Car accident...Ex calling.....I'm a confused mess

[gobain]

Well, I was wrong. The ex calling the other day apparently wasn't a mistake.

 

He called again and left a message this time. He said he was calling to see how school was going - "making sure you're staying on the straight and narrow with all that" and to give him a call "if you think of it".

 

And now the tail spin begins again. And considering I'm already out-of-sorts from crashing my car the other night - bad - I'm so confused I can't even wrap my head around the simplest things, let alone trying to discern what his intentions are. I don't think I should return his call, considering my current condition, that's for sure.

 

If I were a more coniving person, I might use the accident to coax him back in. But I'm not. And I don't want to tell him about it and risk having him want to see me out of pity. The pity card doesn't work for me like it does for some. That's not to say it wouldn't make me feel better to see him. It certainly would. But I don't think that I should while I'm not in my right mind.

 

I could use an objective opinion. I miss him alot. But I'm afraid of letting him in again. Even on the "just friends" level. I know myself and my feelings for him well enough to know that I could never be just friends.

 

I hope this coherent enough to generate a response. Thanks in advance to anyone willing to help on this one.

[backspn]

You dont seem to be giving him enough credit. He called you to see if you're ok and staying on the straight and narrow cause he still cares about you. Why shouldnt you tell him about your car crash? Of course he'll be worried about you. You decide how you want to play it but it wont be coniving to tell him about it.....if you guys are friends? Oh...and he wont want to see you out of pity....he cares about you obviously.

[gobain]

Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't give him enough credit. I'm afraid I guess. And we've only spoken once since the breakup so, no, we're not friends. Nor do I want to be.

 

I'll probably wait a few days and return his call. I still don't think I should call him right now - being as addled as I am from the accident itself and the meds I'm on.

 

I have a hard time believing that he cares about me at all. I see so many posts here from guys that are hurting and want their exes back etc, but I have never been able to picture him feeling like that. He doesn't show much emotion - that's just his way. But it makes it difficult sometimes to imagine that he has any remorse about us.

 

I broke up with him b/c I always felt sort of incidental to him. He never seemed to want to make any effort. He was going through some stuff and I tried to be understanding about it, but I just couldn't handle feeling so unimportant to someone I loved so much. So I guess it's just hard to believe that I matter to him now if I didn't matter to him then.

 

I've worked hard to let go and be positive. I didn't do so well at first, but I had been doing great - until he called. I miss him. I love him. But I don't expect him to change or that I can change him. And I certainly won't torture myself trying to be friends with someone I want more from. So, what's the point?

 

I'll return his call sometime soon and be friendly and nice and positive. But beyond that, I don't think we should continue contact. Whether I tell him that or just fade into the background remains to be seen.

 

I guess I just needed to settle down from the initial shock of him actually calling and vent a little to straighten out my thoughts. I like hearing different points of view - it helps me work it out in my head.

[Just Visiting]

I understand what you are thinking and feeling right now gobain. If my ex was to call me out of the blue right now....I would be like...what the ??? I still love him, but he hurt me deeply and I can't see us being friends. I have made some positive changes in my life and feel that if I let him back in, even just on a friendly level, it would be a major step back.

 

I would call him back in a few days and be distant and polite. You don't owe him anything. And you know that it will be more harm than good to maintain contact. Anything along the line of "Thank you for calling, I am doing fine. Take care."

[gobain]

So I called him back - when I knew he wouldn't answer - and left a message that could only be caterorgized as breezy and light. I haven't heard back from him - so I guess that's good.

 

But .......

 

He got me thinking about everything. I've made no attempt to hide that I miss him but now it just feels worse. I'm usually pretty good about not acting on impulse w/ calling etc. but for some reason I couldn't resist. I sent him a birthday card. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but I'm freaked about it now. I signed it "Always".

 

I don't know what I want anymore. I know that I love him. And I used to think that I was better off without him. I'm not sure that I am anymore. I'm starting to feel afraid that he wouldn't even want to pursue our relationship again. I'm too proud in some ways to even think of bringing it up, but I could even surprise myself on this one.

 

 

Does this even make any sense? Am I crazy? Help!!

[Just Visiting]

No you are not crazy. I have gone through the same thing too. It's a very confusing time but be strong. When they don't call on a regular basis, then it is a good indication of their feelings. Even though my ex and I broke up last June, I still miss him. But I have enough self-respect and dignity not to initiate any sort of contact.

 

You are going to have to go through the "withdrawl stage" again. If you made progress once, you can do it again. I did, and it was awful, but I got through it. And I learned a lot from it. You will too.

[gobain]

Just Visiting,

 

Thanks, believe me that helps.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by his "not calling on a regular basis" being a clear indication of his feelings though. Isn't it an indication that HE'S not sure about his feelings??

 

I've been thinking - or trying to anyway - that he was just having a weak moment and isn't sure how he feels now.

 

It sucks that I feel like I have to start over again. And I'm not sure how he'll react to the card (today is his birthday). He may ignore it. But if he doesn't....

[Just Visiting]

What I meant to say "if he's not calling you on a regular basis is a good indication of his feelings", is that if a guy wants to be with you, he would do anything possible. And yes, him making the odd phone call......well....to be honest I wouldn't want to be with a guy who is not sure about me. Either you do or you don't. I hope that makes sense...lol.