Depression is to

[Nancy B]

I feel suicidal.

 

I was in an emotionally and sometimes physically abused by my boyfriend when I was 18-20.

 

I went on to be a disaster in relationships. Repeatedly cheated on my ex. Became depressed at the pain and began to hate myself. Brief counselling didn't do much to help. In the end, I had a brief emotional affair a few months before we finally decided to give up.

 

I have tortured myself over the pain I caused him and tried to move forward. I met a wonderful man who makes me so happy. I love him and believe I have learned enough about myself that I would never cheat on him.

 

My ex and I are still friends. But recently he told me he is still in love with me and hurt I moved on. He also insists all is forgiven.

 

I have been slipping further into a depression since.

 

I feel like it's not fair for him to be unhappy. I hate myself, I don't deserve to be happy. I have went through bouts of feeling this before and always came out on top. This time, however, I don't feel up for the fight. I feel more isolated from everyone and everything than ever. My ex was unfortunate to meet me, and my current boyfriend is too. I can't concentrate on work or friendships or family. At darkest hours I want to end it. Them I feel guilt for not appreciating life. I can't battle it this time and I'm terrified. I don't know how to end this cycle of hatred, regret, guilt. I feel like I've spent a huge chunk of my young life feeling this way.

[Silly_Girl]

Nancy, are you taking any meds? There's a good chance medication could have a strong positive impact on you. And talking to a healthcare professional at the same time would be helpful too.

 

I can't prescribe how you should or shouldn't feel, although your post is desperately sad and the depression has definitely impaired your ability to see the world clearly. But there are some relatively small ways you can make improvements to just make days more tolerable.

 

Are you getting some exercise? Some walking outside? Are you seeing people? Talking to your lovely boyfriend or your friends about how you're feeling? Are you doing the basics? For example: eating, showering, brushing teeth, sleeping...

 

Keep posting here too, no matter how little sense it makes. The release of your emotions can only be a good thing for you.

[Nancy B]

I'm away from home now. Language barriers mean I can't get any medical opinions.

 

I spent two months laying in bed when I wasn't in work. The basics waned a bit then. I was eating, but really bad foods.

 

A few weeks ago I joined a fitness class, and eat better. I was tryna win the battle. I have more energy and felt phsically better for it.

 

I see friends. But, I don't really feel like I'm there if that makes sense. Like, I'm watching me there with my friends.

 

My BF is overseas and contact is limited for now so I don't want to hassle him. He's such a happy guy, I dread the thought of bringing him down. I talk to my ex about it. But I don't want to anymore. I'm sick of saying the same things. And he probabley is sick of listening.

[FitChick]

Take Vitamin D3 a proven cure for depression. Go walking outside in the sun. It's stronger this time of year. Your body converts sunlight to vitamin D. Stay off of alcohol and sugar, which will depress you.

 

I will PM you with something that should help.

[Nancy B]

I have considered cutting alcohol. I felt I needed it at a recent outing. Drank 2 drinks slowly and felt well enough. Well better than when sober.

 

I will try Vitamins. But at this point, I don't feel like it can help. Too inside my own head, and isolated from everyone.

 

I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I think my symptoms indicate it.

[Phoebe]

I have considered cutting alcohol. I felt I needed it at a recent outing. Drank 2 drinks slowly and felt well enough. Well better than when sober.

 

Please don't rely on alcohol to get through this, the last thing that you need right now is to form an addiction. I'm sorry that you feel this way and wish that there was something that I could do to help.