Do some people PREFER online dating OVER real life encounters?

[Star Gazer]

Because it doesn't make any sense, why would a woman prefer to online dating, over real life, normal face-to-face encounters and would rather do it behind the computer screen....there's obviously, missing elements (body language, voice tone, mannerisms, etc) and quite silly to prefer it over the real life thing.

 

You *do* understand that OLD doesn't mean that dates are occurring online, right? That OLD sites are merely the first step/conduit to people actually meeting face-to-face? It makes no sense to say that she prefers OLD over "normal face-to-face encounters" because OLD *does* involve face-to-face encounters.

 

OLD also provides a ton of information about a person (age, interests, wants children or not, what they're looking for, smokers/drinkers, faith etc.), that you wouldn't otherwise have from encountering someone for the first time at a grocery store or party or bar or even a Meetup group. OLD thus saves time, important for busy professionals, by providing a mechanism for filtering out the incompatibles and non-desirables.

 

That all having been said... You've been told this a million times, and I remain dumbfounded why after so many unsuccessful attempts, you haven't changed your thought process and approach, but I'll point it out and ask again, in the hopes it might start to sink in:

 

Why do you focus so much on what OTHER PEOPLE DO, as opposed to what YOU do? You're the common denominator here, so wouldn't it make sense to ask questions like, "This is what I'm doing, it's obviously not working, what should *I* do differently next time?" instead of analyzing and picking apart everyone else's behavior? The latter is. not. helping. you.

[Col1]

OLD helps a person find a partner who matches their desire to have kids or not have more kids. Also religion. And diet. Etc.

[irc333]

but I'll point it out and ask again, in the hopes it might start to sink in:

 

Why do you focus so much on what OTHER PEOPLE DO, as opposed to what YOU do? You're the common denominator here, so wouldn't it make sense to ask questions like, "This is what I'm doing, it's obviously not working, what should *I* do differently next time?" instead of analyzing and picking apart everyone else's behavior? The latter is. not. helping. you.

 

Okay, that would all depend, should I change for those who partaking in behavior that I don't find acceptable or just keep looking for someone who will accept me for who I am?

 

I had come to find out through other male friends, that they've had many unsuccessful attempts in life when it comes to dating, probably happens rather frequently with men.

 

I had been told...recently....I should start thinking MORE like a woman, than like a man and also ....."sub" communicate to women...apparently, a LOT Of men sub communicate things to women that can be off-putting...since it's only SUB communication....it's often hard to detect, because one is doing it unconsciously.

 

 

Also, that things that don't make sense to me, will START to make sense if I were to discover what to subcommunicate and what not to.

 

That I'll have an "ah-ha" moment...eventually...and once one STARTS to make sense of it, it'll start to fall into place one by one, and quicker.

 

Not sure if you can concur with that Star Gazer, but I do ask your feedback on this recent discovery with a jam session I had with a good male friend of mine.

[Star Gazer]

Okay, that would all depend, should I change for those who partaking in behavior that I don't find acceptable or just keep looking for someone who will accept me for who I am?

 

The latter, within reason. If you're being an assclown, you'll need to modify that behavior. But you should never change to attract someone who you don't want anyway (because you find their behavior unacceptable). All in all though, your focus should be on YOU, not everyone else.

 

Why does Amy, who I'm not dating, do this? <-- Doesn't help you.

 

Why did Beth, who I'm not dating, say that? <-- Doesn't help you.

 

Why did this couple, of which I'm not apart, behave this way? <-- Doesn't help you.

 

Do people, of a generalized nature, prefer this that or the other thing? <-- Doesn't help you.

 

I am interested in a particular woman who has this, that, and the other qualities. How do I go about getting a date with her? And after that date, how do I keep the dates going with this specific woman, such that a relationship develops? <-- HELPS YOU!!!

 

I had come to find out through other male friends, that they've had many unsuccessful attempts in life when it comes to dating, probably happens rather frequently with men.

 

Newsflash! It happens rather frequently with almost everybody!! Those who ultimately find success find it as a result of the growth that stems from being introspective, not picking others apart.

 

I had been told...recently....I should start thinking MORE like a woman, than like a man and also ....."sub" communicate to women...apparently, a LOT Of men sub communicate things to women that can be off-putting...since it's only SUB communication....it's often hard to detect, because one is doing it unconsciously.

 

While it certainly helps understanding women and how they think, I would not advise that, as a man, you begin to think like a woman. Women like men because they're men, not women.

