I found the girl i was dating with another man..

[edelveis]

phineas thank you very much for your post.i also believe that she slept with that guy that night and that blaming the booze is totally bull****.and probably thats the reason she texted me.the other guy didnt want to date her so she said "lets go back to the victim".so u suggest not sending her even the last text not to contact me ever again?u suggest to say nothing at all and just ignore her?

[therhythm]

phineas thank you very much for your post.i also believe that she slept with that guy that night and that blaming the booze is totally bull****.and probably thats the reason she texted me.the other guy didnt want to date her so she said "lets go back to the victim".so u suggest not sending her even the last text not to contact me ever again?u suggest to say nothing at all and just ignore her?

 

That is also a good approach, I would advise to do nothing or a NC statement via text, meeting her is a huge mistake.

Regarding your question about why is she apologizing if she is not really sorry... People call that manipulation;)

[phineas]

phineas thank you very much for your post.i also believe that she slept with that guy that night and that blaming the booze is totally bull****.and probably thats the reason she texted me.the other guy didnt want to date her so she said "lets go back to the victim".so u suggest not sending her even the last text not to contact me ever again?u suggest to say nothing at all and just ignore her?

 

You do what you want to get your own closure but as another poster said, giving her your mind is like water on a ducks ass.

 

My experience is ignoring a woman will have more of an affect on her than telling her off.

 

Even women who don't want a guy can't handle him ignoring her after she tells him she doesn't want him because in her mind it's a blow to her ego how you could just forget about her so easily.

[edelveis]

yeah i get what u mean.if i tell her off it will show her that i got hurted.while ignoring her is something more powerfull.but i am sure she will contact me again after a while if i wont say anything.so sooner or later i ll have to send her the NC message i think.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi! Sorry, had lunch, couldn't reply sooner.

 

maybe it will hurt me a little if i see her again and knowing its the last time but i know i am strong enough to make it coz there is nothing she can do or say to make me change my mind.its over.and i think it will be a good experience coz it will make me stronger

 

Why, honestly, would you want to meet up with her? In what way do you think it would make you stronger?

 

i know she ll do her best to persuade me but i am sure i am doing the right thing with ending it.

 

If you know it will probably hurt you to see her, and that she'll try to persuade you, why would you want to take any risk, no matter how small, for her to succeed?

 

Learn how to avoid taking risks with toxic people! Stay away from them! That's what makes you truly "strong", to be able to completely walk away from toxic people!

 

the other guy didnt want to date her so she said "lets go back to the victim"

 

I'm glad you understand how she manipulates people and is trying to keep you as her victim. Stay away from her! Would you recommend an abused woman to "go meet/see" her husband to tell him to leave her alone? It's not the best analogy, but close enough.

 

Lastly u think she doesnt understand how wrong was what she did?why she apologizes then?u think she thinks she is right ?

 

I think she has so many issues and is messed up, that I cannot imagine how powerful and distorted her defense mechanisms are, and how distorted her view of the world and her thinking are. She might be manipulating you intentionally as a coldblooded bastard, or she might be so messed up that she's doing it out of habit, or some other option. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. You have to eventually stop asking yourself (and others) why she acted the way she did, how did she think, etc.

 

At some point, we all have to learn that some people are TOXIC, and that regardless of the reason why they are like they are, it is best for us to remove them from our lives and try to become totally indifferent, to try to forget them (except as a lesson on what kind of people to avoid in the future).

 

while ignoring her is something more powerfull

 

"Powerful" - don't think about how you appear, how you look etc. Just do what's best for you, what will help you heal and remove her effects on you most efficiently.

 

but i am sure she will contact me again after a while if i wont say anything.so sooner or later i ll have to send her the NC message i think

 

Send her the NC message over the phone AND over the email (this way, if she goes crazy and continues to harass you, you have proof of telling her to leave you alone, which will eventually help you in getting a restraining order if it will be needed).

