Do some people PREFER online dating OVER real life encounters?

[irc333]

This is interesting.

 

Someone I knew from Meetup, a woman...I saw her on POF recently. I emailed her a "long time no see" email and mentioned jokingly, "So, what's the deal...not a good enough selection in Meetup"

 

(To note, she's a member of multiple Meetups, both Non-Single and Singles themed....so it balances things out, and for those that say, "She doesn't go to Meetups to meet men, she goes there for doing things with those that share similar interests". But, considering most of her MEetups are "Social" related....involving going to Bar and Grills and Restaurants where people just stand around eating and getting to know each other..it's kind of moot.)

 

She responds, "LOL, well, I refuse to date men in Meetup, so I prefer it on here"

 

I had to laugh, thinking that she must be NEW to POF, considering the nightmare experiences women have complained about.

 

That all being said, is it possible that people equate dating within their own social circles people tend to avoid, and prefer the meeting of strangers instead?

 

Before Meetup, social circles still existed by the way, and some seem to equate it to dating co-workers, which is something people just shouldn't do, but....why short yourself like that? Why minimize your possibilities?

[Buttercup84]

Usually people who do OLD either have something to hide, lacks good social skills, or live in a small town. The screwed up women I met from online but not from OLD site.

 

Finally ! This is what I have been thinking. The men I have met on therr are like that, and men I know in real life who do OLD are like that. I deleted my profile already.

[Star Gazer]

This is interesting.

 

Someone I knew from Meetup, a woman...I saw her on POF recently. I emailed her a "long time no see" email and mentioned jokingly, "So, what's the deal...not a good enough selection in Meetup"

 

Unless you know her well, that's kinda a creepy message to send her.

 

(To note, she's a member of multiple Meetups, both Non-Single and Singles themed....so it balances things out, and for those that say, "She doesn't go to Meetups to meet men, she goes there for doing things with those that share similar interests". But, considering most of her MEetups are "Social" related....involving going to Bar and Grills and Restaurants where people just stand around eating and getting to know each other..it's kind of moot.)

 

She responds, "LOL, well, I refuse to date men in Meetup, so I prefer it on here"

 

The bolded is inconsistent with the paragraph above it.

 

Like I've told you a million times, women don't use Meetup to troll for dates.

[soccerrprp]

Usually people who do OLD either have something to hide, lacks good social skills, or live in a small town. The screwed up women I met from online but not from OLD site.

 

And people who generalize like this have had little or no success so blame it on the fact that it's OLD. I almost exclusively OLD b/c I am too busy to find the time to go out "hunting" for a partner. Nothing to hide, awesome social skills and live in a very big city....

 

But you did say "usually." Well, every woman I've met thus far have had fine social skills, didn't seem like they were hiding anything and, well, obviously live in a big city.

 

Busy people use OLD too....

 

It's amazing how many atrocious experiences (or none at all) people have had with OLD....I've been lucky, I guess.

 

Going back to OP's original question...I would prefer RLD, but again, too busy....

Edited May 25, 2013 by soccerrprp

[SunsetRed]

lol and you forgot the people looking for a second income, or just income period.

 

there are people who prefer to date only online because things move quicker w online dating, quicker lay, quicker emotional cling factor, quicker everything.

 

Real life dating takes more effort. You have to actually go out and display social skills. You have to work at being the kind of person someone wants to date instead of falling for whatever someone presents in a profile.

 

Online dating seems to b the lazy, desperate way out of being single and lonely.

[USMCHokie]

She responds, "LOL, well, I refuse to date men in Meetup, so I prefer it on here"

 

A lot of people, women especially, are more desirable (or desirable at all?) online than they are in real life, so it would make sense for them to stick with where they get more attention.

[irc333]

 

Like I've told you a million times, women don't use Meetup to troll for dates.

 

In this case, she is. lol

[irc333]

And people who generalize like this have had little or no success so blame it on the fact that it's OLD. I almost exclusively OLD b/c I am too busy to find the time to go out "hunting" for a partner. Nothing to hide, awesome social skills and live in a very big city....

 

But you did say "usually." Well, every woman I've met thus far have had fine social skills, didn't seem like they were hiding anything and, well, obviously live in a big city.

 

Busy people use OLD too....

 

It's amazing how many atrocious experiences (or none at all) people have had with OLD....I've been lucky, I guess.

 

Going back to OP's original question...I would prefer RLD, but again, too busy....

 

If you're too busy for RLD, then you're too busy for OLD as well.

[Buttercup84]

Some people are just socially awkward, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I am outgoing and not socially awkward at all, so it just does not do anything for me.

 

It is hard when most of your friends are in relationships or married and you can't go out that much. So OLD can be good. But I am yet to meet someone normal from there.

