Fireitup Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 This will be a big post, it's 2 months worth of problems. I just want your advise, you can judge, you can do whatever, I just need to unload to people in the same boat. Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 2 years. We've always had the odd argument but we were a really good couple. we're 19 and 18 respectively, I work full-time with good future prospects, and she is hoping to go into university with a part-time job. We'd have a laugh, we'd stay in bed and watch movies, we'd get drunk, we'd have sex etc etc, but it seemed to many people we had the best relationship. Until in December last year the unimaginable happened to us when she got pregnant, and we both had no intention of keeping it so we got rid of it in January just a month after finding out. This unsurprisingly left a very big crack in our relationship and left us both distraught about what we had done. But I'd be there for her, to this day now just one mention and she would start crying, which is completely understandable. but it changed her, and it changed our relationship, and I said from day one of it happening it'd either make us or break us. It'd look like it would make us stronger as in the couple of weeks after the abortion, she was made bridesmaid for my brother's wedding in Cyprus in September which made us look forward to something and take our mind off what had happened. But unfortunately it didn't change much, I really think she changed because of it and wasn't the same in our relationship. Things weren't fun anymore in the coming months, we'd start arguing a lot over everything. Now after that story, this is where the topic kicks in. There's a friend she goes to college with, and he has always liked her and she would always brush off the interest in the past. But lately she's become really shady about him, we were always open with eachother, we'd both let eachother on the others phone to look at photos or apps or music or something, and in the last couple of months she's been texting him a lot and hiding her phone when she's doing it, even when we're cuddling in bed or something. It got to the point of her getting paranoid about me being on her phone just last week that when her phone was on charge upstairs, I went to go to the toilet and ran past me just to get her phone and she even admitted it! She has lied to me where she was going with this friend as well, I only found out by looking on her email which I know it is wrong but recently I was so suspicious But the tip of the iceberg is just the growing interest of talking to him all the time and yesterday just tipped it off when I saw her email and she had booked a table for 2 at a very nice restaurant in HIS name. I got really annoyed for it but I knew i couldn't really say nothing. But I managed to work my way round it and say do you want to get drunk or go out the date of the meal, and she replies that she can't due to going out to the restaurant for her friends belated birthday celebrations. I thought I was in the wrong but I asked is the friend whose name the table was booked under going, and she said probably not no which I just then flipped and said is the holiday holding you back from anything? (she had hinted in the last few months it was blackmail her being bridesmaid to get her to go). but she said no and then started talking about us going on a break to see if we could get things back on track as she had been telling all her friends her problems apart from me and then get so many inconsistent about why she was unhappy, that I got paranoid, then the pregnancy/abortion, then being in a routine, then back to one and the other. Thinking about it today I think she wanted to get a break away and thinking things would be forgotten because she thinks I'm catching on to her cheating and thinking because she's called a break i'd shut up about it. Over the last couple of months I'd half-heartedly wanted a break so it wasn't really that much of a bother to me but it's just really getting to me now after everything. I need advise, anything, please Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 It sounds like the two of you are living together. Is this the case? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fireitup Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 No we're not, still live with parents about 5 minutes away. Link to post Share on other sites
TaserTag Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I'm sorry that you're having to go through all of this. I know that getting pregnant and making the decision not to keep the baby is incredibly stressful and painful, even if it is the right decision. You and your girlfriend are both young and really just starting to get into your adult lives. Having her go away to university would have been difficult even without the pregnancy. That said, her lying to you about another guy and hiding things definitely makes it seem like she's cheating on you and that isn't right. I don't see why she'd be so obsessed with her phone if there was nothing incriminating on it. And she's making dinner plans and things with this guy behind your back. I'd just let her go. It seems like she either wants to take a break from you to try things out with this other guy or she's taking a break because she couldn't deal with just breaking up straightout. Getting pregnant really makes you think about what you want out of life and makes you take a serious look at the relationships you're in. It probably has changed both of you and the dynamic of your relationship. You were already considering taking a break from her, so I think you should take the time to really think about what you want and sort through your own feelings over what happened. Take care of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Sorry dude, but she's too secretive. If your gut is telling you that something is wrong, then go with your gut. When a girl or guy says that they want a break that's usually means break up! Don't kid yourself. Yeah, she's going to a "birthday celebration" for FRIENDS, but it's a table for two. Dude, that's a date. She's dating this asshat. She's cheating on you. You gave her the option to hang with you that night and she's opting for the other guy. Which tells me that she values this douche rocket more than you. I think that you need to totally re-evaluate your situation. It might be time to move on. But, I would tell her that you know about this other guy and that's why it's over. You guys were over the moment the two of you became three. