To the lonely fed up single men - a woman's perspective on the same issues...

[strongnrelaxed]

We have all been sold a pile of lies and we keep drinking the Koolaid - willingly. "Men are all pigs and dogs - they all want one thing and will say anything to sleep with you" is one particularly troublesome one. This describes about half the teenage male population (rough guesstimate) and they confirm this notion. Women take this bad assumption into adulthood and wonder where all these horny pigs and dogs are. When men don't line up for them, they think something is wrong.

 

Women - stop! Men are not all pigs and dogs. Yes, we want sex, but we won't all humiliate ourselves to get it. This also changes as men get older. We get burned and become more reluctant. Sleeping with older women often comes with an expectation of control. Too many women expect, and almost demand, almost immediate fidelity. Not all, but too many.

 

Just as some men out there make it hard for the rest of us, so too do some women make it hard for the good women.

 

The trick is to not assume bad things about men. We want it sometimes and we can walk away others. Any man with sufficient experience will tell you that it is sometimes not worth the predictable drama that comes after the sex.

 

If you wonder why they do not make the first move these days, it is partially because women have more sexual power and freedom and men do not have to work as much anymore - at least not as much as when I was younger. Why fight for a woman when so many are willing to give sex so easily?

 

I see this getting worse until women start teaching each other to be less deceptive and manipulative and start being honest and owning their power. We are all waiting.

[strongnrelaxed]

You don't know.

 

In fact, Sheryl Sandberg has herself published several articles/interviews in which she talks about how a woman's relationships and personal life can be very much at odds with what she needs to succeed in her career. Marissa Mayer built her empire upon a foundation of being perceived as a 'bitch'

 

I am perhaps a bit overconfident, but I appreciate these types of women. I find them to be more faithful and trustworthy and intelligent to be sure. The only challenge is the need to strive for perfection. That can kill a relationship as quickly as anything and pertains to both men and women.

 

I do believe that it is possible to have high standards and be accepting at the same time. I imagine that the standards should focus on things like values, physical fitness, intelligence, drive and overall compatibility. The rest is messy and imperfect.

 

When we can let go of that minor stuff, that is when romance really happens. The challenge is that we have fairytale expectations that will never be met. Any man who falls short of that standard of perfection will always seem "less than" to some women.

Edited June 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Els]

I am perhaps a bit overconfident, but I appreciate these types of women. I find them to be more faithful and trustworthy and intelligent to be sure. The only challenge is the need to strive for perfection. That can kill a relationship as quickly as anything and pertains to both men and women.

 

I do believe that it is possible to have high standards and be accepting at the same time. I imagine that the standards should focus on things like values, physical fitness, intelligence, drive and overall compatibility. The rest is messy and imperfect.

 

When we can let go of that minor stuff, that is when romance really happens. The challenge is that we have fairytale expectations that will never be met. Any man who falls short of that standard of perfection will always seem "less than" to some women.

 

 

Actually, I agree with much of this.

 

I did not mean that men are necessarily intimidated by successful women or dislike them because they are successful - some men are, some aren't, same goes with virtually any other preference.

 

What I meant, was that sometimes the personality traits needed to succeed in one's career are at odds with those that would nurture a relationship or attract the opposite sex. As you mentioned, for example, the need for perfection. Probably the only thing we disagree on, is that I believe women tend to find career-positive traits more attractive than men do.

Edited June 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Pompeii]

The better person the woman is, the more likely she is to be alone. I really do believe that. If a woman has a lot going for her, she is more likely to be alone.

 

We must be living in two different worlds. It seems like the girls who are the awesome ones are always the ones getting scooped up.

[Woggle]

Actually, I agree with much of this.

 

I did not mean that men are necessarily intimidated by successful women or dislike them because they are successful - some men are, some aren't, same goes with virtually any other preference.

 

What I meant, was that sometimes the personality traits needed to succeed in one's career are at odds with those that would nurture a relationship or attract the opposite sex. As you mentioned, for example, the need for perfection. Probably the only thing we disagree on, is that I believe women tend to find career-positive traits more attractive than men do.

