Ex wont go away

[eposs]

Should i be angry here? My fiance is divorced (because she cheated on him 3 times), and he and the ex have a little one together. i called him while he was leaving work(he's a cop) and he said that i wasnt going to be happy. his ex got picked up for a dui, told the trooper that pulled her over that her HUSBAND was a cop, and so the trooper called my fiance to come and pick her up. Well, he rushed right out and picked her up so that she wouldn't have to go to jail. She blew a .2 somethin, which is more than double the legal limit!!!

 

Anyway, i have never dated anyone with a child or anyone with an ex-wife for that matter, but he knows that i am very insecure about their relationship. They talk a lot because of the kid, but i feel like he caters to her every want and need. they laugh and giggle on the phone too, which really ircks me,.

 

I was so upset because we have talked several times about that, and i just feel like he puts her before me. He said that he would do that for any friend, and totally blew me off, even though i was furious. He said that they will always be friends because of the kid.

 

Whats more, when they arent giggling together, they are bickering, and he has always said that if she screws up again (Oh did i mention that this is her second dui in a year?) he was going to sue for the kid. Now that its happened, he says he isnt sure what he is going to do. He said that the kid is not a pawn. HELLO!!! I feel that she isnt responsible enough to care for a kid. She lives with her mom and dad, smokes pot occasionally, and parties all of the time. I am so md that he si changing his tune about this!!!

 

Am i out of line here?

[izzybelle]

i don't think you're out of line and it doesn't sound like she's going to win any awards for mother of the year. if i were him i'd be incredibly concerned for the welfare of my child if she's been dui twice and does drugs. and i'm sure you're concerned, as well.

 

i think what's important is not whether or not you're out of line, but is this something that you're going to want to deal with for the rest of YOUR life? entering into a marriage with someone who has and ex and a kid isn't going to be easy even in a good situation and this one sounds problematic. and the ex and kid aren't just going to disappear. even if he does file for custody he's still going to have to be in contact with her.

 

i'm sure he's struggling with it all. it can't be easy knowing that the mother of your child is not being responsible but for him to take the child away, it's going to be messy if she fights it. if he wins, are you ready to be much more involved in this child's life? not that you wouldn't be anyway, but if he has custody it will change your life, too. you say she cheated on him, in spite of that, are you afraid that he's still in love with her? i know you said you feel insecure about his relationship with her. if you choose to make this work, for your sake, and the sake of your marriage, you will need to find a way to work with him so that you understand more about how he feels about her so that you can feel secure about your future with him.

 

i think you have every right to be angry and upset but you really need to think carefully about whether or not this is a situation you want to be in. i know it's hard. you obviously love him or you would have given up some time ago but if you can't work this out with him i fear you're headed for trouble later on. marriage is hardly ever easy. and going into the marriage with the concerns and problems you mentioned and no understanding of how you can deal with them together, is going to make it a very, very difficult road.