I found the girl i was dating with another man..

[edelveis]

Hello everyone.some of you know my story i guess.i didnt write for a few days coz i wanted to see how things will go between me and her.and finally the worst happened.we were planning whole week that we will meet on friday night after her graduation ceremony.and i have to say again that we had said we are dating exclusively.She texted me after it and arranged to meet at a certain place.whilei was in the taxi she texted me saying lets meet better in 30mins coz i cant leave this place.i called her,texted her but she had her cell phone closed and didnt answer my messages.So i decided to go find her.

 

I went firstly at the place where she and her friend went after the ceremony.but she was not there and when i asked a girl if she knowr her she told me she had alrady left for another club!and so i decided to go find her and put an end to all of it.So i went to that clud but she wasnt there.

But i was really decided that i had to find her while she was lying to me and so i searched for her to many places.

 

At the end i found her at a club.she was with many people and in the hug of a guy.when she saw she was like frozen of course.i made a gesture of dissapointemtn and despice and left of course.and when i came home i deleted her from facebook.

 

Whats ur oppinion on my behaviour?and what should i do now?i am sure she ll conatct me sooner or later and dont know if i should tell he its over or just ignore her.anyway my heart really broke.she was full of lies and an empty heart,body and soul..

[apple OR orange]

i think what you did was very good, instead of wondering what was happening you went and found out.

 

If it was me i would never ever talk to her again (or look at pics), you have closure as you know she was cheating.

 

On the other side of this, she wasnt a nice person letting you wait somewhere, although i think you will be used alot like this, you sound like the type to be "nice", and this is going to be a problem for you with many women doing the same thing.

 

Most wont tell you this, but you need to hear it to get on with life.

[coachcomeback]

Ignoring someone never actually makes you feel any better. You just end up later with regrets and inside you own mind thinking of all the things you "wished" you would have said.

 

I would bet you are already replaying that day over and over and wishing you had did something different already. Am I right?

 

Look, if you have something on your mind and you want to let her know how you feel, DO IT! Always better out than in.

 

Always a good time to practice your communication and forgiveness skills because, lets be honest, this is probably not the only time something like this will happen. It's what you learn from it and how you can handle it that will determine your fate next time.

[Shepp]

It comes down to you mate - what would make you feel better?

Like ignoring her is powerful and pretty good but I for one couldn't do it - ive got a temper and I need to speak my mind, I couldn't get over it if I didn't.

 

You just need to do whats best for you to get proper closure!

[coachcomeback]

It comes down to you mate - what would make you feel better?

Like ignoring her is powerful and pretty good but I for one couldn't do it - ive got a temper and I need to speak my mind, I couldn't get over it if I didn't.

 

You just need to do whats best for you to get proper closure!

 

Agreed! And I commend you for knowing what you need! Anger and closure is always better than resentment and regret.

[Geiss]

I recommend giving her the cold shoulder. No contact or anything. Delete her number, ignore her calls if she does call or texts or whatever. She's a lying bitch. You should have at least went up to her and let the other guy know who he is involved with so she could go home alone. Or find some other hapless bastard.

[edelveis]

thank you very much guys for your support.i deleted her from facebook but i didnt have the chance to say all the things i feel about it now,how much i think she wasnt worthy and how stupid she must have thought i am to be lying to me like this.do you think i should send her a message?or wait to tell them only is she tries to approach me again.

 

Also my friend apple or orange unfortunately i am not the nice guy.i am not an easy person and i am sure she doesnt think i am the mr nice guy coz i have done things to her proving it.

[Mrlonelyone]

thank you very much guys for your support.i deleted her from facebook but i didnt have the chance to say all the things i feel about it now,how much i think she wasnt worthy and how stupid she must have thought i am to be lying to me like this.do you think i should send her a message?or wait to tell them only is she tries to approach me again.

 

Also my friend apple or orange unfortunately i am not the nice guy.i am not an easy person and i am sure she doesnt think i am the mr nice guy coz i have done things to her proving it.

 

Nah, you're not a nice guy. A nice guy would have sat where she told you to waited. You caught her acting up. Now never talk to her again.

 

Unless she drops to her knees and offers to suck your ****. Let her do that, then don't talk to her again.

[edelveis]

Forum lurker and what was i supposed to do?keep her like a friend in facebook and act like nothing happened?when u dont want someone in urlife anymore,because they hurted you,u must do everything possible.i did it for me not for her.thats only for you to know.and being young or not doesnt have to do with it at all.i know old people with 15 years old kid brain and 18 years old people with 30 years old brain.thank you very much for your comment but next time think more before you judge.

