To the lonely fed up single men - a woman's perspective on the same issues...

[ScreamingTrees]

I understand what you are saying, but its hard to depend on ANYONE, not because they're bad people, per se, but because like you said they're human prone to weakness and temptation.

 

Well, I'm not prone to weakness nor temptation, when I make up my mind that I want something. I don't NEED anything that I couldn't provide for myself..

[c57dood]

Well, I'm not prone to weakness nor temptation, when I make up my mind that I want something. I don't NEED anything that I couldn't provide for myself..

 

We're all dependent on our environment. We all need something outside of ourselves in order to exist. Food, shelter, clothing, water, companionship, friendship, etc. Total independence is a complete myth. We can't live in a vacuum and survive. We require many things which we cannot make ourselves.

[mesmerized]

I'm going to disagree.

 

There aren't any serious issues that I have, yet I have been unsuccessful in dating for a very long time.

 

Dating as a man seems to be all about luck.

 

While on the other hand, any halfway decent woman is constantly being bombarded from a huge range of guys.

 

I'm an attractive woman and I'm certainly not constantly bombarded with a huge range of guys. For a one night stand? maybe. Anything else? No. Too much ass-talking from men in this thread.

[ScreamingTrees]

We're all dependent on our environment. We all need something outside of ourselves in order to exist. Food, shelter, clothing, water, companionship, friendship, etc. Total independence is a complete myth. We can't live in a vacuum and survive. We require many things which we cannot make ourselves.

 

We're not talking about that.. I don't need anyone else to provide food or shelter or clothing or water for me.. I do most of those things for myself, and in several years will be doing all of those things for myself. Hell, I'll probably be helping to provide for my parents at that point in time.

 

I don't need a woman. I don't need friends.. Sure, I *desire* those things, I can't help feelings that are natural and not something to be ashamed of. But I won't die without those things. I can be quite content when left to my own devices. Having others in my life is merely icing or a strawberry on the cake that is my life..

 

Then again, the very few closest friends that I've had either faded away due to differences.. Or passed away. I currently have no "real" friends.. Mostly mere acquaintances who'd speak fondly of me if my name was brought up in conversation..

[MrHand]

The problem the OP has is her hypergamy. She can't find a man because the only men that can satisfy her or meet her criteria are men above her socioeconomically -- or at the very least, her equal, which is a tall order when she herself is in a dominant position professionally. She can get regular sex and human contact...she can't surely compare herself to the men who go years, or have never experienced, those things...

[MrHand]

YOu know what i agree with you 100 per cent....its hard for females to post what their problems are on here...concerning dating.......i talk by pm normally to a few that i trust..

 

The women may have a hard time talking about these things when their complaints boil down to "I can get regular sex but, like, I can't get the men I desire to commit to me!" and they sense that this complaint pales in comparison to the pines of undersexed or never-sexed met for whom that aspect of life is mostly non-existent.

[MrHand]

The other reason men undeniably have it worse -- that is, men who don't get much action in their 20s...is that the woman they would have been getting with at this stage of their lives have the utmost erotic capital, something which rapidly starts diminishing once a woman enters her 30s. If these men start getting action in their 30s, they will have to settle for women who are sexually the "lesser" versions of themselves, and they would have missed out on making love to young women...

[mesmerized]

The problem the OP has is her hypergamy. She can't find a man because the only men that can satisfy her or meet her criteria are men above her socioeconomically -- or at the very least, her equal, which is a tall order when she herself is in a dominant position professionally. She can get regular sex and human contact...she can't surely compare herself to the men who go years, or have never experienced, those things...

 

Except the OP is an attractive woman not an undesirable looking one like the majority of "struggling guys". You can't really compare her to them lol

[MrNate 2.0]

Well, looks like it got real in here.

[MrHand]

Except the OP is an attractive woman not an undesirable looking one like the majority of "struggling guys". You can't really compare her to them lol

 

Do you mean "except" or "Also"? I mean it especially makes her case ridiculous that she's attractive. I mean there's nothing easier than being an attractive chick, nothing, as far as mating success is concerned.

 

Don't call struggling guys undesirable looking, though a subset of them might be. They're average at best and lack the social dominance to which women seem instinctively attracted to.

[jolie_baby]

 

I am standing up and confessing, I am not immune to the desire and the need for connection - connection with a man.

