zx14 Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Hello everyone... I guess like everybody else I'm just looking for some other peoples thoughts on what is going on with my marrige/divorce. I posted on here some months ago about this, but now its been a year things have been this way. I met my wife 6/11 and was married in 12/11. By the end of 5/12 I had left and that was the last time I either spoke to her or saw her. There was no weird stuff like abuse or cheating...it just didn't work. It was very good though when it was working...although it wasn't long. I filed for divorce in 9/12. I had no attorney and didn't expect a problem because we had no assets of any kind or kids. I had to find out where she moved to to serve her as she decided to not cooperate and hide for some reason. She contested it to my surprise and I was forced to get an attorney...she had the use of legal aid. Her claims were so generic my guy couldn't make any sence of her counter and asked for some specifics. Well in 1/13 we finally got a letter saying a cable TV bill and a credit card bill were her reasons, but she couldn't produce them at the time because she had moved and couldn't find copies of the bills. Knowing that was BS, I let it sit as there was no sence in pushing against this and going broke with attorney fees while she had a free attorney. Low and behold last week (5/13) I get a letter finally from my guy...thinking it was going to say she was ready to do this....well it stated that he had received a letter from her lawyer at legal aid stating that they have withdrawn their counsel to her for not cooperting their office. She lost her free lawyer. My lawyer has a couple things we can do, but it will cost me...which isn't good. Her guys said they tried multiple times to contact her with no repsonse...and this was after she went and got them in the first place. So my friends/family think theres probably an obsession under all this...or some kind of strange thing at work here...what do you guys think? She's done some strange stuff like posting crap about me on line but never naming me...using my credit card and sending me stuff (I changed the #). She just won't do it....sign anything that is.....and over Nothing...I mean nothing. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Simpleoldschool Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 Well i try to give the best advice i can and if i could say something, maybe i can help. most of the advice on here will be helpfull. the users here are knowledgeable. I dont see very many specifics, so its hard for me to really guage whether your asking questions making a statement about something or just venting or maybe all at the same time. atleast thats what i beilieve im reading and to what your alluding to. all im following is and correct me if im wrong. You wanted a divorce. she ran away - possibly because she didnt or other reasons. you were then made aware by the couensel she rettained that she would contest the divorce. you rettained legal couensel. *this is where i need help * you fired your lawyer or, put the operation on pause now your lawyer is contacting you and saying this is the best time to move in on her andddddd..... thats all im getting so far. so the preliminary questions are these. You are dead set on divorce correct? if i could know the general reasons but only if you wish to disclose them that would be best. second, error the more family and friends you get involved the more opinions you will cross-hatch and become so confused up and down seem the same way to travel. the last thing i get from this is, she used your credit cards? atleast i think thats what im understanding. i dont easily get confused but this is kind of, everywhere and anywhere it can be lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zx14 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 sorry for being vauge...I was trying to condense it so a long winded post was avoided...I'll be more specific. Yes I wanted a divorce and yes she ran and hid for the entire summer. I should add that when she left she stole most of my keepsakes given to me by my kids and father...over 60 items. Everything sentimental. After I found her address in Sept. I had her served by the Sheriffs Dept. I was then served at my work by her by the Sherriffs Dept. I had no lawyer then...I thought she would just do it. I then got a lawyer. I have a private lawyer...she has Legal Aid which is free. I still have my lawyer and there are no problems with him. She was released by Legal Aid for not cooperating with them last week. She seems to be purposely stalling this. She would not communicate with them. Yes I still want to proceed and the reasons would be there is no future with her. Its the type of relationship that should only exist on a dating platform and not a daily living situation. She's the type of person that is fun to be around but for not more than a day if you know what I mean...she wears you down. She is very immature for a 52 yr. old...I am almost 51 yrs. old...that makes this even more nutty. Yes she used a debit card of mine...not the card, but she had the # (which I gave her to buy some gifts for my kids way before any of this) and purchased some stuff online as a joke and shipped it to me. I've since changed the account. I have no proof, but I'm 99% sure it was her. I guess I just want to know why she is stalling after this length of time?? It makes no sense seeing as how we haven't talked or layed eyes on each other in a year. She has an issue over something and its not $ or kids or a house. If she's punishing me with a dead marrige thats not much payoff because I can do whatever I want beside buy a house or get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 She's taking revenge obviously....for whatever it is she thinks you did