I found the girl i was dating with another man..

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi.

 

In your other thread, you got some good advice and reasons.

 

Possible reasons:

- she's feeling guilty and wants herself to feel better by being friendly with you, apologizing etc.

- she's trying to find a way to get your attention, to pull you back into "dancing" with her

- she honestly wants to apologize and is genuinely sorry

 

Given that she has used another number to contact you -> it is clear that she is not respecting your boundaries and your obvious wish that you don't want to have contact with her. So I don't think she's genuinely sorry and that she truly understands what she did to you -> if she did, she wouldn't contact you via another number -> i think it's most likely just another sign of her trying to manipulate you.

 

Like I said before -> I think it would be best to not reply at all, block that new number (and also uninstall that app or change settings so you first have to approve people before they can send you a message) and move on with your life.

 

But as I also said before -> I will completely understand if you will need to learn this the hard way by continuing to try to communicate with. You seem to really struggle and want to contact her back. Why? Just remember that in most cases, people don't really change quickly in a couple of weeks, but that it takes a long long time. So most likely, all of her problems that we've talked about are still there.

 

Best wishes and of course, happy birthday to you!

[edelveis]

haha thank you for ur birthday wish i wish you the best

 

Well yeah the fact the she texted me from another number showed to me too that she is still playing games.she could have texted me from her normal number.i dont get why she would do it :/ i thought too that she is trying to get my attention again or she wants to check if i am gonna answer her on her normal number to say thank you.(as i told you she closed the one she sent me the message from) which will show that i still care.

 

I think i am not going to say nothing at all but i am not sure.if i finally write something will be a plain "thank you".but you are right i am struggling a lot to contact her even if i know she is still f***d up,messed up,alcoholic and soo many other thing.she has lost my trust and i could never believe anything from her even if she was totally honnest.

 

I would like to ask you something about your ex.now after a long time,has she ever contacted you?do you live close or far away?also do you know if she finally became better and had any normal relationships after you?

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi.

 

Glad you won't reply. But honestly, like I said before, think about why you're having such a hard time letting go someone like her, with so many issues, and why were you so insistent on trying to make it work! Read self-help books (I suggested some), talk to your friends&family, eventually go check with a counsellor (and if they tell you you don't have any big issues, great!).

 

I did all of that and it has helped me a lot! The truth is, someone who truly doesn't have big emotional issues won't be attracted and won't try to make it work with someone with such big issues. I had/have them, that's one of the reasons why i was so attracted to my ex. I think this might be the case with you.

 

As for your questions, may I ask why you're asking? Basically at one point I told her I don't want to ever talk to her again, I told my friends who knew her not to mention her to me anymore unless I mention her, and I cut off all of her friends that I hung out with during our time together. We live in the same city. I have no idea what she has been up to, and it doesn't really matter. Even if she had normal relationships after me, it doesn't really matter to me -> I can't really trust her anymore, so no point in talking to her or even being in contact with her.

[edelveis]

Hi.

 

Glad you won't reply. But honestly, like I said before, think about why you're having such a hard time letting go someone like her, with so many issues, and why were you so insistent on trying to make it work! Read self-help books (I suggested some), talk to your friends&family, eventually go check with a counsellor (and if they tell you you don't have any big issues, great!).

 

I did all of that and it has helped me a lot! The truth is, someone who truly doesn't have big emotional issues won't be attracted and won't try to make it work with someone with such big issues. I had/have them, that's one of the reasons why i was so attracted to my ex. I think this might be the case with you.

 

As for your questions, may I ask why you're asking? Basically at one point I told her I don't want to ever talk to her again, I told my friends who knew her not to mention her to me anymore unless I mention her, and I cut off all of her friends that I hung out with during our time together. We live in the same city. I have no idea what she has been up to, and it doesn't really matter. Even if she had normal relationships after me, it doesn't really matter to me -> I can't really trust her anymore, so no point in talking to her or even being in contact with her.

 

Well i think that its so hard for me to let go of her coz she was fake,lied to me and showed me a personality based on what i want,not what she really is.and i fell in love with her.my mind knows she is not good for me and i follow it as you can see but heart is heart and has feelings.you present things a little more easier than how they really are.if you are so strong and u can forget everything the next day its good for you and i admire you dude but for me,what i am going through is tough and doesnt have to mean that i have my own issues.maybe it has but its not a rule.

