I found the girl i was dating with another man..

[edelveis]

Adele now u are completely telling the wrong thing.between my the end of my last relationship and when i met this giril there were 11 months in the between.i dont think its just a short period.if u dont have a good look of my threads dont say innacurate things.

[edelveis]

in my previous threads the 13 are for my ex girlfriend and my journey to recovery and getting over her and the other 3 are about this girl.so what are u talking about?the thing is that its not what we shoud discuss about.

[Adele0908]

Yes maybe u are right maybe i have my personal issues because it seems like i ve been attracted to the wrong girls but at the beginning everyone looks normal.but dont tell me ur perfect we all have our issues.and dont make eveyrhing look the same.every story is different.

 

I just dont have a different girl every few months.i dont date just anybody.but i have to agree with you that i dont pick well finally

 

When did I say I was perfect? I've made mistakes, like everybody.

 

What I've learned through personal experience is that the more emotionally healthy a person is, the more likely they are to attract emotionally healthy people into their lives. But a victim mentality is only going to attract abuse.

 

So what's the point of dating more girls when your at this low point in your life? Like another poster said, people need time to heal when they've been wounded. If you broke your leg would you go run a marathon? When you're sick don't you stay home from work or school. Your heart and mind has been wounded, so why not take time to heal that?

[edelveis]

who told you that i am going to date another girl or search another?did i ever mention that?of course not coz i am not.i cant.i am not this kind of person.it wont be fair also to other women.i never date again until i feel ready..of course i need my time to heal.

[tbf]

Possibly. Or it could just be bad luck.

Run a probability analysis based on Pareto's 80/20 where 20/100 people are crazy. Probability begins at 20%. Repeat and it drops to 4%. And on.

[Adele0908]

in my previous threads the 13 are for my ex girlfriend and my journey to recovery and getting over her and the other 3 are about this girl.so what are u talking about?the thing is that its not what we shoud discuss about.

 

Ok, it looked like there were different girls. It doesn't take away from what I said though. You called yourself a victim, did you not? You said she was emotionally unstable, right? You asked posters to weigh in on YOUR behavior. If you just want someone to agree with you, I'm not the one.

[Woohoo]

I'm bad.

 

What I would do is find the hottest couple of girls in the night club and explain the situation, then take them over to the biggest group and explain the situation. I'd ask both the girls to sit on my lap and makeout with me while someone from the big group went and fetched my ex-girlfriend, say someone is offering her a drink to talk for a minute, whatever blah blah, hell, someone pretend to work their. (easier than you think)

 

She would walk up on the makeout and get mad. Act all surprised, like you've been caught. After/IF she starts complaining/yelling be sure to have a couple of the people in the large group prepped with questions, "were you really supposed to meet him 30 minutes ago?" and "Wow, your a liar and a whore." Have a couple of people from the group break off to the other group she was with and when she comes back have them point, if they can ask her if she is "the cheating whore."

 

Turn to the hotties and ask "guess what?" "What?"

 

I'M SINGLE and raise a drink. Your the king.

 

P.S. What you did was responsible and mature. This is merely the Woohoo way, which is not responsible, mature, and possibly insane.

[Woohoo]

Okay, if you want to do the same insane plan I recommended NOW, you could and invite her to some club to talk. She will go for it.

 

If you want something more mild, see her, resist her and simply inform her that regardless of what she says, she doesn't "meet your standards" and all the crying and begging she does isn't going to change that.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

I agree with the opinions of others that you should work on:

- getting over

- resolving/"healing" yourself of the effect of all this

- working on yourself to address and resolves any (big) issues you might have (to some extent I agree that more emotionally healthy people are attracted to more emotionally healthy people. That's why I, when I had many unresolved and unrecognized issues, was so attracted to "broken" girls who needed to be "saved").

 

 

As for when, if at all, to send her a message: "too late" in what sense? I think you don't have to hurry, take your time to decide if/when you will send her and what you'll write. Take 1, 3, 5, ... , days, as long as need. But don't delay for too long, because the sooner you decide, the sooner can you properly beginning the "getting over her" process for real.

 

 

And we'll be glad to hear about how you're doing! Best wishes

[Calvin's wagon]

Woohoo, your post made me laugh, thnx:)

[Woohoo]

Woohoo' date=' your post made me laugh, thnx:)[/quote']

 

Glad to spread the joy!

[Darren Steez]

Dude you do not owe her the right of reply. Do you guy leave in the same town or area? If she really wanted to meet you or get in contact with you she would have come to you..no?

