it to you at times? You don't have to BUY one! I know I never did! I used my mom's! Still do, at times!

 

If you can't possibly do anything to better your situation, then you're just bitching and this thread should be in the Rants section.

[pink_sugar]

My dad made me start taking the public bus at 12 or 13. He could and did have time to pick me up from school, but didn't. However, I am nearly 24 now and in the same situation as you (cannot afford more than one car between my husband and I) so I am often taking public transit as we work totally different schedules. However, you live in a place where you absolutely need a car to drive unless you move to a bigger city. If you're paying your parents rent, can you move elsewhere to somewhere with a better transit system and pay someone else rent instead?

[Emilia]

If you're paying your parents rent, can you move elsewhere to somewhere with a better transit system and pay someone else rent instead?

That was my advice too.

[pink_sugar]

You can be distressed and ask for advice, sure. What is rubbing everyone here the wrong way is how you dismiss everything we say, with a "I couldn't possibly!!!"

 

What's stopping you from getting your license and taking YOUR DAD'S CAR out? Surely he can lend it to you at times? You don't have to BUY one! I know I never did! I used my mom's! Still do, at times!

 

If you can't possibly do anything to better your situation, then you're just bitching and this thread should be in the Rants section.

 

Not all parents do though. My dad never did, that's for sure. He barely helped my brother get a license at 18 let alone teach him to drive or let him drive his car on his own.

[Ed the 3rd]

That was my advice too.

I won't go into it anymore then I did but they NEED me around. I don't want them any worse off then they are. Suffice it say at the very least their finacial situation may become unbearable.

 

Its not a "I couldn't possibly" its me doing whats best for their interests.

 

I could borrow his car on occasion but it would be impractical as that one car is the main mode of transportation for a family of four. Sorry if I rubbed people the wrong way but in my situation I don't like being called selfish.

 

perhaps it should be in a rants section I don't know.

[turnera]

You basically called me a freeloading, selfish parasite and why? because I asked for some guidance? I can get off my but and find my own place very easily. Would drop my family in the crapper though.

 

In all honestly you should should stop being pretentious. I'm not the one that needs my head pulled out my a$$.

You didn't ask for guidance. You complained. And we told you that complaining does no good. If you're so freakin' unhappy...CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

 

No one else is going to do it for you.

 

We're not telling you all this because it makes us happy to trash another person. We're all telling you the same thing because it's what works. We're trying to help you wake up and see that everything you complain about - you have the ability to CHANGE it if you wanted to badly enough. It's great that you help your family out. So why aren't you changing things so YOU can get what you need as well as them?

Edited June 25, 2013 by turnera

[Ed the 3rd]

If I knew how to go about that I wouldn't be here.

 

Perhaps I did complain. Its a no win situation. Like the other guy said if there's no perfect solution to this it should be considered a rant.

[ASG]

If I knew how to go about that I wouldn't be here.

 

Perhaps I did complain. Its a no win situation. Like the other guy said if there's no perfect solution to this it should be considered a rant.

 

If you can't move out on your own... can't you and your family at least move somewhere with some sort of public transportation? Have you tried looking into that?

It'll be difficult and it's not ideal, but if you can find somewhere for the same kind of money, somewhere that has transports, you could at least be mobile!

[Ed the 3rd]

That is something I have thought of and something that is being set in motion. I have to wait a year for my brother to finish school because with his disability finding a suitable school is no easy task even in this day and age. So technically things will get better.

 

Its just a year of this deplorable situation that makes my skin crawl a little. And there is no guarantee it will happen until I actually get to that point in time regardless of how hard I push for it. I guess I have to make it a choice of either me moving to a separate place or them coming with me.

[turnera]

If you set your sights on what you want in a year, it will help you be able to cope for the time being, AND it gives you a full year to save, plan, put things into motion, AND it gives you something to look forward to. I'd imagine your outlook would improve considerably, just by making a plan.