to her. Her feelings are probably hurt. She sounds hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zx14 Posted May 27, 2013 Author Share Posted May 27, 2013 ageed...she's hurt for sure or at least was a yr. ago. Is it unrealistic to think after a yr. though she might feel a little less hurt than she was? As far as revenge...yes I'm sure thats part of it but seems to me you'd want to move on at some point if your not getting any feedback from the person your trying to disrupt. She just seems really dug in on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zx14 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 well the lawyer says we can try to get her in for a consultation or he can send her a letter trying to find out what she is doing?? I'm sure either choice will be ignored by her. I'm thinking I may have to try to directly approach her myself...all I have is an email address. Who knows...maybe she wants that, I don't know. It will be a reward for her to have broken my will probably. She may respond to me directly...50/50 I think. Any thoughts or a better idea???? Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Sometimes local courthouses that handle divorces have free mediation. It is usually not legally binding (double check all this information because your courthouse could be different). A mediation would let her get out all her hurt feelings and tell you the real reasons why she doesn't want to get divorced. You could listen respectfully and then apologize profusely. I know that she did some very wrong things to you, but it might be better to just swallow your pride in an effort to get things done more quickly. It sounds like she is punishing you for leaving her. She is probably still waiting to have one last argument where she gets to unload on you for whatever she is mad about. My advice would be to let her. It can really only help your cause. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Just get a lawyer and petition the court again. Most countries have laws to deal with people that infinitely stall the legal system and waste time. Where I live, this sort of thing doesn't go on for too long unless both parties are actually fighting it out. If one person is non responsive, the judge usually just throws out the case and rules in favour of the participating party (unless there are other external factors such as kids, etc). Disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer and this is not legal advice. Sometimes local courthouses that handle divorces have free mediation. It is usually not legally binding (double check all this information because your courthouse could be different). A mediation would let her get out all her hurt feelings and tell you the real reasons why she doesn't want to get divorced. You could listen respectfully and then apologize profusely. I know that she did some very wrong things to you, but it might be better to just swallow your pride in an effort to get things done more quickly. It sounds like she is punishing you for leaving her. She is probably still waiting to have one last argument where she gets to unload on you for whatever she is mad about. My advice would be to let her. It can really only help your cause. Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 She may have a medical condition, mental condition or just your garden variety crazy biotch, either way it does not matter. Don't waste your time negotiating with a her, just go through the court and get it over. Will it cost you money? You betcha, but that is the price you pay when you make impetuous decisions. This was a May to September romance go wrong and there is no other way to say it than you have to bite the bullet. I am sorry for your pain and wish you well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zx14 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) thanks for the thoughts... My whole point is we shouldn't be negotiating because there's nothing there..as in something you can put in your hand. Yes, I could ram this down her throat with my lawyer at $250/hr. and be broke...that's not a realistic solution. I was trying to find a way into getting her to communicate and agree. I thought if I could get an idea of why she might be doing this it would help me decide how to counteract it and keep the lawyer fees as low as possible. I could just stay like this, but its been a year for God's sake. I'll take the blasting that will come from her...I don't mind at all. NY is a no-fault state so after a while I'll be able to prove she is being vengeful anyway. I mean who gets dumped by Legal Aid (which is free) for not cooperating if they want to be divorced??? I have done exactly what your suppose to do with someone who is stalling/revenge which is ignore them and they usually tire of it, but she continues to act this way...even after a year. Edited May 30, 2013 by zx14 Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I went through the same process back in 2005. I had a crazy woman I met and just under 6 months I ran her off, filed the next day. Nobody could serve her, could not find her, nothing. Texas is also a no fault state. I just filed irreconcilable differences. but since we couldnt find her, it had to be posted on the courthouse steps for 20 days, after that, it was finalized. She was never there, never served, never signed.. it only added time to finish the process. 20 days. Link to post Share on other sites
ReelAhdvice Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 If you could, call her, negotiate and have sign the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zx14 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I don't have a ph#, all I have is an email address. I suppose I could try it... Link to post Share on other sites
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