Do you ALWAYS hear back from the dumper, one day?

[Ordinaryday]

I have been dumped by a few girls over the years and each and every one of them, except the latest, contacted me either months or years later to say 'hi' and throw some breadcrumbs my way.

 

It sucked, not only did it give me false hope it set me back. I have not heard from the latest one but a friend of mine told me 'she will DEFINITELY contact you one day' and although he said it would only be to throw breadcrumbs, he said that they ALWAYS come back.

 

Is this true? How often do you break up with an ex and assuming you had no ties together (children, shared house, etc) you literally NEVER hear back from them, I mean NEVER! does this happen a lot?

 

In one way I would prefer it because it would allow you to move on completely. So has this ever happened to you? How did it make you feel? Good? Or deep down would you have PREFERRED TO GET BREADCRUMBS, because no matter what anyone says about them, they at least prove that your ex still thinks about you.

[BustedUpInside]

I think this is one of those things that you can't know until it happens. Maybe every ex until this one has contacted you, but this particular person never will. Maybe this person is going to call tomorrow. You really can't know and so it is only going to hurt you to think about it. What you should think about is what you do know. Rather than wonder if your ex is going to contact you, you should just make a plan about what you would do if they did. Whether or not you decide to reciprocate contact or whether your plan goes unused it is important because it gives you the power back. You can't control what your exes do, but you can control your reaction to it. You decide how these interactions go and you decide how you want your life to go.

 

I hope things go the way that you want though. Whichever way that is

[iouaname]

If I ever hear from my ex again, I will be shocked. Maybe in situations where you break up and then stop speaking? But my breakup was unnecessarily vicious, emotional, and drawn-out on both parts so I imagine that we'll never speak again because neither of us wants to reacquaint ourselves with that mess of emotions.

 

But I have heard from a lot of my friends and family that, yes, they have been contacted months or years later by all of their exes. None of it resulted in reconciliation.

[youngnlove89]

NOPE.

 

I see what you are doing here, you sneaky OP. You are looking for validation that your ex, indeed, will contact you. You will cling on to any post that says your ex MAY contact you. And you will grip it tight, check your phone every moment, and believe your moment will and has to come because everyone said it does.

 

No one knows this. Nobody knows your ex well enough to know what they may or may not do.

 

Let's just consider this: He will not contact you. Hold onto that. Grip on that. Don't let it go. Make it happen by blocking his butt. Getting rid of every possible avenue from him making contact with you. Then you know for sure it won't happen. And you won't have to hope for it.

 

"Rather than wonder if your ex is going to contact you, you should just make a plan about what you would do if they did. "

 

No. Wrong. I think rather than doing both of those things, you should realize that it is OVER, because it is, and plan on what you are going to do now that it's done. Book closed. Door shut. Toilet flushed. Tomb buried.

 

Plan your life here on forward. Without him. Change your routine. Learn to do things by yourself. If you need help, go get it. See a doctor, get meds, go to a psych, do yoga. Eat healthy, go to the gym, drink 8 glasses of water a day. Rent a good movie. See your friends and family. You get the point.

 

He isn't going to contact you because you won't let him.

 

There is your answer.

[BustedUpInside]

 

He isn't going to contact you because you won't let him.

 

There is your answer.

 

That is a very good point. I think that you offer very very good advice for people, but I am afraid that not everyone, myself included, is strong enough to just completely shut off their minds to different scenarios involving their exes.

 

While I completely advocate No Contact, I don't think there is any harm in thinking about what you would do if your ex did contact you. Don't count on it ever happening. Live your life as if it is never going to happen, but have a plan in place for if it does. Do I delete without responding? Do I respond by saying to never contact me again? Do I beg for this person back? I think that by thinking about what you would do, it gives clarification for how you are really feeling at this point of the break up.

 

I am sure that not everyone would agree that this is a good idea, but sometimes it is nice to have a couple of different perspectives on an issue so a person can tailor their recovery to what will work best. If you know yourself, you will know what things will set you back and what things will help you move forward.

