goneundone Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Guilt is a disease. Forgiveness comes from within ourselves, it is self serving, no one can forgive me but me. It is not someone's duty to forgive my actions. The answer lies within self love and then and only then can love be projected onto others. Teach our children to truly love themselves, to forgive themselves. Once they can, the actions of others are accepted without negative resistance including blame, guilt, and self deprication. The meaning of forgiveness has been lost, along with the meaning of love. Sad when all these children learn from our selfish, grandiose ignorance. . A fallen culture of self loathing, blame, guilt, and lack of self accountability. Life happens, people happen. We teach our children how to overcome, how to survive and how to find love from within and how to outwardly project the love we have onto others. All blaming guilty self righteous SOBs. Allow others to control our feelings, and teach our kids the same. Great job. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Please don't do that to yourself, you are not in any way to blame for your husband choosing to have an affair. Absolutely not, you're quite right. The blame is his. But everyone bears RESPONSIBILITY for their own part in their own experiences. Me, you Athens and everyone else. We all played a part. Link to post Share on other sites
Athens Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 PaperAngel, I hear what you are saying and I do not blame me, but I am fully aware of my role in opening the window that lead to his making the worst mistake of his life. The blame is all his, but I have learned too-being more open in our communication has been the key- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 I was talking with my son's teacher about this topic the other day...she told me that it seems that more and more, the children who are bullies come from divorced families. This may be a product of the divorce, but I don't think it has to be. If a child feels loved and valued by both parents ( and not overindulged either...this can be just as bad as not paying enough attention) the they stand a much better chance of making it through okay... I would suggest that it's also important to listen to the kids and really hear what they have to say. I expect that soemtime sthat can get lost in the adult world of sorting out finances, custody/ visitation arrangements, property, etc. If you throw a new "boyfriend/girlfriend' into the mix too soon, then it likely isn't good for the kids at all. In fact, there was a thread not too long ago about just that...it was a really bad idea to introduce someone new too soon ( i don't it would matter if the person was the former other man/woman or a totally new boyfriend/girlfriend)... I also think kids need to feel that they have a say and some control over what is happening in their lives...what this looks like can vary according child's age, ability to understand what is going on and also their emotional state...let them make some decisions about their life and what it will be like...include them ( when appropriate) when making some of the decisions Bolded: This is utter bullcrap! I myself came from a broken home parents split up because he had an A with my M then went back to wifey and their kids. My point every single bully in my school were kids who had both parents and they ALWAYS picked on the kids who had single parents (we were tinks, daddy didnt love us, moms a slut etc etc) This was not just me either other kids who had one parent were singled out by "happy family" kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 Taking your share of any marital problems you had is fine. Please don't EVER take responsibility for your H choosing to handle the problems by having an affair. That terrible decision is all on him. The blame for the affair lies, most assuredly with her husband. There, he is entirely at fault. However, both partners in any relationship bear equal responsibility for the state of the relationship. Each must give of their all in order to nurture a relationship and allow it to grow. The responsibility to our partners and to the relationship, lies just as equally with us, as it correspondingly does with them. Link to post Share on other sites
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