 

I asked you because i am interested if someone like these persons has ever healed properly and lived a normal,peacefull life.so now you can say that u have completely forgotten of her and got over her?if she contacts you out of the blue would it mess you up a bit?i ask because i want to see how it went with you to compare with my situation after sometime.to see where i am standing.of course our situations have many differences but its the closest i can relate to.

[BeholdtheMan]

I asked you because i am interested if someone like these persons has ever healed properly and lived a normal,peacefull life.so now you can say that u have completely forgotten of her and got over her?if she contacts you out of the blue would it mess you up a bit?i ask because i want to see how it went with you to compare with my situation after sometime.to see where i am standing.of course our situations have many differences but its the closest i can relate to.

I think the lesson you need to learn now is self-control. The ability to walk away from someone toxic and NOT LOOK BACK. You've walked away, but you're constantly tempted to look back and re-engage communication with her. Don't! Learn to master your irrational desires for this elusive closure that will likely never materialise even if you do contact her.

 

You want closure? Move on. Forget about her. Let this unpleasant experience become a memory. If you manage to avoid contacting her, be proud that you triumphed over your own weakness.

 

Contacting her is pointless. Right now the battle is between your will and your weakness.

[salparadise]

I asked you because i am interested if someone like these persons has ever healed properly and lived a normal,peacefull life.

 

No, not by the definition that healthy people subscribe to. She has character deficits that you can't fix, and that she probably can't fix even if she had some desire to do so. The problem though, is that no desire goes hand-in-hand with this issue. What she desires is to keep you engaged in and tormented by her drama. And if she's successful, she'll lose interest in that too.

 

 

so now you can say that u have completely forgotten of her and got over her?if she contacts you out of the blue would it mess you up a bit?i ask because i want to see how it went with you to compare with my situation after sometime.to see where i am standing.of course our situations have many differences but its the closest i can relate to.

 

Just set all that aside and understand that she's toxic, and that you have a weakness that allowed her to get under your skin. Don't be a chump.

[edelveis]

i agree with all of you guys.i have a weakness which i am fighting right now but my will is stronger and i am not going to contact her.i have already told you that i think.we all have weaknesses,thats the reason we all meet here and thank you for supporting and helping me not contact her coz i would be a big mistake.i know it now.i might have hard time again soon but its a battle with myself and i am glad i know u re here

[SuperGeek]

I think you handled the situation well. It's good you didn't make a scene or act like a child when you realized what she was doing. In my view you come out of this situation looking like a stand up guy and someone who is composed, confident, and knows he won't stand for that type of betrayal.

 

So let this experience slide off you, give yourself some time to rest, and then get back out in the dating scene again. Remember, she betrayed your trust pretty early on in the relationship so her credibility and honesty are in question now. Once they stray, it's time to just pack up and move on to the next one.

 

You also did a great thing by deleting her off facebook. It's up to you whether you want to be her friend or not, but I generally don't advise it. If she has hot friends it might be worth it for a short time.

 

 

Whats ur oppinion on my behaviour?and what should i do now?i am sure she ll conatct me sooner or later and dont know if i should tell he its over or just ignore her.anyway my heart really broke.she was full of lies and an empty heart,body and soul..

[Keke1]

You do what you want to get your own closure but as another poster said, giving her your mind is like water on a ducks ass.

 

My experience is ignoring a woman will have more of an affect on her than telling her off.

 

Even women who don't want a guy can't handle him ignoring her after she tells him she doesn't want him because in her mind it's a blow to her ego how you could just forget about her so easily.

 

Listen to this guy. I stopped contacting my ex cold turkey 5 months ago. Now she is texting me. Through a mutual friend she says stuff like wanting to get back together. Im not even going to reply and have no intention to. I know it's killing her lol. I'm not going back down that dark road I know what's down there. Keep the power if you still have it.

[BeholdtheMan]

Listen to this guy. I stopped contacting my ex cold turkey 5 months ago. Now she is texting me. Through a mutual friend she says stuff like wanting to get back together. Im not even going to reply and have no intention to. I know it's killing her lol. I'm not going back down that dark road I know what's down there. Keep the power if you still have it.