 

I mentioned earlier that I had as of late been on a mission to understand why I was not loved or chased, even though I do get admired. I actually did finally get my answer. It came in the form of a candid friend/lover when I asked him directly to tell me why I wasn’t loved or apparently why I could never be loved. To his credit, as uncomfortable as it might have been for him, he looked me dead in the eyes and finally told me the truth, a truth so many others have danced around and in doing so, confirmed a thought I had begun to form. I am, as I stand today, actually unlovable.

 

All my life I have been taught to be strong, to be confident, and to succeed in a man’s world and how to not bend in the face of adversity so that I could do so. And truly – I am that...and I have succeeded in a career dominated by the boys club. Unfortunately, the very traits that have made me successful have also doomed me to a lifetime without love. My friend/lover told me that it is evident to all the men in my circle that I have a “sword and shield” at the ready at all times – and while they respect it, admire it, and yield to it, they will not love it.

 

I guess my point to my single brethren is – never assume. Never assume the single (even if hot) girl is not desperate. Never assume that she dates continuously and simply picks and chooses between the men throwing themselves at her feet. For every assumption you make, I guarantee there is at least one counterpoint in the form of a woman like me. One who feels the loneliness you feel and doesn’t post for fear of being picked apart – either because she can “at least get laid” or because she knows her sistren will tell her “ to buck up and not need a man for happiness” – which when done, simply adds to the self-perpetuating shield that causes her to never have the love for which she actually yearns.

 

I am tired of being quiet. I am tired of being misunderstood. I am tired of not admitting that I need to be seen, to be loved, to be cherished. I am tired of living a life where I am lauded for my strength and in parallel missing out on the one thing I want most. All of my matched up girlfriends tell me how great they think I am and wish they had my strength. Then they go home to the men that adore them and I go home to my dog and a computer screen. So yes, I can get laid, and yes I am just as desperate as the men here that can’t. So we have come full circle. Assumptions about the easy life of at least one single woman are both completely true, and completely ridiculous.

 

You don't know how many times I was asked this specific question "How come men are not all over you all the time?" from guy friends, girl friends, colleagues, people I just met... and yet I am single for more than a few years now... I have met people and had dates but none worked out.... One of my (used to be) closest friends who pursued me all of his life, when we finally started a relationship, he dumped me after a couple of months for a woman who had actually swallowed pills to kill herself (or so she made it look like) because he tried to cut contact with her - since she was always pursuing him and he was in a relationship (with me!). They are together for 2 or 3 years now.

 

So yeah, am thinking if I had been messed up enough to do that he would probably have stayed.

 

The thing is, our type kind of women, have their sword and shield because they know they are weak and vulnerable inside.

[MrHand]

Please disregard this post.

[ltjg45]

I'm an attractive woman and I'm certainly not constantly bombarded with a huge range of guys. For a one night stand? maybe. Anything else? No. Too much ass-talking from men in this thread.

 

That is because you have expectations and very few males who would want you can't meet up to your expectations so they decide to not bother you in fear of tasting your wrath.

[ScreamingTrees]

That is because you have expectations and very few males who would want you can't meet up to your expectations so they decide to not bother you in fear of tasting your wrath.

 

Does it taste like chicken? I'd try it.

[MrHand]

the original poster is struggling and compassion is in order for her. it's not quite the 37 year old whos never had a date in his life but its close. this isn't like the postings where you see a woman get 300 messages and complains none of them are good enough. she's never been asked out by a guy. that's very rough. sincerely hope it turns around for her.

 

You're right. I take back what I said about the OP. I'm just a bitter man.

[ltjg45]

Does it taste like chicken? I'd try it.

 

No, unfortunately. It tastes like a headache, a strong hit to my ego, and a lot of physical pain.

 

It's one of the hard lessons I learned in middle school when a female has released her wrath on me for reasons that I just can't remember anymore.

 

I got into at least 4 different fights with females during middle school and lost all of them. Needless to say, I been quite afraid of them since.

 

Never thought that females can actually hit so hard.

[Maleficent]

That is because you have expectations and very few males who would want you can't meet up to your expectations so they decide to not bother you in fear of tasting your wrath.

 

Haaa yes. The good ol' «women complain they can't get dates because their expectations are too high» excuse.

a classic.

[ltjg45]

Haaa yes. The good ol' «women complain they can't get dates because their expectations are too high» excuse.

a classic.

 

Well, I don't blame the women in question for having such expectations. If I was as successful as these women are, I wouldn't date any ghetto woman with 2 kids, that's for sure.

 

Simply put, most men can't keep up with her. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

With that said, if I feel that she has a better overall life than her and I do feel like I'm not good enough to meet her expectations in a mate, then I won't approach. I have no desire to waste another second of a successful woman's life.