 

About my story she just texted me saying how sorry she is and that she accepts i dont want to see her anymore coz she just cant explain with words how sorry she is and how she feels.she blame it of course on the alcohol and said she was drunk and dont remember nothing.whats ur oppinion now?

[pcplod]

Forum lurker and what was i supposed to do?keep her like a friend in facebook and act like nothing happened?when u dont want someone in urlife anymore,because they hurted you,u must do everything possible.i did it for me not for her.thats only for you to know.and being young or not doesnt have to do with it at all.i know old people with 15 years old kid brain and 18 years old people with 30 years old brain.thank you very much for your comment but next time think more before you judge.

 

About my story she just texted me saying how sorry she is and that she accepts i dont want to see her anymore coz she just cant explain with words how sorry she is and how she feels.she blame it of course on the alcohol and said she was drunk and dont remember nothing.whats ur oppinion now?

 

Forget her, forget her, forget her.

 

What do her excuses matter? Do you want to see whether she has the mastery to suck you back in again? She was trying to play you like a fiddle and if it wasn't for your determination and obduracy she would still be playing you like a fiddle with not a jot of guilt whatsoever. Do you fancy being a door mat?

 

Do you really want to hear more of her excuses, say, for purely enterntainment purposes, to see how ridiculous they can get? And why worry about giving her a piece of your mind? She knows what she is and is quite content with it. You having a rant at her would be water off a duck's back. I can guarantee that she will only tell you how it is all your own fault, for one reason or another, in any event. However, if you have a righteous and masochistic streak to you, just go ahead.

[therhythm]

Forum lurker and what was i supposed to do?keep her like a friend in facebook and act like nothing happened?when u dont want someone in urlife anymore,because they hurted you,u must do everything possible.i did it for me not for her.thats only for you to know.and being young or not doesnt have to do with it at all.i know old people with 15 years old kid brain and 18 years old people with 30 years old brain.thank you very much for your comment but next time think more before you judge.

 

About my story she just texted me saying how sorry she is and that she accepts i dont want to see her anymore coz she just cant explain with words how sorry she is and how she feels.she blame it of course on the alcohol and said she was drunk and dont remember nothing.whats ur oppinion now?

 

She is lying, just tell her to get lost already... You are much better off without her.

[apple OR orange]

Is this how kids break up nowadays, "unfriending" someone on Facebook? How sad.

 

Welcome to planet earth 2013.... this is identical as "i'm not ploughing his field again with my horse" is never done now-a-days.

 

Along with "well thy will get thy own way home for treating a gentleman thusly" is also not done as its 2013.

 

Its facebook era, people unfriend them to show, "your done".

[Calvin's wagon]

Edelvies, I'll be completely frank with you:

 

Given what you've written in your other posts, I'm glad this has happened now, so you can (and hopefully will) stop thinking about ever having any sort of relationship with her, before she has inflicted more pain and hardship on you, and before you ran yourself into the ground trying to "save" her and make her happy.

 

I know you're distraught at the moment, but in a way I think this happening was a blessing for you!

 

I'm not sure how you can trust anything she say to you ever again. Even before this had happened, it would have been incredibly difficult for the relationship to be good and non-toxic for you, but after this, I think next-to-impossible. Honestly, if you'll even seriously consider getting back to her after all this, I'd strongly worry that you have some big "saviour", self-esteem etc. issues to work on yourself.

 

I would send her a message to never ever contact me again, and then I would block her/delete her/... from any social media/telephone/email. Follow the NC. If she continues to bug her, change your phone number (if you can), change FB settings to accepting messages only from friends etc.

 

And as for the things you want to say to her? I'm afraid that somehow she'll (by replying to what you say) suck you right back into "trying to work things out" with her.

 

I'd recommend writing a letter (every day anew, if necessary) of the things you want to tell her, and throwing/burning it.

 

And hopefully this will be a good learning experience.

 

This post was a bit of tough love, but it was meant for the best. I've been in your position (well, worse, actually), so I'm just trying to help. Best wishes, we're here for you!

[edelveis]

Thank you so much everyone for your support and caring once more.U really help me make the right desicion this time.

 

My friend Celvins Wagon,this time i am finished with this girl for real.i knew it from the moment i saw her at this club with the other guy.I had really enough of it and i think i deserve much more better than her while she deserves much more less than me.and of course i can never trust her never again.in fact i doubt everything she has told me in the past.for example last friday when she told me she couldnt meet me coz she was ill she might said that so she could be able ro go out with other guys or companies to get drunk again.i really doubt everything.

