Author VerySadWifey Posted October 1, 2004 Author Share Posted October 1, 2004 my husband denied everything when I confronted him this afternoon. But i had to get the babysitter's version too, so i went to see her after work and she told me everything, she had no choice otherwise i was not going to leave her alone. my heart aches so much...she told me he had been screwing her since her second week babysitting my son. and the worst part of it is that he wasn't even drunk when it started! They haven't been using any protection either. no condoms nothing and he came inside her all the time. I am so angry at him for putting my health at risk like this. She said that she isn't talking the pill either but this time of the month is "supposedly safe" for her not to become pregnant. He just grabbed her breast after giving her a compliment on them and that's how it all started. she said she liked the attention as she recently broke up with her boyfriend. i told her she cannot work for us anymore. what now? I am so destroyed and feel a knot in my stomach. how can someone survive such pain? Will it ever stop? I am shaking as I write this. what a way to start the week-end. Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Hi Very Sad; Things will get very quiet here over the weekend, so I wanted to say I'm sorry for your pain. On behalf of decent men everywhere, I have to say that while we are all pigs, we are not all cheating pigs. Even though you will get fewer replies, I find that just the act of posting out your thoughts is therapeutic in and of itself. post often if you like. Do what you need to over the weekend for yourself. Never blame yourself. Some day, this too shall pass. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 VSW I am around this weekend, so I will reply if you wanna post. I'm sorry how this all turned out. It really is so unfair and you don't deserve to be put in this situation. Cry, get it all out...I know how hard it is...I'm really truely sorry..IF I was there I'd give you a hug. (OH, I'm a girl btw lol) I hope you have some friends/family around to help you through this too. All my best. WWIU Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Geez, that's awful. Have you confronted him on the fact that you know? You might consider asking him to leave the home for a while. Most state laws will not force one partner to vacate the premises, so you may have to talk him around to the idea of leaving. I'm not suggesting that you make a permanent decision about it right now, but you could probably use some time without him in your face while you are grieving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VerySadWifey Posted October 2, 2004 Author Share Posted October 2, 2004 You have all been so supportive. I forgot to thank you in my previous post. my life is such a mess right now. i am trying to make some sense of what is happening but can't seem to do so. And yes ladyjane, I have confronted him tonight and it did not turn out very well. He ended up leaving... I told him that I knew the truth and that the babysitter had been honest with me. He kind of acted surprised and did not beleive me at first. But as I gave him more details of the affair, he finally confessed that he did in fact go beyong fondling her boobs bur gave no further detail. So I told him that either I leave or he leaves until we decide what to do next with our marriage...He decided to be the one to leave since he doesn't want to be the one keeping my son. Before he left, he said something that will be engraved in my mind forever..... He said: " I am going to seriously ravage some pussies tonight, bang some serious DDDs you never dreamed existed. So please, please, please, don't wait up for me". It is sincerely the most crual phrase that I've ever heard in my life. OMG, what am I going to do? My life is ruined! I still cannot beleive that I am living this. Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Don't take this man back! After reading all of the posts and reading your final one in which you shared what he said as he left....Ugh! He is a disgusting, nonremorseful pig....He has shown you that he isn't even sorry....Leave him....The pain seems unbearable now...time heals as hard as that is to believe and you deserve a much better man in the future.......Hang in there!! Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I got mad while reading your thread - what a disgusting pig and what a slut! I feel for you, I'm sorry you are going through this pain. Before he left, he said something that will be engraved in my mind forever..... He said: " I am going to seriously ravage some pussies tonight, bang some serious DDDs you never dreamed existed. So please, please, please, don't wait up for me". It is sincerely the most crual phrase that I've ever heard in my life. Ouch, that must have hurt so much. But perhaps one day you might think he did you a favor after all. Don't try to forget this hurtful piece of nastiness he pulled..... never forget it, print it out in big letters if you have to so you'll have it right under your eyes if the idea of taking this man back ever crosses your mind. He was screwing the babysitter under your roof. He put your health at risk (get tested for stds as soon as possible..... I really hope he didn't pass anything to you). For all you know the girl could be pregnant by him right now. He denied about having an affair-how many other things had he been lying about? You confronted him and instead of admitting it and having some decency he hurts you worse than he can and goes out looking for booty. It sounds unlikely that your marriage can be saved. How could counselling help when a guy acts like this, hurting you on purpose, cheating on you , lying to you, not giving a damn about you-his wife????Would you take back a guy who left saying what he said? Get a lawyer as soon as you can. Now that he has left, change all the locks if the law allows you to(I don't know if you can do this when you are married). You sound like such a sweet, nice, caring person, you deserve to be with a man who will respect you, treat you well, not cheat on you, care about you. This guy should be thrown in the town garbage truck, not be married to someone like you. Link to post Share on other sites