 

I think all in all, the NC message will help you move on sooner, and convince her to leave you alone. Hopefully, it will encourage her to get professional help. Or, at the very least, to move on from you... I just hope that the next guy she catches will also see through her, and that someway, somehow she will realize she needs help. But that's not your problem.

 

Send her the message, move on, heal, and forget her. Next time when you meet someone toxic, move on immediately.

 

As for your feelings for her&love -> it's an important lesson -> people can for a while try to fool you, to make you fall in love with an idea/image of them, instead of their true selves. You were in love with her projected image, not her true self. Hope this helps to heal and move on.

 

Best wishes!

[edelveis]

well it would make me stronger meeting her in the point that i could face this situation directly and leave her without letting her change my mind.coz there is not even a single possibility this could happen.i ve decided that i wont meet her though coz i dont want her to have any hopes until we meet that she might suck me back or anything.i want her to understand immediately that she has been erased from my life.

 

Words are words and are easy to be spoken.i know that i will go through a lot of pain until i finally manage to forget her because i have feelings about her and sometimes heart is really hard to be controlled.i cant forget everything in one night and i am sure you know it.as long as it has to do with me we are done forever and ever and its hard.as i have told you in the past i have never felt with anyone else like i felt while i was with her and it make things harder for me.knowing that the girl i was(am)in love with was a fake heart,just an empty body.

 

Also i am someone who cares about how i will hurt her the most possible.now or potentially on the future when she will understand it.coz i believe that she is the one who lost.i ll find someone much more better than her but she will never find someone like me.she will stay in her cheap relationships and her messed up and life.

So please regarding all these things what do you think will bother and hurt her more?sending a final message or just ignoring her?there is no best for me,i will find my way for sure and forger her sooner or later.just tell me what u think will hurt her the most.

[mortensorchid]

Wow, I'd actually never heard of someone who actually went and FOUND the person and catches them red handed. I only thought that happened on those reality shows and whatnot. Now that you have, there's your proof that something was going on. I'd just forget this woman, have no contact and move on.

 

As for your future behaviors, I wouldn't recommend such dramatics for fear someone might take it the wrong way and call the police on you. I'm sure you behaved in a civilized way once you caught her, but for those who might go ballistic, caution.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi.

 

well it would make me stronger meeting her in the point that i could face this situation directly and leave her without letting her change my mind.coz there is not even a single possibility this could happen.i ve decided that i wont meet her though coz i dont want her to have any hopes until we meet that she might suck me back or anything.i want her to understand immediately that she has been erased from my life.

 

Since you decided to not meet her, I will not go into this. Except to say great! I'm glad you will not meet her.

 

Words are words and are easy to be spoken.i know that i will go through a lot of pain until i finally manage to forget her because i have feelings about her and sometimes heart is really hard to be controlled.i cant forget everything in one night and i am sure you know it.as long as it has to do with me we are done forever and ever and its hard.as i have told you in the past i have never felt with anyone else like i felt while i was with her and it make things harder for me.knowing that the girl i was(am)in love with was a fake heart,just an empty body.

 

I know, man, I know. It will probably take some time, but it will get better. There are also many things you can do to help yourself forget her sooner and suffer less. If you want to talk about it, let us know, and we will give you our advice. Also, check the "coping" section of this forum, many great threads there.

 

she will stay in her cheap relationships and her messed up and life.

 

So please regarding all these things what do you think will bother and hurt her more?

 

 

Unfortunately that is probably true, until she doesn't address her issues. As much as I was angry at my ex, I also felt really sorry for her and I felt pity for her.

 

There was a big part of me that wanted to hurt her back, because I thought it somehow would help me. In the end, I decided to try to not do anything to hurt her, to not badmouth her etc. And in the end, looking back, I'm proud of myself for not hurting people intentionally.

 

So I hope you will realize that hurting her is a bad thing.

1.) With time, you will feel bad for hurting her back.

 

2.) As long as you want to hurt her, she is controlling you, and you are still part of the game. Focus your energy on forgetting her, not on hurting her.