 

Why can't a person be able to be tough in their career and gentle in their relationships. There are plenty of men who are tough as nails at work but as gentle as can be with their families and I am sure there are a number of women like that as well.

[PhoenixRysing]

I am perhaps a bit overconfident, but I appreciate these types of women. I find them to be more faithful and trustworthy and intelligent to be sure. The only challenge is the need to strive for perfection. That can kill a relationship as quickly as anything and pertains to both men and women.

 

I do believe that it is possible to have high standards and be accepting at the same time. I imagine that the standards should focus on things like values, physical fitness, intelligence, drive and overall compatibility. The rest is messy and imperfect.

 

When we can let go of that minor stuff, that is when romance really happens. The challenge is that we have fairytale expectations that will never be met. Any man who falls short of that standard of perfection will always seem "less than" to some women.

 

 

Actually, I agree with much of this.

 

I did not mean that men are necessarily intimidated by successful women or dislike them because they are successful - some men are, some aren't, same goes with virtually any other preference.

 

What I meant, was that sometimes the personality traits needed to succeed in one's career are at odds with those that would nurture a relationship or attract the opposite sex. As you mentioned, for example, the need for perfection. Probably the only thing we disagree on, is that I believe women tend to find career-positive traits more attractive than men do.

 

Why can't a person be able to be tough in their career and gentle in their relationships. There are plenty of men who are tough as nails at work but as gentle as can be with their families and I am sure there are a number of women like that as well.

 

I agree with all of this and think the common theme is while women can in fact have characteristics at work that are at odds with creating a nurturing home environment (and yes the perfectionism issue is definitely one I have as well) sometimes equally detrimental is the perception that she does not have a balancing side (nurturing and loving at home). This perception I think can kill a man's interest before a relationship ever even starts.

 

In my case, I know that some of the capabilities I push hard on and nurture in myself are doing wonders for me in the work place and as a result I am confident that men there admire, trust, and respect me. The difficulty sometimes is getting them to see (or be interested in seeing) the other side of me, because they just assume that I am the same at home as I am at work. I think this is a fair assumption, we only go on what we know of a person and what they have shown us. I can't expect them to wonder if another side of me exists if all they ever see is that part of me. Equally, I can't share that side without having it impact their perception of me in the office.

 

It would seem then, that despite the long hours I work, I have to step away from the office to find a lover. I have tried that (OLD, Meetup, etc) and I have met some men outside of work that way. Interestingly, they see me as kind, loving, and supportive (at least those are the adjectives they use when complimenting me). Eventually they will be in a position to observe me in my work setting, and then they see the other side of me. Once they see that, it is almost as if they forget that the woman they saw before ever existed. It would be comical how quickly the change occurs in these men if it weren't so damned painful.

 

I do think a lot of us are confused by the new and emerging roles of both sexes (both at work and at home) and while I understand the reason for this, I also accept the implications to me.

 

I want to thank everyone who has shared their perspective in this thread, it has given me a lot to think about. Ultimately, I have decided that Treasa's perspective is the one I need to nurture more in myself. I accept that there may be a man (thank you Woggle) who can see and appreciate both aspects of my personality, but also accept (thank you Hokie) that this pool is infinitely smaller than it could be based on my own personal choices. So lonely or not, it is going to have to continue to be me that nurtures and loves me.

 

Ironically, I feel this entire conversation has added to my "sword and shield" rather than give me reason to "lay down arms." Earlier I noted that while I don't need a man for a traditional partner, I have always felt I needed one for love and companionship. If I am to work on also now providing that role for myself, then really what place does a man have in my life?

 

I am not being contentious. I am an wondering aloud if further acts to take care of myself where there is not partner, perpetuate the concern men have that they offer nothing of value to my life. What then remains? If a man needs to feel needed, and I no longer need on at all - then certainly I have permanently closed the door?

 

Just musing...

Edited June 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Els]

Why can't a person be able to be tough in their career and gentle in their relationships. There are plenty of men who are tough as nails at work but as gentle as can be with their families and I am sure there are a number of women like that as well.

