Author zevahc Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 First rule of engagement is: She will most likely find another man to fill your shoes. While I know its quite possible, I hate to hear that type of thing. It would validate walking away much easier for me but still hurt. That being said, that is NOT my concern or worry to take on...guess that's why i would rather not hear it. Easier to put those things out if mind and space. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 zevahc, I think you're doing beautifully in such a conflicted and heartbreaking stitch! You state for Your future W and dughter. This clearly shows that you are acknowledging you are not where you want to be to attain the future you want. Stay STRONG my friend. Say goodbye for now to this M cheating person that you love so you can learn to love Yourself More** I am VERY concerned that I'm not whole or who I should be. I want to find that person and be ready for her as well as being the parent I should be...it's been such a frustrating ordeal but I am growing... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 First rule of engagement is: Don't reach out - don't respond! When YOU ignore her long enough - she will go away! She will most likely find another man to fill your shoes. While I know its quite possible, I hate to hear that type of thing. It would validate walking away much easier for me but still hurt. That being said, that is NOT my concern or worry to take on...guess that's why i would rather not hear it. Easier to put those things out if mind and space. I can relate... The first one is excruciatingly difficult The second hurts like hell and the third one, I know from recent experience, feels like a knife twisting in your gut. I'm not trying to discourage you. Like I said before... forewarned is forearmed. You know walking away from all this is the right thing. From your posts, you seem like a good guy... you deserve better than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 While I know its quite possible, I hate to hear that type of thing. It would validate walking away much easier for me but still hurt. That being said, that is NOT my concern or worry to take on...guess that's why i would rather not hear it. Easier to put those things out if mind and space. I totally agree. It's too painful to hear and think about. Hearing that twists a knife into your pain and doesn't help one bit. Ouch! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 I'm going to be brutally honest.... the third thing... is the only thing through all of this that literally brought me to my knees, on the floor, crying in pain. Even after about 2 months of NC. Maybe it wouldn't be like that for someone else but that's what it did to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 The third thing scares the crap out of me. First time A for both of us but he's still married and she does NOT provide the emotional connection. I don't want him to be that person anymore. We really ruined each other. I hope he reconciles fully with his wife before I'd want him to become a serial cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 I'm going to be brutally honest.... the third thing... is the only thing through all of this that literally brought me to my knees, on the floor, crying in pain. Even after about 2 months of NC. Maybe it wouldn't be like that for someone else but that's what it did to me. You aren't alone...it would really really bother me. I think ultimately it would help me justify moving my life forward..but initially would hurt. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't truly want me and me for me....so that kind of behavior isn't really what I want. I know all that sounds really odd considering I was in an A with someone...but I don't see her as cheater...i've been with one of those also...and this person just simply messed up just like i did...and that's what I'll choose to believe as I move forward to healing. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 You aren't alone...it would really really bother me. I think ultimately it would help me justify moving my life forward..but initially would hurt. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't truly want me and me for me....so that kind of behavior isn't really what I want. I know all that sounds really odd considering I was in an A with someone...but I don't see her as cheater...i've been with one of those also...and this person just simply messed up just like i did...and that's what I'll choose to believe as I move forward to healing. Your delusional thinking is clouding your reality. She didn't mess up - she's done this on purpose! A conscious effort to cheat on her husband. Another conscious decision to hurt you! All because she's greedy and only thinks of herself. She's selfish and self serving. A woman like that is no one to be admired. Look at ho she REALLY is based on her sickening actions that harm many and help feed her ego. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Your delusional thinking is clouding your reality. She didn't mess up - she's done this on purpose! A conscious effort to cheat on her husband. Another conscious decision to hurt you! All because she's greedy and only thinks of herself. She's selfish and self serving. A woman like that is no one to be admired. Look at ho she REALLY is based on her sickening actions that harm many and help feed her ego. The reason that posts like this aren't helpful is because Z participated in the affair too. He participated with a married woman. See the other thread going on here where people are dogging the OM for being disgusting for the same behavior. So what you say about her applies to Z too, but he knows he's not like that- so your words are lost. On top of it, he was a BS!!! He was left by his W. It can happen to a good person who doesn't realize that its possible. I know it sounds unbelievable, but its true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Sorry what does BS stand for just out of interest? Link to post Share on other sites