 

3.) She has been hurt a lot in her life (her parents, her condition, ...) and will continue do to so. No matter what you do to her, it will be a drop in the ocean.

 

4.) To be honest, if you hurt her intentionally, your behaviour will be (at least in my view) much much worse than hers. She is a seriously messed up person who needs serious professional help. Who knows how badly you would be ((un)intentionally) hurting people if you were in her shoes? Also, you are supposed to be an empathic, grown-up person who's not messed up so much. You are supposed to know better than her, better than to hurt people intentionally.

 

Look, if someone who's seriously messed up (for example someone who's autistic, suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome, paranoia, an orphan ...) hurts you because he's not getting help, what would you do? Would you beat them, hurt them? I hope not.

 

Look, when you meet toxic people, suggest them help, then walk away. Do not hurt them. They need professional help, not extra hurt. They are hurting already.

 

5.) And to be honest, this hurt is very much self-inflicted. We warned you in the previous thread to proceed with caution, and I told you that it's better for you to walk away, or risk getting hurt very badly. You decided to proceed, and you got hurt. Yes, you can be angry at her, but the person who you should be most angry at is yourself, for not walking away from someone with so many red flags, even after getting so many advice from us to walk away.

 

I feel sorry for her, and for you getting hurt. I know it's hard, but hurting her WILL SOLVE NOTHING and WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR BOTH OF YOU.

 

6.) In a way, some small part of her made her honest enough to mention you her condition, to mention you the red flags (her parents, her feeling unhappy no matter what etc.). I think that was a very decent thing of her to do. So she gave you all you needed to know to walk away then&there. In a way, she (or her subconscience) tried to protect you.

 

I'm not saying you should be with her, that she deserves a second chance. Far from that, I hope you will RUN away from her. But she's not some kind of monster without feelings. She's a human being who's been hurt more than anyone deserves, and who, despite doing some bad stuff to you, still tried in a way to protect you from herself, despite having to fight her issues that tried to prevent her from being honest with you. She deserves credit for this. Just like my ex.

 

I'm sorry for your hurt, but she doesn't deserve to be hurt by you, and I hope you will not degrade yourself by hurting her. So far, I had thought of you as a great person, but if you go hurting her intentionally now... I know you're hurt, but be the adult person here. Walk away. Like you should have done in the first place, after hearing the red flags and our advice.

 

She's messed up. Don't mess her up even more. Do the mature, adult thing - suggest her she get help, show her briefly the consequences of her actions (write her that you will never trust her again, and that you will never talk to her again), and then do the thing that will help you the most - cut of all contact.

 

So please regarding all these things what do you think will bother and hurt her more?

 

Just to make it clear once more -> I will NOT advise you how to hurt her. I hope you will learn and realize why it's not ok to hurt someone like her in retaliation, even when they have hurt you, just like I had to learn. And now I'm happy that I didn't hurt my ex intentionally, but that I stayed true to myself till the end. In the end, that helped me a lot! So it will be a win-win situation if you don't hurt her now, but just walk away.

 

She has been hurt by her parents, the people closest to her, she has serious mental, cocaine, alcohol,..., conditions. Are you really gonna kick her while she's down? No, you should have walked away way back then in the beginning, and you should walk away now. I hope you will listen now. I hope you will have empathy for her, pity for her, and that you will protect yourself by not hurting her and just walking away. Because in the end, by hurting her you will hurt yourself.

 

 

I hope to hear from you soon. Best wishes to both of you.

Edited May 26, 2013 by Calvin's wagon

[AsonUnique]

Something similar happened to me once, but I wasn't out looking for it. I happened to see my gf driving with some guy in her car. After turning around and following them to his house, dude runs in his house, I stood outside and argued/vented/yelled at her before she drove off....talked to her a few times and broke up with her, then she ends up dating this guy for a whopping 1 month before splitting, and of course she came running back.

