Will I ever find love again?

[senoritabonita]

I am from Toronto and living in Spain. back in Toronto I was with someone for 5 years before breaking his heart by cheating. It's a long story.. basically I met him when I was 20 and I discovered later he was chatting online with really young girls. I was torn so I followed my dream of travelling and went off to study in Scotland when I was 23 to 24 and there I met a Spanish guy and had an amazing love affair before coming back home to my ex.. who I confessed everything to and just couldn't face him anymore. We broke up officially in August, 2011 and I heard and saw that he now has a girlfiend who he met in October 2011. I know that we had a complicated past but he treated me so well and was really my best friend. We laughed, cried..we did everything as a team and my happiness was his number one priority. Maybe I just needed to get the "partying" out of my system because months after our breakup I realized what a mistake I'd made but by then he had moved on.

 

I met someone shortly after who I gave myself completely to, and, having learnt from cheating, I vowed to be completely faithful to him, and now that I'm 27 I'm much more mature and ready for commitment. Unfortunately my boyfriend (28) was not. I've had to endure being ignored at parties.. being cheated on while he was on vacation, him seeing an ex behind my back and failing to mention me to her and many others. I've watched him stare blatantly at other girls, and try to get their attention..etc.

Everytime I've tried to end things he has only tried his best to keep me and he's been "good" for the last 6 months. He wants me to move in with him in the summer and come to Toronto to meet my family as well.

 

I personally just want to go back to Toronto without him and start over but he is now looking for jobs in Toronto and telling everybody how we're so serious etc.. Sometimes I feel too litte too late but a part of me also thinks I should be a good person and forgive?

 

The problem is, I always cry..and I mean REALLY cry about losing my ex... I had such a deep love with him and he was basically a part of my family. I did the horrible thing by emailing him telling him how I felt and he said that I was his first love and he will never forget that. That was all.

 

It's little things too with the current guy..like, we were at an artsy theatre show the other night and me and some members of the audience started laughing.. and my boyfriend told me to 'shhh"

whereas I know my ex would've laughed with me.

I'm just so sad about teh entire thing and I feel like I just deserve all of this for having cheated and will never find true love again.

 

can you tell me how I can help myself get over this?