 

I feel really hurted right now and it makes me really sad because i have feelings for this girl but as you say its a blessing.it gave me a strong reason to walk away immediately and i wont let this opportunity slip.Just one question because of your experience.doyou think she's lying when saying she was drunk?i think she is but i want ur oppion too(if ur ex told u same excuses sometimes etc)

 

The only thing i think of right now is how to end it.i havent replied to her text yet coz i think ignoring her and not saying anything really annoys her and hurts her.this way i feel empowered and good.on the other hand i know that if i wont say something like"dont ever text me again,forget about me" she will continue texting me after a while.what do you think is best?and if i decide finally to tell her do you think i should tell her face to face or u think she ll suck me back on working things out?personally i think its impossible coz i am really done with her forever.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

Thank you so much everyone for your support and caring once more.U really help me make the right desicion this time.

 

I'm sure I speak for others when I say that we're very happy that you're standing up for yourself and are doing your best to try and make decisions that are best for you, including getting our advice! Keep up the good work!

 

I had really enough of it and i think i deserve much more better than her while she deserves much more less than me.and of course i can never trust her never again /..../ I feel really hurted right now and it makes me really sad because i have feelings for this girl but as you say its a blessing.it gave me a strong reason to walk away immediately and i wont let this opportunity slip

 

I'm glad to hear those words from you! As painful as it is now, this realization will help you heal quicker and better!

 

.Just one question because of your experience.doyou think she's lying when saying she was drunk?i think she is but i want ur oppion too(if ur ex told u same excuses sometimes etc)

 

It's hard to say for certain, but I think there are good chances that she was lying:

1. She was lying to you about other things, trying to protect her self and be selfish,

2.

.when she saw she was like frozen of course.

She doesn't seem to have been so drunk to be unable to control herself or remember what happened. In my experience, if people are really drunk, they cannot "freeze" because of something they saw or heard, because they're so drunk they don't really fully comprehend what's going on.

 

So really, the facts seem to go against her being drunk, and the only "proof" of her being drunk is her own word. Given that she's lied to you before, that's no proof.

 

3. And even if by any chance she really was drunk, that's no excuse. "In vino veritas". Plus, she knew you guys were arranged to meet, and she still (if she did) got so hammered - that shows you how little she cared about you. If she had any respect for you or any true wish to meet you, she would have made sure to be able to meet you. Furthermore, do you really want to be with someone who (if she has) has such a drinking habit/problem that she gets drunk and messes with other men?

 

 

 

this way i feel empowered and good.on the other hand i know that if i wont say something like"dont ever text me again,forget about me" she will continue texting me after a while. what do you think is best?

 

Like I said, I'd send her a short message: "Do not ever again contact me in any way. I will block you everywhere, so I will not be getting or reading anything you might send me. If you by any chance see me anywhere ever again, do not approach me or talk to me. Goodbye".

 

If you are really itching to add something personal to it, I'd include sth like "I will never be able to trust you again, no matter what you do or say. So do not ever again contact me ..../what i wrote above/... I hope you will get professional help, and eventually find happiness. Goodbye"

 

This will give you some closure, and it will also (in my experience) empower you - because you will be the one with "the final word", the one "finally firmly shutting the doors".

 

And remember, START THE GRIEVING AND HEALING PROCESS TO HELP YOURSELF, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. If you want to talk about how to go about doing this, we're here to help you, and there are tons of great threads here. One of them being the NC guide.

 

nd if i decide finally to tell her do you think i should tell her face to face or u think she ll suck me back on working things out

 

It's good that you're asking this, because it shows that you're aware of the danger! I'm glad to hear this. I strongly strongly strongly urge you to not tell her in person! I'm afraid she will (by pretending to be sorry/by being sorry) manipulate you into further contact her. If she by any chance shows up at your work, at your home, if you meet her anywhere (in a club), ignore her (no matter what she does) and walk away/close the doors/have her removed(if she at your home).

 

 

We're here to help you, others have given you tons of great advice as well! I hope to hear more from you! Best wishes

[edelveis]

Hi!

 

 

 

 

3. And even if by any chance she really was drunk, that's no excuse. "In vino veritas". Plus, she knew you guys were arranged to meet, and she still (if she did) got so hammered - that shows you how little she cared about you. If she had any respect for you or any true wish to meet you, she would have made sure to be able to meet you.

 

To be honnest with you i didnt thought of it and it was really hard for me to read it coz its so true.but thank you coz u gave me one more strong reason not to want her in my life anymore.

