Finished for good?

[Sapphyre]

I'd been seeing this guy for only 6 weeks - we met about 6 months ago through work, he was in a LDR with someone for 7 months when we met, he was upfront about it from the start, it was basically someone he'd been to school with, met up years later when she was over here visiting family, they both felt something and thought it might be their last chance at love due to their ages, they arranged she would come over here for 6 months and then he would move over to her country but her coming over here never happened due to financial reasons, in mid-April he started having doubts about the move and selling up his entire life so he told her and she ended it - then we got together (we had been seeing each other as very close friends for about a month before that).

 

Anyway - the first week was very intense; we both went a bit crazy - he would stay over here every night, we thought we felt 'in love' already and even talked about him moving in within the next couple of weeks, he was really into it, talking about finances and how we would work around my kids and his dog (saying he would have to rehome her as she's a nervy, biting type of dog), and then we started arguing - mostly due to my insecurity at how fast it was going; thinking maybe he was just faking it all and using me etc., even though he was lovely - buying me flowers, complimenting me all the time, etc.

 

Then we went through 4 weeks of hell.

 

I turned into this argumentative, needy cow - not proud of it at all, but I would pester him into coming round on nights I knew he couldn't; he'd stay over one night, cause an argument when he got here so we spent most of the night arguing, then we'd sort things out and the next day I'd be bugging him to come round that night too to 'fix things properly' - most of the time he came when I asked...a couple of times I did that, he turned up and then I told him to go, which he did, then I phoned him asking him to come back again - and he did It was awful the way I was treating him.

 

Understandably, we never 'settled' - he kept finishing things, then saying he couldn't lose me so we started again, all the while he was saying things like he wanted to be with me very, very long term (marriage kind of thing), I had very positive effects on him more than anyone else ever has, he compared the feelings he has for me with the ones he felt for his ex wife (who he was with for 28 years) but then said " but that still failed".

 

He also kept saying he was worried he can't commit, after all of his past relationships have failed and he's been with 6 people in 11 years or something like that...he says after about a year he starts having doubts and usually that's when it ends...but he worded it as though all he needs is reassurance at that time, and the women involved have usually chosen to end things instead. The other night he even said "marry me" - I told him to only say things he means and he said he did mean it - but then it transpired that all he meant was the 'sentiment' of it - the commitment but he still wouldn't be able to tell anyone about us "until we stop arguing all the time" (fair enough, I think).

 

This happened on Monday night, on Tuesday I asked him to come round again and he refused, saying he needed to sleep (as we hadn't the previous night) otherwise he'd bee too tired to see me on Thursday as we had originally planned. Again, I pestered him allll day and he ended up saying he couldn't do 'this' anymore.

 

On Thursday, I asked him to see me that evening and after a lot of me bugging him, he eventually agreed - but said that it was over, he needed to be truly alone, he's sad he can't commit to me as he thought I was his best chance, but he's emotionally empty with nothing to give anymore.

 

He turned up at 8pm, we got on ok, he was talking about stuff, looking very upset saying he wanted to be with me, but didn't feel like he could take the risk of hurting me (if he can't commit and ends up leaving) as I have children to consider.

I asked if he could see himself being involved with me long term and he said yes, he said he could also see himself becoming a stepdad to the children in future, he wants to be with me properly...etc. He was on the verge of tears so I hugged him and it felt right...he said he wished I knew how much he feels for me.

 

He was going to go home at 10pm but I asked him to stay, share my bed but 'do' nothing...he did that but I ended up initiating things (couldn't help myself) and the next morning I did that thing of asking him to see me that night again, even though we had previously agreed he would next see me the following week when we'd go out on a date. He said no, we had arranged for next week so would stick to it.

 

I pestered him AGAIN through the morning, trying to get him to see me that night, he was getting more and more annoyed and then I text him at lunchtime just random chatty stuff. He replied and seemed ok, and then at 6.30pm I got a text saying "Sorry, been thinking about this all day. I just do not have the emotional strength to continue seeing you, as much as I wanted to".

