Non "Affairy-Like" things you did together...

[stevie_23]

In a way, when you're in love with someone, even the boring and mundane stuff is a bit more lively and exciting. Or it feels WORTH it because you're doing it with that particular person.

 

Add to that the affair situation, which often means you don't have the freedom to always DO the normal, "boring" stuff when you want to, or even at all, and those mundane activities may take on even more excitement. Maybe. Maybe not.

 

My ex-MM and I were long distance as everyone knows, but we discussed EVERYTHING. Every little thing, from silly funny unimportant things to very serious philosophical topics to boring, everyday life stuff like my online grocery delivery, his work day, our taxes, my cat going to the vet, blah, blah...

 

We did many videos for each other all the time, most of which were simply us just talking to one another while doing those boring, everyday things. Him cooking, driving, shopping for clothes or in the supermarket wheeling his cart. Me putting makeup on (and yes, he often saw me without any makeup on. Nobody else ever does), doing my hair, walking to the shops in my "house clothes"...

 

A lot of it was "boring" but not to us, because we WANTED that sense of being normal.

[MissBee]

I don't see this distinction as an "A vs non-A" thing, but as a function of the way different couples relate to each other. My A was very "real", despite it being LDR, and despite it being an A, because of how intimately we were integrated into each others' lives.

 

I have said in other posts that indeed single relationships can include elements of fantasy as well or be totally based in fantasy. The characteristics that make a relationship more likely to be built on fantasy are more prominent and likely in As though.

 

I understand your A may not have been secret and you were very integrated in his life, and if so, then there is definitely going to be less fantasy. However, As, in terms of what an A normally is, secret and compartmentalized, where the OW is not known publicly as this person's SO will tend to promote more fantasy. I believe those kinds of As are the rule, then there are exceptions, so for that reason I see it as an A vs. non-A, based on what most As seem to be.

[MissBee]

In a way, when you're in love with someone, even the boring and mundane stuff is a bit more lively and exciting. Or it feels WORTH it because you're doing it with that particular person.

 

Add to that the affair situation, which often means you don't have the freedom to always DO the normal, "boring" stuff when you want to, or even at all, and those mundane activities may take on even more excitement. Maybe. Maybe not.

 

My ex-MM and I were long distance as everyone knows, but we discussed EVERYTHING. Every little thing, from silly funny unimportant things to very serious philosophical topics to boring, everyday life stuff like my online grocery delivery, his work day, our taxes, my cat going to the vet, blah, blah...

 

We did many videos for each other all the time, most of which were simply us just talking to one another while doing those boring, everyday things. Him cooking, driving, shopping for clothes or in the supermarket wheeling his cart. Me putting makeup on (and yes, he often saw me without any makeup on. Nobody else ever does), doing my hair, walking to the shops in my "house clothes"...

A lot of it was "boring" but not to us, because we WANTED that sense of being normal.

 

I can so relate to this!

 

I didn't see him as often as I wanted to and I did want the pleasure and comfort of doing normal things, which would make our relationship "more real."

 

But the point for me was, which I guess is where I am differing in my interpretation from some posters is that, no matter how many mundane things we did....he was still doing it "over here" with me and it wasn't as though it was fully integrated with his normal life. While he came to visit me we had a "normal" relationship but it was pretty evident that it was still in a compartment.

 

I simply don't understand why fantasy hinges on whether or not you do mundane or gross things . As for me that is totally irrelevant. The compartmentalization and "over there" sense is what I believe promotes fantasy (or can promote fantasy) and not whether or not you are swinging from chandeliers in pasties or wiping vomit.

[findingnemo]

We did plenty of non-Affairy things if we are talking about having a more involved A. But then when we saw each other it was over days and sometimes weeks. However, I do not subscribe to the school of thought that believes lovers should expose themselves 100%. I prefer a bit of mystery. Closed bathroom doors, no sharing of toothbrushes and towels....yeah, I'm finicky like that. When I first lived with my xH, I complained to my Mum that he was a slob. He had absolutely no respect for what was mine. I asked her if it was possible his Mother never taught him the basics.

 

Farting? Tossing his clothes on the floor? Messing up stuff I've put away ever so neatly? I can't stand that stuff in any R.

[Got it]

We did plenty of non-Affairy things if we are talking about having a more involved A. But then when we saw each other it was over days and sometimes weeks. However, I do not subscribe to the school of thought that believes lovers should expose themselves 100%. I prefer a bit of mystery. Closed bathroom doors, no sharing of toothbrushes and towels....yeah, I'm finicky like that. When I first lived with my xH, I complained to my Mum that he was a slob. He had absolutely no respect for what was mine. I asked her if it was possible his Mother never taught him the basics.

 

Farting? Tossing his clothes on the floor? Messing up stuff I've put away ever so neatly? I can't stand that stuff in any R.

 

THANK YOU!!!! I have no idea why this is considered normal or acceptable in any relationship. Sorry but one's sex appeal is going to diminish for me if I am all up in your bathroom business. Nor do I have ANY interest in having that level of intimacy with anyone. I didn't with my siblings growing up and I sure as hell don't want it with the man I want to have sex with on a regular basis. During the affair we went away for a New Years Eve and I had too much to drink. I made it back to the hotel and the spinning got the best of me and well I had to run into the bathroom. I am hugging the toilet and I suddenly feel a hand rubbing my back! I yelled get out! Outside of my very young years puking has been a private business and I have never had any person, let alone a man, in their with me! We still joke about that as I scared the crap out of him and he sure as hell scared the crap out of me. I don't think my ex even thought about doing that. I do appreciate the sentiment but I want privacy and then when I come out, a washcloth for my forehead would be lovely. But I don't need help or assistance with my bodily functions, even if they are on reversal.

 

If we were independently wealthy and could build our dream house the master bedroom would have two master baths, a his and hers. That would be lovely! We do our own laundry as we like things just so with our clothes (same with my ex husband), and have our own towels - I have a lovely robe thank you very much.

Edited May 31, 2013 by Got it