What kinds of guys approach girls first?

[Tinie]

I've been approached by guys who wanted to get into my pants, and especially by guys who are already taken. I have never been approached by a guy who is single and wants a relationship with me. Do shy guys ever work up the nerve to come up to a girl first?

[MercuryMorrison1]

Occasionally they do. I struggled with being the stereotypical ''nice guy'' during my early dating years. It just seemed like common social sense. ''Hey I like this girl! If I'm nice to her than she'll like me to!'' Truth is...For the most part that's BS.

 

Most nice guys have taken many harsh rejections which in turn makes them become very selective of who they actually make an initial approach on. Usually they have to feel quite confident that you are attracted to them as well before they work up the nerve to approach you...And even then sometimes its not enough.

 

The best thing you can do with any guy is to not make him do all of the work. If you see a guy you like or want to meet than take action yourself and go start a conversation with him or ''accidentally'' get in his personal space.

 

Alot of time's nicer guys will be much more inclined to make a move if they feel more certain that you are into them as well.

[Tinie]

@T3h L337 d00d- pretty much. The recent guy who did started sexting me after going for coffee with me once, and then said he'd take my pants off. So, I didn't have to do much thinking there. He also had a shady past, having R's that "all lasted no more than one week".

[Yamaha]

Shy guys probably need some encouragement to approach.

 

If you meet guys in a bar/club, and they approach you, then you will meet the guys who want in your pants.

 

You need to look for the guy that's afraid to make eye contact.

The one that looks at you but doesn't approach.

[Tinie]

You need to look for the guy that's afraid to make eye contact.

The one that looks at you but doesn't approach.

 

Aren't those contradicting statements?

[Yamaha]

I guess they are.

I meant the shy guy will look at you, but maybe quick glances so you have to watch, but be afraid to approach.

[Tinie]

Is it possible that a shy guy can look at you and smile, for instance, but never speak to you? Just because guys have done that to me in the past and I'm wondering if they're shy or disinterested.

 

And I read on some site once that if a shy guy likes a girl, eventually he'll ask her out because his desire to be with her becomes overwhelming and he can't help himself so he braves his shyness. Is that true at all? It sounds kind of silly to me, but I can't relate because I'm not shy.

[MrRightNow]

Why would a guy who doesn't know you yet want a relationship with you? If we see a girl we find attractive, we approach with the aim of getting to know her. If we like the girl's personality after hanging out a few times, then we'll start thinking about a relationship. Guys who already have a relationship on their mind when they approach you are most likely lonely and desperate. Of course, some guys are just looking to get laid, but that's not an assumption you should make right off the bat.

[Pompeii]

I've been approached by guys who wanted to get into my pants, and especially by guys who are already taken. I have never been approached by a guy who is single and wants a relationship with me. Do shy guys ever work up the nerve to come up to a girl first?

 

Usually the guys that will treat you the best would never in a million years come up to an attractive girl and attempt to make conversation with her in the eventual hopes of sleeping with her. The guys that typically approach women in droves are the ones that have usually seen prior successes and have been met with favorable opinions from members of the opposite sex. Talking to a girl, especially one you like can be downright nerve-racking. One wrong utterance and you risk turning the girl off or her going cold on you. A shy guy will only approach a girl if he receives heavy signs of interest. Other than that, they won't feel that it's worth it.

[Yamaha]

Is it possible that a shy guy can look at you and smile, for instance, but never speak to you? Just because guys have done that to me in the past and I'm wondering if they're shy or disinterested.

 

And I read on some site once that if a shy guy likes a girl, eventually he'll ask her out because his desire to be with her becomes overwhelming and he can't help himself so he braves his shyness. Is that true at all? It sounds kind of silly to me, but I can't relate because I'm not shy.

 

If a guy smiles he's probably interested, (or just being friendly).

Some shy guys might get up the courage to approach if they are overwhelmingly sexually interested but many others would just hide their interest because of possible rejection. Fear of rejection is a major reason why shy guys don't approach.

[crederer]

I dunno I've had some girls assume I was trying to get in their pants too cause I was being overly flirtatious. I wasn't.

 

I had girls that I've gotten number from tell me not to bother calling them after I talked to a few other girls that night (they were friends that were girls) saying she doesn't date players.

 

So....it could be a lot of things as well as other reasons already posted.

[fortyninethousand322]

If a guy is too shy to approach you, he's probably not good relationship material...

[phineas]

@T3h L337 d00d- pretty much. The recent guy who did started sexting me after going for coffee with me once, and then said he'd take my pants off. So, I didn't have to do much thinking there. He also had a shady past, having R's that "all lasted no more than one week".

 

well, here is the thing, I know a woman from work. I don't actually work with her but I do go out occasionally with her department in a group.

 

As far as women who are 40 go, she's a legit 9/10. Beautiful, tall, blond, very in shape, ect. She's finishing up a divorce so i'm just trying to get to know her a little.

not interested in just hooking up with someone I potentially have to see a few times week.