Yeah...once you re-engage communication, the power starts to shift back to her. In your case, SILENCE IS POWER

 

Let her stew while you move on to bigger better things

[edelveis]

Super geek thank you for your good words and support.to be honnest i wanted to look this way coming out of this and i want her to have this impresion of me.of a strong,confident,composed guy she cant play with and manipulate and doesnt stand for this betrayals.i dont want to have her in my life in any way and being friends is not even an option for me.(well she has some extremely hot friends though )

 

Keke and beholdtheman i still have the power and i dont intent to give it away.and keke i am glad u are not going back there.chance are it might be even more darker than ur last time.

 

Silence is really empowering for me and boasts me up coz i know it's started bothering her(coz she texted me).a friend told me today she went with her mom for one week to an island of my homecountry,to which we were planning to go together this summer.i ll continue the same and let her stew and wonder while i move on.

[BeholdtheMan]

Silence is really empowering for me and boasts me up coz i know it's started bothering her(coz she texted me).a friend told me today she went with her mom for one week to an island of my homecountry,to which we were planning to go together this summer.i ll continue the same and let her stew and wonder while i move on.

The goal of maintaining no contact is eventually to detach from her completely, i.e. you completely don't care about what she's doing

 

I hope you'll reach that stage soon

[edelveis]

yes i agree that my goal is to become completely indifferent about her and not caring where she is,what she's doing and with who.the thing is the common friends i meet even if they know whats happening they tell me things about her without being asked.i dont want to say "stop telliing me about her" coz i dont want to seem bothered.i try to act cool,like i dont care at all.it will take me sometime but i am sure in the end i ll make it

[edelveis]

hi.u didnt hear from me for a few days.well i am actually better with my up and down days but as time passes i feel like eveything become cleaner in my mind and i realize things better.but today i learned that she is in a new relationship with some other guy and i have to admit that it brought me down a bit.i know i shouldnt coz i left away from her but it bothers me.any advices or words that would help me feel better are more than welcomed and appreciated.

[salparadise]

All I can say is you gotta let it go man. It's inevitable that she's going to be with other guys... that's why all of this happened to begin with. She has no further obligation to you. Of course, you're going to feel a little down but that's to be expected. Just live your life and let these thoughts float away rather than dwelling on them.

[edelveis]

yes i am trying not to think of it too much and continue moving on.the fact that she moved on so fast,though, is proving that she really was fake and didnt deserve for sure,right?thats how i tend to see it.because she texted me 10 days before and now she's with another guy.i m glad i didnt respond and didnt try to reach her.

[aliveagain]

Think of it this way edelveis, she settled for this guy because you kicked her to the curb, she has to save face even if it means settling for second place. She will not forget the man that dumped her, you did good, you didn't act the way she expected you to.

[BeholdtheMan]

yes i am trying not to think of it too much and continue moving on.the fact that she moved on so fast,though, is proving that she really was fake and didnt deserve for sure,right?

Yes, she likely is fake and manipulative. You simply got rid of someone not worth your time. You walked away with dignity. You should be proud of that. A lot of guys would've clung to her.

 

i m glad i didnt respond and didnt try to reach her.

We told you man...there would've no point in contacting her

[edelveis]

Yes u all told me guys and i am greatfull to you for this.i have realized that i have had too much and tolerated too much for a love like hers and for a person like me.i will stop caring about her and what she does.i am proud of myself that i didnt do what she expected me to.i dont think many guys did it to her.

 

aliveagain my friend yes its true and thnx for reminding me.i threw her into the card so she has to settle for other choices.i believe too she wont forget me coz i walked away from her but i should learn to not care if she remembers me or not.i just dream the day i will totally forget her like amnesia.i really need that day to be soon

[edelveis]

Hello.if someone is interested to hear the continuation of this story 2 years and a half after just leave a message. if noone replies i ll just leave it.. thank you all god bless you

[road]

Hello.if someone is interested to hear the continuation of this story 2 years and a half after just leave a message. if noone replies i ll just leave it.. thank you all god bless you

 

 

 

Of we want to hear an update.

[Space Ritual]

Sure. we always like updates.

[qubist]

Every story could serve a lesson to some one, please share your updates I just spent an hour reading your story

[aliveagain]

My last response to you was June 26th, 2013, wow, sure I would like to hear an update.

[edelveis]

Hello everyone. So here is the update of my story.it might end up a little big but i hope its worthy.