 

Not saying they can't. Simply saying that most successful women, including the two you quoted, have said that they feel it has been a bigger challenge for them than it has been for their male counterparts. Interpret that as you will.

 

It would seem then, that despite the long hours I work, I have to step away from the office to find a lover.

 

Yes, I think this is the general consensus. IMO if your career is very important to you, it would be quite risky to date someone you're working closely with anyway.

[JuneJulySeptember]

In my lifetime I have never had a man pursue me or ask me on a date. I have always been the initiator. Contrast that to the fact that most people in my life have in some way, shape, or form told me I was attractive.

 

I'm sorry about that. It's been the same for me and I have never really had anybody call me attractive.

 

The thing you gals have to understand is that it's just a projection. If I was gay, I'd be frustrated with men. I've never understood why women care. If a woman came on here and said that "Men are so shallow, all they care about is looks" why would I care? I'm not like that, so I'd laugh at it.

 

Anyway, I always said that if there was a woman who struggled as much as me, I'd take her under my wing. So, I guess that's you (though I don't know your whole story).

 

Keep your head up, don't over-invest, and admit your interest right away! Because, hey, men are shallow!

[Pompeii]

Why can't a person be able to be tough in their career and gentle in their relationships. There are plenty of men who are tough as nails at work but as gentle as can be with their families and I am sure there are a number of women like that as well.

 

It's a lot harder for women to turn off "work mode" than it is for men. Work is typically a very "masculine" environment. Men usually are always in a masculine, aggressive mindset, so all they have to do is tone it down a bit when coming home. Women have to have a whole other mental shift in order to switch gears.

[Woggle]

It's a lot harder for women to turn off "work mode" than it is for men. Work is typically a very "masculine" environment. Men usually are always in a masculine, aggressive mindset, so all they have to do is tone it down a bit when coming home. Women have to have a whole other mental shift in order to switch gears.

 

Not true. How do you explain guys who go from a tough as nails cop to a loving father at home?

[Jon Tenzo]

I have to say this is one of the most candid and insightful statements I have ever read on the subject. I have the male equivalent of Phoenix's problem. Have a GF right now but that was after 5 failed attempts with prior women. At the end of the day they weren't the right ones for me. But in general I am universally branded as a playboy before women even try to get to know me, so it's been somewhat of a rough ride. I always tell my current GF if we ever break up I am joining the monastery as I will probably won't have any other serious prospects for another 10 years after that.

 

I stumbled upon this forum looking for some examples to back up an argument I had on another forum but never expected to find such a comprehensively detailed post on the subject matter.

 

Great insight and thanks for sharing.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I keep reading posts from the number of men who have never had a girlfriend or who believe they will never find love. Conversely, whenever women post here that are having a hard time, the invariable argument is to compare the number of desperate male posts to the number of desperate female posts and thus to draw the conclusion that women have an easier time in the dating world and should not complain since they can get laid any time they want.

 

I am here to tell you two things, one that is completely ridiculous, and two, that it is in most cases true. I want to shed a little light on what I think might be going on.

 

I have spent a lot of time being both incredibly admired and incredibly lonely. In my lifetime I have never had a man pursue me or ask me on a date. I have always been the initiator. Contrast that to the fact that most people in my life have in some way, shape, or form told me I was attractive. The argument therefore goes that men are intimidated by me and thus do not ask me out. Heard that one more times than I count – “You are intelligent, strong, beautiful, sexy, and successful – that is scary to men.” In my head, I call bull every time and finally I decided to take it out of my head and into reality. I asked my friends just to be truthful with me – tell me I am hideous or stink, or whatever it is that is proving a man repellant. To that, they invariably repeat, “You are intelligent, strong, beautiful, sexy, and successful – that is scary to men.”

 

The funny thing is, it really doesn’t make a darned bit of difference. I could be stinky, disgusting, and hideous, or I could be gorgeous, awesome, and intimidating. The net effect to me is the same. I am alone. I will readily admit before I am asked, that yes – I can get laid. And I have. When the loneliness is too much and I am craving human touch to feel like I even exist, there are any number of men willing to step in and give me an evening of…human touch. Some of them have even mastered making it feel meaningful despite their intent to go home and forget I ever existed until the next time I am so desperate that any human contact will do…and I call.

