Consolidated discussion - In dating/relationships, my gender has a much harder time

[KraftDinner]

There will always be threads like this until women stop automatically writing off inexperienced guys and treating us like we are nothings.

 

A woman who I haven't even met yet in person asks when was my last relationship was. I respond never. She said it's too much pressure on her that I may be her first. I try to defend myself. She says I'm making her "uncomfortable". This **** happens over and over. Different words but same result.

 

You should stop automatically writing off all women.

[ThaWholigan]

I am being specific. it's people here, who always jumps to conclusion.

If I say I don't like whinny women, people will go ''oh, you hate all women''

that's liberal logic for you.

 

and funny, how I say women also struggle, but people seem to ignore that too.

Fair enough - you should have said it in the first place though. You didn't, and you got jumped on. That's why you clarify before you say sh*t.

[ltjg45]

read between the line.

 

No one here has any business "reading between the lines" from anyone.

 

That is just another excuse.

[Mme. Chaucer]

at bars and nightclubs are popular area for them.

 

So, you encounter them whining away while they're in a bar with their boyfriend who they're just about to dump so they can take the bartender home and ravish his body … while just whining all the while?

 

Interesting. I don't think I've ever seen anything like that in a bar or nightclub, myself.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If I say I don't like whinny women, people will go ''oh, you hate all women''

that's liberal logic for you.

 

Liberal logic? Is this now a political discussion as well?

 

and funny, how I say women also struggle, but people seem to ignore that too.

 

Because you never fail to add that women can't "struggle" as much as men do!

 

Reality check: a promiscuous woman can be JUST or even MORE unhappy with her relationship status as an eternally virginal fellow. Just because you don't believe it won't change the fact.

[oriole man]

it seem the internet has a ton of quasi single women here.

seriously what is up, with alot of you ladies on love and dating forum,

all you do is complain how dating is so hard, but yet many of you gals

have a FWB, or can still go out and get laid. or still get dates ( maybe short and doesn't lead any where) but come on, you ladies don't have it that bad.

Look, Im 30 and only been with one woman ( by luck)

 

haven't done anything with a woman for 6 years now, and Im not the worst of the worst, there are people ( both male and female) who never had sex, never had a date, never had a FWB, never went on pointless short date.

 

it annoys me, when I hear women complaining ''oh, Im so lonely''

''can't find a perfect man'' ''but last month, I sex with 4 guys'' ''and also my fwb came over for 2 weeks''

 

maybe some of you ladies have your set of problems, maybe you like a good long term relationship, but come on, you ladies have it way better than many men ( and few unlucky women) do.

 

in my book, if you have a fwb, can go out and get laid, or still get short dates

your a ''quasi'' single.

don't you want cheese with that?

 

hint, ladies don't date whiners.

[Revolver]

I agree with "quasi" single. To me There's a difference between someone wanting to be single but can get a relationship anytime they want and someone who is forced into being single because no one wants them. Women who say they're single tend to fall into the 1st category and men who are single tend to fall into the second

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think in dating there are buyers and sellers. An example of a buyer is an attractive person whom people want to get to know. People will be attracted to that person and try and give them their best game. Of course, most people are both buyers and sellers.

 

Last week, I went to an alumni networking event. My goal wasn't to meet women per se, but just socialize. Anyway, I noticed that the women I tried to talk to mostly seemed like they did not want to talk to me. They were token friendly, but looking like they wanted someone better to talk to. I know when I'm beat, and I'll usually cut off the conversation after that.

 

The thing is, this is the case every single time. Every woman I talk to, no matter what the level of attractiveness, I feel I'm the seller. No woman is ever trying to keep my interest level with jokes, stories, and places they've been. Never.

 

For those LSers who try to tell me it's not about looks, I would say that I was older than most of the women in question and thus had more years to improve my social skills. Pretty much, things are the same as they were 10 years ago when I was much more socially inept.

 

Who else is always 'selling' in dating?

[Treasa]

If we're talking about men, I prefer just renting or borrowing.

[Imajerk17]

Yeah. What are you if instead of buying the cow you just take the milk for free?

 

Yes a snarky response. But this is another woe-is-me thread from one of the usuals on Loveshack that doesn't do anyone a lick of good.

Edited May 30, 2013 by Imajerk17

[MercuryMorrison1]

Just throwing in my two cents here...

 

I think in some respects men have it harder and in others women do.

 

For example...The basis of this whole thread is basically that most women have a regular supply of sex which is accessible a snap of the fingers. While this may be true, it comes with its own inherent problems.

 

Most women probably can attain sexual partners easier, but they also have to worry about who they actually attract. Consider the fact that most mature women want an actual relationship, so they have to learn how to adapt and sift threw all of the players out there who have mastered the art of seduction.

