lovexo Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 hi everyone! gonna make this as short as possible last summer I went on 4 dates with this guy on the 4th date we had sex (which wasn't the best, because I really wasn't ready/it hurt/nervous) the next day I texted him to see how he felt about me if he actually liked me or not, he said honestly "i'm not feeling it" & that you have to have sex with someone to know whether or not you want to be with them. I was heartbroken and didn't speak to him until recently he said he told me that because he didnt want a relationship, I really liked him alot SO my question is so I ask him out again or let him go? Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Let it go. If he's interested, make him pursue you. If not, don't waste the energy. If you do see him, don't have sex again any time soon. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 How he treated you the first time should tell you all you need to know about him. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovexo Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 How he treated you the first time should tell you all you need to know about him. he treated me well, always took me out & paid for me, he didnt force sex it just happened Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 he said ... that you have to have sex with someone to know whether or not you want to be with them. Sounds like what a player would say. Sex doesn't "just happen." He got you in bed on the 4th date, didn't like the sex and then dumped you. Anything beyond that is probably only in your head. Good guys don't do that, guys that are into you don't do that. Find someone worthwhile. Wow I'm tired of telling girls to stop going after players. Would be easier to just build a spaceship and leave for good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovexo Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 Sounds like what a player would say. Sex doesn't "just happen." He got you in bed on the 4th date, didn't like the sex and then dumped you. Anything beyond that is probably only in your head. Good guys don't do that, guys that are into you don't do that. Find someone worthwhile. Wow I'm tired of telling girls to stop going after players. Would be easier to just build a spaceship and leave for good. I told him that was BS that sex gets better with time Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica2025 Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 he treated me well, always took me out & paid for me, he didnt force sex it just happened He did all of those things until he got what he wanted. Don't give him the opportunity to do it again. Because he's going to repeat the whole line" Well, I told you I didn't want a relationship ...' and at that point it's them on him anymore, it will be on you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. And 4 dates is hardly enough time to get to know someone. When you initially meet someone you are not meeting "them." You are meeting their representative. You don't know if this guy is a perv, womanizer, jerk, carrying an STD, and etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 he treated me well, always took me out & paid for me, he didnt force sex it just happened You and I have different ideas about what being treated well means then- because after you had sex with him- he blew you off. The fact that you had consensual sex and he paid for dates is irrelevant. Someone that truly likes you, truly respects you, isn't going to sleep with you and then blow you off. I can tell you one thing- saying "I don't want a relationship right now" is code for- "I don't want a relationship with you". That reality is painful to hear- but it's true. If you're looking for a relationship, the way to go about it isn't to sleep with someone first, and then ask if they want a relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovexo Posted May 25, 2013 Author Share Posted May 25, 2013 I got rid of him I wont talk to him anymore 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jolie_baby Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 he treated me well, always took me out & paid for me, he didnt force sex it just happened Gosh girl! Treating you well is not by paying for you! How old are you? He took you out on 4 dates and haven't realized there was no spark until he slept with you? That could happen honestly but even his reaction afterwards doesn't sound like he cares.... DON'T ask him out or anything... forget about him... If he wants you, let him work hard for it first... (and don't ask him out or initiate contact!!) Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Gosh girl! Treating you well is not by paying for you! How old are you? He took you out on 4 dates and haven't realized there was no spark until he slept with you? That could happen honestly but even his reaction afterwards doesn't sound like he cares.... DON'T ask him out or anything... forget about him... If he wants you, let him work hard for it first... (and don't ask him out or initiate contact!!) Pro tip - after being treated like dirt, the answer isn't to treat others like dirt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
