Guys. me out. Threesome situation?

[Iseenamandie]

My girlfriend and I had a few threesomes with her bestfriend, but my girl has made it clear that she doesn't want to do that amymore. The best friend lives out of town so it happened when she came to visit. When she left, two months later she called me drunk and told me that was the best sex she ever had. Then she hung up really fast as if she regreted telling me that. After that convo, her attitude changed towards me. She's out here right now visiting again, but this time my girlfriends mom is here also. I'm not trying to do anything with the bestfriend but its eating me up that she seems like she wouldn't want to have sex with me again. I mean its not that important because I value my girlfriend much more than her, but its still eating me up. I gave a couple of hints, she didn't respond and now I feel guilty around my girlfriend. She doesn't deserve this. I wish we never did the threesome because now I can't stop thinking about how much I want to have sex with her bestfriend. I atleast want to know if she would let me get it again. But she's not giving me any signals at all. What should I do? I know im a peace of sht for this, but I have a nervous tingly feeling in my stomach as we speak.

[Iseenamandie]

Sorry I meant to write: Guys, help me out. Threesome situation

[drifter777]

Any chance you could just talk to them both and get it all out in the open? If they say "ok, so what do you want now?" - what would you tell them? If you want to have sex with both of them either together or 1:1 I don't see any reason why you can't as long as you are open and above board about it. If your girlfriend decides to dump you then, well, that's the price of pussy I guess. I would just encourage you to play with all the girls you can until you are ready to settle down.

[Iseenamandie]

Hey I really appreciate you're feedback. Yeah that sounds very good, atleast then I wouldn't be feeling so guilty aboyt it. Its kind of hard though to be that open about it because I really want to keep my girlfriend. I don't think she woulf break up with me persay though, so maybe that would be best. Hopefully it doesn't come out wrong when I say it. I'm affraid that my girlfriend might think that she's not enough for me.

[CarrieT]

I'm affraid that my girlfriend might think that she's not enough for me.

 

Apparently she is not if you are having "tingly feelings" about the friend.

 

You already said you regret doing it because of this! Leave well enough alone and chalk it up to a great memory. A replay will only get ugly...

[Iseenamandie]

But like you said, that's the price you have to pay ha. Thanks

[Iseenamandie]

Yes sir. Sounds right. I'm really sure that my girlfriend is enough for me though. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her friend. She's pretty much a slut ha. And we wouldn't get along nearly as good. In going to take you're advise also. Chalk it up to a memory and let it be. How do I get over the sexual urge when she's sitting right there in front of me looking so hot? Ughh I want her to just go the hell away lol

[Leigh 87]

I don't think your ready to be in a committed, long term relationship.

 

If, after you have had a few threesomes, you find yourself not happy with the notion of settling down with the one women for YEARS: leave this girl, she deserves more than you can offer her.

 

Threesomes are something you do when your single. You really need to get it out of your system before you settle down.

I Understanding wanting to tick a threesome off your list before you settle down with the one person. My ex and I both wanted to try it before committing 100% to the one person.

My ex was a guy who HAD to tick a threesome off his bucket list. Ruining his plan, he met me and fell for me. He never mentioned he needed to have a threesome, yet I could tell that he needed to experience it before settling down, so I gave him one seeing as I too, wanted to tick it off my list.

 

....................... it happened once a few months in. Before serious commitment was obviously discussed.

 

OP, it should be a one time thing, or something you do not.. keep on needing.

The urge should dissipate once you " can say you have had a threesome: to your guy friends, and you have lived that fantasy out.

 

I do not think that you sound ready to commit to the one women for years to come.

[Iseenamandie]

I don't think your ready to be in a committed, long term relationship.

 

If, after you have had a few threesomes, you find yourself not happy with the notion of settling down with the one women for YEARS: leave this girl, she deserves more than you can offer her.

 

Threesomes are something you do when your single. You really need to get it out of your system before you settle down.

I Understanding wanting to tick a threesome off your list before you settle down with the one person. My ex and I both wanted to try it before committing 100% to the one person.

My ex was a guy who HAD to tick a threesome off his bucket list. Ruining his plan, he met me and fell for me. He never mentioned he needed to have a threesome, yet I could tell that he needed to experience it before settling down, so I gave him one seeing as I too, wanted to tick it off my list.