 

So in essence both men and women struggle...Men struggle in the sense that they generally expected to be the pursuer which in turn has its own list of complications and expectations that have to be met.

 

But it is my belief that ''players'' ruin the game for everyone. Players make women reject more men than they probably should, which in essence causes the decent men out there to struggle finding a women who will give them the time of day.

 

Unfortunately it seems to be a self perpetuating cycle.

 

What worked for me was to just man up basically...I see a girl I like now...I purposely put myself in her space and initiate conversation with her depending on how that go's I'll push further and eventually work up to asking her out.

 

As a man that's about all that can be done. Dating is a two way street after all.

[Roadkill007]

The difference between you and I, is that I know where I've made mistakes before, and I've now taken myself out of the running for any relationships, because I *feel* like I shouldn't lump someone with my now - I'm not as emotionally healthy as I once was. A great relationship doesn't come out of pity - I would have loved to meet someone who was a good match for me, but it isn't going to happen now.

 

Don't give up . People have found loving partners at all stages of life. Just because you feel damaged doesn't mean you can't heal over time. Besides, even if you don't feel like you've healed, what if you meet someone else who's equally "damaged", but who is very compatible with you? Never say never!

 

 

 

well I haven't been here for long. But seeing how some people on here reply to people who come here with relationship problems, I'm not surprised you people have trouble keeping dates.

 

Everyone is in such a hurry to tell the OP that he boyfriend or his girlfriend is an ass...

 

yea, I know what you mean, although if you've ever visited reddit/relationships, you'd have seen tons more of it. We're not perfect, but as long as we work towards becoming better people and are open with our partners, we CAN work things out. It shouldn't always be a "omg, you deserve better, dump him/her!".

[Inexperienced85]

//deleted...

[IJustWantLove]

Right now, I can't think of any advantage a guy has in the dating world. Yes, we get to choose who we're going to pursue, but we don't get to choose who we're going to get involved with.

 

It just isn't our choice. I read a phrase here about a year or two ago: Women Are The Gatekeepers. Period.

 

So, as a single guy who wants a girlfriend, and because men don't get to choose, it only makes sense to pursue multiple women simultaneously.

 

My ex-ex-girlfriend use to refer to it as the "circle of trust". Basically, once a woman lets you in sexually, you're in the circle of trust. You're her guy.

 

I would agree that once I've slept with a woman 5 times or more, I'm VERY unlikely to be blown off at that point.

 

The problem is, not all women are like that. Some women are deep seated man-haters, have been lied to in the past, whatever, and they don't stop sleeping with other lovers. She might be expecting me to "be a man" and be the one to bring up exclusivity. The friend with benefits may not get shut down.

 

As a guy, I feel like I'm kind of in a no win situation. I've read and I truly believe that a guy should never indicate more emotional investment than the woman. So, if a guy brings up exclusivity, instead of the girl, he's running the risk of appearing needy & clingy, which can get a guy dumped.

 

Plus, let's say a guy is seeing three women. Our attraction is based heavily on looks in the beginning, so the women are ranked girl A, girl B & girl C, in that order. If girl C sleeps with him first, does he have some kind of obligation to stop pursuing the women he's more attracted to?

 

I just heard the phrase "We're only as loyal as our best options". A lot of truth to that.

 

I've told myself several times in the past, just leave sex out of dating until you make a selection. The problem is, sex isn't my decision. It's hers. As a guy, I always want to know where I stand, I want to know what she's thinking. If she'll sleep with me, at least I know I"m sponge worthy in her mind. Just me. But seriously, I believe the guy who doesn't try for sex runs the risk of being thrown into the nice-guy category in the girl's mind. I'd say 2/3's of women I've dated have slept with me on the first date (the first real opportunity). Of course, most of them didn't get to be the girlfriend, but early after the divorce, I wasn't even looking for that.

 

I don't want more notches on the bed post. I want a girlfriend and eventually a good, loyal wife.

 

Any advice on how to go about this? I've read that multi-dating = multi=sleeping and the whole things kind of grosses me out deep down inside.

Edited June 10, 2013 by IJustWantLove

[Teknoe]

I haven't had a girlfriend in over 9 years now. My last GF was December 2004... basically eons ago. I am no hunk, but I know I am not ugly, either. I could stand to lose a few pounds, sure, but I tend to have quick wit and a pretty solid sense of humor.

 

In a nutshell, I am always that "good platonic guy friend"... the one girls talk to for relief, a laugh here and there, and comfort, but never the one to kiss or anything physical.

 

Recently, I felt like there was this new girl at work who maybe was showing interest, but it felt like in the last 24 hours she has lost interest or something. Last week she was laughing at my stupidest jokes and even touching me on the shoulder to get my attention a lot. Today she seems a bit more guarded. Maybe it's stress of work? I don't know.

