To be continued..

[goneundone]

So he broke NC... Then I folded and called him back a couple days later.. (after a couple drinks). Basically said he is back trying to "fake" it with his W. said he can't stop thinking about me, and its back to his usual life of pretending like everything is ok.. Etc. he apologized for the abrubt NC and i told him how i felt: not to call me again unless he's getting a divorce. It was the first time we spoke since the break up and we talked for over an hour. I called him again a couple days later. We talked for over an hour again, about what we're both going through. He's wondering how long it takes to get over me? He wonders if he can get over me? He speculates if he can make it work with W. and says he doesn't have any passion for W anymore.. Wonders if he can ever be in love with W again? We agree to give it time... Time heals all? Right?

 

Then tonight he texts me.. Says W looked at cell phone records and she asked him if he still loves me? He said yes. She punched him (again). He text that he loves me multiple times throughout the texting conversation.

 

Background: She doesn't believe he can be in love with me. She wants to believe its just lust. However we have more of an EA than a sexual affair... Don't get me wrong the sex is close, safe, loving, the most intimate and heartfelt I've ever experienced. I've never felt safer physically or emotionally with another man during sex. He has a gentle heart, and so do I.

 

...So.... he said he'd call me in the morning. My adrenaline was rushing after all the texts.. Now I'm waiting for the morning to hear what he has to say...

 

I tell my original story in a previous thread.

[goneundone]

Wondering if this is the rare affair that actually ends happily ever after?

[Lillyfree]

maybe. maybe not.

 

i've read your OP and all i can say is... pay more attention to his actions than his words. and look after yourself.

[goneundone]

Thanks Lilly. I'll definitely be watching his actions.. I still plan on moving on with my life.. And watching to see if he will actually follow through and do what it takes. I already thought he nailed the coffin up.. Just to be told in an instant that we're over.

 

I kinda feel bad for him. I'm single, never married, no kids. It's easier of me. He's married, three kids... Wow.

[Mount]

But what is the point that back and forth, I love you, you love me....where is the action that leads to result.

 

What it empty words worthy of anyone's energy? What do you get out from the empty words?

 

Anyone can say to anyone I love you I love you...etc,but what is the point? very childish though.

 

So he broke NC... Then I folded and called him back a couple days later.. (after a couple drinks). Basically said he is back trying to "fake" it with his W. said he can't stop thinking about me, and its back to his usual life of pretending like everything is ok.. Etc. he apologized for the abrubt NC and i told him how i felt: not to call me again unless he's getting a divorce. It was the first time we spoke since the break up and we talked for over an hour. I called him again a couple days later. We talked for over an hour again, about what we're both going through. He's wondering how long it takes to get over me? He wonders if he can get over me? He speculates if he can make it work with W. and says he doesn't have any passion for W anymore.. Wonders if he can ever be in love with W again? We agree to give it time... Time heals all? Right?

 

Then tonight he texts me.. Says W looked at cell phone records and she asked him if he still loves me? He said yes. She punched him (again). He text that he loves me multiple times throughout the texting conversation.

 

Background: She doesn't believe he can be in love with me. She wants to believe its just lust. However we have more of an EA than a sexual affair... Don't get me wrong the sex is close, safe, loving, the most intimate and heartfelt I've ever experienced. I've never felt safer physically or emotionally with another man during sex. He has a gentle heart, and so do I.

 

...So.... he said he'd call me in the morning. My adrenaline was rushing after all the texts.. Now I'm waiting for the morning to hear what he has to say...

 

I tell my original story in a previous thread.

[Lillyfree]

Thanks Lilly. I'll definitely be watching his actions.. I still plan on moving on with my life.. And watching to see if he will actually follow through and do what it takes. I already thought he nailed the coffin up.. Just to be told in an instant that we're over.

 

I kinda feel bad for him. I'm single, never married, no kids. It's easier of me. He's married, three kids... Wow.

 

the bolded bit is what would have me p*ssed off beyond all sense. he seems to change his direction as the wind blows... he told you he still cares for and can't leave his wife. and now he says he loves you and can't live without you

 

i'm glad that you're strong and can see past his BS. hope it all works out the way you want to.

[Lillyfree]

oh, and the only reason i'd feel bad for him is that he is obviously weak and immature - but that's almost a pre-requisite to having an affair.

 

be strong, and be a priority to yourself.

[waterwoman]

So, nothing has changed then. Oh, apart from the fact that he even less backbone than you previously thought.

[secretlady76]

He loved you so much that he dropped you like a stone (ACTION)

 

He hasn't left the wife (ACTION)

 

He's still with the wife but calling you (ACTION)

 

He knows that his marriage won't last unless he can still see you, so he's trying to get back in with you. Well tough, he made his choice and it wasn't you. You can get on with your life and he can enjoy his miserable passionless marriage that he dropped you so quickly for. He made his bed, he can sleep in it. Boo hoo; my heart truly bleeds for him.

 

And if Karma goes according the plan then his wife will dump his sorry arse too for someone a lot nicer (not difficult).

[LadyLee]

Goneundone, I feel for you because that little bit of hope is a killer isn't it? I'm glad to hear that you are moving on with your life because it would be truly sad for you to sit and wait for this guy. It's tragic that he seems to care for you but in reality he in fact does have a wife and kiddos to think about. He's prob trying not to be selfish and leave his responsibility but at the same time get some of what he wants out of life: you.

Now it comes down to what you are satisfied with. Are you satisfied to just get what he gives you until the "right" time that he can leave his family? If he indeed plans to leave his family. There are a lot of "if's" and that's why most people say don't waste the time you know? In a perfect world he would've seen you, knew that you were the woman for him and just left right? But it's not that easy. The thing is, can you wait indefinately? Because that's what hes asking.