 

After my last message when i decided to never talk to her again i took some time off from here and focused on myself in my search for recovery.For sometime i tried to be strong and i managed it to some extent but everyday i had thoughts of her and i was feeling the need to express somethings.to keep it brief i couldnt find closure.After 2 months when the pain was too much to keep it anymore i decided to try to find her to tell her a few things.I had the need to express my feelings for her and let her know what she meant to me even if i had decided that it was over.so i messaged her expressing my self and asking her to meet and her new bf answered me instead of her telling to never contact her again.

 

Given this,that she already moved on with her life i decided to give it up,no matter my pain, and try to move on.After one month or something i received a message from her telling me how important i am in her life and that she is glad that she finally knows what she means to me.we chatted for a while and she told me that she broke up and she wants to see me so i decided to fly to go meet her(it was summer and i was home for holidays).Suddenly my grandpa died and i had to deLAy it but she thought it was some kind of excuse from me not to meet her.So we had a fight and she made up with her old boyfriend and moved to his country.I was devastated but it was the moment when i said to my self that it is over and that i have to finally deal with it.

 

The next year i focused on my university and gave all my energy there trying to graduate.I was getting better and better even if i had my ups and downs often but i was feeling that i had a closure.So one day 7 months after our last contact she called me,twice but i didnt answer.I was at the library studying at that moment and i got shocked.I spent the next couple of days trying to think if i should call back or not.i decided that this time i will just ignore her.so i did.

 

Time passed i started dating a girl again.i might had emotions for my ex but i really liked that girl and i knew she was really into me and caring about me.so did it to some point.Then one day a week before i fly home again for summer holidays she messaged me in fb and added me as a friend.she was begging me to meet up.in the begging i declined but she was insisting and was really begging me.so i decided to meet her up for a last time.I saw it like an opportunity to prove myself that i am strong again and i am able to not allow her have any influence in my life.so we set up a time and a place.

 

And so i met her.When she came she was so beautifull like never before.full of confidence and with the most beautifull smile she could wear.She also brought her little doggie with her.After a few moments of inconvenience we started the real talking.She told me that she was sorry for everything that she did even if in the beggining she pretended not to remember some incidents.she was costantly asking me for a second chance to be in my life.at first i was so strong and i was always talking her down.i found the opportunity to express myself FINALLY and i told her everything.that she was the love of my life and she lost it all.she said she was in shock coz she never thought she had such an impact to me.she told me that we should be together then elsewhere we will both lose.we were also both moving to london the next year so she said it was a sign.i insisted to my no even if it was the hardest thing to do.i was shaking inside of me.i told her goodbye and left.my flight was in 2 hours.

 

She messaged me saying please dont leave u re the only person who make me happy.now i know it..it was my breaking point..i told her that if she wants a second chance we ll stay apart for a month and if nothing bad happened from her side then she would have her chance MAYBE.i told her she needs to prove that she deserves it.she agreed.

 

After a while she was asking me to come visit me at my homecountry or go for holidays somewhere together.i told her that she couldnt understand the point of our agreement!i told her that we are not together but that she is trying to prove that she deserves my trust.like a spoiled child she got pissed off and we didnt talk for a couple of days.i learnt though from a friend of mine that she was spotted out with a guy.i tried to contact her but she was telling me cheap lies that she is on a travel with her dad and she didnt have good signal.I learned that she was on a weekend getway with a guy.so i wrote her i message telling her that she proved me right for not wanting to give her a second chance and not to contact me again.

 

A couple of days passed with no answer so i thought that she took the message and wont bother me.I was deeply in hurt but i was relieved that i finally saw her real face with no doubt.but she came back..she wrote me that she wants to talk with me..i told her that there is nothing to talk anymore and sent her a firing closure message and blocked her from everywhere.she message my from a different number denying everything even the existance of another guy and told me that she wanted to say something great for me and her and i killed it in such way.i told her where she finds the courage to keep insisting and that we are over forever.and to deal with it.

 

She messaged after a week telling me that i was right that she is not a good girl for me and that she doesnt deserve me.she told me she is not good at all..i never answered back.it was the last time i heard from her..

 

Now she is in a relationship with that guy for one year and a half and someone told me that it is a troublesome relationship.also she blocks and unblocks me in facebook from time to time.that was all guys..feel free to comment on anything

 

 

ps i am done with her but i always think of her.i became familliar with the idea that maybe i will never forget her and it doesnt bother me that much anymore.