 

Every time & I mean EVERY TIME we are out in a group she has men hitting on her left & right. It is insane. Like a pack of hungry wolves. Serious.

They are all out of shape D-bags looking to take her home that night, putting their arm around her ect. very aggressive & less aggressive guys can't get in there.

I'm less aggressive, however I don't waste my time on the Bar-stars pulling all the guy's attention.

 

I picked on her for it a few times for pulling all these guys attention and to be honest it was kind-of a turn off to me because it was obvious she loved the attention. This was last yr. I think she realized I wasn't impressed by that display and wasn't interested. (she was correct)

But lately she's stopped letting guys do that when around me & started asking me to hang out more and spending less time as the bar-star & more time getting to know me and i've noticed. I'm still not going to get involved with a separated woman but when she is divorced i think i'd consider her an option.

 

What i'm saying is, the decent guys see all these d-bags hitting on you, maybe all over you, buying you drinks, ect.

They see you enjoying the attention, they see you giving out the digits & they not only aren't impressed, they decided you aren't the type of girl their interested in.

 

Now I don't know if you are behaving this way or not, but you need to start recognizing d-bags & sending them packing & start putting yourself in the proximity of men who aren't approaching that you might be interested in so you enter their line of site or enter their proximity so they know you are interested & start talking to you.

 

Otherwise you are going to have to start approaching men yourself.

[SuperGeek]

You're going to get bored with a 'shy guy' in about 2 months and dump his ass. Be sure you want this type of a guy before you seek it out as you could potentially cause a lot of rejection pain.

 

I've been approached by guys who wanted to get into my pants, and especially by guys who are already taken. I have never been approached by a guy who is single and wants a relationship with me. Do shy guys ever work up the nerve to come up to a girl first?

[PhoenixRysing]

well, here is the thing, I know a woman from work. I don't actually work with her but I do go out occasionally with her department in a group.

 

As far as women who are 40 go, she's a legit 9/10. Beautiful, tall, blond, very in shape, ect. She's finishing up a divorce so i'm just trying to get to know her a little.

not interested in just hooking up with someone I potentially have to see a few times week.

 

Every time & I mean EVERY TIME we are out in a group she has men hitting on her left & right. It is insane. Like a pack of hungry wolves. Serious.

They are all out of shape D-bags looking to take her home that night, putting their arm around her ect. very aggressive & less aggressive guys can't get in there.

I'm less aggressive, however I don't waste my time on the Bar-stars pulling all the guy's attention.

 

I picked on her for it a few times for pulling all these guys attention and to be honest it was kind-of a turn off to me because it was obvious she loved the attention. This was last yr. I think she realized I wasn't impressed by that display and wasn't interested. (she was correct)

But lately she's stopped letting guys do that when around me & started asking me to hang out more and spending less time as the bar-star & more time getting to know me and i've noticed. I'm still not going to get involved with a separated woman but when she is divorced i think i'd consider her an option.

 

What i'm saying is, the decent guys see all these d-bags hitting on you, maybe all over you, buying you drinks, ect.

They see you enjoying the attention, they see you giving out the digits & they not only aren't impressed, they decided you aren't the type of girl their interested in.

 

Now I don't know if you are behaving this way or not, but you need to start recognizing d-bags & sending them packing & start putting yourself in the proximity of men who aren't approaching that you might be interested in so you enter their line of site or enter their proximity so they know you are interested & start talking to you.

 

Otherwise you are going to have to start approaching men yourself.

 

I am curious about a few things in your post. How do you tell the difference between a woman who is caught up in the attentions of multiple men (an attention whore as I have seen such women called here) and a woman who is just a social butterfly and genuinely just enjoys people or new conversations? Would there be a compelling difference in your observations if you knew inside what she was thinking? If you knew that rather than thinking, "All these guys want me, I am hot stuff!" she was actually thinking, "People are so interesting, I just love getting to know what makes folks tick!"

 

On a slightly different note, how do you tell the difference between a woman who is sending "players packing" and is thinking, "I really wish men these douche bags would quit trying to get in my pants so I could talk to that nice dude over there." and a woman who is thinking "I can't believe the audacity of these guys, I am way too good for all of them." In other words, if you saw a woman you perceived as beautiful reject man after man that approaches, would you actually be inclined to approach her?

 

I am really interested in your response. At first blush, it appears that a woman can't really win. If she is nice and kind to all the men that talk to her, she is an attention whore. If she rejects all the men that approach then she is stuck up. What is your ideal scenario and how do you think women should respond?

[Esoteric Elf]

I've been approached by guys who wanted to get into my pants, and especially by guys who are already taken. I have never been approached by a guy who is single and wants a relationship with me. Do shy guys ever work up the nerve to come up to a girl first?