 

So why am I posting? Because many of you think this is proof that women have it easier than you. I want you to know that there are women like me that don’t post because you think this. Instead, we sit and internalize. We wonder why if we are supposed to have it so easy there is no one there. We wonder if this means we are defective and why we don’t experience the life so many assume we have.

 

And we also know that if we post our desperation and despair we will either be called out by some of the guys here who think we should be happy because we can get laid, or even more painful – demonized by the stronger better versions of ourselves that post here telling us to suck it up and say “Next” when the men we want don’t want us back.

 

Honestly, I wish I was that woman. I wish I had the strength of character that several of the strong female posters here have to not let the constant loneliness tear me apart. Or at least that I possessed the ability to enjoy a one night stand as so many men seem to think would make it all better. As it stands, I spend my life devoid of intimate male contact until the pain of being alone trumps the inevitable pain I know I will experience when my lover for the night decides never to call me again. Here me – I do actually know that will happen – I am not stupid or deluded by the players. I know each time I engage in "sex with the ex" that it will not change a damned thing about him not wanting me as anything more than a booty call. So when I do call, it is because the pain of loneliness in the present moment has overcome the pain of what I know the next day will bring.

 

So why am I posting? I guess I just hoped it would finally dawn on some of the men here that being a single woman is not a cake walk - that we are lonely and hurting and desperate. Yes, I said it. I admit it. I am desperate…and afraid. This is what drives me to do the things you all call stupid and silly. Unfortunately, each time I give in to the pain for momentary surcease, I am simply reminded that I am and will only ever be - a phuk. I am also posting for the other women who might feel as I do, that they must be broken or worthless because no one seems to want to love them...and are too afraid to admit that frankly, they do need it to feel complete. We do need to be held, and cherished, and adored but somehow our society has warped this into embarrassment and shame.

 

I am standing up and confessing, I am not immune to the desire and the need for connection - connection with a man.

 

I mentioned earlier that I had as of late been on a mission to understand why I was not loved or chased, even though I do get admired. I actually did finally get my answer. It came in the form of a candid friend/lover when I asked him directly to tell me why I wasn’t loved or apparently why I could never be loved. To his credit, as uncomfortable as it might have been for him, he looked me dead in the eyes and finally told me the truth, a truth so many others have danced around and in doing so, confirmed a thought I had begun to form. I am, as I stand today, actually unlovable.

 

All my life I have been taught to be strong, to be confident, and to succeed in a man’s world and how to not bend in the face of adversity so that I could do so. And truly – I am that...and I have succeeded in a career dominated by the boys club. Unfortunately, the very traits that have made me successful have also doomed me to a lifetime without love. My friend/lover told me that it is evident to all the men in my circle that I have a “sword and shield” at the ready at all times – and while they respect it, admire it, and yield to it, they will not love it.

 

In other words, I am, for all intents and purposes, a man. Since I am attractive and by appearance female, they can get past this long enough to sleep with me, but they will never be inspired to be with me, to champion me, to love me...as that, my sword and shield will handle without them.

 

Meanwhile, after periods of celibacy and no human touch, I turn in desperation to a single night. A night that yes I can have with many or perhaps any of them. A night that provides a momentary salve to the pain of loneliness but then adds molten silver to the sword and shield I will inevitably carry the next day.

 

I guess my point to my single brethren is – never assume. Never assume the single (even if hot) girl is not desperate. Never assume that she dates continuously and simply picks and chooses between the men throwing themselves at her feet. For every assumption you make, I guarantee there is at least one counterpoint in the form of a woman like me. One who feels the loneliness you feel and doesn’t post for fear of being picked apart – either because she can “at least get laid” or because she knows her sistren will tell her “ to buck up and not need a man for happiness” – which when done, simply adds to the self-perpetuating shield that causes her to never have the love for which she actually yearns.