 

I am sick of getting dudes sending me messages that just say "Hi" or them posing without a shirt on. Some even send the same messages over and over, they seem to not pay attention and the do not realize that they already contacted me.

 

One guy sent me a message saying " Do you want to ride my dick ? I have a nice big, black dick " he did say he would buy me dinner first though.

[Kelemvor]

Yea, I've used online dating but have better results in person. The online dating thing has been better in my experience for just casual dates when you're really busy at work and don't have as much time to get out. I've found more relationship quality persons through the traditional methods but you keep reading about people finding their soulmate online so who knows.

[soccerrprp]

If you're too busy for RLD, then you're too busy for OLD as well.

 

irc333,

 

Hey, don't deny that sometimes that whole dating thing can be a little tiresome, but your statement goes against the convenience of OLD for those of us who use b/c we're too busy.

 

I'm a single father, sole custody of two very young children, work full-time, do crap loads of other stuff outside of work, when and realistically would I go bouncing around one social event to another or bar looking for a mate? I could do it, but come on! I don't have much time remaining for all that face-to-face searching...

 

So, OLD is best suited for me. It cuts away the leg-work of vetting potential partners. Perfect, nah, but no need to spend more or take up even more of my time frequenting places that I have little time for. I email, text and speak to the person of interest for about a week before meeting up. Get together, have the face-2-face and then decide if I want to devote the time to getting to know her or envision a relationship.

 

The notion that b/c I do OLD that that must, by default, indicate that I do not have time to date is silly and is not my experience. I have been pleasantly successful with OLD. Shoot, have a date with a lovely Bulgarian woman tonight that speaks 5 languages and is 9-years my junior....

 

I do have some reservations about OLD, it's about perspective. Most people who view OLD as a repository or cesspool for the criminally insane and degenerate do so b/c they have had very negative experiences with it. Those of us who have had relative success with it do not. It's that simple. It's perspective....but, of course, it is also true that there are some very nice, sane, busy, people out in the OLD world too. And I've met only those types of women thus far.

 

I don't know why experience has been so different from others. I believe that I have a very good vetting process. I have met some amazing, yes, amazing women from OLD. Things don't work out, it happens. But none of my experiences would I characterize as terrible or regretful. Shoot, I still speak to some of my exes (some daily).

Edited May 25, 2013 by soccerrprp

[irc333]

Some very good points. I actually got a response from a woman, who was VERY impressed with my profile and esp. my initial email to her.

 

 

I actually was able to score an email from her, but only after she told me she's been very busy working on her doctorate degree and having mostly sole custody of her child, so has been busy with him.

 

She told me she used to have a good amount of time to date when her ex-husband could take him in, but when her ex got a new girlfriend...well, the new girlfriend didn't like his kid....and that started to wane and she got hi m a good amt of the time now.

 

Apparently he lives out of state, so she sends him to the father once a year.

 

 

Anyhow, she said she thought I was a great guy, but considering the options in my rural area of town were slim to none or just non-responsive, I was casting my net out further (about an hour) to consider us meeting, and she said she just could not do it , due to her schedule, but she was so elated to get a response from a decent guy that wasn't after her for sex.

 

So she realizes her constraints are limiting her dating options, even in her local area...but like I said she has her education and her kid to take on

 

Anyhow, that being said, I have seen even match making business advertise, "No time to meet people the regular way? Give us a try"

 

But...once you're "matched up" , how do you make time for that person?

 

Also, women get so many emails a day, they have this "kid in a candy store" mentality, and they'd reject men they'd normally not reject if they had met them in person, right?

 

I mean, I was surprised how'd I'd get rejected or just ignored by women on dating sites that I KNOW I'd be compatible with easy, and they won't even give it a quick meet or even a shot at meeting, even if they lived close....that's the weird thing.

 

 

irc333,

 

Hey, don't deny that sometimes that whole dating thing can be a little tiresome, but your statement goes against the convenience of OLD for those of us who use b/c we're too busy.

 

I'm a single father, sole custody of two very young children, work full-time, do crap loads of other stuff outside of work, when and realistically would I go bouncing around one social event to another or bar looking for a mate? I could do it, but come on! I don't have much time remaining for all that face-to-face searching...

 

So, OLD is best suited for me. It cuts away the leg-work of vetting potential partners. Perfect, nah, but no need to spend more or take up even more of my time frequenting places that I have little time for. I email, text and speak to the person of interest for about a week before meeting up. Get together, have the face-2-face and then decide if I want to devote the time to getting to know her or envision a relationship.

 

The notion that b/c I do OLD that that must, by default, indicate that I do not have time to date is silly and is not my experience. I have been pleasantly successful with OLD. Shoot, have a date with a lovely Bulgarian woman tonight that speaks 5 languages and is 9-years my junior....