 

....................... it happened once a few months in. Before serious commitment was obviously discussed.

 

OP, it should be a one time thing, or something you do not.. keep on needing.

The urge should dissipate once you " can say you have had a threesome: to your guy friends, and you have lived that fantasy out.

 

I do not think that you sound ready to commit to the one women for years to come.

 

I completely agree that she deserves better than this, but I really feel like I can change amd get rid of these thoughts, urges, and actions. That is why I'm here trying to get advice on how to be the better person. I thought that having a threesome would get rid of the urges, but it doesn't. Especially if you have a penis thinking for you. At the same time, I don't want these experiences if it means loosing her. This is the first girl that I cam see my self marrying and I really do want to spend every year I have with her. If I can just overcome these dumb urges and gain some self contol, it will be perfect. I already treat her like a queen. She is in my eyes. So I have the right mentality for the long term, I just need to stop thinking with my d***. When there is no temptation around, I am golden. But I seem to fall for temptation like an idiot. I guess my problem is self control.

[Iseenamandie]

I don't think your ready to be in a committed, long term relationship.

 

My ex and I both wanted to try it before committing 100% to the one person.

My ex was a guy who HAD to tick a threesome off his bucket list. Ruining his plan, he met me and fell for me. He never mentioned he needed to have a threesome, yet I could tell that he needed to experience it before settling down, so I gave him one seeing as I too, wanted to tick it off my list.

 

....................... it happened once a few months in. Before serious commitment was obviously discussed.

 

OP, it should be a one time thing, or something you do not.. keep on needing.

The urge should dissipate once you " can say you have had a threesome: to your guy friends, and you have lived that fantasy out.

 

I do not think that you sound ready to commit to the one women for years to come.

 

Why did you guys break up?

[Leigh 87]

Because he was immature and I needed to be alone to work on personal issues.

 

We both love each other very much still.

 

You sound like him a bit..... He had a hooker addiction before me and he used a couple while he was with me. He seemed to think it was OKAY to do that to a women you truly loved, since it was only meaningless: he even went as far as to say " well I do not even like to touch them or give them pleasure, I just want to use their bodies as a toy, you know, for variety"

 

It is not healthy to do in a committed, monogamous relationship.

 

You do not sound like a bad person. You just sound like you need to have a good thing about things.

 

Do you feel that you need to be single and grow up a little more, before you find the right girl to settle down with?

 

Or do you have strong enough feelings for this women to change for her?

 

Really though, it is really fcked up that you wan tto fck her best friend for REAL.

 

I have model friends and my bf would not have wanted to fck them, cos well, they were my good friends:sick:

[Leigh 87]

Well I was the first girl my ex wanted to marry and spend ALL his time with, for years.

 

In the end his immaturity caused issues for me. He wanted to have a life with ME. Yet he still thought that in the future, it would probably be okay to use hookers again, cos they were meaningless and he did not have to touch them or kiss them.

 

He never really used them, but he had the idea that: because most men have urges to experience variety in women's bodies, that he was aloud to indulge that.

 

We broke up for different reasons in the end, but that def contributed to it.

[Iseenamandie]

Because he was immature and I needed to be alone to work on personal issues.

 

We both love each other very much still.

 

You sound like him a bit..... He had a hooker addiction before me and he used a couple while he was with me. He seemed to think it was OKAY to do that to a women you truly loved, since it was only meaningless: he even went as far as to say " well I do not even like to touch them or give them pleasure, I just want to use their bodies as a toy, you know, for variety"

 

It is not healthy to do in a committed, monogamous relationship.

 

You do not sound like a bad person. You just sound like you need to have a good thing about things.

 

Do you feel that you need to be single and grow up a little more, before you find the right girl to settle down with?

 

Or do you have strong enough feelings for this women to change for her?

 

Really though, it is really fcked up that you wan tto fck her best friend for REAL.

