metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 It's the same reason why people check your credit rating and your criminal record when you go to buy a house or apply for a job. How depressing. You're good people, Simon Phoenix. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 How depressing. How is it depressing? The past is an indicator of the future. Would you let your kids play with Jerry Sandusky? Would you let a teenage daughter take a ride with Ariel Castro? Would you invest money with Bernie Madoff? Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Not necessarily depressing. Depends on the person and their values. Some people want certain values. Even if they are alone forever. Certainly not as depressing as mistaking cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 How is it depressing? The past is an indicator of the future. Would you let your kids play with Jerry Sandusky? Would you let a teenage daughter take a ride with Ariel Castro? Would you invest money with Bernie Madoff? Again - people with patholgical problems, not a one time f--k up! Bad analogy... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 How is it depressing? The past is an indicator of the future. Would you let your kids play with Jerry Sandusky? Would you let a teenage daughter take a ride with Ariel Castro? Would you invest money with Bernie Madoff? This, ladies and gentlemen, is a strawman argument. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 This, ladies and gentlemen, is a strawman argument. :love: Link to post Share on other sites
carteblanche Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 So then you'd let your children play with someone who merely committed one act of child molestation if that person is oh soooooo remorseful about it? This, ladies and gentlemen, is a strawman argument. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 So if Ariel Castro just kidnapped one woman then it would be okay to trust him again? Jodi Arias only killed one guy so I guess men should be lining up to date her. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 So then you'd let your children play with someone who merely committed one act of child molestation if that person is oh soooooo remorseful about it? Just keep building that scarecrow. Because that's exactly what I said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 How on Earth are cheating and child molestation comparable sins? Jeebus Christ, my shoplifting analogy was much better... Google 'strawman argument', as Simon mentioned, before you need a backhoe to get you out of the hole... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 How on Earth are cheating and child molestation comparable sins? Jeebus Christ, my shoplifting analogy was much better... I never said they were comparable but it shows that the past is a good prediction of the future. I don't think cheaters should be punished by the law but if somebody uses it as a dealbreaker in dating they have good reason. You are acting like I want to burn cheaters at the stake or something. Link to post Share on other sites
carteblanche Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 The analogy is whether someone's past indiscretion is relevant to their present trustworthiness. Most would contend that it is for the most part. How on Earth are cheating and child molestation comparable sins? Jeebus Christ, my shoplifting analogy was much better... Google 'strawman argument', as Simon mentioned, before you need a backhoe to get you out of the hole... Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 The analogy is whether someone's past indiscretion is relevant to their present trustworthiness. Most would contend that it is for the most part. No... you're presenting a strawman argument. Look it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I never said they were comparable but it shows that the past is a good prediction of the future. I don't think cheaters should be punished by the law but if somebody uses it as a dealbreaker in dating they have good reason. You are acting like I want to burn cheaters at the stake or something. I never said people couldn't use it as a dealbreaker in a relationship. You really need to look at what I wrote. The OP asked, should I be concerned. I SUGGESTED the benefit of the doubt and a forgiving nature might be a good path. Y'all can do whatever you like... But don't use the strawman fallacy to get your point across. That's just laziness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I never said people couldn't use it as a dealbreaker in a relationship. You really need to look at what I wrote. The OP asked, should I be concerned. I SUGGESTED the benefit of the doubt and a forgiving nature might be a good path. Y'all can do whatever you like... But don't use the strawman fallacy to get your point across. That's just laziness. I know I posted more serious crimes but I was showing that a person's past actions tend to determine who they are especially if cheating is recent which it seems like it is in the case of the OP. Also the fact that she still seems drawn to a guy that mistreated her in the past is a huge red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I know I posted more serious crimes but I was showing that a person's past actions tend to determine who they are especially if cheating is recent which it seems like it is in the case of the OP. Also the fact that she still seems drawn to a guy that mistreated her in the past is a huge red flag. And you made your argument look completely ridiculous in the process by bringing up those examples. You were better sticking with the credit report analogy. You completely went overboard and jumped the shark. As for the credit report analogy, went I was in college (age 20 or so), I went through a phase where I wouldn't pay bills all the time. Since then I've never missed a bill payment ever. So should I be judged by a phase I went through when I was young and immature? Cheating sucks. It's awful and it's something I've never done. But I'll create my own boundaries and use my own judgement on a person rather than playing judge and jury about a person's past without a frame of reference. If they screw me over, then they are gone. No ifs, ands or buts. I've been cheated on once (that I know of) and that person was gone. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I know I posted more serious crimes but I was showing that a person's past actions tend to determine who they are especially if cheating is recent which it seems like it is in the case of the OP. Also the fact that she still seems drawn to a guy that mistreated her in the past is a huge red flag. Could it not also be that an act of cheating influences them to NOT make the mistake again? Your argument doesn't hold water, I'm sorry. Correlating one instance of cheating with pathological behaviour - it doesn't add up. The OPs girl is not Bernie Madoff. She made a mistake. My advice to her would be not to tell the next guy about the cheating and take it to the grave - which sadly, drives the behaviour further underground, instead of people talking about it maturely, without likening people who step out of their relationship with child kidnappers & and molestors. Quite frankly, to even put the two together is rather sickening. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Cheating is not a mistake. A mistake is something you did not intend to do. A cheater willingly engages in the act. If a person is truly remorseful and has changed they will own up to this fact. Like I said before I know cheating is not as serious as those crimes but my point was to show that if a person displays a certain type of behavior chances are they will do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Like I said before I know cheating is not as serious as those crimes but my point was to show that if a person displays a certain type of behavior chances are they will do it again. Then you argued it very poorly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I guess that's one way to look at it. Kind of a depressing way, but to each their own. I mean, why bring preconceived biases into it when you don't have to? Establish a set of boundaries and stick to them. If they violate them, then you end things. But to each their own. i don't see how it's depressing. it's just common sense that people who used to be alcoholics, used to be abusive, used to big liars, are more likely to do those vices than people that do not have such a past. why take the risk assuming the feelings aren't there and you're finding out these things in the dating phase. time is valuable for some of us, and unfortunately serious change in people is a very rare event. Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Then you argued it very poorly. i understood his argument perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 (edited) Cheating is not a mistake. A mistake is something you did not intend to do. A cheater willingly engages in the act. If a person is truly remorseful and has changed they will own up to this fact. One more thing. You are in fact, confusing the definitions of 'mistake' and 'accident'. mis·take /mɪˈsteɪk/ Show Spelled [mi-steyk] Show IPA noun, verb, mis·took, mis·tak·en, mis·tak·ing. noun 1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc. 2. a misunderstanding or misconception. verb (used with object) 3. to regard or identify wrongly as something or someone else: I mistook him for the mayor. 4. to understand, interpret, or evaluate wrongly; misunderstand; misinterpret. verb (used without object) 5. to be in error. ac·ci·dent /ˈæksɪdənt/ Show Spelled [ak-si-duhnt] Show IPA noun 1. an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap: automobile accidents. 2. Law. such a happening resulting in injury that is in no way the fault of the injured person for which compensation or indemnity is legally sought. 3. any event that happens unexpectedly, without a deliberate plan or cause. 4. chance; fortune; luck: I was there by accident. 5. a fortuitous circumstance, quality, or characteristic: an accident of birth. There you go. Edited May 28, 2013 by metal_chick Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 i understood his argument perfectly. I did not say I didn't understand it. I said his argument was poor. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Jesus Christ at this thread right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Jesus Christ at this thread right now. I'm done. I said my piece. Link to post Share on other sites
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