[youngnlove89]

I am afraid that not everyone, myself included, is strong enough to just completely shut off their minds to different scenarios involving their exes.

 

Absolutely. None of us can just shut off our mind and not think about it. But it is in our control to be that strong, to practice it. We get to choose how we feel, react and unload. I have planned scenarios in my head, it's a safety mechanism. It's for "just in case". But it's also still holding on. It's being in denial from reality. We are building ourselves up to only be let down.

 

Do I delete without responding? Do I respond by saying to never contact me again? Do I beg for this person back? I think that by thinking about what you would do, it gives clarification for how you are really feeling at this point of the break up.

 

This can be a simple fix. Block. Delete. Change your number. Move. And if they come knocking on your door, don't answer. We all know what we have to do, it's actually putting it into action. And some of us don't reach that point until we accept and let go.

 

I'm unclear on what your strategy is? To wallow forever until they contact you. To suit up, put on your armor, face life everyday with the possibility of them coming back and planning on what we would do? Expecting them to contact you? Waiting until they do?

 

The only way they can contact you is if you allow it. Is this what you want? I'm sure for most, it is. We want them to contact us. But do you know what will happen? Let me clarify:

 

1. Breadcrumbs. They need validation themselves. They want to know they are still wanted. They don't want to be labeled as a bad person. Their ego becomes inflated when a dumpee still wants you back after you just threw them out like week old trash. That's a high for them. It is never in your best intention. They could not care less what is in it for you. It's all about them.

 

2. Breadcrumbs can lead to momentarily reconciliation. You have a good bang. Your out the door and then back to square one. They got you on a hook. Is that what you want to be? The icing on their cake? A rag doll? A doormat to wipe their dirty feet on? After they got their fix, they are set. Back to "I'm still not sure if you are what I want" or "something is still missing" or "you deserve better" or "I still need time"

 

Then you are back to square one. You will probably do this for awhile. Breakup. Contact. Bang. Breakup again. Over and over, until one day you finally realize you're going in a circle and the only thing you have is to break the habit and do something different: Block and delete.

[BustedUpInside]

 

This can be a simple fix. Block. Delete. Change your number. Move. And if they come knocking on your door, don't answer. We all know what we have to do, it's actually putting it into action. And some of us don't reach that point until we accept and let go.

 

I'm unclear on what your strategy is? To wallow forever until they contact you. To suit up, put on your armor, face life everyday with the possibility of them coming back and planning on what we would do? Expecting them to contact you? Waiting until they do?

 

 

Like I said before, I believe that No Contact is vital for the healing process. It is not about planning for the day that they come back. It is about letting your emotions out. I don't want people repressing all their feelings about a break up. If someone honestly believes that their ex is going to contact them in some way, then just telling them to forget about it is not going to work. My advice is that instead of dwelling on something that is completely out of the OP's control (whether their ex contacts them. Because, despite all the fail safe measures like deleting FB, changing number, moving) if someone wants to get a hold of someone else, they will usually find a way.) the OP should focus on things that they can control, which would be their response to that situation if it came up.

 

This plan would change over time. For example in my own healing process like 2 days after BU my response probably would have been to try and work it out, 2 weeks would have been to tell the ex to leave me alone, 2 months I would just delete the text without responding, and in two years my reaction might be similar or it might be different. I think that if the OP were to think about it in terms of how their own emotions are progressing it might be more helpful then just saying if their ex contacts them then it is their fault for not deleting enough stuff or avoiding them at all costs.

[HuffmanMontana]

I've been contacted by all my exes.

 

I understand peoples stance on no contact but get over it. Yea, **** didn't work out. That doesn't mean they are a terrible person and you cant be friends one day after you've healed.

 

Some of my best friends are exes and I have zero desire to get back together with them.

[Chi townD]

My Ex never tried to contact me, and THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!

[coltsfan1]

My Ex never tried to contact me, and THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!