 

I have model friends and my bf would not have wanted to fck them, cos well, they were my good friends:sick:

 

Wow I have alot to say to that. First of all thanks for sharing that. He actually really does sound like me. So much that I felt like I was looking into the future while reading your story. I'm glad you guys still have love for eachother though. I actually understood your ex when he said there's no feelings involved and its just the variety thing. But now that you point it out from your prospective, its clear how unhealthy it is to have this mentaliy in a commited relationship. I think what happens though is that when we have these urges, our brains try to find ways to rationalize and justify the behavior. Its kind of like quitting ciggaretts and then finding reasons to smoke again. You forget the reason why you quit in the first place. Thats what I got from your story and that's exactly what I feel happens with me also. So thanks for helping me realize that.

 

I definitely love her enough to change. I don't like the way I am anyways. I honestly wish the urges would just go away. So I'm going to find some type of stratagies I can use, like maybe being honest no matter how hard it is.

 

So how is your ex doing now? I ask because when you said to wait untill we find the right one, I feel like I'm not going to find another girl like the one I have now. I'm 26 and I've already had as much experiences as I should. So I'm wondering, has your ex found another girl that he can love as much as he does you? Or is he still alone? That's another thing I'm affraid of. And I bet that if you find someone better, which is most likely easy for you based on your profile pics, it will crush him. Especially if he hasn't found someone he can actually love as much as you. Its not that easy for guys. Well atleast not for me.

[ChessPieceFace]

I wish we never did the threesome because now I can't stop thinking about how much I want to have sex with her bestfriend.

 

There you go. This is why some things are best left in fantasy. I'm sure it was hot. Now your relationship is damaged. That's the price.

[Iseenamandie]

Really though, it is really fcked up that you wan tto fck her best friend for REAL.

 

I have model friends and my bf would not have wanted to fck them, cos well, they were my good friends:sick:

 

Yes I know its really fcked up and I know I'd be crushed if my girlfriend did the same thing to me. So thanks a lot again I'm definitely feeling more motivation to drop this idea. Its just sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don't think like this. But I'm going to change this ****.

[Iseenamandie]

There you go. This is why some things are best left in fantasy. I'm sure it was hot. Now your relationship is damaged. That's the price.

 

Yup. You got it. I can definitely say I've been damaged. And yes it was really really hot. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be on the damn internet looking for ways to stop thinking about it lol

[Leigh 87]

Wow I have alot to say to that. First of all thanks for sharing that. He actually really does sound like me. So much that I felt like I was looking into the future while reading your story. I'm glad you guys still have love for eachother though. I actually understood your ex when he said there's no feelings involved and its just the variety thing. But now that you point it out from your prospective, its clear how unhealthy it is to have this mentaliy in a commited relationship. I think what happens though is that when we have these urges, our brains try to find ways to rationalize and justify the behavior. Its kind of like quitting ciggaretts and then finding reasons to smoke again. You forget the reason why you quit in the first place. Thats what I got from your story and that's exactly what I feel happens with me also. So thanks for helping me realize that.

 

I definitely love her enough to change. I don't like the way I am anyways. I honestly wish the urges would just go away. So I'm going to find some type of stratagies I can use, like maybe being honest no matter how hard it is.

 

So how is your ex doing now? I ask because when you said to wait untill we find the right one, I feel like I'm not going to find another girl like the one I have now. I'm 26 and I've already had as much experiences as I should. So I'm wondering, has your ex found another girl that he can love as much as he does you? Or is he still alone? That's another thing I'm affraid of. And I bet that if you find someone better, which is most likely easy for you based on your profile pics, it will crush him. Especially if he hasn't found someone he can actually love as much as you. Its not that easy for guys. Well atleast not for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

First of all, it is totally natural these urges you are having. Even at your age, some guys are stuck in a mentality where they think that threesomes are so awesome. I mean, you love women, and what is not to love about a lot of women that you get to touch and explore?

 

Totally natural. The thing is, some men, once they truly fall in love with a girl; they only want to be with her sexually. Now, what I am about to say is very controversial, and some here will disagree. What I think is: some men, no matter HOW in love they are, will ALWAYS have the "ability" to have meaningless sex.

 

Case in point: my ex was not able to go down on a girl or even please her without getting something in return: sex. He had no urge to kiss a girl or make the girl get off: it was all about HIS pleasure. Therefore, in over two years, he had no strong urge to kiss a girl, touch her, or make HER feel good. HIs motivation for the hookers he used with me, was PURELY to use them for variety.

 

He was not able to go to a club and just hook up with a girl. He honestly di not have that in him, as an urge. He looked and admired hot girls like most men do, however; he did not want to be physical with them, because he had a stronger urge to save that for me.