 

About how to end it.i am a person who when says something is over then its really over.there is no way to manipulate me going back to work things out with her.i have made my desicion no matter how hard it is and i am really done with her and her love.giving all these informations do you think its better to tell her face to face or text her?i say this coz in my life,with other girlfriends of mine ,i always ended things face to face in the direct way.

 

If i finally decide to text her instead of meeting her i will follow ur pieces of advice on what t write but i would like to say a few more personal things too. like "i thought u re different but its not the 1st time i m wrong/i am finished with you and your love so for your own good forget me/in life we have to live with the consequencies of our actions".we had a conversation one day about the phrase "real eyes,realize,real lies" and i was telling her that its so true and it always happens while she was saying that there are no real eyes coz they dont always realize real lies.do you think i should mention something about it like"real eyes,realize,real lies.how true finally it is."?

 

I will be honnest with everyone.if she had not texted me then i would have big problems going through it.but after she texted me,with her apology and that she accepts i dont want to see her coz she cant just explain how sorry she is and how bad she feels,i feel so empowered and confident coz its important to be me the one who will put the end to this story.to show her that i am a strong,confident person,she cant play with or manipulate.i want to prove her that i am different like she said to me she thinks i am.i want to end it in the way that it will bother her and hurt her the most.it might sound shelfish or stubborn or arrogant but thats how it is.

[therhythm]

Hi!

 

 

 

 

3. And even if by any chance she really was drunk, that's no excuse. "In vino veritas". Plus, she knew you guys were arranged to meet, and she still (if she did) got so hammered - that shows you how little she cared about you. If she had any respect for you or any true wish to meet you, she would have made sure to be able to meet you.

 

To be honnest with you i didnt thought of it and it was really hard for me to read it coz its so true.but thank you coz u gave me one more strong reason not to want her in my life anymore.

 

About how to end it.i am a person who when says something is over then its really over.there is no way to manipulate me going back to work things out with her.i have made my desicion no matter how hard it is and i am really done with her and her love.giving all these informations do you think its better to tell her face to face or text her?i say this coz in my life,with other girlfriends of mine ,i always ended things face to face in the direct way.

 

If i finally decide to text her instead of meeting her i will follow ur pieces of advice on what t write but i would like to say a few more personal things too. like "i thought u re different but its not the 1st time i m wrong/i am finished with you and your love so for your own good forget me/in life we have to live with the consequencies of our actions".we had a conversation one day about the phrase "real eyes,realize,real lies" and i was telling her that its so true and it always happens while she was saying that there are no real eyes coz they dont always realize real lies.do you think i should mention something about it like"real eyes,realize,real lies.how true finally it is."?

 

I will be honnest with everyone.if she had not texted me then i would have big problems going through it.but after she texted me,with her apology and that she accepts i dont want to see her coz she cant just explain how sorry she is and how bad she feels,i feel so empowered and confident coz its important to be me the one who will put the end to this story.to show her that i am a strong,confident person,she cant play with or manipulate.i want to prove her that i am different like she said to me she thinks i am.i want to end it in the way that it will bother her and hurt her the most.it might sound shelfish or stubborn or arrogant but thats how it is.

 

Stop over complicating this... just send her a small text with something like "I don't want to know anything about you anymore, don't text me, don't call me and if you see me in the street don't approach me, have fun the rest of your life without me!" and once you have sent the message, just make sure you really do it otherwise it will be a joke!.

[edelveis]

i am not complicating things.its really over.i just want it the best way for me.and when i ll text her be sure it wont be a joke.

[therhythm]

believe me, the best for you is just a text, you don't want to go talk to her and go home with doubts if you are doing the right thing, people can be very convincing and liars even more! Don't give her the chance to damage you any further, just send a NC text and move on!

[Calvin's wagon]

I agree with therhythm!

 

Anything other than one final (and i mean absolutely final, no replying to her eventual reply) text to her will hurt you and be bad for you!

 

I understand that you want her to see how different/strong you are etc., but I also think that NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO TO HER NOW you will NOT "make her see" how wrong she was". Everything you say or do, there's a good chance that she will manipulate in her own mind to your own benefit. And anything to say, there will "always" be more things you will remember you want to tell her...

 

So the only way to "win" this "game" with people like her is to STOP PLAYING the game -> to stop communication with her completely!

 

As long as you are still trying to prove anything to her, to tell her anything, to make her be bothered or hurt etc., you ARE STILL PLAYING THE GAME with her. And you are still allowing yourself to be influenced by her and her reactions, because you will then want to "see" if she is hurting, if she is realising her mistakes etc. So you will still be allowing yourself for your feelings, thoughts etc., depend on her, her reactions. Your thoughts will be influenced by thinking "what can I do that will show her _____, that will make her be ____ , that will make her see ____".