 

And my crush I confessed to wrote back to me (she is currently overseas) but has gone MIA since then, except for the occasional FB "like." Actions speak louder than words and her actions tell me "Sorry I just don't see you that way, Tek."

 

Which is how I feel basically every girl friend I've ever had feels about me. I know there's someone out there that's right for me, and vice versa, and I'm holding onto that hope, but it gets discouraging from time to time when you meet someone you think might finally be it (it as in relationship material) and then it just peters out or fades as quickly as it promisingly developed.

 

I know I'm not alone here. Just ranting. Thanks for reading.

[Phoe]

I'm right there with ya! Always in the friendzone.

 

We'll get out of it!!!

[Els]

Tek, I think it really is difficult for some of us to find 'a single person whom you like who likes you back'. There could be a multitude of reasons for this, perhaps some in the 'finding a single person you like' aspect, or the 'who likes you back' aspect, or both combined - but it's been a pretty rare find IMO. Even more rare is someone whom you like who likes you back, but also is compatible with you in the ways that matter to both of you.

 

Rare doesn't necessarily mean impossible, though - it just means you gotta put yourself out there and not give up, and once you find such a person, put in the effort to make it work as long as the other person is also putting in effort alongside you for the same cause.

 

What have you done in the realm of socializing lately? Have you made any new social circles as suggested?

 

I don't see how my gender is relevant.

 

Getting friendzoned sucks, regardless whether someone is male or female. I simply came on this thread to be supportive.

 

 

I shouldn't be told I'm not welcome to do so.

 

Meh, don't worry about them, Phoe. From what I know of Teknoe, he'll probably appreciate your encouragement, even if you do happen to have a vagina instead of a penis.

Edited August 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Southern Cal Dude]

She's definitely mocking.

 

I don't buy the BS that she can't get dates. ALL girls can get dates, especially relatively attractive ones.

 

 

I argued with her that if a guy is interested, he's an option. Women only count guys they're interested in as options. That's not how it works in the real world. Unless you're below average looking, a woman can get dates and sex. If a crackhead with no teeth makes a move, he's still an option. Having options and actually pursuing them are completely different beasts.

[William]

Since the discussion cannot remain focused on the topic of 'why' it's hard to find a single person one likes who likes one back, this thread is merged with the consolidated thread on which gender has it harder in dating. Thanks.

[ThaWholigan]

She's definitely mocking.

 

I don't buy the BS that she can't get dates. ALL girls can get dates, especially relatively attractive ones.

You people still believe that sh-t?

 

I'm done......

[Southern Cal Dude]

That is untrue, no matter how many times you and your handful of brahs here say it is.

 

The ONLY options are those we're interested in. The other guys are NOT options. From amongst guys we're interested in, if we're smart, we choose the one(s) who we're actually compatible with.

 

If your type of "logic" (hardly, but whatever) is valid, then every person has "options," including ALL guys. If you can scrape together about $10, or trade in your old cell phone, or even less on a really rough day, you can go get a blowjob behind Grand Central Station from a toothless crackhead girl yourselves.

 

 

Definition of option:

 

 

 

1. The act of choosing; choice

2. The power or freedom to choose.

 

 

I'm right. If you have the power to choose, it is an option. You can choose not to pursue it, but you still have the power to choose. That is called an option.

[tbf]

I'm right. If you have the power to choose, it is an option. You can choose not to pursue it, but you still have the power to choose. That is called an option.

Selecting a crackhead for a bj or not, is a choice. So are NSA websites. So are chicks that you consider unattractive.

 

I don't hold to the concept of which gender has it worse. That's just more victim mentality that's so unattractive and annoying in any biological gender.

[ThaWholigan]

Selecting a crackhead for a bj or not, is a choice. So are NSA websites. So are chicks that you consider unattractive.

 

I don't hold to the concept of which gender has it worse. That's just more victim mentality that's so unattractive and annoying in any biological gender.

Precisely.

 

That there is even a necessity for this thread is a sad indictment.

[tbf]

Precisely.

 

That there is even a necessity for this thread is a sad indictment.

People need to piss or get off the pot. Whining solves nothing. Taking action without reliance on outcome dependencies, can and will make a difference in dating.

 

Imagine how much improvement anyone can make to themselves, if they redirected all the whining and depressive energy towards improvement.

[Phoe]

I will never, ever, consider the homeless drug addict who hangs out at the gas station an option.

 

Yeah, he gives me attention and catcalls me. He also does that to every other woman who gets gas there.

 

 

Even so, does he actually want to DATE me? Doubt it.

 

 

My issue is getting DATES. With men who are in my age range, who aren't on drugs, who aren't homeless. Yes I'm gonna be picky and have some criteria. Homeless men aren't gonna have a chance with me.