 

She thought she could fob you off to go with this guy or this set of friends, she put higher priority with them over being with you.

 

I commend you for keeping it cool, getting rid of her and trying to move on but I guarantee you, you send any messages wanting explanations or trying to explain why you're doing what you're doing you're going to end up getting into unnecessary dialogue where she'll most likely come up with BS excuses and try to get back with you again...you don't need that emotional confusion again.

 

The explanation of why you're doing what you're doing was that you've had enough. She knows what she was doing was wrong, but she didn't expect the outcome to be what it was.

 

Keep NC and move on with your life. You deserve better my friend. Good luck.

[therhythm]

Just read this... is pretty good!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/395589-heartbroken-must-read

[Chi townD]

About my story she just texted me saying how sorry she is and that she accepts i dont want to see her anymore coz she just cant explain with words how sorry she is and how she feels.she blame it of course on the alcohol and said she was drunk and dont remember nothing.whats ur oppinion now?

 

 

If she was drunk and doesn't remember anything, then why apologize? She wouldn't have remembered you being there in the first place.

 

This chick is lying to you.

[edelveis]

Adele thank you for not agreeing with me and trying to make me see maybe another side of the story which i have ignored.

 

Woohoo thank you so much my friend for making me laugh i really appreciate ur support.i wish i could it but i had enough and i cant spend more energy on her.

 

Darren steez yeah we live in the same city but because i have the privilege to have also a flat at a subburb which she doenst know i have moved here after what happened so i make sure she cant find me no matter what.i agree with you she knew exactly what she was doing and she just lied to me about being wasted after and also she didnt expect the outcome to be what it is.i feel happy coz i didnt play her game and stopped what she had on her mind.it would be so unfair if i had not finally found her and then normally continue seeing her and keep playing the fool.thank you very much for ur support my friend.

 

Therythm its really an interesting post.thnx

 

Calvins Wagoon i have still decided if i finally text her or not.if i wont send nothing till the day after tomorrow i ll leave it like this.today its a really hard day.i cant study,cant go to the gym,cant eat.i only drink coffees,listen to music and drink beers to sleep.i hope to feel better soon

[edelveis]

adele thank you very much for trying to make me see a different side of the story and myself which i mught have ignored.

 

Wohoo thank you my friend for making me laugh i wish i could do it but i had enough and cant spend more energy on her.

 

Darren steez yes we study in the same city but because i have the privilege to have one more flat on a subburb of the city which she doesn know i have moved there after what happened to make sure she will not be able to find me if decides to.and yeah i agree with you that she lied to me and she also didnt expect the outcome to be what it was.she was thinking i guess that she would find an excuse the day after which i would have believed and then continue seeing me and playing me like a fool.thats why i am happy coz i ruinned her "evil planns".thank you for ur support:)

 

Therythm thats a very interesting thread.thnx

Calvins Wagoon i still havent decided if i ll finally text her or not but if i wont send nothing till the day after tomorrow i ll leave it as it is.today my day is hard i cant study,go to gym,eat or do anything.i just drink coffees,listen to music and drink beers to sleep and of course miss her.hope to get better soon

[BeholdtheMan]

Ignoring someone never actually makes you feel any better.

 

Always a good time to practice your communication and forgiveness skills because, lets be honest, this is probably not the only time something like this will happen.

 

Allow me to respectfully offer some counter-advice.

 

Ignore her. She's demonstrated that 1) she doesn't respect you and 2) she's willing to deceive you. She's not worth your time.

 

You have to toughen up to the point that you can ignore people who aren't worth your time without feeling sad and needy.

 

If you ignore her and she comes running back, at least you know she's showing some desire to win you back. If you ignore her and she ignores you...then you can be glad you're no longer with someone who doesn't give two sh*ts about you

[edelveis]

My friend beholdtheman thank you for your counter-advices and your time and support.So your oppionion is to just ignore her and dont answer her message with a final message ?

 

Last night she made me an unanswered call.it rang once and then closed it.and she has already sent me an apologize message saying she cant describe how sorry she is and how bad she feels(you can check it somewhere above).And i believe she will text me again sooner or later even if i ignore her or send her the final message.but because she wants to fix things between us it doesnt show something to me.i am done with her and i must work onmyself to stop carrying about things regarding her.its hard at the moment but have to do it.

[BeholdtheMan]

So your oppionion is to just ignore her and dont answer her message with a final message ?

Yes, what's the point of that final message? It's just a few words typed into a phone. Don't even give her closure.