 

I'm sure successful women is tired of worthless males approaching her. I can't blame them for that and is going to make sure that, unless I can actually hang with her professional-wise and income-wise, I'm not going to bother her. We got enough of these deadbeat males already doing that job for me.

Edited June 6, 2013 by ltjg45

[Maleficent]

Ha well I'm sure it is different for everybody. But one thing I've noticed is that men have trouble simply admitting to themselves that the girl was simply not interested in them (therefore basically saying «it's not her, it's me») and so they deflect responsibility by saying it is because the woman's high standards.

 

Thing is - most women will throw their standards out the window once their attracted to someone.

[Kamille]

 

I can't blame them for that and is going to make sure that, unless I can actually hang with her professional-wise and income-wise, I'm not going to bother her. We got enough of these deadbeat males already doing that job for me.

 

So basically, you're deciding for successful women what you think they need?

 

Don't you think they can decide for themselves what's important to them?

[ltjg45]

But one thing I've noticed is that men have trouble simply admitting to themselves that the girl was simply not interested in them (therefore basically saying «it's not her, it's me») and so they deflect responsibility by saying it is because the woman's high standards.

 

Funny you say that.

 

The males the women probably want in the end is too afraid of her because he doesn't have even a quarter of what she managed to get career-wise, making the males in question look like failures in front of her and no different, financially, than the deadbeat aggressive males that she is sick of turning down.

 

The difference between them and the deadbeat males? They got enough balls to approach her. So unless she is willing to do the approaching, it's just not happening. We get scorned enough just for desiring an attractive partner and now attractive and successful women is a bit disturbed that males doesn't approach her?

 

As I heard too many times, "Don't touch what you can't afford."

 

When they see that, it's basically a lock that the shy guys will get rejected just as quickly since he doesn't have anything more than he does. If she is willing to get rid of him quickly, why would she even give me the time of day?

 

So worrying that the girl in question is not interested is the last thing on some of these males' minds. To them, that doesn't matter. Even if she is interested, the success routes of both male and female is so different, that alone can be a deal breaker esp. since it is socially expected for the male to be the clear breadwinner of the household, not the female.

 

Most women still believe that. The shy guys accepted that. Shy guys don't bother with successful women at all unless they get there. If they don't, they will leave the successful women alone and remain single or settle for someone equal or less than them.

 

Thing is - most women will throw their standards out the window once their attracted to someone.

 

Perhaps but there got to be something there that the male brings to the table.

 

Status, Money, Material Things.

 

Something.

 

Almost all women operate like this. They just won't accept a male who has nothing on the outside but is a wonderful person on the inside. He could be the best boyfriend/husband anyone can ever find out there but if he has no job, he's worthless and no different than the players.

 

At the least, the players would have SOMETHING to offer so if those guys isn't good enough, what makes the shy guys any better esp. when they are worse off than the players off financially?

 

It doesn't make any sense. Either you are capable to hang or you aren't.

 

I'm not faulting the women for having high standards. I applaud them for it. However, women is the truly superior gender overall in this day and age. Males is starting to learn that and respect their place in the world, at least those who makes use of their minds anyway.

Edited June 6, 2013 by ltjg45

[Maleficent]

 

 

Something.

 

 

Attraction. Women who want the successful, gorgeous, rich, yaddi yaddi men are rarely average or even looking - they're bombshells.

 

I'm pretty sure there are no Christian Greys in this world that would actually go for the studious 19 year-old virgin. It just doesn't work that way.

 

I never wanted to date overweight men. Met a guy - he was overweight by about 30-40 lbs and I still dated him. He worked in videotron call centre and had no driver's license.

Still dated him.

 

Now I'm sure you could send me a picture of yourself and some of the women on this site would be able to come up with a few things to make you look more attractive.

You're just not willing to do anything about it.

 

Edit : I also highly doubt you are an expert in women's psychology.

[ScreamingTrees]

Well, I don't blame the women in question for having such expectations. If I was as successful as these women are, I wouldn't date any ghetto woman with 2 kids, that's for sure.

 

Simply put, most men can't keep up with her. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

With that said, if I feel that she has a better overall life than her and I do feel like I'm not good enough to meet her expectations in a mate, then I won't approach. I have no desire to waste another second of a successful woman's life.

 

I'm sure successful women is tired of worthless males approaching her. I can't blame them for that and is going to make sure that, unless I can actually hang with her professional-wise and income-wise, I'm not going to bother her. We got enough of these deadbeat males already doing that job for me.