 

We got into a text conversation then, with me asking what was going on and he just kept saying he doesn't have the energy to do it anymore, can't commit, all that kind of thing and saying it was over for good. I asked him to see me in person that night rather than 'dump' me through text and he refused, saying it was done. Again I kept on and on, and in the end went to see him - as he had a martial arts class at 8pm in my town.

He talked to me but was pacing around looking very distressed, saying he'd told me he couldn't do it anymore, I asked why not and he just kept saying I couldn't fix it. I kept asking him to explain and he said he couldn't, he just couldn't do it - then he walked me home (it was about a 15 minute walk) leaving his van unlocked.

I bugged him to come in, he did but stayed at the front door, after more nagging he stepped into the house slightly and I made such a fool of myself, practically begging for an hour and asking him to reconsider, asking for explanations he didn't have, until eventually he said "I don' want to be with you, ever - get over it" and left.

 

Today I text him asking how he could be so sure on this as last night he admitted he did have feelings for me, and he missed his martial arts class to walk me home...his texts started off saying he was sure, we don't have enough common ground for a proper relationship, I'm too young for him and it's no one's fault but just how it is...asking me to just accept it and leave him alone, but then saying he was open to keeping in touch but wouldn't meet up with me "anytime soon, sorry".

 

He also said "I'm pretty sure I've seen the real you which is fantastic...you're just not for me."

 

Again - I kept on and on. Bringing up the things he'd said on Monday about feeling so much for me, he sent a text in reply saying.

 

"1 - You are beautiful, sexy, loving, kind, caring, a great mother and you will find someone who loves you. You are worth it. 2 - you can't force someone to love you. 3 - I do have feelings for you and do care about you, will try and help you in any way I can but that does not include seeing you, sorry. 4 - I will not abandon you."

 

I pestered him a bit more going over old ground, and asking why he's so sure his feelings won't change, how he won't miss me and his replies were always like "I don't know, but then more you push it, the more you will force me to close all doors completely"., I said that he won't miss me if he hasn't had any positive experiences with me recently and he said "but you don't give me chance to find out. I don't want to be cruel to you..but you keep saying you can stop the pestering and badgering but what have you done this morning? I'm battered and bruised and need to heal...then I don't know, so you need to leave it alone now please."

 

And then I text asking whether if I left him alone until Thursday, might he meet me during the day for a couple of hours, as friends".

 

He said "I don't know, but you should've left it until Thurs and then asked...if you want a definite answer now then it has to be no. Bang door slammed :("

 

I apologised, and asked him to reconsider as long as I left him alone until then...and he sent a long message back saying "I do admire your persistence. You said last night I could impose and 'terms' I wanted...it would be physically very tempting for me to come round, have sex with you - as that's all it would be - and then leave...but how is that any good for either of us? I'm not like that and I don't want to be like that...though they say there is evil in us all, what keeps us good is our morals. If I ever did see you again I need to be sure that it's for the right reasons and not that I'm just a lonely old man...who has given up on relationships. I am trying the best I can to protect you and you forcing me to do stuff doesn't help."

 

Sorry that was soooo long, but do you think there might be a chance for us? If so, how do I play it?

 

I thought/hoped that the only reason he's acting this way and saying these things is because he's had such a battering from me emotionally for the past 4 weeks solid - we literally haven't had one time together which hasn't been argumentative (caused by me), and even when we're not together I've been texting him asking him to see me that night, which just causes arguments.

 

I CAN stop this behaviour because I've been acting totally out of character, but do you think he's said the things he has yesterday and today because he really is sure he doesn't want to be with me - ever - but is trying to let me down gently, or do you think maybe he's just confused?

[avelonia2013]

Whew. You need to leave it alone and focus on yourself and give him space. The more you push and test for answers the more you push him away. Let time and space heal things and then go from there. You have a family; focus on them and any plans you have them and try not to think and over analyze this situaton. Just leave it be.

[Sapphyre]

Thanks, I do know how crazy I've been. I've had a lot of crap in my childhood and not that it's any excuse, but I think it may have been part of the reason I acted that way, at least. I also had a violent and controlling ex previously, so that affected me too.