 

I do have some reservations about OLD, it's about perspective. Most people who view OLD as a repository or cesspool for the criminally insane and degenerate do so b/c they have had very negative experiences with it. Those of us who have had relative success with it do not. It's that simple. It's perspective....but, of course, it is also true that there are some very nice, sane, busy, people out in the OLD world too. And I've met only those types of women thus far.

 

I don't know why experience has been so different from others. I believe that I have a very good vetting process. I have met some amazing, yes, amazing women from OLD. Things don't work out, it happens. But none of my experiences would I characterize as terrible or regretful. Shoot, I still speak to some of my exes (some daily).

[irc333]

What's interesting is this....that some of these people ,both men and women...not leaving out BOTH genders. lol....aren't much to look at physically, so in case some might be wondering I'm only contacting "the hotties", that's not the case....I'm usually pursuing those equal to me in the looks dept.

[apple OR orange]

i never meet in real life, i have a hard enough time getting my work right let alone how i conduct myself, but then i dont socialise either, 90% of my life i am on the PC working (i do alot of media generated work, like now i am waiting for a 2 hour render to finish on my new DVD media logo).

 

I dont get any enjoyment from "no" so i never do anything that puts "no, i dont like you" anywhere in my life, the default answer from women is always "no" so i dont go near them, you have a 1% chance or getting anywhere near a yes, i know my place on this planet and its not sex..

 

That said i dont do OLD either, cant be bothered, its full or women who cant get real men (and considering most women could get any man they wanted, that doesn't leave good women out there on line) or there on-line for there own benefit (which is fine if i want to watch a web cam for a few hours). Works well for both, she likes being watched, i like watching, then its done never watch them again (normally its one way, i see them they dont see me).

Edited May 25, 2013 by apple OR orange

[Art_Critic]

OLD is filled with liars, cheaters, socially awkward people, people with mental disorders, and people with disabilities (not that there's anything wrong with the last one, but I've been lied to a fair share with that).

 

When you go up in a bar and introduce yourself you have no idea is she is one of those people either...

 

Liars, cheaters, socially awkward people, people with mental disorders, are ALL over the place, they operate the register at your grocery when you want to hit on her there, they are in schools, work places too...they are your hot neighbor or the not so hot girl on the beach

 

OLD is nothing more than a way to meet people and date, OLD didn't create the liars etc etc or finally give them a place to find people, they have always been there and have always been in your dating pool and still are if you don't use OLD.

 

By the way.. I met my wife on match.. our little 5 year old boy's parents are perfectly fine people and we aren't liars or cheaters either..

Edited May 25, 2013 by Art_Critic

[Art_Critic]

Do some people PREFER online dating OVER real life encounters?

 

When I was single I did,

 

I am a pretty busy guy

I work a bunch of hours had a pretty busy life managing the yard work on a couple of homes and would spend a bunch of time in the mountains.

I also had many hobbies that kept me pretty busy too.

Those types of things don't lend themselves to finding datable people so I used OLD to broaden my dating pool.

Yes.. there are plenty of women on there that aren't datable, be it hookers or college kids doing term papers on OLD as well as people that I just didn't match with but I had to figure out a way to filter out the people that I wasn't going to date.. I used the tools match had at the time..

If I emailed a person I removed her from my search so I never emailed her a second time, it also allowed me to trim down my pool to women that were more my match... I also got better at spotting the people who were not there to date people.

[amazingdrummer]

I prefer OLD than RLD, actually I find it hard to start conversation with strangers, they often make me afraid when they approach and flirt with me. I don't mind friendly conversation, and I do prefer taking things slow (friendship comes first, love comes later). Unfortunately, guys I met in real life always want to take things too fast. At least with OLD, I can scan their information and talk to them before deciding to meet

[carhill]

In the past, I came to prefer OLD because of my demographic and it afforded a method of 'getting to know' a bit before meeting IRL. I found, through practice, it afforded means to weed through the more obvious incompatibles. I'd prefer to meet single people in real life but in my age group (30's) at that time, most of the people I met were married and the rest were LTR.

 

As an example, I can use the tenant who's moving in today. I've had a lot of interaction with her over the last couple weeks. Nice lady, late 40's with a 21 yo daughter. Stable job, great credit rating, average attractiveness. Her boyfriend is 12 years younger and she's been married three times. They wouldn't be dating/BF-GF if he hadn't been seeking out another woman while going through his divorce. Their dynamic is why I'm leaving and why I used OLD, mainly because women are never really single around here and one has to severely 'bend' the rules to actually date someone who isn't married.

 

So far, with OLD, regardless of where things went, I've yet to 'date' a married person, meaning those interactions which progressed to real life were never with a person who turned out to be married. To many, that may sound 'odd' but it's a path one must experience to really gain an appreciation for.

