How to proceed with separated man???

[daisybuchanan55]

No, I know...and I didn't mean to be disrespectful to LadyGrey or anyone else trying to help me. I realize I'm naive and I want nothing more than to have good judgement and learn to find a balance between being open to love and having a healthy level of trust for new people.

 

I think what has really become apparent in this entire thing is something that I need to work on, which is that when I decide I like someone, I latch onto them and become totally obsessed. I'm going to start a new thread over in the dating forum because it's a problem that has presented itself multiple times in my dating career.

 

Thanks again everyone for the advice. I don't plan on dating any more separated guys...even though I had a great time here, the baggage is absolute CRAP and I don't want to ever get into an actual relationship with someone who has a wife and kids, even if they claim they are separated. I've learned how easily they change their minds, how unstable they can be, how they'll say crazy things...no thanks! It's just not worth it, especially as I'm young and have many options.

[mammasita]

How to proceed with a separated man?

 

You don't.

[neveragain34]

And by the way, I'm SO happy to prove all the posters wrong who assumed this guy was a lying, cheating *******.

 

He proved to be quite the opposite, being upfront when I reached out about his decision to work things out with his wife and I respect that even if it's not the outcome I wanted. Anyone should be so lucky to be married to a man like that!

 

You proved no one wrong; you have no proof he was ever even separated to begin with. A man does not move out one day and have a great time time on a date the next. Instead, they mourn the loss of their family and feel like failures. A married man who is still living at home is the one who goes out on a date and has a great time. I could be wrong, but all any of us has is hearsay, no proof. Only he knows the truth.

 

On another note, he should have been up front when he disappeared 3 weeks ago. Coming clean now does not make him the good man you are still seeing in him.

 

Frank, still think her games were to blame?

[georgia girl]

 

I think what has really become apparent in this entire thing is something that I need to work on, which is that when I decide I like someone, I latch onto them and become totally obsessed. I'm going to start a new thread over in the dating forum because it's a problem that has presented itself multiple times in my dating career.

 

 

 

Daisy, I quoted this because that's the point I was trying to make and I am so, so happy for you that you discovered it! Please believe me that this is a common mistake a lot of single people - but especially women - make. We have all of these dreams and visions for our future. All of the things we want in our lives get tangled up with the discovery of Mr. Right.

 

Therefore, when we meet "Mr. Close-to-Right," we can obsess. He becomes much more valuable to us even if he isn't really Mr. Right because he's that conduit to the dreams and visions. What I had to learn to do and what I think you are so smartly learning to do is to separate out all of the dreams and desires from the search for a partner. Keep them all separated until HE PROVES TO YOU BEYOND ANY REASONABLE DOUBT that you can bring them together. At that point, relationships become so easy to manage that it's child's play.

 

Trust me. You just found the key to happiness. You can't go wrong from here! Great job, Daisy!!!!

[Frank13]

 

Frank, still think her games were to blame?

 

Yes, absolutely. The clue is that he responded right away when she contacted him. Once she finally took the initiative and showed she was interested, he contacted her. But then he needed an excuse for going MIA, so that is what he gave her.

 

If what he said is true, he didn't have to contact Daisy ever again, but he did. She showed she wasn't interested so he stopped trying.

 

A guy doesn't go back to his wife because the kids begged him to work on it. He already knows whether it is salavagable or not. And if he did go back only because the kids begged him to, he wouldn't be so happy about it.

 

If he did go back to his wife, it's because the Daisy's lack of interest made his wife seem a lot better.

Edited June 5, 2013 by Frank13

[georgia girl]

Yes, absolutely. The clue is that he responded right away when she contacted him. Once she finally took the initiative and showed she was interested, he contacted her. But then he needed an excuse for going MIA, so that is what he gave her.

 

If what he said is true, he didn't have to contact Daisy ever again, but he did. She showed she wasn't interested so he stopped trying.

 

A guy doesn't go back to his wife because the kids begged him to work on it. He already knows whether it is salavagable or not. And if he did go back only because the kids begged him to, he wouldn't be so happy about it.

 

If he did go back to his wife, it's because the Daisy's lack of interest made his wife seem a lot better.

 

I don't mean to be argumentative, but I think the point is lost here. We have a young lady who needed to make a healthy choice about setting up boundaries in dating, having realistic expectations and being able to date casually and not intensely. She has really made some healthy, healthy choices for herself.

 

Perhaps she made a mistake with a skittish man in not responding as honestly as she should, but truly, I can't imagine why ever a few hours' lag on text-based communication should ever scare anyone off. Especially given her enthusiasm on their one date and that she was always pleasant in her responses.

 

What I'd like you, Daisy, to take from this is that you should always be honest in your enthusiasm while maybe not overly eager so that you are sending the appropriate signals to a dating partner. But, don't take this as that you did something wrong or that dating requires you to do everything right in order for someone to choose to develop a relationship with you. I made a myriad of mistakes with my husband and he did with me, but it still worked out. Dating does not require you to be perfect and do not blame yourself.