I should've done what you did, make eye-contact and just leave. I've always had trouble keeping my emotions from running my mouth during break ups.

 

Ignoring her while you do your best to move on seems like the most powerful move if ego is a concern, which understandably it often is.

 

Like my situation, the reason for the split is obvious to both you and her...so I really don't think anything needs to be said. I'm pretty certain that not contacting her at all will bother her more than anything you can say...b/c she probably has a good idea of the things you want to say anyway.

 

Even though you'll be hurting for a while, if she's not hearing from you then she won't be able to help but think you're a man of standards and she doesn't live up to those...she doesn't even deserve an explanation.

[Calvin's wagon]

P.S.: I know you weren't planning on attacking her or anything like that, but just the way you posed the question, "what would hurt her more", really bothered me.

 

I think it's ok to either not contact her at all, or to send her a short message.

 

The latter (message) seems better to me:

- because it will give you a sense of finality and empowerment

- because it will help you in the long run (imo - it did to me), because you will have firmly shut the door for ever (if you don't, maybe you'll be tempted to open them sometime in the future, or perhaps she will be)

- because you will do one last decent thing for her, and maybe that will be a small part in her finally seeking (more) professional help she needs and deserves

 

Best wishes!

[edelveis]

Well according to ur last thread my friend she is a "saint" who is not responsible for anything and its only my fault because i fell in love with her and wanted to give us a real try because i am sure i could be the best man she ll ever have by her side.One very bothering thing is that we can only make guesses about her mental situation and never be sure about it.She never had the descenty,the honnesty to talk to me oppenly about it from the very first moment and inform me.she just refered it once and changed subject after and if she had never did that even unintetionally i would have never guessed that she is "sick".okay she has many issues and problems but u can not guess something like this.most of the people cant.and also my friend if its never their fault then there should be a special place for these people to go and stay until they recover and solve their issues.its not fair going around hurting people and then telling them its not their fault.i understand that its not but its not fair.

 

I have to admit that you are telling me the right thing.i shouldnt hurt her (of course i always mean emotionally) because i am not like her.the only thing i ll do it find out if i finally send her finally message or not.because till now cant decide.but i am not doing it for her but for me.u are obviously a great person and i wish i could be thinking like you but i am not so big-hearted and generous.i can not forgive.i can never do it.its my biggest weakness.and really i dont care what her next guy will do or what he ll think of her,walk away early or not.all i know right now how much hurted i am and how much courage it requires not having her and HAVE TO walk way.

 

I want to ask you if you think its right having a thought.In the far future if she adress her problems and make progress and become a diifferent person would it be bad giving a second shot?or our story should be thought as finished forever?i ask this question coz u put a lot of blame to her psychological problems.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi

 

Well according to ur last thread my friend she is a "saint" who is not responsible for anything and its only my fault because i fell in love with her and wanted to give us a real try because i am sure i could be the best man she ll ever have by her side.

 

No, I didn't mean to say that she was a saint, far from it. I said repeatedly that she had many many issues and red flags, and I pointed out that I couldn't trust her anymore, and I pointed out many other things that made it better for you to not have any relationship with her anymore.

 

But I just wanted to point out that despite everything she's done, that I don't think that it's ok or good (for you or for her) that you would try to base your actions on what would hurt her more.

 

She never had the descenty,the honnesty to talk to me oppenly about it from the very first moment and inform me.she just refered it once and changed subject after and if she had never did that even unintetionally i would have never guessed that she is "sick".

 

I wasn't only referring to her emotional instability, but also to:

- her family history (which she probably talked about to you about), which is a very big red flag,

- how she feels she'd be unhappy no matter what (which she told you about),

- and other things.

 

So there were some red flags for which she was quite open about them, even if she didn't explicitly say: "this is my red flag/problem".

 

As for the things that "slipped out", that were "unintentional" etc. (her emotional instability, cocaine etc.), I think there's a possibility (perhaps) that they slipped out of her mouth because she was struggling with herself whether to tell you or not.