 

I'm going to see my doctor next week to discuss some sort of therapy as at the very least, I think I have anxiety issues and am hopeless at coping with stress.

 

He says he's been gradually coming to the decision he has over the past 2 weeks, when I've been at my worst, and I think I can see when the penny finally dropped for him; it was last weekend when he said he needed a couple of weeks of just 'positive texting' as he put it; not seeing each other and just chatting through text message and see how things go from there - I didn't give him that space and we did end up seeing each other on Thursday which is where it went wrong again.

 

I'm just not sure, as I had sort of mentioned next Thursday as a possible day to spend an hour or two together out somewhere as friends, and he said the thing of 'if you'd left it til Thurs then maybe but as you've asked today it's a no', I'm not sure whether to contact him on Thursday morning, be bright and breezy and ask how his week has gone so far or something, and then ask to meet up for a drink or a walk - or whether he's almost guaranteed to say no, so what's the point?

 

I was thinking of playing the long game with this anyway, and just try and get back the friendship we had previously, build on it, not put any pressure on and loosely aim for maybe 6 months' time start trying to get back into the 'dating' zone again.

 

Just not sure how to play it.

[Simon Phoenix]

There is no play. You ruined it. You went all Stage 5 clinger on this guy and freaked him the hell out. He probably kept responding to you half out of fear of what you would do if he didn't. What you need to do is leave the poor dude alone. No texting, no calling, no stopping by, no nothing. Complete and utter No Contact. He needs to be the one to initiate and if he doesn't, you have to let him be. And do the counseling thing and figure out why you went all Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction after just two weeks.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[marigo]

When we have feelings for someone, its hard not to let our emotions get the best of us. We are so afraid of losing them but we always end up pushing them further away. We don't realize the very things we do to keep them, end up to be the reason we lose them. Trust me, ive been there done that. Im not gonna judge you. Even though i never went as far as you did in terms of trying to talk to this guy and pestering a guy, i understand the feeling. I think at this point you really NEED to leave him alone and give him space. Honestly, im extremely surprised that this guy lasted as long as he did and had enough respect to respond to you. He had enough respect for you to talk to you properly and to even follow what you want (pestering him to meet up with you). I couldn't even get my guy to talk to me on the phone if he really doesn't want to talk. You really really pushed him away and by begging and telling him that if you leave him alone until Thurs will he meet up with you? It doesn't work that way. You need to leave this guy alone until your head has cleared up, your emotions are in check, and you feel more secured about yourself. No offense, if you really cared about this guy, you will leave him alone. Think of what you are putting him through.

[Sapphyre]

I know why I did it; partly insecurity because he works somewhere that made it difficult for us to be 'open' about things, so he kept saying he couldn't tell anyone about us for a few months - which is fair enough in a way, but meant we couldn't go out together in the town we live in in case anyone from his work saw us, so we really only went out once and that was for a picnic at the local beauty spot out of town And partly my abusive ex still playing his mind games, which got me down.

This guy said he understood all that, and it's annoying/upsetting that now he's saying "you're just not for me" and "you're too young for me" when he's been saying the complete opposite all this time.

 

Also - when I've been making noises about splitting up in the past, he's been saying things like "well what about all the things you said (and then giving examples of the positive things I'd said in the past)...didn't you mean that at all?" and now when I'm now saying the same type of things to him, he keeps telling me to just accept that's how he feels...it seems a lot like double standards to me.

 

I just want him to give us a chance (after some healing time) with us acting and doing things properly this time - dating casually instead of jumping straight in with both feet, taking it slow, enjoying each other's company without thinking too much about the future...because I think that had a lot to do with why it went so wrong, and why I behaved in the way I did (although there's no excuse for that really), THEN if he feels I'm "not right" for him then fair enough; but he's basing that on a very weird start to our relationship at the moment, which I feel isn't fair.

 

At one point yesterday I did ask whether if we started to get on as friends and eventually met up, got on well etc and it was more laid back and not as intense, then his feelings grew stronger again would he entertain the idea of trying again, or never go back there - and he said "if the circumstances were right I would try again".