 

Agreed!!!!

[simplyamazing]

I've been contacted by every ex, save the most recent one. I've dealt with each differently. I suspect even the most recent will contact me someday. Depending on if and when contact happens, the response (or lack there of) will be different.

[Ordinaryday]

I've been contacted by every ex, save the most recent one. I've dealt with each differently. I suspect even the most recent will contact me someday. Depending on if and when contact happens, the response (or lack there of) will be different.

 

I actually wrote letters to each of my exes, really letting them have it, and saved the letters, I didnt send them. On the off chance they recontact me I am considering sending them these nasty letters just so they know how I feel and that I am not 'cool' with them, that things are not 'okay between us'

 

The only reason I wouldnt send them the letters is pride: sending them would let them know they still 'get to me'. I don't care about being the 'bigger person' or any of that, but I do care about giving them the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me.

 

So I have wondered, if I get breadcrumbs what would hurt them worse: not responding at all or responding rudely?

[simplyamazing]

I actually wrote letters to each of my exes, really letting them have it, and saved the letters, I didnt send them. On the off chance they recontact me I am considering sending them these nasty letters just so they know how I feel and that I am not 'cool' with them, that things are not 'okay between us'

 

The only reason I wouldnt send them the letters is pride: sending them would let them know they still 'get to me'. I don't care about being the 'bigger person' or any of that, but I do care about giving them the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me.

 

So I have wondered, if I get breadcrumbs what would hurt them worse: not responding at all or responding rudely?

 

I would go probably with not responding at all. You leave them wondering.

 

Every previous ex I've had, I was the dumper. My recent ex.. I'm the dumpee. So this has been a vastly different experience for me. Originally I thought that I would just tell her my mind, how badly she hurt me. Then I thought, I wouldn't give her that satisfaction. I would love to lay into her with tons of hate, but then she wins. If she doesn't know how I'm doing, I win. The only way she will ever get a response is if she apologizes for the hurt caused.

[Leigh 87]

I am moving; due to a job opportunity.

 

There is no way I would move just cos I wanted to stop an ex from contacting me.

 

I believe NC is key, however; I do not see anything wrong with not blocking his number.

 

Or not changing your number.

 

I made it clear to my ex that I would not accept anything less than " I am madly in love with you and want you back can we try again PLZ Leigh 87"

 

So...... Why not just block them of social media, and stop interacting with them?

 

NO need to block your number or move... I think even once you move on, they could realise they made a huge mistake.

 

I personally though we had a wonderful relationship and that personal issues ruined it.

 

While I am treating it like I will never hear from him again, I have left he door open if one day he does come to the realisation that he does want another shot with me..

 

It is ridiculous to stop them from EVER being able to contact you again.

[HeavenOrHell]

No, of course they don't always come back!!

I don't want breadcrumbs, it's pointless, and I have more respect for myself.

Some couples stay in touch after they break up as they care about each other, doesn't mean they come back.

 

 

I have been dumped by a few girls over the years and each and every one of them, except the latest, contacted me either months or years later to say 'hi' and throw some breadcrumbs my way.

 

It sucked, not only did it give me false hope it set me back. I have not heard from the latest one but a friend of mine told me 'she will DEFINITELY contact you one day' and although he said it would only be to throw breadcrumbs, he said that they ALWAYS come back.

 

Is this true? How often do you break up with an ex and assuming you had no ties together (children, shared house, etc) you literally NEVER hear back from them, I mean NEVER! does this happen a lot?

 

In one way I would prefer it because it would allow you to move on completely. So has this ever happened to you? How did it make you feel? Good? Or deep down would you have PREFERRED TO GET BREADCRUMBS, because no matter what anyone says about them, they at least prove that your ex still thinks about you.

[HumptyDumpty]

Well...

My recent case, I was the dumper! However it was going nowhere, so it doesn't really matter who broke up with who finally! Even though I'm the dumper, I feel sometimes like I was the dumpee, you know, where he didn't have the balls to say it out loud!