juliet5467 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Originally posted by whichwayisup If this marriage has a chance, if there is still alot love then it's worth the effort to try and fix. Maybe if there was no child involved it could be so black and white...But this poor innocient child is the one who will be w/o a mommy and a daddy together. If he is willing, able and ready to fix, work and LOVE his wife, make it up to her then they can do councilling and work it out. Time will tell. VSW, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. My heart goes out to you. Hang on to your little one and know that is unconditional love and get as much of that love and energy from your child. Post back soon Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Juliet5467 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Originally posted by whichwayisup If this marriage has a chance, if there is still alot love then it's worth the effort to try and fix. Maybe if there was no child involved it could be so black and white...But this poor innocient child is the one who will be w/o a mommy and a daddy together. If he is willing, able and ready to fix, work and LOVE his wife, make it up to her then they can do councilling and work it out. Time will tell. VSW, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. My heart goes out to you. Hang on to your little one and know that is unconditional love and get as much of that love and energy from your child. Post back soon Hugs. I can't say I agree. How can she ever trust him again??? She'll always be wondering what he's up to. He completely lost her trust. What kind of marriage is that when you're always wondering, questioning? As for the child, he will learn alot about relationships either way and neither way is good. If she divorces and remarries someone worthy, at least he can see what a GOOD relationhsip is about. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Before he left, he said something that will be engraved in my mind forever..... He said: " I am going to seriously ravage some pussies tonight, bang some serious DDDs you never dreamed existed. So please, please, please, don't wait up for me". It is sincerely the most crual phrase that I've ever heard in my life. THAT is the most hurtful mean thing I ever heard. My heart hurts for you, how he must have made you feel. Get a lawyer ASAP and SLAP him with Divorce papers. End of story. VSW, I seriously sit here and wonder how a husband can say those words to his wife. He obviously has some serious problems and whatever is going on with him didn't happen over night. And it seems he WON'T let you in on what's going on in his head until HE is ready. But, by the time he figures it out, I hope you're gone. He is about to throw away his life over DDD and some p*ssy. I just hope it was worth it for him. What a complete and utter B*STARD. I mentioned before, maybe consider talking to someone professional...This kind of hurt is the worst kind of pain. I've read so much on these boards...Don't be afraid to go get help. And again, talk to your family and friends if possible...Allow them to help you, even get someone to stay with you at the house. All my best. WWIU Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 He said: " I am going to seriously ravage some pussies tonight, bang some serious DDDs you never dreamed existed. So please, please, please, don't wait up for me". OMG! What an awful, disgusting, man! I can't tell you to leave or stay, but if you have any doubts about it I wouldn't take him back. I would write down what he said and keep it and every time you feel lonely and want him back look at what he has done and said to you. I am so very sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasey70 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 This whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. How cruel can someone be?! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please listen to what the others are saying and get out of this situation. I'm sure your son knows things are not right in your household, please, even if you don't want to get out for yourself, do it for your child. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 The man is a whore. Even my TBXWW, for all the crap she did, was remorseful and never said anything like that. I don't typically counsel divorce for one brief affair, if it was the only one... but that statement makes me think he's got more than a few notches on his belt. Besides, he doesn't sound like somebody who's remotely interested in fixing the marriage. Don't waste your time with him -- he's a skunk. Hire a pitbull divorce lawyer and gut him in the belly. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I'm so sorry, bless your heart!! I know you feel like you've been gutted and stabbed straight in the heart. Try to focus on your little one, for a while you may need to eat, drink, sleep and live...just him....find some support groups whether it's family, friends or church family....you need to be surrounded by people that love you and care about you.... If you don't feel like answering this don't but did he ever show signs as to be so cruel and unremorseful?? Take care, you will get through this....the best revenge is to do well and live well....it will take one second, one minute, one hour then eventually one day, one week and then a month but there will be times that you won't think about it or cry.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnalkitee Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Verysadwifey, I am sorry for the pain that you are experiencing in your life right now, but F**k him! When he comes back (and he will) crying, and begging for you to take him back, telling you how much he loves you, don't even talk to him. Because if it were me there would be nothing that he could say or do to make me forgive his actions, and especially his WORDS!! I know your mind is foggy right now, when you feel up to it as someone mention earlier, find yourself a good support group. Trust me when I tell you, 40something is not to old to start a fresh life for you and son. Do yourself a favor and please move on!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Franny Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 I really feel for you. I know that feeling, how you can't sleep or eat and you feel constantly sick and start to hate yourself. The only person who can change it is you. Stop being so caught up on how he feels and take a step back and evaluate how you feel. Do you want to be with a man who fondles 22-year old girls' breasts? Do you want to be with a liar? I am in a similar situation and am trying to deal with it but it is so hard when you love this person. (no matter how much of an arsehole he might be). Only you can change all this. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 VerySadWifey.... How are you doing?? I've had you on my mind. When you feel like it, could you let us know how you are?? You have tons of support here when you need it.... Viv Link to post Share on other sites
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