 

I am tired of being quiet. I am tired of being misunderstood. I am tired of not admitting that I need to be seen, to be loved, to be cherished. I am tired of living a life where I am lauded for my strength and in parallel missing out on the one thing I want most. All of my matched up girlfriends tell me how great they think I am and wish they had my strength. Then they go home to the men that adore them and I go home to my dog and a computer screen. So yes, I can get laid, and yes I am just as desperate as the men here that can’t. So we have come full circle. Assumptions about the easy life of at least one single woman are both completely true, and completely ridiculous.

 

 

This is both amazing, and completely absurd.

 

 

It appears that you have everything else, and the reason you're not paired-off with somebody, is that you've been programmed from so long ago, (in your mind by "the boys club") to avoid showing your vulnerability!!

 

To show some of that vulnerability on an anonymous internet forum does not establish that you are willing or capable of doing so in real life while you sit there believing you should be "pursued" and "chased".

 

That you molded yourself to compete in "the boys club" in ways that would have you at great odds with vulnerability is on you, and not on any of the men you're trying to blame with this diatribe.

 

That you think others should somehow understand you when you won't even understand yourself is the most significant breach of common sense listed.

 

Your post was effective in factoring-out all of the usual variables as culprits, with the bottom line to you being "No guts, no glory..."

 

(but you had to know as much before you bothered to spell it all out)

[Woggle]

This is both amazing, and completely absurd.

 

 

It appears that you have everything else, and the reason you're not paired-off with somebody, is that you've been programmed from so long ago, (in your mind by "the boys club") to avoid showing your vulnerability!!

 

To show some of that vulnerability on an anonymous internet forum does not establish that you are willing or capable of doing so in real life while you sit there believing you should be "pursued" and "chased".

 

That you molded yourself to compete in "the boys club" in ways that would have you at great odds with vulnerability is on you, and not on any of the men you're trying to blame with this diatribe.

 

That you think others should somehow understand you when you won't even understand yourself is the most significant breach of common sense listed.

 

Your post was effective in factoring-out all of the usual variables as culprits, with the bottom line to you being "No guts, no glory..."

 

(but you had to know as much before you bothered to spell it all out)

 

You have to understand though that in this society a woman like her is punished for showing it. Some men will either take advantage or gloat because a career woman is daring to show she has a tender side and some women will get on her case for daring to admit that she wants a man and feels it will add to her life instead of having an I don't need them mentality.

 

Women tend to either be put in the career woman or housewife category and as evidenced by this thread most are much more complex than that.

[todreaminblue]

YOu know what i agree with you 100 per cent....its hard for females to post what their problems are on here...concerning dating.......i talk by pm normally to a few that i trust..

 

i have a lot of faith, and i pray a lot, was in a relationship which put me in a time warp when it comes to dating as i haven't really dated since the eighties........its so different....scary...surreal

 

i feel I should be stronger.......i get so tired of being strong all the time though........so i wait...until i am in my room or down by the water...and i break down......and yeah i pray then too....but sometimes.......i just want to feel a mans arms around me again...not bonk his head off......but feel close to a guy who isnt family.....to reach out and just hold a guy.......but then......i know i am in a vulnerable spot.........and it goes back to the fact...i should be stronger......should be tougher..........so i read the real life stories on here...try to help and avoid what i feel....would i ever post a question....i think i have maybe started four threads if that on issues i have........

 

it sitn easy dating for women or men........getting laid isnt something that solves everything....even if you can get it....sometimes that causes a whole different set of problems..........it was much easier for me when i was on meds that caused me not to care......about anything....caring about what or who i want or even who i am and what others want......wasnt something i had to deal with........i just existed for my family and friends.....i think i was stronger then.......deb

[ScreamingTrees]

it sitn easy dating for women or men........getting laid isnt something that solves everything....even if you can get it....sometimes that causes a whole different set of problems..........it was much easier for me when i was on meds that caused me not to care......about anything....caring about what or who i want or even who i am and what others want......wasnt something i had to deal with........i just existed for my family and friends.....i think i was stronger then.......deb

 

I can't WAIT until I get put on something. I think too much, I need to stop caring about everything. I'll give up any "happy" feelings if the anxious, "sad" feelings disappear. None of those "happy" feelings were THAT strong to begin with to truly differentiate one from the other. It's like my feelings are varying shades of grey, and the brightest they get would be some sort of off-white. Give me the pills. Words have no effect whatsoever.

