play my ex wife

[digger]

if u were her--what is she thinking

or if youve been the divorcer-whats she thinking

(i know, its speculative)

 

Facts: papers served 7 months ago-divorce final 1 month ago

 

First 6 months i pleaded and begged--in last month ive ceased all contact

 

Not until papers showed but the minute they did--ex changed to instant hate of me--nothing could ever p*** her off but now is like a person i never knew.

 

daughter wont call or speak to me but has written that "if you get happy again like you used to be, we might have a chance. (dont know whether 'we' meant me/daughter or all of us.

 

Ex says "im dating and having the time of my life". Shes also withdrawing retirment money out to pay her bills even tho she makes 45k a year.

 

Ex says 'divorce has been on my mind for 10 yrs" even tho we were laughing and doing things with each other just last Xmas. She blames we for every little thing. You name it-the excuse for divorce has amounted to 40 of em (excuses). She wants to move out of state to go back to her old job she loved so much (if she can get it back).

Can she really turn it off like a light after 21 yrs--or is she just feeling her way and maybe regretting it. We were always soulmates and loved each other from day 1 for 20+ years. Is time an answer? I know I know, move on-but its hard to move on when there may be a shot in the dark whether this year or next.

[Merin]

You didn't say why your Ex wife wanted a divorce?

 

I don't believe it's possible (if you're being honest about it) that a relationship is so happy and out of the blue, your spouse decides it's time to end all that happiness and get a divorce.... that doesn't make sense.

 

I think it is one of those things that you need to try to look at things more objectively... and understand that although she may have done x-y-z in the marriage that didn't make you so happy, that YOU also did x-y-z that clearly didn't make her so happy either. Again, I have never heard of anyone getting a divorce or ending a relationship because there was so much happiness there that it just became mundane.

 

At this point, the marriage is over. The divorce decree ink is dry....

 

If I were in this situation, I would be busting my a** to make things right with your daughter... IMHO people may come and go in your life, but your little people (even if she isn't so little anymore) are forever. You and your wife got divorced.... not you and your daughter. Don't live with that regret....

 

Good Luck

[izzybelle]

merin's right. you need to work things out with your daughter.

 

what your ex is going through is fairly typical. one of the stages that many go through for one reason or another, is absolute hate of the other person. whether she feels "guilty" because she asked or is regretting the decision it's hard to say. in my case, for a while i didn't want to accept ANY of the blame for the fact that my marriage had failed. everything from what i got or didn't get in the divorce to the lack of world peace was all his fault. it is much, much easier to blame someone else than it was to accept any of the blame as your own. that age old thing of in order to make yourself feel better you need to make someone else feel worse. pushing people down so you feel above them.

 

she may also actively be trying to pi** you off! what easier of a way for her to feel justified in leaving you than to be able to say to others.... "can you believe he got mad about XXXX?" try not to buy into it as difficult as it may be.

 

she may eventually move past that feeling but it may take time. even for the person who asks, divorce is difficult. it's scary for everyone.

 

and then again, since i don't know her, it's hard to say what her motives are. but.... bottom line, do what you can to regain your relationship with your daughter.