 

The break-up is over a year ago! We tried to be "friends" but I always kept on telling him after a while that I do not wish to be friends, it's not a realn friendship, I'm not there to entertain him via texts. In december I was very clear and even mean in my texts. Nothing then, 6 months NC! I reached out once when my mum was in hospital for a life-death matter! I never got a reply which only reinforced me to move finally on and to not give a bs about him as a "friend" since he wasn't there as a "friend" when I really needed one, I was crashed by life back then! Ignored bday and got ignored, and I couldn't bother less!

 

Guess who reached out recently? Don't know where this is heading after everything happened, maybe some old breadcrumbs since he's bored as hell, in any case I'll stick to a platonic "friendship" being nice but it'll be all!

 

Got better stuff to do! Like flirt with this guy I like from school hehe

 

So my point is: it can be a real addiction I guess, and well, maybe you've marked them with your personality, you are a unique person! It just depends how you respond, but nobody should complain once they reached out to those crumbs, it's something at your own risk, you shouldn't be in love anymore when you decide to respond!

Even though I don't like to put it this way, it comes across as some sick mind games...

[mbee]

Honestly it depends on why you broke up, the way you broke up, and the feelings present in the relationship. When I was in high school for instance I had relationships where I thought I was in love and seemed serious at the time. We broke up and they never contacted me back.

 

My first real relationship, it ended because of immaturity differences and he did contact me back. It was not an attempt to get back to me and I even gave him advice about hooking up with other women. I didn't really love this guy and our relationship was as good friends.

 

My second relationship lasted for almost 2 years. He messed up but broke up with me haha. He came back to me over and over. We went NC for months and then he'd come back. I would think we could finally be friends, and then he'd get jealous at the mention of another guy or have an awkward moment where he'd try to get back with me. I had to end that friendship after a year of this.

 

My third relationship was 5 months, we never said we loved each other nor were the feelings there. We broke up, it was mutual, went NC. After 6 months, we started talking and I even talked with his girlfriend. His girlfriend was the one that told me that he had a really hard time letting me go and was scared he'd lost me forever. This was shocking since I had never heard from my ex. I got in contact with him 6 months later. After they broke up, we were having dinner and having a great time. Unfortunately he asked me the awkward question. "Do you think we will ever have a chance again?' I had to be honest, and say no.

 

The fourth one was a rebound from the third one. It lasted for a few weeks in my mind but to the other guy it lasted a few months. I never loved him but I was his first love. We remain good friends by chatting online even though he recently moved an hour away from me. He clearly is still into me and I'm trying to avoid breadcrumbs.

 

My 5th one is my ex. 2 years, he cheated and broke up with me. I'm a heartbroken mess. He keeps desperately contacting me. Who knows why?

 

I'm telling you this because EVERY situation is different. People on here act like there is some rule book, and like people are robots, and relationships are all pretty much the same. My third ex didn't contact me because he was stubborn and thought it was best for the both of us. However, according to his girlfriend, he was hurting and was sad that he let us go! I never would have known that otherwise and like I said a year later, when we tried to be friends, he brought up the magic question.

 

I've had exes contact me before, but like I said, one wanted female advice and it was NOT an attempt to make me jealous. He just knew I gave good advice. A couple wanted me desperately back and I still don't know my current exe's intentions.

 

Like everyone said, stop waiting around for false hope and don't look around at us for it. People and the future is too unpredictable. Also, handle NC the way you can. I broke NC a couple of times because my ex seemed heartbroken and truly depressed. I'd never leave him hanging like that. Responding to generic texts are a big NO NO, not until you are over it. Whenever I broke NC in the past it was ONLY with the intention of a platonic friendship. All the exes I eventually contacted were because I was in a place where I wanted friendship. And ironically the dumpers wanted me back after that, but that was after I was over it, living life, having fun, being the person they probably fell in love with, we had been platonic friends for at least a few months and again I WAS OVER IT AND DATING OTHER PEOPLE.