[todreaminblue]

I can't WAIT until I get put on something. I think too much, I need to stop caring about everything. I'll give up any "happy" feelings if the anxious, "sad" feelings disappear. None of those "happy" feelings were THAT strong to begin with to truly differentiate one from the other. It's like my feelings are varying shades of grey, and the brightest they get would be some sort of off-white. Give me the pills. Words have no effect whatsoever.

 

 

it is easier not to care, it is easier to not have strong feelings....but is it living?

 

 

 

or is is it simply the act of merely being a physical body dragging yourself through days of pills and avoidance....

 

 

I dont think I would have survived without them honestly, i was pretty much dead, felt i had lived enough, ......often tears would roll down my face, i had no concept of the reason why i was crying or those phantom tears.....it got to a point where i filled out the applications for my life insurance policies.........and then i got a literal knock on my door.......and i felt something..for me...not for anyone else, had nothing to do with dating or meeting anyone, i just allowed hope to come back to me.........that my life had meaning other than for my family........pills are not a cure all....they are a band aid, sometimes a necessary one......but they dont....fix you....no one or nothing can.....except for....you........and.....HOPE...and i also believe FAITH.. dont give up on anything....just take a break when you need too.............hugs....deb

[mesmerized]

To me there's 2 stages of this process, theres step one which is the actual dating and theres step 2 which is the relationship. For the most part you can't be in a relationship without dating and that's the problem most struggling men have, they simply can't get dates.

 

The reason struggling women have it easier(and woman in general) is because they're always able to get and go on dates. It may not be a great date or it may be great but not end in a relationship but at least your in the game, Those guys aren't.

 

IMO the only reason this is even a "debate" is because most women either confuse dating with LTR relationships or completely disragard the dating process if it doesn't end up with their perfect man. This is where idea like "well I've been on 12 dates this year,slept with 4 of those guys, but I'm totally on the same level as a guy who hasn't been on one or had a woman interested in him in years because heh we both aren't in a relationship right?"

 

Um... No

 

This is such bull****. The men here who struggle usually have something serious against them, very short, too unattractive, the list goes on. Unattractive women face the same issues, even worse.

 

Only on LS "all women have it easy". Real life is a TOTALLY different story. In fact, I think men have it easier than women where I live.

 

And OP, thanks for your great post. I could have posted almost the exact same thing you did. Thanks for the courage.

[PhoenixRysing]

I was almost positive that I would come back here today and see that this thread had died its death. That it hasn't - speaks to me. There are so many of us, male and female alike - looking not just for an answer as to why we are lonely - but THE answer. You know the one - the one that makes it all make sense. The one that gives us the much needed breakthrough moment that allows us to see THE truth, the single nugget that will spin the whole world into rightness.

 

Reading back over this thread, I can feel the hurt, anger, and frustration of my fellow posters and I feel for each and every one of us.

 

Some of you may have read my words and related, others got a lightbulb moment, still others think I am full of crap. No matter, we all needed and got something by posting and reading - and that says we have not yet given up, that we are all still searching for THE truth. Myself included.

 

There is no resolution or clear "aha" for me and yet I came back, and will continue to come back - to learn. This is a good thing. It means I still care enough to search and to grow. It means my that my emotions and the emotions of my fellow posters are still alive and we are all still willing to share them (the good, the bad, and the ugly) with posters of the opposite sex. To me this says that we all still hope (even the most cynical of us), still dream (even the most downtrodden of us), still love (even the most unloved of us) - or we wouldn't bother to respond at all. That is good.

 

I may never find a man that can/will see me the way I hope to be seen, but I will try to take heart in the fact that I can still see.