So then, I asked whether he wants the circumstances to be right or whether he'd always be making excuses for why they're not...and he replied "No, I just mean that I haven't got a crystal ball and maybe in 2, 2...10 years time then maybe".

 

Not sure if that was just said to shut me up, or maybe he would be open to the idea of trying again.

[Sapphyre]

So do you really think it's not a good idea to just sent him a quick text message on Thursday morning asking how his week went (he had a school or work reunion over this weekend) and if he responds, keep it light and then maybe ask if we can meet up for an hour that afternoon?

Would that be a huge mistake? He'll have had 5.5 days without hearing from me by that point, which I know isn't a very long time but considering the text battering he's had from me every day recently, it is.

 

Also I forgot to say before, he works in a school where I'm on the parent-teacher association.

There is a summer event coming up in mid June and so over the next coupe of weeks I'll have to go into school to sort some things out in preparation for the event - obviously he may choose to stay away from where I am at those times, but there is a chance I will see him anytime I'm in there, as the staff aren't told when pta members are in school, in advance.

 

There is also a toddler group at the school once a week which I attend, so there are chances for him to come and see me if he wants to, over the next couple of weeks...is there anything I can do during those times to try and heal things slightly?

[Sapphyre]

But...couldn't I just word it as a "if you really can't face seeing me then I understand but I'd like to see you" kind of thing?

 

Then if he says no leave him alone.

 

He did say he'd like to keep the door open, whether he was just saying that I don't know but he said he'd be ok for just texting, it's just meeting up he doesn't want to do.

 

And why did he word it as "you should've left it til Thursday then asked,"?

Doesn't that mean maybe if I'd done that, he might have considered it?

 

And if he would have done, maybe he was just really angry yesterday and might not be by Thursday?

[Sapphyre]

And also...why on Monday night did he say the marry me thing (to show commitment and also to convince himself to go through with it) and also say that he should have just moved in when we had been talking about it in the first or second week?

 

We'd been arguing then, too yet he still seemed to be really up for the idea of moving in; making plans, etc. Even on Monday night he said he wanted to be with me long term, just didn't know if he could commit because he doesn't have a great track record with relationships.

 

That's why I'm confused.

[Simon Phoenix]

He was saying that probably out of confusion because he didn't know what the hell to say to calm you down. I mean, you have just harrassed the heck out of this man, he probably doesn't know down from up at this point. Leave him the heck alone. Please. Let him settle down and let him come to you if he chooses. If not, then you have to let this go.

[Sapphyre]

He was saying that probably out of confusion because he didn't know what the hell to say to calm you down. I mean, you have just harrassed the heck out of this man, he probably doesn't know down from up at this point. Leave him the heck alone. Please. Let him settle down and let him come to you if he chooses. If not, then you have to let this go.

 

But don't you think he might have settled down a bit by Thursday? Even if I don't ask him to meet up (as he'll probably be expecting that), couldn't I just text and ask how he is/how his week has gone so far?

 

He won't come to me because he hasn't seen anything of me - we didn't even do the getting to know each other thing so how can he reliably say I'm "not for" him? I just want him to give us a chance even as friends, to do things more normally then he's free to make his decision based on fact, not a bit of insanity from me...which really isn't how I usually act!

If I don't contact him, then surely he'll just think I'm 'that' person and therefore not want to see/speak to me anyway

[Sapphyre]

The reason I'm chasing this so hard is because I really feel we're right for each other.

 

He said a couple of weeks ago that I've affected him in very positive ways; more than anyone else ever has, as I said he compared his feelings for me to the ones he had for his ex wife, he said that when he's finished with people in the past he's had a sense of relief but when he's split with me before he hasn't had that...although maybe he has this time, I don't know...and he's very spiritual and into 'signs'...we both felt an instant attraction that felt deeper than just sexual attraction, it felt like we were meant to be together and I really think that he only thinks he doesn't love me because of this cloud of...confusion and pain I've put over him.