 

Once I move to a demographic where I can meet real, authentic, single women in my age group, I doubt I'll ever use OLD again. For now, and in the past, it remains 'preferred'.

[AD1980]

Usually people who do OLD either have something to hide, lacks good social skills, or live in a small town. The screwed up women I met from online but not from OLD site.

 

Or some people just have no single people of the opposite sex in their social circle

 

All my friends are married now and i have no other ways of meeting single women other then cold approaches which is not my strength

[Star Gazer]

In this case, she is. lol

 

Huh? In your very OP, she tells you that she would never date a man from Meetup, and that she uses POF for dates instead.

 

I don't understand why you don't understand this.

[Star Gazer]

I mean, I was surprised how'd I'd get rejected or just ignored by women on dating sites that I KNOW I'd be compatible with easy, and they won't even give it a quick meet or even a shot at meeting, even if they lived close....that's the weird thing.

 

If you're truly compatible by personality/interests/lifestyle, and they're rejecting you, they probably don't find you physically attractive.

 

I think the people who online date are the same people for the most part who you would meet in social settings such as bars, etc.

 

I for one, have met some bat chit crazy women while not internet dating and vice versa. I don't really think it is the mechanism but rather the person.

 

We live in a generation where people barely talk on the phone anymore. So online dating is very common. Different people have different results. I can write a doctoral dissertation about my OLD experiences.

 

Agreed. I've met enough men the old fashioned way and through OLD to know that they're pretty much on par insofar as the quality of individuals available in the dating pool. The only difference I've recognized is that once involved with OLD, some people tend to get a little kid-in-a-candy-store-ish.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Star Gazer

[irc333]

Huh? In your very OP, she tells you that she would never date a man from Meetup, and that she uses POF for dates instead.

 

I don't understand why you don't understand this.

 

Because it doesn't make any sense, why would a woman prefer to online dating, over real life, normal face-to-face encounters and would rather do it behind the computer screen....there's obviously, missing elements (body language, voice tone, mannerisms, etc) and quite silly to prefer it over the real life thing.

 

I have known some women to accept dates from the same men in real life that they ignored/rejected initially online.

 

By the way, a little up date from her...she actually stated that "Well, these are rules not entirely etched in stone...."

 

So, she would probably consider Meetup as well as a viable option.

 

Anyhow, I've seen her on "Singles Mingles" Meetup sites, so it's moot.

[irc333]

I prefer OLD than RLD, actually I find it hard to start conversation with strangers, they often make me afraid when they approach and flirt with me. I don't mind friendly conversation, and I do prefer taking things slow (friendship comes first, love comes later). Unfortunately, guys I met in real life always want to take things too fast. At least with OLD, I can scan their information and talk to them before deciding to meet

 

Yeah well, I've had women that wound up being "pen pals' as opposed to meeting face to face 2 weeks into chatting, got sick of it, and said "Soyanora!"

[irc333]

As an atheist and a Marxist in a conservative liberal town I DO prefer OLD over offline meets.

 

I'm attractive with a large rack, so I have no problem getting asked out, but 99 out of 100 times it will be with someone who I am not compatible with conversation shall reveal. Better to eliminate straight out the gate instead of get begged by people I'm not interested in.

 

What's being an atheist have anything to do with preferring OLD vs. the real world.?

[irc333]

I think I know what you mean...I've heard some people say a woman is never TRULY single....they are always in some kind constant "Transition" between men that NEVER leaves a gap for someone like yourself to slip in.

 

So yeah, if you have no ethical qualms about dating someone who is going through a divorce, then you'll probably stand a better shot.

 

 

In the past, I came to prefer OLD because of my demographic and it afforded a method of 'getting to know' a bit before meeting IRL. I found, through practice, it afforded means to weed through the more obvious incompatibles. I'd prefer to meet single people in real life but in my age group (30's) at that time, most of the people I met were married and the rest were LTR.

 

As an example, I can use the tenant who's moving in today. I've had a lot of interaction with her over the last couple weeks. Nice lady, late 40's with a 21 yo daughter. Stable job, great credit rating, average attractiveness. Her boyfriend is 12 years younger and she's been married three times. They wouldn't be dating/BF-GF if he hadn't been seeking out another woman while going through his divorce. Their dynamic is why I'm leaving and why I used OLD, mainly because women are never really single around here and one has to severely 'bend' the rules to actually date someone who isn't married.

 

So far, with OLD, regardless of where things went, I've yet to 'date' a married person, meaning those interactions which progressed to real life were never with a person who turned out to be married. To many, that may sound 'odd' but it's a path one must experience to really gain an appreciation for.

 

Once I move to a demographic where I can meet real, authentic, single women in my age group, I doubt I'll ever use OLD again. For now, and in the past, it remains 'preferred'.