 

Good luck.

Lee

[goneundone]

We text for all of 20 mins (and this guy takes a long time to text). I don't think he's lying about telling the wife. I did lose something for him when he dumped me a couple weeks ago that he will have to work to get back.

 

I may be moving 6 hours away because i have a promising job interview.. In his texts yesterday he said he doesn't want me to move. What? Yeah right!! Like I said I'm moving on with my life. If he loves me like he really says he does he we divorce his W, get the finances arranged, and the child custody schedule arranged.. Then, and only then I'd be willing to adjust my life to fit his. He knows this. I don't settle for second place and he knows this too.

 

I'm actually very glad there are 2.5 hours distance between us. Otherwise, it would be much harder. I take my hat off to you all who live in same town and stay NC. I will keep you posted on our conversation later this morning... If anyone's interested.

[goneundone]

Now it comes down to what you are satisfied with.

 

LadyLee, you are exactly right. This is the main question in my own head now. Just when I was starting to accept that we were not meant to be, I get his texts lastnight. I am curious to hear what he will have to say and if he's actually made any concrete decisions or if he's still indecisive.

 

At this point, I would not adjust my life for him unless he was divorced, has all his sh&t together and still pursues me like a lion pursues its prey.. Lol.

 

But I would definitely offer him emotional support throughout his divorce.. From 6 hours away. Like another poster said, when MM decided to leave his W, OW split during his time of most need. I don't want to do that to him, after all I do love him. But he probably won't go through with a D so I won't have to worry.

Edited May 24, 2013 by goneundone

[Goodbye]

Your posts are a good reminder that I need to listen to ACTIONS and not words. My exMM is a wordsmith. And he probably means of a lot of what he says. But words don't get you very far without action. So, while it is lovely that your MM still thinks enough of you to contact you; the smitten feeling you get from receiving emails/phone calls/texts will only last until you, once again, get frustrated that he hasn't filed for divorce/moved out.

[ComingInHot]

goneundone wrote, "to be continued"

 

gone, only because you want it to be continued.

Is there Any way you can guard your heart this time?

[goneundone]

Goodbye, much easier said then done. I have a feeling he's going to say he needs to see me... well maybe cause thats what he text lastnight. Part of me would say hell yeah!! No matter if he's still indecisive about a D. Maybe I feel that way because a part of me already let him go, and my life is moving on with or without him? But that's why I come here. The people on LS help me see my way through even if my eyes are blind with emotion. No one here would support my decision to see him again because then he would just be cake eating not proving nothing or backing his words with actions.

[goneundone]

You do realize you will still be second behind his kids even if he leaves his w, right? I only mention it because H's exow didn't realize that and at the end had a whole lot of resentment towards my kids.

 

Yes I do realize the kids come first.. To the extent that he isn't neglectful of me. Just because someone has children doesn't give them a right to be neglectful. If I had kids, I wouldn't neglect my husband and blame it on the kids coming first. I want whats best for those children, and will always make their well-being my priority if MM decides to get a D.

[goneundone]

Ohhh gone....have you forgotten that this is a man who only a couple of weeks ago told you he still has feelings for his wife? His marriage is unresolved. Their story is not over. It cant be clearly determined with you in the picture.

 

When youre involved with two people, whether an affair or otherwise, you are getting your needs met in some hodgepodge fashion by moving back and forth between the two. When youre with one you want the other..........when you go to that other you miss the one, etc.

 

His feelings for his W are now reburied underneath his feelings of losing the attachment he had with you. This cycle will continue with traumatic results for everyone until someone steps out of the triangle.

 

Step away, put a timeline on this for yourself. If he truly loves you he will leave and stop torturing everyone.

 

Have you gone back and read your original thread and really looked without the adrenaline rush at what this man is doing to you and his W?

 

Blondie, you are so right. Good point. I need to hear all this and be prepared before I talk to him in a few hours. It's probably gonna be the same old same old and here I am getting all worked up for nothing.

[goneundone]

Heres the thing..........it doesnt matter what its going to be from him unless he he seeing an attorney, filing for D and has a plan to move out/forward.

 

What matters is what its going to be for you. What is acceptable to you. What do you expect. What are your boundaries. What do you need.

 

Decide. State them clearly. Then step back and see what happens. What he does is out of your control. That doesnt mean you should abdicate control of your own life or leave it to the mercy of someone else.......especially someone who is so reckless with other peoples feelings....

 

I'm going to think, identify, and write these down before I talk to him so I will be clear in my own mind when I tell him. Great advice.

[goneundone]

See that is exactly how my husband ex ow who never had children thought. I don't think any wife sets out to be neglectful after kids are born but that is life. The kids needs do come first. We may have had plans for months to do something and then one of the kids gets sick or has something that comes up and suddenly what you had planned is canceled.

 

 

 

Taking care of kids is hard work, sometimes men get selfish, helping very little with all the hundreds of things that have to do with childcare and then become selfish resentful babies when they don't get to be all fawned over.

 

The kids needs and wants are always going to come before you (at least if he is a decent father they will)

 

Paperangel, I do appreciate your reality check except I just want to point out that I am the oldest of four siblings... With 14 years between me and my youngest. I was there for all their births, changed all their diapers, fed them, bathed them, babysat them, and felt broken hearted when they grew up and went on their own. So my definition of neglect may be slightly different then other single OW. I would never be mad if a child got sick and prevented us from following through with prior plans. I'm talking about the glue that keeps relationships together, no matter what, making time daily and weekly to connect with your partner and celebrate the relationship and each other. To practice love and to have a grateful heart on a daily basis. It might be easier said than done but it is a necessity for happiness, joy, and peace.