If he is truly shy, he probably won't approach. If he did approach, he probably isn't shy.

 

Besides, as SuperGeek aptly pointed out, shy guys trend toward being slightly more boring than their more extroverted kin, though what they give up in excitement they make up for usually in loyalty, empathy, etc...as I said, boring stuff.

[ltjg45]

Besides, as SuperGeek aptly pointed out, shy guys trend toward being slightly more boring than their more extroverted kin, though what they give up in excitement they make up for usually in loyalty, empathy, etc...as I said, boring stuff.

 

No offense but you give shy guys in general too much credit.

 

If they was just "slightly more boring", I doubt shy guys would have this many issues trying to get (and keep) women.

[Esoteric Elf]

No offense but you give shy guys in general too much credit.

 

If they was just "slightly more boring", I doubt shy guys would have this many issues trying to get (and keep) women.

I am glad that you admit that, from your post, a primary concern of a woman is entertainment and lack of boredom. Good to see truth being told.

 

But, onward, how can shy guys get women when they do not approach? Women will have to get them. Women do not approach. Therein is the dilemma and problem. As to keeping women, yeah, agree with you there.

[ltjg45]

I am glad that you admit that, from your post, a primary concern of a woman is entertainment and lack of boredom. Good to see truth being told.

 

I should know, after all. I'm one of those "shy guys".

 

But, onward, how can shy guys get women when they do not approach? Women will have to get them. Women do not approach. Therein is the dilemma and problem. As to keeping women, yeah, agree with you there.

 

Good question. It's not one that I can answer.

 

Even if they were to try, women will tell that this is not normal for them and gets called out for it, making it worse instead of better.

 

Heaven's forbid, I got that issue myself. I talk to a woman and I have no idea what to say outside of "hi" and then listening to what she says afterwards, if I even last that long.

[Tinie]

If he is truly shy, he probably won't approach. If he did approach, he probably isn't shy.

 

Besides, as SuperGeek aptly pointed out, shy guys trend toward being slightly more boring than their more extroverted kin, though what they give up in excitement they make up for usually in loyalty, empathy, etc...as I said, boring stuff.

 

I'd have to disagree. In what ways are loyalty and empathy boring? I'm an extrovert so I do the approaching, and most of the time I've approached the shy guys because I find guys unlike me interesting.

 

Unless you're being sarcastic, however sarcasm usually translates pretty badly over the Internet.

[ltjg45]

I'd have to disagree. In what ways are loyalty and empathy boring?

 

Because it's not exciting. It's predictable. There's nothing to look forward to.

 

While I prefer not to live a life based on randomness, surprises, and heart-trilling activities, I can understand why women do prefer this and why my dating options feel very limited as a result.

[Esoteric Elf]

I'd have to disagree. In what ways are loyalty and empathy boring? I'm an extrovert so I do the approaching, and most of the time I've approached the shy guys because I find guys unlike me interesting.

 

Unless you're being sarcastic, however sarcasm usually translates pretty badly over the Internet.

I do feel sorry for you, since you approach (as you admit, which is highly uncommon, indeed a rarity for a woman) not because you like or are attracted to something, but because of what others do not like...I think. Please clarify what you mean when you say "unlike", because unlike cannot be used as a verb. Do you me dislike? Do you mean to say guys do not like you (dislike) or find you dissimilar (unlike)?

 

Nowhere did you say how loyalty and empathy are not boring. For me, personally, I find them not the least bit boring, but women do, and it was with reference to women that I made.

[Tinie]

I do feel sorry for you, since you approach (as you admit, which is highly uncommon, indeed a rarity for a woman) not because you like or are attracted to something, but because of what others do not like...I think. Please clarify what you mean when you say "unlike", because unlike cannot be used as a verb. Do you me dislike? Do you mean to say guys do not like you (dislike) or find you dissimilar (unlike)?

 

Nowhere did you say how loyalty and empathy are not boring. For me, personally, I find them not the least bit boring, but women do, and it was with reference to women that I made.

 

Quite frankly that is insulting. I don't know who you think you are to make up such wild theories about me. I don't need your pity- save it for yourself.

 

I have my reasons as to why I ask guys out. It has to do with my type of workplace, and what kind of people I'm exposed to. Though obviously you didn't bother to find that out before you started jumping to conclusions.

 

I don't know why loyalty and empathy are not boring. Maybe in that case, I am a boring person because I like boring qualities in guys. Because I'm not doing any bar hopping and banging the hot players left and right. Because I'm not attracted to guys who have 10 girlfriends all simultaneously.

[Tinie]

And one more thing. English isn't my first language. I'd appreciate it if you did not point out all my grammatical errors. I meant, guys who don't have my personality. Guys who are not like me. I like people who are different than I. I already know what I'm like. I'd like someone different than that.

[Suave]

I find it much easier to approach girls who have shown a notable interest in me rather than ones I have a notable interest in. They are usually far more receptive.