 

A lot of people on here believe that people like you or my boyfriend, do not truly love and adore the girls they are with if they have urges for threesomes and etc.

I disagree, and think that some men can really be in love, and still be able to engage in totally meaningless sex.

 

What about YOU? do YOU think that you will ever change if you met the right girl?

 

If not: change now. If you truly believe that your in love with this girl, have a think. Please think carefully.

 

Can you see yourself spending your life with this girl, and being completely happy being in a monogamous relationship?

 

Here is what I learnt: yes it does sound boring, especially for guys who have the urge for variety in the female body. Being with one person for life is a BIG deal.

 

It does NOT have to be boring, though! I though relationships were boring when I met my boyfriend! Heck, the thought of ONE dude for the rest of my life for sex, seemed like a death sentence!

 

Then once I fell really in love with him, the more time I spent ONLY sleeping with him, the more it brought me closer to him. The more years you spend being loyal to a women you truly love, the closer and more fulfilled it feels.

 

Honestly, long term commitment and monogamy to a women you TRULY love is VERY rewarding.

 

And this is coming from a women who once hated the idea of being "boring" and "only having one guy for life"

 

The longer I spent being faithful to him, the closer I felt and the happier I became, AND: the better the sex became.

[Leigh 87]

I will tell you how it damaged our relationship.

 

I questioned why other men who were madly in love did not want hookers or threesomes.

I felt SO MUCH LOVE from him, I really felt that he loved me as much as he COULD Love a girl: but then, why was he able to do what he did?

It just undermined out relationship. Further, since I was totally faithful the entire time, it was not a healthy dynamic.

 

And no he has not moved on. I am moving towns and have cut him off, which he was very upset about. He alluded to wanting to work things out with me one day.

 

Be careful.

 

You do not want to lose this women, if she truly is that special to you.

 

This is how it made ME feel when my ex had a threesome with me:

 

- Okay this is fine, it is a one of thing that we BOTH wanted to tick off our bucket list. I did not enjoy it as much as he did, as I am not into girls enough.

 

- He talked about doing it again but he was not that desperate for it. I felt good that he was not desperate for one, as that would indicate he really wasn't satisfied with the one women: ME!

 

- After a while I was HAPPY he stopped mentioning and forgot! More and more, I enjoyed the idea of monogamy

 

- He went and slept with hookers, which I did not care about initially, as I truly believe it is something he can do no matter HOW in love he is

 

- I though the hookers were totally fine, until people around me said how disgusting it was

 

- In the end, I questioned his character and I questioned the relationship, due to his meaningless sex with hookers.

 

..................

 

 

We both had a full on relationship; together every day (he was very independent before me and he has a lot of friends)

 

We were everything to each other: yet he eventually slept with the hookers, and then I went into his email and found out that he talked to HUNDREDS of women online.

He never met them and he never had any intentions of meeting them (I saw everything)

 

The thing is: because I LET HIM have the hookers and explore what I thought was a NATURAL urge for some men to have, even when they are in LOVE with a girl: he felt that he was free to do what he wanted.

He thought that because he only wanted to be with ME, and he did not WANT to "please" other women, that it was perfectly okay to have sex with hookers and chat to girls online.

 

He is such a jerk that he even went onto a lesbian chat, used MY PICTURES, to talk to lesbians.. he pretended HE was a lesbian, so he could get them to show him their naked pics...............

 

See - and I believe this was a guy who TRULY loved me as much as HE could love a women.

 

He showed every other indication that he was totally in love with me. Yet he did all that to me.

 

It will make your girl wonder too. It will leave her thinking " well I FEEL like he truly loves me, yet why is he not able to control his urge for sexual variety in women like ALL MY FRIENDS' BOYFRIENDS AND HUSBANDS.

[Chi townD]

Look dude, the only person that isn't respecting boundaries here is you. You need to put all of that in check.

 

Okay, so her BBF said that it was the best sex she's ever had in her life. Doesn't mean that it was about you. Maybe it was about your girlfriend. Or the combonation of the both of you. Regardless, it seems that she may feel guilty about it and respects the fact that your girlfriend isn't interested in a repeat performance. She doesn't want to screw up her friendship and is now TOTALLY ignoring your inneuendo's. So, you need to respect the BOTH of their boundaries.