 

Look, we get that most people on sites like these have some sort of obsession.. Yours pertains to jobs and your lack of one.. That's the lens you choose to see the world through. The same way someone obsessed with height is convinced that it's the holy grail of winning at life and bases the outcome and process of every human interaction on the fact that they either perceive themselves as short, are noticeably short, or are tall.

 

They may have an inferiority/superiority complex when in reality it isn't as big of a deal and they're no better or worse than anyone else, and they just come off like an awkward debbie downer or a stuck-up elitist ******* depending on whichever way they're leaning.. Neither is attractive to most normal mentally healthy people. A person acting like an ******* towards someone else because they think they're better than them for some miniscule reason will just look like an ******* to others.. They're shooting themselves in the foot. The complexes are defense mechanisms regardless of how one chooses to express them, inward or outward..

 

If you want to tell yourself you're not worthy because you're not making nearly as much as the person, fine. But even if I'm not making much, I see them as a human being first and foremost, not $$$$$..

 

It's really their problem if they think that they're too good for someone who isn't as successful financially as they are, as that's only one criteria and if a guy has his own place and makes his own money, I don't see how it'd truly matter if he's pulling six figures or not..

[ltjg45]

Attraction. Women who want the successful, gorgeous, rich, yaddi yaddi men are rarely average or even looking - they're bombshells.

 

Hence my point. That is all they want and all they will settle with. If they can't get them, they would rather remain single than settle for less.

 

Even then, they bring a TON to the table. They are basically perfect specimens among men.

 

Other males catch that and say, "What's the point of approaching her?" and avoid her, even if they have interest in her, due to them knowing they stand no chance of winning her over.

 

I never wanted to date overweight men. Met a guy - he was overweight by about 30-40 lbs and I still dated him. He worked in videotron call centre and had no driver's license.

Still dated him.

 

However, he has a job. Not just that but it sounds like a decent job. Feels like he made the minimal expectations to date you despite he was overweight.

 

Now, tell me this: Would you date that same guy if he was working at a fast-food restaurant or unemployed?

 

Now I'm sure you could send me a picture of yourself and some of the women on this site would be able to come up with a few things to make you look more attractive.

You're just not willing to do anything about it.

 

Actually, when I made that thread in another section of this forum, one of the things I wanted to do was to add a current picture of myself even as my avatar or as an attachment to the thread.

 

Unfortunately, every time I take one, the camera flash was in the picture every time, ruining it.

 

To make matters worse, I don't even know how to get that picture to my email address so I can post it here.

 

Once I figure that out, I will post an image of myself.

 

Edit : I also highly doubt you are an expert in women's psychology.

 

I never said I was. I'm not an expect at anything other than flipping trading cards for profit and, even then, I can name at least 10 people who get a far bigger profit margin than me in that aspect.

 

Everything that I said, I came to that conclusion just from reading threads and posts here along with my observations IRL. Nothing more.

[ltjg45]

Look, we get that most people on sites like these have some sort of obsession.. Yours pertains to jobs and your lack of one.. That's the lens you choose to see the world through. The same way someone obsessed with height is convinced that it's the holy grail of winning at life and bases the outcome and process of every human interaction on the fact that they either perceive themselves as short, are noticeably short, or are tall.

 

They may have an inferiority/superiority complex when in reality it isn't as big of a deal and they're no better or worse than anyone else, and they just come off like an awkward debbie downer or a stuck-up elitist ******* depending on whichever way they're leaning.. Neither is attractive to most normal mentally healthy people. A person acting like an ******* towards someone else because they think they're better than them for some miniscule reason will just look like an ******* to others.. They're shooting themselves in the foot. The complexes are defense mechanisms regardless of how one chooses to express them, inward or outward..

 

If you want to tell yourself you're not worthy because you're not making nearly as much as the person, fine. But even if I'm not making much, I see them as a human being first and foremost, not $$$$$..

 

It's really their problem if they think that they're too good for someone who isn't as successful financially as they are, as that's only one criteria and if a guy has his own place and makes his own money, I don't see how it'd truly matter if he's pulling six figures or not..

 

And I do agree with that.

 

Even then, this is another issue I have to face. I can see how they will respond from my approaches just from watching them respond in normal situations. Even if I find her attractive, I tend to be afraid that she is turning down males that is perhaps more attractive and more successful and that just puts me in a bind.

 

Many people act in such a way in one form or another and, as a result, I just don't approach. Is it because I'm insecure? I'm sure it is. However, the ways some women act literally just scares me.

 

Women these days is definitely not as defenseless as they are made out to be anymore. It's insanely difficult for me not to consider that before approaching.