beyond Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Find huge collection and different types of cake from giftsngreets. To make day more wonderful then send cake to india from usa. I think there is enough cake eating on this forum:rolleyes: Sorry couldn't resist:o Reading these threads today to keep me strong - 7 weeks NC and still having the odd bad day - today being one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beyond Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Sorry what does BS stand for just out of interest? 'Betrayed Spouse' Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 She came back yesterday...from vacation....text a few times and I ignored them all....then today hit me up to meet with friends for lunch. I declined. After work she called and I answered. I brought up many of the things that have been on my mind....from the thread...I told her I felt like she's had me to fulfill her emotional need and the stability of her marriage...no reason to change. She agreed. Said she admitted long ago she was being selfish. Said she further doesn't want to go to being back in apartment on her own with no stability. Anyhow...there are my answers. Hate them..but it finally provided some truths. Wish I didn't love the girl in spite of knowing all this.... Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I was just thinking about you today and wondering if she came back yet. So it sounds like nothing has really changed. What are you going to do? She will absolutely continue like this if you let her. You ok with this or are you ready to walk away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I was just thinking about you today and wondering if she came back yet. So it sounds like nothing has really changed. What are you going to do? She will absolutely continue like this if you let her. You ok with this or are you ready to walk away? I don't think I can be ok with it...I'm not wired that way. It was much easier when she was gone...that's the hard part. I've thought about the extremes of changing jobs...(or her - she says she would). Honestly...don't know what I'm going to do...things have continued to slip away over the past months regardless (PA stopped, then communication has slowed)....i suppose it's possible it will slip completely away. I don't know. I don't feel like my feelings will change...but I'll just learn to cope. I may be wrong. I DO feel like I'll survive...even if I still feel like my feelings don't change. I just don't like being in L with someone I shouldn't be...and that's the part that drives me crazy....that I can't just unfeel it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I don't think I can be ok with it...I'm not wired that way. It was much easier when she was gone...that's the hard part. I've thought about the extremes of changing jobs...(or her - she says she would). Honestly...don't know what I'm going to do...things have continued to slip away over the past months regardless (PA stopped, then communication has slowed)....i suppose it's possible it will slip completely away. I don't know. I don't feel like my feelings will change...but I'll just learn to cope. I may be wrong. I DO feel like I'll survive...even if I still feel like my feelings don't change. I just don't like being in L with someone I shouldn't be...and that's the part that drives me crazy....that I can't just unfeel it. but you CAN unfeel it! she's got you on the string at the moment, and tugs when she feels like it... what you need to do for yourself is to completely cut her out of your life. once you've been out of this toxic mess, you will start to change. do whatever you can to make it happen, and i guarantee that even in a couple of months you will be thinking differently. help yourself man, no one else can do it for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 but you CAN unfeel it! she's got you on the string at the moment, and tugs when she feels like it... what you need to do for yourself is to completely cut her out of your life. once you've been out of this toxic mess, you will start to change. do whatever you can to make it happen, and i guarantee that even in a couple of months you will be thinking differently. help yourself man, no one else can do it for you! I don't completely doubt this...i know it seems impossible...but it isn't. It just seems impossible because I haven't gotten so drastic as changing jobs! Which may be what has to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I feel like we're in similar positions, even down to the fact that I work in the same office as the MW. I fell head-over-heels in love, and I'm learning how to cope. I don't know if this will be useful to you, but I wrote some things down that have helped me slowly put things in perspective. Below is the link to the thread I started in which I shared those things. Good luck, man. I definitely know what you're going through. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/397792-acceptance-quest-peace 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I feel like we're in similar positions, even down to the fact that I work in the same office as the MW. I fell head-over-heels in love, and I'm learning how to cope. I don't know if this will be useful to you, but I wrote some things down that have helped me slowly put things in perspective. Below is the link to the thread I started in which I shared those things. Good luck, man. I definitely know what you're going through. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/397792-acceptance-quest-peace Thanks Clemenza...you aren't kidding..it sounds very much similar. The only difference is I don't think the MW will pursue marriage counseling because she's afraid to admit or even mention to him she's unhappy. He on the other hand...thinks everything is fine. Link to post Share on other sites
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