bluegreen Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 I read that every 8 couple today has met on internet but seems every 3 of those break up. Sooner or later the damned Long Distance thing severs ties, makes us doubt, cool of, cheat or get cheated on, and if none above then its all back to point A Long Distance two words that's it. Then comes the worst yes there is worst yet : Lets stay friends part if there is still love could anything sound more degrading and insulting ? Would you ever accept this proposal or say : show it up yours ... preserve whatever pride and dignity you have left and leave not to look back ? Question is general but for those in this position every thing I ever heard read about or know says say NO to friendship if you want them back !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tk123 Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Couldn't agree more with you. Been in an LDR for quite some time now and it's that one word that makes me feel worse and worse every day. Distance. I'm fortunate enough to have her in the same country and timezone as me but not all LDR couples have that luxury. My theory is, if a couple can get through an LDR and seal the gap permanently after years of distance, then they can survive anything together. LDR's are not for the weary! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 Yeah very few people would understand how much effort patience and sacrifice goes into these relationships and some as you say are luckier then others. All in all being close in no sure way to succeed either its just more convenient when troubles arises and that's where most of long distance's fail ... Link to post Share on other sites
AJinlove Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 A great love relationship is based on a great friendship; sometimes in LDRs there is no way to cut the distance; then, with the right set of mind (where both individuals have good judgement and mental health), a friendship can be a positive experience both parties. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 I am in this situation, he wants to stay friends and still chat and meet up eventually, and of course I want to chat to him, be in touch, but it's not going to help me get over it and move on, so it's not a good idea, but I miss him, so it's tough. Three years together, so of course it's not easy. No to friendship full stop, if you still have feelings for them and want to move on, some people can move on and still be in touch and meet up (my partner did with his ex after she left him and he coped well with it, he said it would've been too heartbreaking to stop contact), don't stop contact with the hope they'll come back, if they come back it might just be cos they miss you or are lonely and not because the r/ship can work out second time around. I've not said to him shove it up yours cos he's a lovely person and doesn't deserve me being mean to him, we have a lot of love and respect for each other still, he doesn't deserve me being angry with him just cos we split up, it's not a crime to leave someone, or a crime to want to stay friends. He said he'd like to be friends if I'm ok with it and that he wouldn't find it exactly easy either, (as we still fancy each other), if I were to ask him to not contact me so I can move on, then he would respect that. I read that every 8 couple today has met on internet but seems every 3 of those break up. Sooner or later the damned Long Distance thing severs ties, makes us doubt, cool of, cheat or get cheated on, and if none above then its all back to point A Long Distance two words that's it. Then comes the worst yes there is worst yet : Lets stay friends part if there is still love could anything sound more degrading and insulting ? Would you ever accept this proposal or say : show it up yours ... preserve whatever pride and dignity you have left and leave not to look back ? Question is general but for those in this position every thing I ever heard read about or know says say NO to friendship if you want them back !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Friendship can happen in time, months down the line when you no longer have those feelings for them, I would like to be friends with him eventually as we click as friends as well as partners, but I would need to be fully over him before that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 Or years better yet and when you are already happy and in love with someone else ... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Yes, exactly, and by that time you're probably not bothered either way about being friends. Or years better yet and when you are already happy and in love with someone else ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Amen to that sister. But I can't help but wonder who the next one will be how well will they put up with what we did or do some people even want to be in relationships. Its like they go at it few months or years all is well then it becomes tough and they can't take the stress of daily life work family issues and start acting out why do their partners have to pay the price of it ? Grass is never greener on other side its just better taken care off ... Link to post Share on other sites