[dreamingoftigers]

I was almost positive that I would come back here today and see that this thread had died its death. That it hasn't - speaks to me. There are so many of us, male and female alike - looking not just for an answer as to why we are lonely - but THE answer. You know the one - the one that makes it all make sense. The one that gives us the much needed breakthrough moment that allows us to see THE truth, the single nugget that will spin the whole world into rightness.

 

Reading back over this thread, I can feel the hurt, anger, and frustration of my fellow posters and I feel for each and every one of us.

 

Some of you may have read my words and related, others got a lightbulb moment, still others think I am full of crap. No matter, we all needed and got something by posting and reading - and that says we have not yet given up, that we are all still searching for THE truth. Myself included.

 

There is no resolution or clear "aha" for me and yet I came back, and will continue to come back - to learn. This is a good thing. It means I still care enough to search and to grow. It means my that my emotions and the emotions of my fellow posters are still alive and we are all still willing to share them (the good, the bad, and the ugly) with posters of the opposite sex. To me this says that we all still hope (even the most cynical of us), still dream (even the most downtrodden of us), still love (even the most unloved of us) - or we wouldn't bother to respond at all. That is good.

 

I may never find a man that can/will see me the way I hope to be seen, but I will try to take heart in the fact that I can still see.

 

I honestly didn't have much going for me, but I asked out anyone I was attracted to. It helped. The guys who did ask me knew that I was open to date because of that too.

 

Just a thought.

[somedude81]

This is such bull****. The men here who struggle usually have something serious against them, very short, too unattractive, the list goes on. Unattractive women face the same issues, even worse.

 

Only on LS "all women have it easy". Real life is a TOTALLY different story. In fact, I think men have it easier than women where I live.

 

And OP, thanks for your great post. I could have posted almost the exact same thing you did. Thanks for the courage.

I'm going to disagree.

 

There aren't any serious issues that I have, yet I have been unsuccessful in dating for a very long time.

 

Dating as a man seems to be all about luck.

 

While on the other hand, any halfway decent woman is constantly being bombarded from a huge range of guys.

[c57dood]

It's the human condition. We desire what we see others have that makes them happy. And when or if we do find a partner, they are never perfect. In love we paint them as perfect, but it is an illusion.

 

In a funny way we seek something which does not exist (perfection), and when we do find a love, after a while we want someone else. We've all heard of the phenomena where when single no one from the opposite sex wants us, yet as soon as we find a love magically we have many more options.

 

It is the sad state of being human, of having appetites that can be satisfied for a period of time, but never forever.

[ScreamingTrees]

It is the sad state of being human, of having appetites that can be satisfied for a period of time, but never forever.

 

Speak for yourself.. But I ain't too hard to please. Life is great, for the most part..

[c57dood]

Speak for yourself.. But I ain't too hard to please. Life is great, for the most part..

 

You and I are human, we can't be satisfied. We always want more, dwell on what we don't have, etc. Even if you found love, it's not likely it would last until your death.

[ScreamingTrees]

You and I are human, we can't be satisfied. We always want more, dwell on what we don't have, etc. Even if you found love, it's not likely it would last until your death.

 

Yeah, I guess, but I seem to be an anomaly, as I'm the type of person to form preferences and routines that are ideal and I stick to them, generally.. All of my long-term (8+ year long) friendships have faded over time, but not from a lack of care or attention on MY part..

 

And people are generally the same to me, even with all of the intangibles that make everyone different.. I wouldn't be missing much in my mind if I stayed with the one person who might actually "get" me and vice versa..

[c57dood]

Yeah, I guess, but I seem to be an anomaly, as I'm the type of person to form preferences and routines that are ideal and I stick to them, generally.. All of my long-term (8+ year long) friendships have faded over time, but not from a lack of care or attention on MY part..

 

And people are generally the same to me, even with all of the intangibles that make everyone different.. I wouldn't be missing much in my mind if I stayed with the one person who might actually "get" me and vice versa..

 

I understand what you are saying, but its hard to depend on ANYONE, not because they're bad people, per se, but because like you said they're human prone to weakness and temptation.