DelusionalOne Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Ugh! So tomorrow is my last day of vacation (Holidays for you all across the pond ). I didn't do anything really, except massive cleaning. I threw out a lot of crap that I've had for ages...very freeing. Anywho...the best part... xMM wasn't "in my face" all day long. FirstandLast will understand this.... Seeing xMM's name in emails, on the network, hearing his voice on conference calls, hearing his name in the office.... it's like it's always in my face...all day....everyday. In this past week... I literally went hours and hours without thinking about him at all! In fact, at one point, you know when you aren't in "mental NC" and you think about the "good ole days"... thinking about some of it, I actually got that whole "this is icky" feeling. Like the memories didn't create longing and missing... It almost started to seem like none of it wasn't real. I'm rambling, aren't I. Anyway... I don't want to go back to work. I don't want it in my face again all day. I can't just quit. I have a 10 year professional career with this company. UGH! Geeze this was the biggest mistake of my life.... no one is worth this kind of angst. I'm just venting/rambling. I know there is no real advice anyone can give me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Actually you can quit..Soon. Start looking for something else. Ask for a transfer. Seek a headhunter so they can put feelers out there for you somewhere else, same kind of work, different company. Your life will be easier and much less stressful if you find another job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 You can have my job. I don't want it right now!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 You can have my job. I don't want it right now!!! LOL...I'll bet... I just read on another post that you were in the world most "epic" meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
firstandlast Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Ugh! So tomorrow is my last day of vacation (Holidays for you all across the pond ). I didn't do anything really, except massive cleaning. I threw out a lot of crap that I've had for ages...very freeing. Anywho...the best part... xMM wasn't "in my face" all day long. FirstandLast will understand this.... Seeing xMM's name in emails, on the network, hearing his voice on conference calls, hearing his name in the office.... it's like it's always in my face...all day....everyday. In this past week... I literally went hours and hours without thinking about him at all! In fact, at one point, you know when you aren't in "mental NC" and you think about the "good ole days"... thinking about some of it, I actually got that whole "this is icky" feeling. Like the memories didn't create longing and missing... It almost started to seem like none of it wasn't real. I'm rambling, aren't I. Anyway... I don't want to go back to work. I don't want it in my face again all day. I can't just quit. I have a 10 year professional career with this company. UGH! Geeze this was the biggest mistake of my life.... no one is worth this kind of angst. I'm just venting/rambling. I know there is no real advice anyone can give me. I know just up and quitting isn't an option, but I would do everything -- EVERYTHING -- you can to find a new job. Break contact with him and those old patterns. It will make your life so much easier. And who knows? The new job might even be a better one! Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 LOL...I'll bet... I just read on another post that you were in the world most "epic" meeting. 11 hours. I got home at 10pm. I hate this industry... Link to post Share on other sites
StripeyShirt Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 TJF, maybe this is the push that you need to move onto a new life, even if it is in the same industry. You said you were cleaning a lot of things out while you were on leave, and I am sure it was really cathartic. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 TJF, maybe this is the push that you need to move onto a new life, even if it is in the same industry. You said you were cleaning a lot of things out while you were on leave, and I am sure it was really cathartic. I think you're confused. I wasn't on leave..that was the OP. I love my job, I was just whining because yesterday was boring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 I know just up and quitting isn't an option, but I would do everything -- EVERYTHING -- you can to find a new job. Break contact with him and those old patterns. It will make your life so much easier. And who knows? The new job might even be a better one! Luckily, we aren't in the same office...but we are on the same "team". I have no contact with him. I have been strict NC for almost 4 months now. I have responded to 2 lame work excuses with "you will need to contact .... with that". That's it. I am submitting my resume for 4 other positions outside the company today. To add to all this fun, I have submitted and am currently up for a promotion in my current company. Do I really want to throw that all away over an EA? I know because it was just an EA he is over and past it and he thinks we should just be able to move on and just be buddies.... but that's him. I need to figure out a way to make this all work and still keep him out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Wow! You've maintained NC for 4 months while working with him?? You are one strong lady..congratulations!!! Keep up the good work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 Wow! You've maintained NC for 4 months while working with him?? You are one strong lady..congratulations!!! Keep up the good work. Well, I guess he made it easy. He didn't want me and I'm not a doormat. In all seriousness, it was for the best...for both of us. Impossible situation and we both have children... All for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
tryingto Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 Wow! You've maintained NC for 4 months while working with him?? You are one strong lady..congratulations!!! Keep up the good work. My thoughts exactly!!! My exMM is over 1000 miles away from me and the first several months of NC were excruciating and I almost caved several times!!! I know I likely would have if I were in your situation. I am so impressed with your strength! Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 How long until you find out if you got the promotion? A month or so? How much do you like your company? I would try to stay put until then, if at all possible. You do have a lot invested there, and I feel like throwing it away because of your EA is letting him/it win even more If you DO get the promotion, and then still feel like it's too hard to be in the same company, you then have better leverage to look for something else with your higher salary/responsibilities for the competition to match. If you are in a profession with a headhunter, you could give them a heads up now and they could get feelers out to see what else might be out there at your current or potentially next level. IME from initial resume sent to final offer usually takes at least a couple months anyway by the time you do all the phone/live interviews and negotiations. If you DON'T get the promotion, then then at least you have the closure that you know you didn't miss out on it due to just trying to get away from xMM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 How long until you find out if you got the promotion? A month or so? How much do you like your company? I would try to stay put until then, if at all possible. You do have a lot invested there, and I feel like throwing it away because of your EA is letting him/it win even more If you DO get the promotion, and then still feel like it's too hard to be in the same company, you then have better leverage to look for something else with your higher salary/responsibilities for the competition to match. If you are in a profession with a headhunter, you could give them a heads up now and they could get feelers out to see what else might be out there at your current or potentially next level. IME from initial resume sent to final offer usually takes at least a couple months anyway by the time you do all the phone/live interviews and negotiations. If you DON'T get the promotion, then then at least you have the closure that you know you didn't miss out on it due to just trying to get away from xMM. This is all really good advice. Thank you!! Probably a month...minimum. I did send out other resumes today, but I do want to see how this plays out. 10 years is a lot to throw away. It is my intention to walk away anyway if I don't get this promotion... at that point it will be obvious I have no future with the company anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Sounds like you've got a plan, and you're right, seeing through the promotion thing is a good idea. Good luck! I'm just hoping this feeling I've had this week lasts once I go back to work. I wish I could take another week...but I owe, I owe, so off to work I go. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 This is all really good advice. Thank you!! Probably a month...minimum. I did send out other resumes today, but I do want to see how this plays out. 10 years is a lot to throw away. It is my intention to walk away anyway if I don't get this promotion... at that point it will be obvious I have no future with the company anyway. All good advice...Its tough..Hang in there and I hope it all works out for you .... I wish you well TFY Link to post Share on other sites
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