 

A part of her perhaps wanted to be honest and to tell you, and a part of her was afraid of telling you (because she was afraid of your reaction, you leaving her etc.). And perhaps her (sub)consciousness resolved this by "slipping out", by saying it and immediately changing the subject etc. Perhaps that was all she could handle telling you at that time. The "slip of the tongue" in any situation is very rarely (in my opinion) completely unintentional...

 

Again, I'm not suggesting how she acted was fine. I'm just trying to show that she wasn't all bad or evil, that she didn't hurt you because she'd be evil, that a part of her was perhaps trying to be honest to you.

 

Now, does that make her suitable for a relationship? NO! She needs help and should not be in a relationship! But it does give me a bit more empathy for her situation...

 

okay she has many issues and problems but u can not guess something like this.most of the people cant.

 

Well, that's why it's important that you learn to recognize "red flags" of people that you meet, and to try to get advice of other people. People can rarely hide all their red flags, so it's important that you keep your eyes open for them and that you don't try to ignore them or try to minimize their importance. I've learnt that trust must be earned, not given, so my trust will from now on grow with time, and throughout the new relationship (friendship or romantic) I will pay attention to potential red flags.

 

 

and also my friend if its never their fault then there should be a special place for these people to go and stay until they recover and solve their issues.its not fair going around hurting people and then telling them its not their fault.i understand that its not but its not fair.

 

I'm not saying it's not their fault, but there's a difference between someone doing "bad" things because they've been so messed up in their life (starting with their parents), perhaps have medical conditions etc., and someone doing "bad" things because they enjoy doing them, enjoy seeing people hurt etc.

 

I have to admit that you are telling me the right thing.i shouldnt hurt her (of course i always mean emotionally) because i am not like her.

 

Glad to hear that, thank you, I feel better now knowing this!

 

the only thing i ll do it find out if i finally send her finally message or not.because till now cant decide.but i am not doing it for her but for me

 

Like I said, I suggested sending a message because I hope it will be better for you. But I understand if at the moment you feel it is better for you to not tell her anything.

 

I would suggest you talk to your friends etc. about this, see what they recommend.

 

.u are obviously a great person and i wish i could be thinking like you but i am not so big-hearted and generous.

 

Trust me, I'm not:) A big part of me wanted badly to cause my ex emotional pain, to somehow have my revenge etc., and sometimes I still wish this, but slowly it's going away. That's an important lesson - that we can control what we do with our wishes and desires... So no, I'm not all that great, but every day I try to behave the way I would want to behave. And I know it's hard, and often I do not succeed. But that's life, we try to get better every day, even though we have bad days.

 

i can not forgive.i can never do it.its my biggest weakness

 

I understand, for me it's hard to forgive people. I'm not saying you should forgive her immediately. But with time, if you forgive her, you should forgive her for yourself, so you will be able to leave the past behind and enjoy life, without thinking about how she hurt you. Like I said, I'm still not good at it, which is one of the reasons why I'm attending therapy at the moment.

 

ll i know right now how much hurted i am and how much courage it requires not having her and HAVE TO walk way.

 

I understand. For almost two years I stuck around my ex, because I didn't have the courage you now have. So like I said before, I admire you and am proud of you!

 

I want to ask you if you think its right having a thought.In the far future if she adress her problems and make progress and become a diifferent person would it be bad giving a second shot?or our story should be thought as finished forever?i ask this question coz u put a lot of blame to her psychological problems

 

This can only be your decision. I am sorry I cannot help you, I can only say my opinion, and it might be wrong. In your case, perhaps it will work out and you will somehow be happy together, and I wouldn't want to tell you that you shouldn't be with her. There are many stories here of people getting back together, so it's not impossible, and I also know a couple of my friends where people got together after breaking up/cheating and are (or at least appear) to be happy again.

 

But like I said, I would rather invest my time, energy, trust, ... , into someone who has never betrayed or lied to me.