 

Dude, just chalk it up to an isolated event. And be happy with the fact that you even got to experience a threesome where most guys haven't.

[crederer]

I really don't understand how this is so hard for you, man. You had a few threesomes. It was hot. That's awesome an all and you should be happy you have such an open minded girlfriend and not mess that up by thinking with your dick.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your girlfriend made it clear she doesn't want to do it anymore.

 

Her best friend is now ignoring your comments/moves/whatever you've done to let her know you want to have sex with her.

 

If you want to keep your girlfriend, respect what she and her best friend have tried to tell you. It's not happening again.

[Iseenamandie]

I will tell you how it damaged our relationship.

 

I questioned why other men who were madly in love did not want hookers or threesomes.

I felt SO MUCH LOVE from him, I really felt that he loved me as much as he COULD Love a girl: but then, why was he able to do what he did?

It just undermined out relationship. Further, since I was totally faithful the entire time, it was not a healthy dynamic.

 

And no he has not moved on. I am moving towns and have cut him off, which he was very upset about. He alluded to wanting to work things out with me one day.

 

Be careful.

 

You do not want to lose this women, if she truly is that special to you.

 

This is how it made ME feel when my ex had a threesome with me:

 

- Okay this is fine, it is a one of thing that we BOTH wanted to tick off our bucket list. I did not enjoy it as much as he did, as I am not into girls enough.

 

- He talked about doing it again but he was not that desperate for it. I felt good that he was not desperate for one, as that would indicate he really wasn't satisfied with the one women: ME!

 

- After a while I was HAPPY he stopped mentioning and forgot! More and more, I enjoyed the idea of monogamy

 

- He went and slept with hookers, which I did not care about initially, as I truly believe it is something he can do no matter HOW in love he is

 

- I though the hookers were totally fine, until people around me said how disgusting it was

 

- In the end, I questioned his character and I questioned the relationship, due to his meaningless sex with hookers.

 

..................

 

 

We both had a full on relationship; together every day (he was very independent before me and he has a lot of friends)

 

We were everything to each other: yet he eventually slept with the hookers, and then I went into his email and found out that he talked to HUNDREDS of women online.

He never met them and he never had any intentions of meeting them (I saw everything)

 

The thing is: because I LET HIM have the hookers and explore what I thought was a NATURAL urge for some men to have, even when they are in LOVE with a girl: he felt that he was free to do what he wanted.

He thought that because he only wanted to be with ME, and he did not WANT to "please" other women, that it was perfectly okay to have sex with hookers and chat to girls online.

 

He is such a jerk that he even went onto a lesbian chat, used MY PICTURES, to talk to lesbians.. he pretended HE was a lesbian, so he could get them to show him their naked pics...............

 

See - and I believe this was a guy who TRULY loved me as much as HE could love a women.

 

He showed every other indication that he was totally in love with me. Yet he did all that to me.

 

It will make your girl wonder too. It will leave her thinking " well I FEEL like he truly loves me, yet why is he not able to control his urge for sexual variety in women like ALL MY FRIENDS' BOYFRIENDS AND HUSBANDS.

 

Yeah I guess we all have our horrible traits. That is soo jacked up that he would post your pics up on those sites to talk to women. Thats kind of extreme in my eyes and I'd never even think of doing that to my girlfriend. But like you said, your ex would never think of Fcking one of your friends. So I guess we are both jacked up in our own way.

[Iseenamandie]

Update: Thanks a lot for all of the replies, well most of them. Like I really needed to know what again how much of a peice of sht I am. Seriously, I appreciate some of youguys' s advice but some of you seem like you just get pleasure from judging people. You are no better than me. Well anyways thanks to some of you, the conflict worked itsself out. I gave up the whole thought of the thressomes and I feel much better inside, plus my girlfriend is still happy. But, up comes another damn problem. The bff wants to move in with us, my girlfriend wants her too, and my girlfriend wants the bff to bring the dog along since the bff has been taking care of my girlfriends dog. I'm going to post another thread so that I can get some responses. Thanks again for all of the help.

[Suave]

Never have a threesome with your girlfriend and someone else.

 

It always, always, always ends badly.