 

And all this "I'm so strong now, I want her to see me so she will see etc." -> all this is just your "rationalizations", your "excuses" to find a way to see her again. I know it's hard, I was in your shoes, but I'm telling you, your mind, your issues are playing games with you!

 

Get out of the GAME. The only way to "win" the game with such toxic people is to cut them out of your life completely and become indifferent as to what they do, think, feel etc. To get to the point where she is no longer a factor in any way as to how you lead your life, how you feel, think, do... And the best way for that is to send her a short message, block her everywhere and never again let yourself communicate with her.

 

STOP! Concentrate on yourself, on healing and working on yourself!

 

Hope to hear from you soon, especially if you need a bit more reasons on why to not contact her except ONLY ONCE more in SHORT text message before BLOCKING HER for EVER from your life

[edelveis]

i will answer really soon.

[phineas]

Forum lurker and what was i supposed to do?keep her like a friend in facebook and act like nothing happened?when u dont want someone in urlife anymore,because they hurted you,u must do everything possible.i did it for me not for her.thats only for you to know.and being young or not doesnt have to do with it at all.i know old people with 15 years old kid brain and 18 years old people with 30 years old brain.thank you very much for your comment but next time think more before you judge.

 

About my story she just texted me saying how sorry she is and that she accepts i dont want to see her anymore coz she just cant explain with words how sorry she is and how she feels.she blame it of course on the alcohol and said she was drunk and dont remember nothing.whats ur oppinion now?

 

Don't fall for the lies.

Unless she was doing shots all day she was sober when she texted you & knew what she was doing.

 

The simple fact is that guy don't want to date her.

If he did, you wouldn't be hearing from her.

She most likely was sleeping with him or slept with him that night & he said "see ya!"

Otherwise she would of ran after you that night.

She didn't because she knew the guy she was with would of dropped her.

 

She's pulling the victim/pity act. Blaming booze? ROTFLMAO!

Well, who the hell wants a woman that get's black-out drunk & blows off her BF to sleep with another man?

And believe me. She did sleep with him that night.

 

Personally i'd just ignore her. Block her number, ect.

She's dead to you.

 

You could tell her off if you want but she will just use it to justify cheating on you by saying "see he's an a-hole"

[edelveis]

Well i think i have to say afew things and make them clear coz i think you have misunderstand me a bit

 

Firstly i am finished with this girl.i know it.it couldnt be more sure.if i finally text her or see her it will be the last she will hear from me again and then stick to NC.so i have already stopped playing this game.

 

Secondly its not my excuse to find a chance to meet her for one more time.i dont work this way my friend.maybe it will hurt me a little if i see her again and knowing its the last time but i know i am strong enough to make it coz there is nothing she can do or say to make me change my mind.its over.and i think it will be a good experience coz it will make me stronger.i know she ll do her best to persuade me but i am sure i am doing the right thing with ending it.

 

Lastly u think she doesnt understand how wrong was what she did?why she apologizes then?u think she thinks she is right ?

 

Thank you ver much for your support guys and i m waiting for your replies

[phineas]

 

Stop over complicating this... just send her a small text with something like "I don't want to know anything about you anymore, don't text me, don't call me and if you see me in the street don't approach me, have fun the rest of your life without me!" and once you have sent the message, just make sure you really do it otherwise it will be a joke!.

 

In these situations I respond with "no thanks jef"

[phineas]

Well i think i have to say afew things and make them clear coz i think you have misunderstand me a bit

 

Firstly i am finished with this girl.i know it.it couldnt be more sure.if i finally text her or see her it will be the last she will hear from me again and then stick to NC.so i have already stopped playing this game.

 

Secondly its not my excuse to find a chance to meet her for one more time.i dont work this way my friend.maybe it will hurt me a little if i see her again and knowing its the last time but i know i am strong enough to make it coz there is nothing she can do or say to make me change my mind.its over.and i think it will be a good experience coz it will make me stronger.i know she ll do her best to persuade me but i am sure i am doing the right thing with ending it.

 

Lastly u think she doesnt understand how wrong was what she did?why she apologizes then?u think she thinks she is right ?

 

Thank you ver much for your support guys and i m waiting for your replies

 

She isn't a child.

She is a grown adult.

She knew what she did & she knows what she is doing now.

 

Think about what kind of person it takes to be like that.

This is not a good person.