Are guys weekends okay if the guy has already cheated?

[senoritabonita]

I was in a relationship for five years where I used to have to force my boyfriend to go out with his friends.

My current boyfriend, however, had a really bad start with me. He went away last summer to Thailand with his friend while we were already together for 6 months and "kissed" another girl..at least that's all he tells me. He also exchanged numbers with the girl but barely texted. He has also lied about meeting up with an ex behind my back..and has commented multiple times on other women, checked out women in front of me, flirted, etc..

 

I've chosen to forgive him because everytime I've tried to end things he's gone crazy to get me back and he has really tried to earn my trust once again, but we just got into a hypothetical discussion about how he will always go at least once a year on a weekend getaway with his guy friends as they all are scattered around Europe. I'd feel comfortable with this, except I know what types of guys these are and all they have in common are girls and clubbing.

 

I know they won't go on one trip without clubbing. I just feel so disappointed because I'd rather be with someone who wouldn't even think to go away without me. Am I being too clingy? I wouldn't normally care but considering all that happened... shouldn't he be more concerned about earning my trust and my happiness than going for guys weekends with his friends?

 

I dont even care to meet my friends who are all scattered over Europe, I've put him as my priority right now and am looking to save money and start a life with him. He tells me I'm just not as close with my friends and that's why I dont care so much.

[concerned-friend]

If you're looking for a committed relationship, you probably shouldn't be dating him, much less considering a life with him.

[xorro]

Yeah... he lost your trust. And as you say, it wasn't just one incident. So no, that means he doesn't get a 'free pass' to do these activities which a trustworthy boyfriend might be given. A great boyfriend would assure you that he could handle going to a club without doing anything sketchy. And you would feel more comfortable knowing he was telling the truth.

There are men who can handle doing these "guy bonding" activities without crossing any lines. But they are rare. It doesn't sound like this guy is one of them, and he doesn't have a great record. He sounds like he's too immature for commitment yet is afraid of being totally alone.

He wants the best of both, and you shouldn't give it to him. I think you can do better- anytime he wants to do these things, you're going to have a struggle with yourself and with him. Unless you like feeling paranoid, anxious, or like an over-bearing mother figure, it's better you find a guy who will respect your feelings and earn your trust.

Him wanting to do these things after previously cheating is just going to drive you crazy. If he can't understand why you don't feel comfortable with it, then he's pretty selfish. I've found that guys who act this way force their GFs to fill the role of "police" which in turn drives the guy to act out even more. It's a snowball effect, and it ultimately brings out each person's worst traits.

[LovelyLife]

The "clubbing" comment makes me think early 20- Something Hipsters.

 

This isn't a healthy relationship - period. But everyone woman needs one of this "type" of guy in her history. Makes you stronger. And makes you appreciate the stand up straight and fly right men that much more when they show up and are ready to appreciate and cherish the many gifts you have to offer.

 

I think your heart is pretty lovely. But if you stay too long in this dance with the Hot Mess . . . He is going to leave it scarred and ugly.

 

I think you deserve someone who would rather go away with you, rather kiss you, rather text you, than do any of those things with someone else.

 

I think you know the answer to your question too. ;-). If this was your sister or best friend - what would you tell her if she was hurting like this? Because it is obvious his behavior at this stage in his life is hurting you.

 

Bless the experience and use it as a love lesson - bless him coming into your life to teach you this lesson . . . Then release him. A man in love doesn't behave this way.

 

Then come back in a week and read the posts of some of the men at L.S. There are some darling sweetheart men here that would jump at the chance to show a woman how filled with awesome he is for her. That will give you hope for the the next and maybe even the last man to show up - but who shows up with integrity. Lots of hugs and kisses to you - because what I wrote probably comes off a little bit cold hearted but I promise . . . It's what I would tell my sister.

[subversive]

Break up with him and go NC.

[Mr. Lucky]

Since you've already given him the green light to cheat and fool around, a skirt-chasing weekend makes perfect sense. What else would you expect from him?

 

Mr. Lucky