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Secretive over a phone is the #1 red flag in this day and age, my friend. What's the innocent explanation for her panic about you walking by her phone? there isn't one. And it sounds like she flat-out has a date with this other dude. I would quietly go into investigative mode. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 She is cheating. You telling her to kill her child (legal murder is all abortion is) has left her full of regrets. You have shown that you will not stand up for her when the going gets tough. This has made her rethink your value as a mate. Killed your child and your relationship. Dump GF. Try to learn something from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinie Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 I think she's looking for an escape. I think the memory of the child is too painful for her, and she associates you with that memory so she's trying to get away from it all by occupying herself with some other guy. You can dump her or you can take a break for a bit and get yourself together while she gets herself together. Then you both can make a decision when you've had time to think and calm down. Link to post Share on other sites
JessieJ08 Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Honestly I agree with the above poster I been where you have both been but my guy and me actually got a lot closer we really needed each other after going thru that I wasn't selfish enough to act like I was the only one going thru it Its my body if I want to go thru a pregnancy I will when I know I am ready to be a mother of (course now I am a mother because after doing it once I couldn't handle going thru that ever again) but then I was not ready mentally I didn't let anyone not even my boyfriend choose for me I listened to opinions but I knew with something like that I had to do for myself or I would never be the same. If your girlfriend didn't do this before she made a decision and she let you make it for her not saying you did but usually the guy has more of a I don't care attitude they tell you that at first to not seem like a bad guy, but then they make little smart comments and usually thats why girls end up feeling the way your girlfriend does now. Im not going to say she cheated but I will say she is trying to forget about the choice she made by running. sadly running wont help but some ppl feel its the best way they can handle dealing with the shame and hurt.You both are still young you have to learn from this and so does she. I think its safe to say that the relationship is Over even if you dont want it over. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 I think its safe to say that the relationship is Over even if you dont want it over. Agreed. Just leave it as it is. If someone feels the need to be secretive and shady like that, then in mind, she doesn't even need to explain herself. I'm gone. I'd like to think that you're aren't that desperate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 we both had no intention of keeping it You telling her to kill her child OP says it was a mutual decision, and by the way, in terms of law it is entirely the woman's decision. Men have no reproductive rights, and yet you still find a way to blame them even in the face of what the OP said. Disgusting. And I don't even believe in abortion, but at least the OP and his GF had the decency to do it right away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 OP says it was a mutual decision, and by the way, in terms of law it is entirely the woman's decision. Men have no reproductive rights, and yet you still find a way to blame them even in the face of what the OP said. Disgusting. And I don't even believe in abortion, but at least the OP and his GF had the decency to do it right away. He encouraged her, he agree with her, he support her decision, he was for the killing, murder, termination, hit, whack, fit the child with a pair of cement shoes, give the child a dirt nap, off the child, take the child for a ride, all mean the childs life was ended before it's time. To say aborted is just using a word that those that believe killing a child is ok without having to just come out and say I just hd my child murdered. Easier to abort then raise a child. Easier to live in denial and call murder abortion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fireitup Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 Thanks for replies. Before all this happened I was always for abortions, at the end of the day it was our choice and it was a unanimous decision when she first mentioned it. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 He encouraged her, he agree with her, he support her decision, he was for the killing, murder, termination, hit, whack, fit the child with a pair of cement shoes, give the child a dirt nap, off the child, take the child for a ride, all mean the childs life was ended before it's time. To say aborted is just using a word that those that believe killing a child is ok without having to just come out and say I just hd my child murdered. Easier to abort then raise a child. Easier to live in denial and call murder abortion. I don't think this thread is about abortion, there are other threads where you can offer your opinions, OP has just asked for help regarding his relationship with his girlfriend. The right of a woman to do what she wants with her body should not be denied, for the same money you call abortion a murder you can call a man who masturbates a murderer as he is killing all those spermatozoon who were potential children... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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