Partner wants to become stay at home father

[tbf]

SO!!!

 

Just to give the resolution to this little mess....

 

My SO came home, and I think he had noticed how upset Ive been about all this. He asked me if I had any more feelings about the whole thing, and I told him that though I love him dearly and hope to be supportive of his dreams, I really REALLY needed him to be gainfully employed, even if it was just part time. He did not skip a beat, had no qualms about it and said "sure!" I told him that I figured he could still work on his writing and have at least some type of income that would avoid him burning through his savings. He agreed and even laughed when I said that maybe this way we could both work really hard and perhaps retire early. He said he was not planning on retiring at all, and wanted to have a long prolific life writing. He also said that he thought about it before he even asked me and felt that it was best for him to keep a full time paid employment until his writing took off and he could totally live off of his writing, but not stop working until then. Im so relieved and glad we are both on the same page again. Such a huge burden off of my shoulders.

 

So it all turned out well, thankfully. There is a reason why I love this man

While I'm glad it worked out, this is an odd 180 degree turn. Is he always this dramatic, thinking black one day, white the next?

[carhill]

What would you guys do in this situation?

 

I would determine if my partner had, and currently demonstrated, the skillset to be a proficient household manager and parent. How well they budgeted; how skillfully they managed the household's assets. How they could think on their feet and address issues which arose unexpectedly. How they behaved around children (if currently childless) and how they 'handled' and 'role-modeled' children.

 

He even said that maybe he could volunteer, like at a soup kitchen or something like that. And Im thinking...um...you sound like a lady of leisure, not a 20 something year old man with his whole career in front of him.

 

Great opportunity. Watch him in action. Sign up together and work it as a team. Report back with your impressions regarding leisure. IME, I never found interactions with the homeless or disadvantaged to be leisurely. It's a lot of work. A labor of love, for some. In any event, take suggestions and run with them. You're interviewing him, and he you, as life partners. If you work, you do; if not, not. Good luck.

[Els]

OP, I think it's definitely a bit iffy if he genuinely only dates women with Doctorate degrees (as opposed to mentioning it jokingly as a method of praising yours).

 

In the end, though, I think while both sides of the argument have merit, the most important consideration here should be your gut instinct. As far as I can see, your instinct is strongly against a SAHP arrangement, and very wary of this guy when he suggested it. Don't ignore that, and don't try to mold your preferences into someone else's. When he made the 180 turn, do you feel like he meant it, or did it seem like he was just saying that to try and placate you? What will you do if/when he tries it again in the future?

 

IMO some women try to 'make themselves' feel okay with a SAHD arrangement, when they are not instinctively cut out for it. It is fruitless and pointless to do that. If it's not for you, stand firm in your knowledge that it's not for you.