VerySadWifey Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 i need serious advice regarding my marraige. i've been married to my husband for 6 years. we have a 4 y/old son. we are both in our early forties. during the last summer, my husband and i were looking for a new babysitter for our child. he insisted on being the one to make the final choice regarding who we were going to hire. No wonder! he chose a 22 year-old college girl with a pair of 36DDD in breast size at least. should I be concerned. please look at these little hints. 1 month ago, i came back from work and caught them both in the kitchen, with him standing behind her massaging her breasts under her t-shirt. i immediately yelled and they stopped. i told her she is fired but my husband insisted that he was just "doing that" because he has always like women with large breasts, that's all. he promised me that it never went beyond fondling her boobs. so we decided to keep her. but last night, i came back from work and when i got into the house, i heard noises coming from the basement, almost sounded like people who were out of breath. i also heard the sound of a hand slapping against someone's skin. then the final blow, i heard a long grunt coming out of my husband's mouth.. But the strange part, is the fact that the door to the basement was close. so after about 30 minutes, here comes my husband with the babysitter from the basement. he opened the door and had that startled look on his face when he saw me and got very defensive accusing me of spying on him. i asked him what they were doing in the basement and why he has to close the door to the basement. he said that he was helping her with her school homework and did not want to be disturbed.....meanwhile, my 4 y/o son is on the seocnd floor sleeping by himself... should i be concerned? is this all in my imagination? someone pls help! i cannot seem to eat/sleep since yeasterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Oh, honey *hug* I think we all know the answer to this... I mean, rubbing all over her boobs is bad enough but I think the basement situation puts the final nail in the coffin. I don't mean to be insensitive here but "helping her with her homework?" riiiiiiiiiight... "not wanting to be disturbed?" Who was going to disturb them, you're sleeping son? And I never knew that grunting and panting were involved in homework.... You should definately be concerned, and highly hostile. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 The basement thing RIGHT there is IT. He got MAD at you cuz he thought you were spying on him. HE KNEW he just got caught and PUT IT ON YOU. This, what you said, "should I be concerned. please look at these little hints. 1 month ago, i came back from work and caught them both in the kitchen, with him standing behind her massaging her breasts under her t-shirt. i immediately yelled and they stopped. i told her she is fired but my husband insisted that he was just "doing that" because he has always like women with large breasts, that's all. he promised me that it never went beyond fondling her boobs. so we decided to keep her. " Unbelievable. That would have him OUT of the house in a flash. NO excuse for that one. NONE. Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, I am not feeling well this afternoon and just reading that nearly made me throw up. And to make it worse he is stringing along a horny 22 year old who probably is about to fall in love with YOUR husband. And she is gonna get hurt BIG TIME, as well as you. BUT he is the D*ckhead now who is pulling her strings, allowing this to take place... Get him out of the house soon, make him stop and THINK about what the F he is doing. Consquences!! Then when he is ready, able and willing to sit down, kiss your *ss, go to therapy and make it up to you, THEN allow him to move back in. If you allow him to stay, let alone KEEP this girl around it is only going to continue. And then not only you're suffering, your child will as well. Link to post Share on other sites
heebiejeebies Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 As a guy, I would have to say that he's exhibiting all the tell tale signs of sleeping with the babysitter. My brother treated his wife the same way when he was going out on her. She'd call her "friend's" house and he'd answer the phone out of breath, and she'd hear her "friend" giggle in the back ground as he'd yell at her to "stop checking up on me! I'm not a child, Vivian!" I'm not sure why you'd put up with your husband rubbing his hands all over this other girl's breasts. Maybe I'm prideful, but if I were a woman (I've been told that I think like one) that would cut me to the core. I would have told him to get out of my house. I'd do the same if I saw my girlfriend (if I had one) cheating. You seem like a nice lady, don't let him push you around. That's a big mistake to make, and I learned the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasey70 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Yes you should be concerned. I Think when you caught him with his hands up her shirt you should have fired her and dropped kicked him to the curb. I'm sorry to say that, but for him to tell you he was just doing that because he liked women with large breasts, oh please!!! Major red flags!! I didn't even have to read the rest of your post before I knew where this was going after the first paragraph. I did however read the whole post. Its not your imagination hun, its for real. I'm so sorry about it too. I think you should decide what you want/need to do. Maybe talk with him about whats going on and why he feels the need to do that. The fact he got defensive says alot too. I would be very leary of the excuses though. I still can't get over he said that, about her breasts, what a load of crap! Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I am soooooo angry after reading this post I can't even respond to it. You're husband deserves to be stoned to death for doing something like this to you! I would Lorena Bobbit on him in a second. Why don't you find a good looking STUD - bring him home and give him a good screwing on the livingroom couch. I can't beleive you are taking this crap! I cannot beleive this! and the even more unbeleivable part is that you are actually questioning yourself! Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I would pretend everything was fine. Then one day hide somewhere that you know they are, take some pics or set up a hidden video camera, or maybe hire a PI if you don't want to do it yourself. Then WHAM, you got the eveidence, take his ass to court and say "Cya ya wouldn't wanna be ya." I'm not trying to be funny either, I'm serious. Just my 2 cents! Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Yeah, that's what's called circumstantial evidence. And there's definitely enough there to put him away. IMHO, you should have fired her (and kept her fired) after the boob incident. She demonstrated a lack of respect for you as her employer. She should be out on her ass now, in any event. Has he ever given you a reason to doubt his fidelity before? If not, you might be able to get past this if you can file it under the "stupid selfish mistake" heading. But either way, your marriage is in serious trouble, and you both have work to do. DON'T buy his explanations, however geniune he may seem in giving them. I made that mistake... a few years ago I found some computer links my TBXW had left in the history file to "philanderers.com" and indications that she had an email account I was unaware of. I challenged her on this when she got home and she told me she'd been worried about MY fidelity and had set up that account to "bait" me. Then I told her to look me in the eye and tell me if she'd ever been unfaithful to me. She looked me in the eye and lied. I found out a couple of years later that she had been, many times. But in the meantime, like the naive, trusting little idiot I was, I swallowed it... hook, line and sinker. So, don't believe him, however genuine he seems. Go with your gut and your common sense. He must admit what he did, first and foremost. Then you can work to rebuild trust, if you feel there's anything left to build on. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Never mind re-building the marriage! He screwed the baby sitter in their own home! Throw him out! Fire her.....slap her in the face......kick her a$$ and his too! The two of them are PIGS!!!!! Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 If this marriage has a chance, if there is still alot love then it's worth the effort to try and fix. Maybe if there was no child involved it could be so black and white...But this poor innocient child is the one who will be w/o a mommy and a daddy together. If he is willing, able and ready to fix, work and LOVE his wife, make it up to her then they can do councilling and work it out. Time will tell. VSW, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. My heart goes out to you. Hang on to your little one and know that is unconditional love and get as much of that love and energy from your child. Post back soon Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 i came back from work and caught them both in the kitchen, with him standing behind her massaging her breasts under her t-shirt. i heard noises coming from the basement, almost sounded like people who were out of breath. i also heard the sound of a hand slapping against someone's skin. then the final blow, i heard a long grunt coming out of my husband's mouth.. Why don't you ask your husband just how stupid he thinks you are, because he obviously thinks you are really really stupid. Why didn't you bust down the door to the basement. Why didn't you leave him then and there!? Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Originally posted by Bubbles Never mind re-building the marriage! He screwed the baby sitter in their own home! Throw him out! Fire her.....slap her in the face......kick her a$$ and his too! The two of them are PIGS!!!!! Bubbles My sentiments exactly Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 You should..... Your husband is.... I would...... That baby sitter.... I'm just so flustered, I don't know what to say....I guess when you caught him "feeling up her boobs" you were too shocked to react....because she really needed to have her hair pulled out and his testicles should have been removed...... He doesn't love and respect you.....don't let this man do this to you!! If you feel he can be remorseful and work it out, then try (counseling) but don't for the love of all that is holy let that chick back in your house.... He may not admit it, if not....get him to leave.... OMG!! BLESS YOUR HEART!! Keep us updated!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 $hit like this makes me really , really mad! I imagine that VerySadWifey was in "shock" when she heard them in the basement but Holy Cow! It it was me? I would have been down over those stairs in a heart-beat and let me tell you.........ANYTHING would have been a weapon! I would have beat on both of them! Normally I do not put blame on the OW.......she's not the one who says "I Love You".....he is! But in this case? This little TRAMP is screwing VSW's husband IN THEIR HOUSE! Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Fired or not, he'll still find a way to screw her. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 She's Come Undone.......that's not very encouraging We need to show support for the poster. Of course your comment is REALISTIC.....but.....I don't think it needs to be said right now huh? Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 You can probably get the truth out of the babysitter. You're old enough to be her mama, so she'll be pretty easy to intimidate. Put on the mature woman face. Make sure you're wearing make-up and nice clothes, magenta or coral lipsticks are more intimidating to other women. Make your appearance more formal and business-like. Then tell her that you know what's been going on. And maybe you won't sue her for 'alienation of affections' and own her a$$ for the rest of her natural life if she shares out ALL the details. Then fire her of course. Don't leave your child alone with either one of these people right now. Check out child custody laws in your state before you leave your little one out of your sight. Sorry this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I did post on this topic that was double-posted. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=48929 Was that better? Let me editnadd something: This woman has had two in her face, clear-cut signs of infidelity. I think it may take more than supportive comments to have her realize what she needs to do. Sometimes people need tough love. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Originally posted by Ladyjane14 You can probably get the truth out of the babysitter. You're old enough to be her mama, so she'll be pretty easy to intimidate. Put on the mature woman face. Make sure you're wearing make-up and nice clothes, magenta or coral lipsticks are more intimidating to other women. Make your appearance more formal and business-like. Then tell her that you know what's been going on. And maybe you won't sue her for 'alienation of affections' and own her a$$ for the rest of her natural life if she shares out ALL the details. Then fire her of course. Don't leave your child alone with either one of these people right now. Check out child custody laws in your state before you leave your little one out of your sight. Sorry this happened to you. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Yes, much better1 Now your post makes more sence (after going through the link) Sorry I was abrupt....can you forgive me? Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Of course I can! Of course, I hope she realizes she needs to read both as well! Otherwise she WILL think I'm a cold-hearted... Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 You can intimidate this girl. Do exactly what she says, I promise she'll be scared to death, plus even tell her that you hope she can deal with your husband's impending impotence after "the operation".....what LadyJane suggested will make you feel empowered and feel as if you have the "upper hand" in the situation and at least get the babysitter out of the way.... About dealing with your husband....you may need to delve into the past and make sure other things haven't happened....he has broken your trust and is lying to you....try to find out what is going on.....you are going to have to become a snoop (that isn't your fault), check phone and cellphone records, the computer (e-mails and sites) and maybe even hire a PI.... If he admits things to you and there is nothing else and he shows remorse and wants to work it out, then it's totally up to you.... This is a serious matter but you will make it through and will be okay......please hang in there!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I'm sure she will. I'm also very sure that she will be pleasantly surprised to see how many responces she got to her post. She probably never imagined that she would have as much support as she does. Strange how when really bad things happen........we automatically think that we have to keep it to ourselves because no-one could possibly understand how I am feeling right now. Most people think without even realizing it that "they are the only one's that this has ever happened to" which is NOT the case EVER! Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Strange how when really bad things happen........we automatically think that we have to keep it to ourselves because no-one could possibly understand how I am feeling right now. Most people think without even realizing it that "they are the only one's that this has ever happened to" which is NOT the case EVER! Too true that, Bubbles! "There's nothing new under the sun." About dealing with your husband....you may need to delve into the past and make sure other things haven't happened....he has broken your trust and is lying to you....try to find out what is going on.....you are going to have to become a snoop (that isn't your fault), check phone and cellphone records, the computer (e-mails and sites) and maybe even hire a PI.... VerySad Wifey: This is a great idea from Viv. You may want additional evidence in court one day. Post again if you need help with this. There are alot of people on this site with experience in this area. Sad to say. And don't hesitate to get tested for STD's. Take care of yourself. Your little one is depending on you. And Monday: Sometimes we women have to get a backbone and be the natural-born bitches our husbands sometimes think we are!!!!! lolol Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 OMG! I am so sorry! I agree w/ the other posters advice. I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain, anger, betrayal, sickness you are feeling right now. If my dh was rubbing our sitter's breast I would of fired her a$$ and would not hire her back, no matter what he said. And if she returned and I heard them moaning and groaning in the basement I would be flying down the stairs w/ HIS baseball bat in hand! Immature to use violence? Maybe, but who cares when he is screwing the babysitter in my home, w/ my child upstairs sleeping. He is a PIG and she is a TRAMP! I am so sorry. If you want to work on this marriage go to counseling. GL! PLZ keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
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