[Star Gazer]

Sure it's easy for you say but it take a lot more effort for a guy on OLD sites. He will have to spend at least an hour a day messaging women.

 

I don't see how this is responsive to my post at all. This thread isn't about whether it's difficult for men on OLD sites.

 

That said, desirable women spend an hour a day reading and responding to messages they find worthwhile. Like I've said before, it's equally difficult and time consuming for men and women to date and find a mate, just in different ways.

[Imajerk17]

I do CrossFit. I'd rather not date someone from my "box" (CF terminology for gym) even though a lot of attractive women are there. Why? It could get awkward if things go bad. Besides I go to my box to focus on my lifts. I do not want to be focusing on how I think she feels about me...

 

irc333 you write a lot of threads but none are focused on how you could be meeting women more effectively. So I second Star Gazer's observations.

Edited May 26, 2013 by Imajerk17

[carhill]

Sure it's easy for you say but it take a lot more effort for a guy on OLD sites.

 

I've read this a lot and, frankly, it surprises me. In the past, and even post-marital breakup, I found it quite easy to interact with ladies through OLD and at least progress to first meetings. In fact, most which progressed to first meetings also led to multiple dates. This for a guy who rarely dated in his 20's, simply due to lack of meeting eligible ladies IRL, but dated far more in his 30's due to OLD. Even after OLD and the resultant dates, it was still difficult to duplicate it IRL simply because it was difficult to meet eligible ladies IRL. I had enough of the 'skills' to apparently interact and engaged many women but they were all 'taken'.

 

Perhaps this underscores the issue being more with the demographic than with the medium. As an example, OLD correspondence of about a month with a lady some 60 miles away led to a lunch date on a rainy day where she was a bit late due to the weather. I waited, we had lunch and would later be married for ten years. IME, save for the married part, those experiences weren't unusual, and still aren't. So, perhaps, generation (age) and demographic (where one lives and what socio-economic circles are targeted) has an impact on results, both regarding OLD and real life encounters.

 

Personally, if I found OLD to be as much 'work' as I've read, I'd pass on it. After trying it after separating from my exW, and dating both ladies contacted through it, I quit it simply because I no longer had any interest in dating, and don't today. Maybe someday. No doubt OLD will be there if someday comes.

[irc333]

Why? It could get awkward if things go bad.

 

Woopty doo...it could get "awkward".

 

 

It's called life, deal with it, quit making excuses, and include "box" in your own dating circle, why limit yourself. It's just silly.

Guess I'm one of the few that have better success dating within' my "box" than online.

Meetup is pretty much my # 1 source for dating prospects, as most of the members are there for the same as well.

[Star Gazer]

Guess I'm one of the few that have better success dating within' my "box" than online.

 

You're having success? Since when? Online, or IRL?

 

Meetup is pretty much my # 1 source for dating prospects, as most of the members are there for the same as well.

 

WRONG.

[irc333]

You're having success? Since when? Online, or IRL?

 

 

 

WRONG.

 

You can't speak for the rest of them, I've been with Meetup for a good amount of time, believe me, I know how they all work. Dating and even marriages occur, so don't feed me a line of crap about what peoples intentions of what they AREN'T there for.

 

Maybe not YOUR particular Meetups, come here and you'll have a diff. experience. lol

[irc333]

You're having success? Since when? Online, or IRL?

 

Mostly IRL, I took a good long break from POF...came back, it never changed, same faces , same spinsters on the site. lol. Use it for only supplemental purposes...but yes, in real life I've been scoring more dates than online

[Star Gazer]

You can't speak for the rest of them, I've been with Meetup for a good amount of time, believe me, I know how they all work.

 

You know how they ALL work? Obviously not.

 

Dating and even marriages occur, so don't feed me a line of crap about what peoples intentions of what they AREN'T there for.

 

Dating and marriages happen in the workplace too. That doesn't mean that people take particular jobs to find dates there. There are always exceptions to the rule, but it's those exceptions that prove the rule exists to begin with.

 

Also, you (very predictably) didn't answer my question:

 

You're having dating success? Since when, and how? Are you dating right now, as in the same woman? Or in a relationship? It was my understanding you were having difficulty getting first dates, and those first dates you did go on didn't go any further, or weren't really dates after all.