 

Good luck with this. If it's meant to be, they'll come back. My brother and his wife went 6 months without talking. He did something to her. My brother was heartbroken the entire time. He still hooked up with other woman every so often and had fun, BUT he went to therapy, was sad all the time, tried to contact her. After 6 months she broke NC, they got engaged 4 months after that, and got married a year later. Sadly and ironically it's not working out because of the girl involved. She's not ready for marriage and now my brother is heartbroken and she's not contacting him.

 

I've also heard plenty of stories where NC stays NC forever. I've also heard the same amount of stories where the ex comes back either for a fresh start, friendship or mere curiosity about how you are doing. We can't predict it for you, but if you had a long, meaningful relationship full of blissful memories and the breakup wasn't truly nasty, then they'll be back in some shape or form.

 

Again good luck to you!

[Leigh 87]

Ugh, my ex and I had a long and mostly blissful relationship that was so full of love.

 

He alluded to not being able to cut contact forever.

 

I told him, and I made it VERY CLEAR that: I DO NOT want him to reach out and initiate contact with me UNLESS he realises he is madly in love with me and wants to see if we have a chance again.

 

..................

 

I will actually be highly annoyed if he breaks NC cos he "misses talking to me and wants to be FRIENDS", but does not want me back in a relationship.

 

Ugh.

 

I will be mad as hell if he reaches out within a year with no intention of having me back.

 

I am HOPING he listened to me enough and is smart enough, to REALISE that I either want HIM BACK: or nothing from him at all.

 

Unless I am married and have totally moved on. THEN I would love to be his friend one day!

[Addison312]

I've not contacted one person I've broken up with. I have had all but one (the most recent) contact me after. It just depends on what type of personality you're dealing with and whether they're moving on or still thinking of you.

[mbee]

Read this post: http://www.relationshiptalk.net/lets-have-a-positive-post....-stories-about-people-who-have-broken-up-and-gotten-back-together.-3758432

 

It's pretty inspiring to see what people go through for better or worse and it's been around for a few years so there are people on there who posted a sob story, and over a year later are back with their exes and making it work. Just something fun to read.

[Leigh 87]

Those stories ARE lovely, but if the ex is reasonable looking and has a nice personality, it is MUCH MUCH MUCH more likely that our ex will simply move on and find someone else they love more than they did us.

 

Only if that relationship does not work out for them would they want o try with us again: And even then it is unlikely, as they will probably realise that they were IN love with their last ex, where as they only loved and cared for us in a lesser way...

 

Pretty much: being IN LOVE with someone, truly in love: is SO rare to begin with ( most people tend to settle without the true IN love feeling that romance movies are about).

 

For exes to come back together, both parties would have needed to feel that rare and elusive IN love feeling in a very deep way, for them to realise they want another chance.

 

The fact our exes left us to begin with signals that they did not feel strongly enough about us anyway.

 

bottom line: our exes probably did not love us enough to begin with, making those sob stories HIGHLY unlikely for us!

 

Since they were probably not truly IN love with us to begin with, they will very likely move on to a person that DO truly love, and not look back.

[crazy1234]

it should'nt matter if they contact you or not,but one thing is for sure,no reconnecting with them considering you always had a very different special place for them than the other girls.Thats when you absolutely should'nt cause then u'll feel like you'r back to square one.

[KatZee]

They don't always contact you again, no.

 

I've been a dumper in 2 situations, and in both situations, my dumpee never heard from me again. It's been 8 years since I dumped one of them, and about 5-6 for the next one. I have no intention of ever contact either again.

 

The second dumpee sometimes checks my LinkedIn account, I see his name pop up on my recent viewer list, but he has not reached out to me either. I don't imagine he ever would.

 

I've been the dumpee in my last relationship and I have ZERO intention of ever contacting him, and with how I tore him about 5 new a.ssholes I doubt he would have the balls to ever contact me either.