 

As for her pyschological problems (including her family issues etc.), I think that "might"/"probably" is big part of the problem (I could also be wrong and she's simply mean and manipulative. I don't and can't know. But I think it's her psychological issues...).

 

So to be honest, I would probably try to tell myself that I will never want to talk to her again, because it would be easier for me to get over her, and because I truly have a hard time trusting anyone who has ever lied to me or betrayed me, even once. If I would think "perhaps one day", then I would perhaps be "waiting" for her to get better, instead of me focusing on moving on.

 

But yes, who knows what will happen and what is best. I hope others will give their opinion on this.

 

And in the end you decide you want to perhaps leave the doors open, adjust the content of your message (if you decide for a message) accordingly. I know I shut the doors completely with my message to my ex, because I needed that to help me heal.

 

I think you are doing great! After my breakup, I was a complete mess, couldn't sleep, could hardly work, cried very often etc. So I'm proud of how great you're doing.

 

Best wishes!

[edelveis]

Yes of course i dont mean waiting all of my life waiting for her to change.i mean if life brings things this way only.and u are right i dont think i will ever be able to trust her again.i still cant forget the image of her and the other guy together and the look on her face when she saw me.generally the way she treated me and all the lies.actually i think its all a lie coz right now i cant say what she has ever said to me and did was real and what wasn't.I think i will be posting constantly on my way to recovery because i am sure i will need support so dont worry about it u are all not going to get rid of me very easily hehe

 

A day passed and i havent sent anything.if i finally decide that i want to send a final message tomorrow or the next day can i still do it or it will be late?

If you have something more to mention and tell me please do it.i always enjoy ur threads and find them very interesting.like everybody in here.

[Adele0908]

I recommend a book, it's called Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida.

 

I don't know the whole story, but to me it looks like you are jumping to conclusions. Maybe her phone died, and that's why she didn't respond. Maybe the guy she was hugging was just a friend. It's graduation night, and she is trying to have fun, but you're being all serious and jealous, kinda spoiling her good time.

[Adele0908]

Yes of course i dont mean waiting all of my life waiting for her to change.i mean if life brings things this way only.and u are right i dont think i will ever be able to trust her again.i still cant forget the image of her and the other guy together and the look on her face when she saw me.generally the way she treated me and all the lies.actually i think its all a lie coz right now i cant say what she has ever said to me and did was real and what wasn't.I think i will be posting constantly on my way to recovery because i am sure i will need support so dont worry about it u are all not going to get rid of me very easily hehe

 

A day passed and i havent sent anything.if i finally decide that i want to send a final message tomorrow or the next day can i still do it or it will be late?

If you have something more to mention and tell me please do it.i always enjoy ur threads and find them very interesting.like everybody in here.

 

You can't change anyone, you can only change yourself. Stop being a victim and acting like you have no control over your life. There's a saying, "You teach people how to treat you."

 

If she was lying to you and walking all over you, it's only because YOU allowed it.

[edelveis]

adele obviously u havent read the whole story,u havent read my previous threads so u just made a quick conclusion on how i spoiled her fun night and how weak i was allowing her to lie and walk over me.if u want to have an oppinion go read everything carefully and then come back and if u still have the same oppinion about me and my story then we can discuss about it.

[Mrlonelyone]

adele obviously u havent read the whole story,u havent read my previous threads so u just made a quick conclusion on how i spoiled her fun night and how weak i was allowing her to lie and walk over me.if u want to have an oppinion go read everything carefully and then come back and if u still have the same oppinion about me and my story then we can discuss about it.

 

You'll find many people make that assumption.

 

 

Edelveis, here is the thing, you caught your woman with another man. It's going to hurt. The other man may not have even known you existed, or if so how serious it was/wasn't.

 

 

Just move on from this one. She ain't worth it.

[edelveis]

of course i ll move on.its over man.but i dont deserve my time,even just a night to grieve?maybe for many of you i am not that strong but for others and myself i am.trust me mrlonelyone not everyone whould have the courage to end it.