[Star Gazer]

Mostly IRL, I took a good long break from POF...came back, it never changed, same faces , same spinsters on the site. lol. Use it for only supplemental purposes...but yes, in real life I've been scoring more dates than online

 

What is your definition of "dating success"? Getting a first date, and having it not go anywhere?

[irc333]

What is your definition of "dating success"? Getting a first date, and having it not go anywhere?

 

Why do you keep fishing and digging for, perhaps I might consider that a level of success from first to a few dates, or do you define landing a girlfriend or wife as success.

 

Or perhaps getting a girlfriend, married, have kids, and then a divorce...thus a failed marriage.

 

At least I"m getting "out there" , getting experience by spending quality time with some women.

[El Brujo]

This is interesting.

 

Someone I knew from Meetup, a woman...I saw her on POF recently. I emailed her a "long time no see" email and mentioned jokingly, "So, what's the deal...not a good enough selection in Meetup"

 

(To note, she's a member of multiple Meetups, both Non-Single and Singles themed....so it balances things out, and for those that say, "She doesn't go to Meetups to meet men, she goes there for doing things with those that share similar interests". But, considering most of her MEetups are "Social" related....involving going to Bar and Grills and Restaurants where people just stand around eating and getting to know each other..it's kind of moot.)

 

She responds, "LOL, well, I refuse to date men in Meetup, so I prefer it on here"

 

I had to laugh, thinking that she must be NEW to POF, considering the nightmare experiences women have complained about.

 

That all being said, is it possible that people equate dating within their own social circles people tend to avoid, and prefer the meeting of strangers instead?

 

Before Meetup, social circles still existed by the way, and some seem to equate it to dating co-workers, which is something people just shouldn't do, but....why short yourself like that? Why minimize your possibilities?

 

I think of such people as basket cases. They're probably shut-ins, too. If anything, we who do the meetup thing pity those folks.

[irc333]

I think of such people as basket cases. They're probably shut-ins, too. If anything, we who do the meetup thing pity those folks.

 

Yeah, if anything the organization should do them good. Get them out there, get the shut-ins interacting with people and properly socialized....but that's up to them though.

[apple OR orange]

You're not getting it men don't get responses, they feel like going nowhere it takes a very long time. Whereas women choose who to response to.

 

I can count one 1 hand (and have quiet a few fingers left over) how many responses i have had on dating sites (that arnt adverts). In fact i only had 1 or 2 in 4-6 years of use, and those where very desperate women who had 4 kids who then had a ago at me when i said

 

- "well to be honest i really dont want kids so i dont think your my type, thanks for replying though."

 

The above turned in to she reported me as abusive etc.... when i pulled the mails out i was re-instated (which i then closed my account) but i still didn't get an apology from the site who closed my account in the first place, i will note she was fully active through this and had the cheek to mail me again asking why i was still on line and she was going to have my account closed as they missed it.

 

Read below for more.....

 

 

 

I don't know why guys do OLD. I guess a lot of them just don't have the social skills or balls to approach a woman.

 

Its obvious if guys are on line they cant meet women in real life (95% of the time), i have realise that quiet frankly if you cant talk to a woman your never going to get sex, so i gave up many years ago and settled for on line porn and window shopping when on the cruises.

 

You say the "balls to approach", well women dont either, the one main reason women dont do it, they are scared of rejection, well MAN UP, you wanted equality, but only on YOUR TERMS, you want to work like men, get paid like men, oooo but we dont want to date like men, no dont like that, you can keep that.....

 

To come back to the above male / female thing, i am on PalTalk, have a profile, very up front, says i like working, cars, bikes etc.. has nothing about sex in it, i cant get any woman to "talk " with me at all, i then (yesterday) created a profile, female pic (fairly standing no Latino woman type stuff), had "Single, mom age 31", i have so many PMs when i entered a room it crashed Paltalk 4 times (you can only have about 30 going at once), it never stopped, everytime i pressed "accept" another one was behind it.

 

So i went abit further, put a voip number in the profile (it went to a message system), i had over 100 voice mails in 30 mins.

 

I put another (yes different) voip number in my male profile............. you guessed it, not one call....

 

So the difference between men and women on line, men are on earth women are on utopia, never need to do anything, all lands in your lap.

 

What i am getting fracked off with is women still will blame guys for everything, "its how you act" : "you should be nice some, women like that" : "ooooo i know you had a bad time, but there's someone for you". Then when its in your face about how OLD work they still say "its fully equal i get loads of message so guys do to.