 

If you really need to send her a message, keep it very short, something like: "Please don't contact me, thanks"

 

And i believe she will text me again sooner or later even if i ignore her or send her the final message.but because she wants to fix things between us it doesnt show something to me.i am done with her and i must work onmyself to stop carrying about things regarding her.its hard at the moment but have to do it.

Is there any way to block calls and texts from her number?

[edelveis]

i think there must be a way to block her but i dont think it matters coz if she wants to find she will find a way for example whatssup application on phone where i cant block her but cant delete the app coz its useful.

 

I would like ur oppinion on one more thing.do you think its the silent treatments-ignoring her or a hard final message that will bother her and "hurt"her(emotionaly) the most?

[Chi townD]

I wouldn't even bother contacting her. Her actions spoke louder than words. She purposely ditched you (which she did WHILE SHE WAS SOBER!) and when you finally caught her, she was in the arms of another dude. I think you have all the closure you would need.

 

Just as her actions spoke louder than words, your silence will speak volumes to her. SHe wants to know where your head is at. She wants you to yell, scream, cry....give her something! She wants to know how badly she hurt you. She wants to see if you actually hate her. Because, if you do, then it could give her a sense of closure, "Oh man, I really screwed that up. He's sooo pissed. No way to fix this. I guess I need to move on." She wants to be able to tell herself that. You not responding to her is going to drive her nuts, because she'll be forced to hold onto that guilt.

 

You give her nothing. Don't give her a damn thing. Frankly, she doesn't rate a response from you.

[dreamingoftigers]

Forum lurker and what was i supposed to do?keep her like a friend in facebook and act like nothing happened?when u dont want someone in urlife anymore,because they hurted you,u must do everything possible.i did it for me not for her.thats only for you to know.and being young or not doesnt have to do with it at all.i know old people with 15 years old kid brain and 18 years old people with 30 years old brain.thank you very much for your comment but next time think more before you judge.

 

About my story she just texted me saying how sorry she is and that she accepts i dont want to see her anymore coz she just cant explain with words how sorry she is and how she feels.she blame it of course on the alcohol and said she was drunk and dont remember nothing.whats ur oppinion now?

 

In response to the bolded, I think that the poster is a bit older than the high school generation and wasn't judging the fact that you broke up with her or didn't want to be friends.

 

She was more commenting on the fact that breakups happen by facebook deletions instead of contact and breaking up.

 

More of a social commentary on the times than anything else. Not a personal judgment.

[edelveis]

well i ve decided that i am not going to finally send her the final message and let my silence say everything.for me its harder but i think that in this way as you say my friend chinatown it might drive her nuts.at least i am sure its the way its gonna make her wonder.after her last call 2 days ago nothing more happened.but i a friend accidentaly told me she went to dubai with her girlfriends.it hurted me a bit coz i was about to go too coz she really wanted me with her(how many lies my god).but before what happened of course.i am struggling the last dew days not being able to concentrate on anything but i am trying hard to feel better soon.if someone has more more things to mention please feel free to write

[BeholdtheMan]

well i ve decided that i am not going to finally send her the final message and let my silence say everything.for me its harder but i think that in this way as you say my friend chinatown it might drive her nuts.at least i am sure its the way its gonna make her wonder.after her last call 2 days ago nothing more happened.but i a friend accidentaly told me she went to dubai with her girlfriends.it hurted me a bit coz i was about to go too coz she really wanted me with her(how many lies my god).but before what happened of course.i am struggling the last dew days not being able to concentrate on anything but i am trying hard to feel better soon.if someone has more more things to mention please feel free to write

Just totally detach from her. Try not to let your thoughts wander to what she's doing, who she's with etc.

 

She's nothing to you now. Less than a stranger. She's someone who tried to play you and got caught red-handed. I would focus on rebuilding confidence (if your confidence has taken a blow from these events) and getting back into the dating game in the near future

[edelveis]

Beholldtheman i agree with you.i should focus my energy working on myself.i try not thinkin about her,not thinking where she is or with who she is.its still early and i find it difficult but with time it will get better and better.thank you for your boost up!

 

Tara147 how do you think i should have confronted her?what should i have done which i didnt?i chose this way coz i didnt want to give her a chance to explain herself.people can lie really good and i know she would give an amazing show to make me change my mind and suck me back.also i am not someone who can forgive what she did.so even if it wasnt a show but her real regret and she means what she texted me nothing would have changed again.i can never trust her again.so it would be pointless meetiing her.maybe it would have hurted me more going to see her knowing it will be the last time by my desicion.i wouldnt like to go back home having second thoughts.