[Simon Phoenix]

But don't you think he might have settled down a bit by Thursday? Even if I don't ask him to meet up (as he'll probably be expecting that), couldn't I just text and ask how he is/how his week has gone so far?

 

He won't come to me because he hasn't seen anything of me - we didn't even do the getting to know each other thing so how can he reliably say I'm "not for" him? I just want him to give us a chance even as friends, to do things more normally then he's free to make his decision based on fact, not a bit of insanity from me...which really isn't how I usually act!

If I don't contact him, then surely he'll just think I'm 'that' person and therefore not want to see/speak to me anyway

 

Your thoughts are absolutely inaccurate on every level.

 

No, he won't have settled down by Thursday. Right now you represent a great deal of stress. Any contact from you will be stressful contact. You abused your right to contact and check up on what he's doing by going nuts. Right now you are the nutty ex and only time away can resolve that. Nothing you can say will fix it -- you can only make it worse.

 

If you relax and let him have space (meaning weeks/months), he'll be a lot more likely to overlook your goofiness and remember the good things. I can't guarantee it will ever happen -- you pretty much dove right off the deep end -- but you continuing to contact him will not help you. It will come off as being pestering and manipulative, which was the behavior you exhibited during the end of your short fling.

 

It's time to work on you and leave him be.

[aisuru]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you love something set it free.

 

Do not contact him on Thursday. I know it's hard. I honestly do.

 

Find anything else to occupy your time, but for the love of all that is great, do not contact him. You both need some space so the emotions can settle a bit.

 

He likely doesn't want to hurt you so isn't outright telling you no to all these things, though he's been evasive. Don't force him into a corner where he'll say and do things you're not ready to hear.

 

All of us speak from experience. We're not trying to keep you in misery my dear.

[Simon Phoenix]

The reason I'm chasing this so hard is because I really feel we're right for each other.

 

He said a couple of weeks ago that I've affected him in very positive ways; more than anyone else ever has, as I said he compared his feelings for me to the ones he had for his ex wife, he said that when he's finished with people in the past he's had a sense of relief but when he's split with me before he hasn't had that...although maybe he has this time, I don't know...and he's very spiritual and into 'signs'...we both felt an instant attraction that felt deeper than just sexual attraction, it felt like we were meant to be together and I really think that he only thinks he doesn't love me because of this cloud of...confusion and pain I've put over him.

 

This is more reason not to push. If you want the positive things to shine through, you can't keep reminding him of the negativity. And right now, all contact from you would be construed as negative. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and time heals all wounds. If you have any shot at all (if you do it's a small one), you have to stop chasing and contacting. The approach you want is basically guaranteed failure.

[marigo]

You keep bringing up what this guy had said it the past. Yes maybe he did mean it AT THE TIME. But things change. He saw the person you can be and unfortunately, he doesnt think that you are for him. To tell you the truth, most guys if not all will be scared if they feel like they are being harassed. I know you just want him to give you a chance and you want to do that by trying to be friends with him. The thing is you are still so emotional that i guarantee you hanging out with him "as a friend" you're just bound to have another break down in front of him and he'll end up being pushed away more. I know you're saying that you guys can take things slowly but if there is something he does that is not according to what you want, you will pester him again. That's why we have been telling you that YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM ALONE. Let him come to you when he's ready. Weeks, months, or even years from now, who knows maybe he will come back and you wouldnt be this emotional mess anymore. By that time, he can truly see the fun and stable girl that he unfortunately cannot see in you right now. Im sure you are beautiful, smart, caring, loving, but right now, it's hard for him to see that because you've been so crazy.

 

And please do not text him on Thursday. I know he said that if you had waited on Thursday he will consider, but it's too late for that. You didnt wait for Thursday. And im 100% sure you will not be able to just keep it "light" because again, you are still very emotional. If he still wants to see you, let him say something. Besides, wouldnt you feel better if he initiates it because that means he actually wants to see you and not because he was being forced by you?

 

I know it feels like he's the right one for you but you really need to work on you first.