 

And about the thing that many people would have made the same assumption i will tell one thing.From the very first moment i couldnt trust her so i never showed up my true feelings for her,i played the guy hard to get not the nice guy.I made sure she wouldnt take me for someone she could handle and i was more dominanant than her in everyway.i prove it also now with ending it.so even if u want to believe it or not this assumption is not right.

[Adele0908]

I don't have time to read everything, but I read the last 3, just the OP, not the whole thread. I really don't need to read everything, I have seen enough.

 

Anyways, if you keep picking girls with mental problems, then that is your choice. You have complete free will on this earth, so you picked these crazy girls and now you see where that gets you.

 

On some level you must be addicted to drama. Either that, or you use relationships to fill a void.

 

It looks like you have a new girl with issues every few months. You are spending too much energy on these girls. Spend that energy on yourself.

[edelveis]

darksideofthemoon thank you very much for your pieces of advice and your interest.i really appreciate it a lot.i was not going to engage her in anyway.just a final text and then stick to NC.and yes u are right i have to focus on my self and how to get well soon.

[Mrlonelyone]

I don't have time to read everything, but I read the last 3, just the OP, not the whole thread. I really don't need to read everything, I have seen enough.

 

Anyways, if you keep picking girls with mental problems, then that is your choice. You have complete free will on this earth, so you picked these crazy girls and now you see where that gets you.

 

On some level you must be addicted to drama. Either that, or you use relationships to fill a void.

 

It looks like you have a new girl with issues every few months. You are spending too much energy on these girls. Spend that energy on yourself.

 

 

 

The thing is Adele for a man (and even for 50% of women) "working on themselves" does not lead to a partner falling into their lab. The OP needs to go NC on this woman, forget her, and chat up every woman who does not display a wedding ring until he gets lucky enough to find one, non-crazy, woman.

[edelveis]

I don't have time to read everything, but I read the last 3, just the OP, not the whole thread. I really don't need to read everything, I have seen enough.

 

Anyways, if you keep picking girls with mental problems, then that is your choice. You have complete free will on this earth, so you picked these crazy girls and now you see where that gets you.

 

On some level you must be addicted to drama. Either that, or you use relationships to fill a void.

 

It looks like you have a new girl with issues every few months. You are spending too much energy on these girls. Spend that energy on yourself.

 

Yes maybe u are right maybe i have my personal issues because it seems like i ve been attracted to the wrong girls but at the beginning everyone looks normal.but dont tell me ur perfect we all have our issues.and dont make eveyrhing look the same.every story is different.

 

I just dont have a different girl every few months.i dont date just anybody.but i have to agree with you that i dont pick well finally

[tbf]

The thing is Adele for a man (and even for 50% of women) "working on themselves" does not lead to a partner falling into their lab. The OP needs to go NC on this woman, forget her, and chat up every woman who does not display a wedding ring until he gets lucky enough to find one, non-crazy, woman.

It doesn't matter if people are male or female. The majority of people reside within the boundaries of sanity. With this in mind, the only consistency for people who keep pursuing or attracting crazy, is themselves.

[Mrlonelyone]

It doesn't matter if people are male or female. The majority of people reside within the boundaries of sanity. With this in mind, the only consistency for people who keep pursuing or attracting crazy, is themselves.

 

Possibly. Or it could just be bad luck.

[Adele0908]

The thing is Adele for a man (and even for 50% of women) "working on themselves" does not lead to a partner falling into their lab. The OP needs to go NC on this woman, forget her, and chat up every woman who does not display a wedding ring until he gets lucky enough to find one, non-crazy, woman.

 

 

Yes, they should stop dating, but if he is in this bad emotional state and meets another woman, the same thing might happen. So then he might run into more negative situations, and that could damage him even more.

 

And reading the OP's other threads, it looks like he never gives himself time to just chill and be on his own and enjoy life. Its always this girl and that girl. Where is the time to just BE? Without worrying about what someone else is doing or not doing?