apple OR orange Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Let it go. If he's interested, make him pursue you. If not This really fracking pisses me of BIG TIME, just lead him along, i know he doenst want me so make him chase me.... He said hes not interested, dont chase something when its clear hes not interested. Dont allow him to chase you, do the RIGHT THING and say "no, you wasn't interested, i think you should go out with someone you really want" if he asks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 He sounds like the perfect man for many of the women here. He was the hunter, he paid for the dates, and when he got the sex, he moved on to another challenge, another chase, This shows why the sexual roles/stereotypes are garbage. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Let him go. What he did was impossibly rude and inconsiderate of your feelings. So sorry someone did this to you. You deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 No. Don't ask him out again. If he had no intention of getting involved in a relationship, this key piece of information should have come up at some point during those first 4 dates (unless you had mentioned you were not looking for anything serious just to appear easy going). For me personally sexual chemistry is a big deal and it would be a deal breaker, so it can be for some people (allowing for nervousness/inexperience/intoxication), and it does not mean I used the woman. Don't have sex with a guy (if you hope for more) if you don't know this...'I texted him to see how he felt about me if he actually liked me or not' Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovexo Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 As crappy as it was for you (because he couldn't be bothered with your pleasure, obviously) I'd be willing to bet $100 he still got his. Regardless of whether it was fireworks sex or not. yeah he def did get off Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 hi everyone! gonna make this as short as possible last summer I went on 4 dates with this guy on the 4th date we had sex (which wasn't the best, because I really wasn't ready/it hurt/nervous) the next day I texted him to see how he felt about me if he actually liked me or not, he said honestly "i'm not feeling it" & that you have to have sex with someone to know whether or not you want to be with them. I was heartbroken and didn't speak to him until recently he said he told me that because he didnt want a relationship, I really liked him alot SO my question is so I ask him out again or let him go? He could tell that you had sex before you were ready, so it turned him off. If you had sex because you just wanted to, because you wanted to have fun, then it might have been different. But having sex to make a guy like you will always turn him off. Then asking if he liked you showed some insecurity. Its not so much when you have sex, but WHY you do it. I think you should work on improving your self confidence, and work on loving yourself before considering seeing him again. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 Walk away, walk away. If a guy likes you enough, he wouldn't take a jibe at how bad sex was with you. That's like a woman telling a guy his penis was small after sex. Walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovexo Posted May 27, 2013 Author Share Posted May 27, 2013 He could tell that you had sex before you were ready, so it turned him off. If you had sex because you just wanted to, because you wanted to have fun, then it might have been different. But having sex to make a guy like you will always turn him off. Then asking if he liked you showed some insecurity. Its not so much when you have sex, but WHY you do it. I think you should work on improving your self confidence, and work on loving yourself before considering seeing him again. I didn't have sex with him to make him like me I had sex with him because I THOUGHT he actually liked me & it was gonna go somewhere Link to post Share on other sites
paigej91 Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Stay away from him. He sounds like a jerk. Even though you didn't tell him you'd prefer to wait, he didn't sound like he was willing to wait. While I can see how it's nice to see what they're like in bed before being with them, it really isn't a necessity. I think he either just wanted to "hit it and quit it" OR he was somewhat disappointed sexually, and didn't like you enough to work it out later. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Ouch. That happened to me once. The guy was a real jerk to me, as this man is to you. That's a really sh**** thing to do to someone, truly it is. You can do better. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Vinegar Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 No. Don't ever talk to him again. What he did was very wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 hi everyone! gonna make this as short as possible last summer I went on 4 dates with this guy on the 4th date we had sex (which wasn't the best, because I really wasn't ready/it hurt/nervous) the next day I texted him to see how he felt about me if he actually liked me or not, he said honestly "i'm not feeling it" & that you have to have sex with someone to know whether or not you want to be with them. I was heartbroken and didn't speak to him until recently he said he told me that because he didnt want a relationship, I really liked him alot SO my question is so I ask him out again or let him go? A guy told me the exact same thing. We did not have sex, kissed a lot. I thought it was amazing, but he said he was not " feeling it" and he told me before that good sex means there can be a relationship. But in my opinion, how do you know with the first time sex ? when you first date the first time will be a bit awkward and weird. And it should get better. He sounds shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 he treated me well, always took me out & paid for me, he didnt force sex it just happened If you take nothing else from this, at least remember next time that whether the guy takes you out/pays or not is not a good indication of either his character or interest level. Link to post Share on other sites
Suave Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 When I have a few potential options on the go, I make my intentions perfectly clear as to what I am looking for before anything happens (which is casual dating and the odd sex here and there.) That usually scares some away, and the ones that stay anyways are the ones I casually see. Of course, I'd rather be in committed relationship but I can't at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
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