[Sapphyre]

Thank you all for being so kind with your responses

 

I know you're right, it's just that because we pretty much didn't have any good times...in fact the only day we didn't argue was the day we went out for that picnic and long walk, that was about 5 hours altogether and then he came back that evening and stayed the night - and it was all lovely, no fights or bickering at all.

 

So - one 'positive' amongst 6 weeks of crap. Yesterday he called me "loving, caring, kind, gentle, beautiful and sexy" so he knows my good points but still says I'm not the one for him, which hurts because the good side of me was totally compatible with him I just don't think he will ever see that and let's face it; he'll never miss me contacting him, will he?

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you all for being so kind with your responses

 

I know you're right, it's just that because we pretty much didn't have any good times...in fact the only day we didn't argue was the day we went out for that picnic and long walk, that was about 5 hours altogether and then he came back that evening and stayed the night - and it was all lovely, no fights or bickering at all.

 

So - one 'positive' amongst 6 weeks of crap. Yesterday he called me "loving, caring, kind, gentle, beautiful and sexy" so he knows my good points but still says I'm not the one for him, which hurts because the good side of me was totally compatible with him I just don't think he will ever see that and let's face it; he'll never miss me contacting him, will he?

 

Why were you talking to him yesterday? Stop.

[aisuru]

 

he'll never miss me contacting him, will he?

 

Exactly. I'm sorry to say that because I know you are hurting.

 

He is being nice to you, perhaps because you're pushing him to be nice. But frankly? He just wants you to go away.

 

Preserve your self respect, learn from what you did wrong, accept it's over, and move on.

[Sapphyre]

Ohhhh....I texted him

 

I honestly wasn't going to after reading the replies on here...but then at 8.30am I had my (other) ex messing me around about seeing our children and I got really upset - and wrote out this loooong text. Can't remember exactly what it said but what I can remember was:

 

"Sorry to send this as I know you don't want to hear from me, and sorry this is probably going to annoy you so much but I just have to say. I'm so, so sorry for the way I treated you. I think underneath the arguments we did make each other happy, and I wish you'd have given us one last chance to try again under more normal circumstances and let me show you that we do have enough common ground, as that argumentative, clingy, needy person really isn't me...but I know if the feelings aren't there on your part then I can't do anything about it You have to know though...you are amazing...so kind, patient...reliable...you are very good looking (although you know that already! lol) and you built my confidence up so much...just wish I'd been able to do the same for you instead of knocking you down all the time. I know you don't and won't ever miss me or want to see me again and I'm sorry I've probably annoyed you even more and come across as very selfish sending this, if you want me to cut all contact then I will...have to do what you need and want now because I want u to be happy."

 

Reading it back, it looks pathetic and I admit; when I sent it, I really wasn expecting him to reply saying he did miss me (as the last time we split up - which was only 19th May so last weekend, he ended it on the Saturday and on the Monday I text him, and he replied saying he did miss me then agreed to meet up with me that evening. Thought he might be the same this time, but it's been an hour since I sent the message and he hasn't replied - he usually answers very quickly so I'm guessing this means he isn't going to reply at all

 

What would have been going through his head when he read my text, do you think?

 

How much damage have I done here?

[Sapphyre]

Ok...so he replied to my text (the one I mentioned in my previous post).

 

I had texted him at 9am and then at 5pm he replied "Hi (me) good to hear from you...as I said before more than happy to stay in contact. U are definitely not as bad as you make out. If I genuinely thought we had a long term future I would definitely not avoid you. I do like you a lot but it is not a good idea for us to meet. Be patient, you will meet someone who treats you properly. Hope ur ok x"

 

I then asked to phone him and he agreed. He was very chatty on the phone, there was no awkwardness, I started off asking about why he thinks there is no chance etc., and he said it's not one thing, it's just a feeling he has. I then said something about if I'd asked him to come round tonight he would have refused and he replied that he might not have done, "that's the problem".