AJinlove Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 You say that because you have met many times over the years; so even though you are at a distance you know each other much better ... but for those of us who have never met our SO, I believe a friendship is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Then comes the worst yes there is worst yet : Lets stay friends part if there is still love could anything sound more degrading and insulting ? Would you ever accept this proposal or say : show it up yours ... preserve whatever pride and dignity you have left and leave not to look back ? Question is general but for those in this position every thing I ever heard read about or know says say NO to friendship if you want them back !!!! Nah, I have my good friends. And tons of "friends", no need for another one. Also, I don't want her back, neither as friend, "friend" or otherwise. Some people are just toxic. You wouldn't keep a bucket of fuming acid sulfur in your hallway, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Exactly am not gonna be used as crutch while he gets over me or nurture him into being able for next victim while I stand and watch. He shared good times he is gonna have to share his part of pain to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 I would love to be friends with him, I love talking to him, spending time with him, we've never fallen out or disrespected each other, I hope in time I am able to be friends with him, if there comes a time when it's not painful, maybe if I meet someone else at some point, maybe then I'll consider it, if I still wanted to by then. He is a lovely, sweet person and I hope eventually we can be in each other's lives again, for now though, I'm backing off so I can get over it. The grass wasn't greener in our case, the problem was distance made things impossible for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Don't get us all wrong doll we don't hate them and throw darts at their pinned up photos either we simply know better then this. Sure each of them has something amazing in them once we loved them madly and they us but they also one day where not that thing to us and for us anymore. Its about self respect like I would not love to pick up a phone call him hear his voice and spend some more time with him yeah I would but what is a use of it? Issues are still there its still LDR and it would become a circle of accusations questions fingers pointing asking WHY that have no answers or do which can be worse actually. We have to let them go if they choose to because begging pleading throwing fits won't bring us nothing but shame and their disgust we still have things to live for and be happy about. Besides its up to them to want to come back not up to us to make it easier .... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Some of the posts are from people whose r/ships didn't end well, lots of rowing or there was cheating, with mine the only problem was my partner was very closed and retreated into his own world while we were apart, which is hard for the other person, but things were great every time we met the last few years, ultimately the distance killed the r/ship. It's hard because there is love there still, if we could move now then it would be amazing. So if you met your partner face to face, and then after a few years you split up but still loved each other but circumstances were getting in the way, you might feel it's too painful to be just friends, after being partners, so you'd be unable to be friends as it's too painful and not because one of you did something wrong and you were too upset/angry to want to be friends. I can't be friends with mine right now as we're still attracted to each other, so going LC or NC is less painful for me than keeping in touch. You say that because you have met many times over the years; so even though you are at a distance you know each other much better ... but for those of us who have never met our SO, I believe a friendship is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 I refuse to pin less valid number on any relationship if there was a love and respect and good time involved face to face or not we all loved up to our best capacity. It is sad tough that just as no face to face other relationships fail to there is no sure way to keep it forever they could choose to do whatever in both cases anyone can. Yes distance is often case but people are ones making choices to deal with it or not once they choose not option that's when all the rest of issues come ... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 >No Contact isn't a theory. It is a practical way for heartbroken individuals to give themselves the time and space to grieve, heal, and move on with their lives. That's it. No Contact is not a master plan for winning an ex back, nor is it a game or strategy, though sometimes people use it this way. It is not, in fact, about the ex. It is about the self.< Minneloa said this in another thread, and I agree. I need LC or NC for my own peace of mind, I don't want to be in limbo, I did that for far too long with my last ex. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Yes, very true, I wanted us to find ways to make the LDR easier, but he left instead of putting more effort in, didn't even want to talk about options which might help as some things are too hard for him to face, some things he just isn't prepared to confront and it hurts. He was loving to his best capacity. He's a good person and I am going to miss him for a long time. I refuse to pin less valid number on any relationship if there was a love and respect and good time involved face to face or not we all loved up to our best capacity. It is sad tough that just as no face to face other relationships fail to there is no sure way to keep it forever they could choose to do whatever in both cases anyone can. Yes distance is often case but people are ones making choices to deal with it or not once they choose not option that's when all the rest of issues come ... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 We didn't love each other any less, it's not why we split, which makes it harder in a way. I'd love to talk to him, but you're right, it won't help me get over him, I'd just feel disappointed. Don't get us all wrong doll we don't hate them and throw darts at their pinned up photos either we simply know better then this. Sure each of them has something amazing in them once we loved them madly and they us but they also one day where not that thing to us and for us anymore. Its about self respect like I would not love to pick up a phone call him hear his voice and spend some more time with him yeah I would but what is a use of it? Issues are still there its still LDR and it would become a circle of accusations questions fingers pointing asking WHY that have no answers or do which can be worse actually. We have to let them go if they choose to because begging pleading throwing fits won't bring us nothing but shame and their disgust we still have things to live for and be happy about. Besides its up to them to want to come back not up to us to make it easier .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 >No Contact isn't a theory. It is a practical way for heartbroken individuals to give themselves the time and space to grieve, heal, and move on with their lives. That's it. No Contact is not a master plan for winning an ex back, nor is it a game or strategy, though sometimes people use it this way. It is not, in fact, about the ex. It is about the self.< Minneloa said this in another thread, and I agree. I need LC or NC for my own peace of mind, I don't want to be in limbo, I did that for far too long with my last ex. That's right if am gonna cry feel down and hurt am gonna make sure that he is no witness to that girl got to have some dignity. Last thing I need would be him to come back because my tears broke his decision so my pain is and will be my own to deal with as someone said we are no buddies we were lovers. And I accept no less then that it would be like throwing pearls in mud Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 I'm not going to cry to him either, I'm talking to friends about it rather than to him, yes you don't want him to come back for your sake/because you're upset. I think of us as friends as well as lovers, but hard to be friends w/out the lover part, he said it's not that he doesn't want to see me but we both know we'd end up in bed and that wouldn't help That's right if am gonna cry feel down and hurt am gonna make sure that he is no witness to that girl got to have some dignity. Last thing I need would be him to come back because my tears broke his decision so my pain is and will be my own to deal with as someone said we are no buddies we were lovers. And I accept no less then that it would be like throwing pearls in mud Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 A great love relationship is based on a great friendship; sometimes in LDRs there is no way to cut the distance; then, with the right set of mind (where both individuals have good judgement and mental health), a friendship can be a positive experience both parties. I agree. if there is still love could anything sound more degrading and insulting ? Sort of. Would you ever accept this proposal or say : show it up yours ... preserve whatever pride and dignity you have left and leave not to look back ? I'd say this greatly depends on the situation. Two lovers can turn into friends if the decision was mutually made, if they both grew out of love more or less simultaneously or over time... slowly. If one of the two needs to accept it while still being madly in love with the other, it can hardly work. every thing I ever heard read about or know says say NO to friendship if you want them back !!!! I tend to agree, but there can't be a general rule. An infinite love for someone you can't have can even go to the point where you wish your lover happiness with someone else. Does that mean you don't want them back? No, of course not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Some of the posts are from people whose r/ships didn't end well, lots of rowing or there was cheating, Yep, that's me, for example. with mine the only problem was my partner was very closed and retreated into his own world while we were apart, which is hard for the other person, but things were great every time we met the last few years, ultimately the distance killed the r/ship. You're obviously in a different situation. When you end it amicably there's no problem with staying friends. Like bluegreen, I just don't feel like sugarcoating her eyes wide open and willingly riding the RS into the ditch. A big girl can deal with that by herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Yap as Fergie said big girl's don't cry and big girls don't pretend or take scraps either because once you see light even if you want to you can't anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 It's ok to cry when a r/ship ends, for women or men, it's natural, but I'd rather cry on my own or with a friend, not cry to him, I have more pride than that and it wouldn't achieve anything. Taking scraps isn't good. Yap as Fergie said big girl's don't cry and big girls don't pretend or take scraps either because once you see light even if you want to you can't anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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