 

ITS NEVER EQUAL, IT NEVER HAS BEEN EQUAL AND NEVER WILL

Edited May 26, 2013 by apple OR orange

[irc333]

You say the "balls to approach", well women dont either, the one main reason women dont do it, they are scared of rejection, well MAN UP, you wanted equality, but only on YOUR TERMS, you want to work like men, get paid like men, oooo but we dont want to date like men, no dont like that, you can keep that.....

 

I Got one for ya....I actually saw a profile of a woman on POF that she explicitly stated, "If you wouldn't approach me out in public in real life, don't bother emailing me on here!"

 

That made no sense whatsoever.

[Imajerk17]

Woopty doo...it could get "awkward".

 

 

It's called life, deal with it, quit making excuses, and include "box" in your own dating circle, why limit yourself. It's just silly.

Guess I'm one of the few that have better success dating within' my "box" than online.

Meetup is pretty much my # 1 source for dating prospects, as most of the members are there for the same as well.

 

I think you spend way too much time trying to "make wrong" people whose dating styles you don't agree with, and I wonder if this is hurting you in social situations. I can picture you coming across as this annoying gadfly needling women in a way that they find invasive or irritating.

 

If Meetup is truly the source for dating prospects for as many women as you claim it to be, then what this one woman decides against meeting guys at Meetup ought to be no big deal for you. There would be plenty of other women for you to choose from at Meetup--all those women who come there hoping to meet a guy to date.

 

I talk to a lot of women in the supermarket. I am positive some of the women I approach who aren't receptive, aren't receptive because they don't want to meet a guy via cold approach. Who cares, there are plenty of other women who love it and those are the women I am working to get to.

 

Anyway, getting back to this girl, I can tell you myself that if there WAS someone from my box whom I got along with really well then I would gladly ask her out. But I don't go to the gym looking for that per se. I suspect that something similar is true via the girl in your Meetup.

Edited May 28, 2013 by Imajerk17

[irc333]

Lately, I'm discovering that women (not sure about men, because I'm not interested in men). Prefer online dating as opposed to real life encounters.

 

There was a woman on a message board, claimed she preferred it, believe it or not lives in New York City!.....and is not open to men approaching her. She usually has her ear phones in most of the time, head down texting...she admittedly states when she's out running errands, seriously does not want to be chatted up in the coffee or grocery line.

 

Basically, it seems this woman is on a mission of her own objectives and prefers not to be interrupted.

 

She wants control over who approaches her and what better way to do it than online? You can "delete" or "ignore" to your hearts desire.

 

This one woman, met her at a Meetup at a bar/dinner event. It was just mainly a "mingling" type of event, coincidentally enough, everyone there was single or so they said.

 

She just FZ'ed me, made a friend of me on FB, later I had found her on a dating site, too. She told me she prefers not to date anyone in Meetup, because if things didn't work out, well, obviously it'd be awkward for her to see them again at the following month's event.

 

Of course, I suggested to her to get over it and not limit her options so much, but well...you know...she'll do what she wants. Thus her reason to come to a dating site.

 

Apparently, there's an attraction to dating complete strangers. You meet them and:

 

1. First date....you both part ways, never see each other again.

2. A few dates, hit it off....sleep with each other, then one party doesn't call the other..and....never see each other again.

3. Few dates, hit it off, you become a COUPLE....a couple of years later, you break up....guess what, you never see each other again.

 

And so the common thing here is....the luxury of never seeing each other again seems to reign over the "Dating within your social circle".

 

 

Of course, as a society...it seems technology may be driving us apart...and there's a book out called "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community"

 

It discusses vast new data that reveal Americans’ changing behavior, Putnam shows how we have become increasingly disconnected from one another and how social structures—whether they be PTA, church, or political parties—have disintegrated.

 

Prett interesting read.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Uhm... You don't have to date online to never see someone again. That happens irl dating too.

 

 

 

I think that's just how life works.

[tbf]

Um...the women who use online dating prefer it and the women who don't use it, don't prefer it. I'm of the latter, preferring real life meets.

 

As far as technology keeping people apart, only if they prefer and use it for romance. Blaming technology for people remaining apart is like blaming junk food for people's weight problems. No one is forced to use technology or eat junk food.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Totally agree with tbf. We had a debate in English. The topic being technology is ruining human relationships.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a crutch. It is only ruining them if the active parties allow it to.

[Estate]

So as usual one woman accounts for all 3billion+ on earth?

Edited June 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed quotation of entire posting

[William]

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