So I asked. He was saying a lot of him wants to, but the other part os worried as he's so sexually attracted to me that we'd end up in bed, and he'd feel like rubbish the next morning. I said I wasn't going to give him the chance to try it on, he wouldn't stay over, he seemed to be really considering it, he did say he missed my company and talking to me, eventually though he said he couldn't, it wouldn't be right and I shouldn't push things that he's not 100% sure he wants to do. He then hung up

 

I texted to apologise and he replied "I'm sorry it's me...I desperately want to sleep with you and for us to have the best ever sexual experience of our lives, but I can't unless we are in or heading towards a proper relationship. I don't think my emotional feelings for you are strong enough to have a proper relationship so I'm trying to treat you with honesty and respect and leave me with some dignity :("

 

I then said "don't apologise, it's because I know ur 100% sure you don't want to be with me that I asked u to come round. If I thought there was any chance for us to have a relationship I wouldn't have. It's just sad as this means u will never want to meet up with me doesn't it? Although I wish you could just do the sex thing" (why did I say that!? duh!)

 

His reply: "so do I but it would destroy me...everything I've believed in. I really am trying to protect both of us. I think you deserve far more than sex from a lonely old man".

 

He then sent "Although my instinct says to completely stop all contact O was hoping we could keep texting whilst I see if I can sort my issues out...my emotional hangups."

 

I asked what that meant and he said "Because my head is messed up. I know I like u a lot and fancy you like crazy. We are both single so why is it a problem for me to be with u. And why do I find it difficult to tell you to leave me alone even when you've really peed me off (you haven't gone that far tonight, lol). And all I really want to do is come and join you in bed now, have a great night we could even stay in bed all morning...and I would hate myself tomorrow Have I humiliated myself enough now. And I'm not totally convinced that you really want 'just sex' with me or anyone. But you were prepared to do it for me to make me happy."

 

I then replied saying sorry and signed myself off with my nickname, he replied "See, you never even told me you liked to be called (nickname)..even when I asked you and you always said that u were never that bothered about sex...what chance do I stand?"

 

So then I said I'd like to go for a coffee or lunch on Thursday so there's no chance for us to sleep together and therefore no pressure, said I didn't want to pressure him into things he doesn't want to do but I hoped he would at least consider it and he said "no worries sleep well x"

 

And then 30 minutes later, I got "Just found the pictures that you sent me on facebook (slightly sexy ones, nothing on show! sent 3 weeks ago when we were still together)...not that I didn't know it already...but you are an exceptionally beautiful and sexy woman."

 

I didn't reply.

 

So - sorry for typing out all those texts but felt they were relevant.

 

He did say at one point during the phone call that I confuse him, always have done...that on one hand he knows he's attracted to me in a physical way and then I asked for the other side....the negative...and he mumbled "I want to know whether it's just that I fancy you or whether there is a chance there is more" but I didn't push him on that and he didn't repeat it.

 

Do you think there might be a chance, or he's saying it just to strong me along/let me down gently..?

 

He sounded very genuine and we got on well on the phone, the texting felt like he wasn't getting too annoyed by it and he did say I hadn't annoyed him too much this time.

 

What do you think? What should I do now?

[Simon Phoenix]

It sounds like he likes having sex with you because he finds you crazy. But he doesn't want a relationship with you because he finds you crazy. Guys love to f--k crazy, but they don't like relationships with crazy. And thus far, you have been crazy.

 

I think you need to stop doing this though. If he really wants to contact you, let him contact you. Stop initiating.

Edited May 28, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[Sapphyre]

See...last night he said he wants to just text - nothing heavy or about 'us', just random, positive chatty type texts and he said it specifically for the purpose of seeing if we can get on, then if we do arrange a date...then take things from there.

 

Why would he say that if he didn't mean it?

 

He seemed so genuine...

[Leigh 87]

sigh.

 

.............

[Simon Phoenix]

See...last night he said he wants to just text - nothing heavy or about 'us', just random, positive chatty type texts and he said it specifically for the purpose of seeing if we can get on, then if we do arrange a date...then take things from there.

 

Why would he say that if he didn't mean it?

 

He seemed so genuine...

 

How many texts did you send him badgering him before he responded in this way?