Consolidated discussion - In dating/relationships, my gender has a much harder time

[madjac74]

The guys who have had it hard early in life will always have it harder than other men. Time won't change that. Once an omega always an omega.

 

OMG! Again myth put to rest! Some men get better and more confident with age...just like women.

 

btw that sounds like some frat boy way of thinking

[Revolver]

Ask men and women what you just said and then ask them 15 years later and they will still not understand what you just said

 

Um ok lol

 

What I said is still true. I'm 22 years old and I've never heard the women in my age range deny that men have it harder in dating. But those same women 15 years later might have a different answer.

 

As evidenced on LS

[madjac74]

Um ok lol

 

What I said is still true. I'm 22 years old and I've never heard the women in my age range deny that men have it harder in dating. But those same women 15 years later might have a different answer.

 

As evidenced on LS

 

What??? People change in 15 years???? lol ummm

[Ouroboros]

OMG! Again myth put to rest! Some men get better and more confident with age...just like women.

 

btw that sounds like some frat boy way of thinking

Confidence doesn't make one more dateable. Women call a man confident after they are already attracted. Men don't care about confidence. It plays no part in their attraction. They'll use it as a pick up or to make them look better.

[crederer]

I kind of hear what you're saying OP, but what difference does it make, really? It's just the way it is.

[madjac74]

Confidence doesn't make one more dateable. Women call a man confident after they are already attracted. Men don't care about confidence. It plays no part in their attraction. They'll use it as a pick up or to make them look better.

 

Are you kidding me? I think I speak for the majority of men in saying that a confident woman is very attractive.

[RonaldS]

Examine this scenario:

 

I like to date a little, but being divorced with kids and finally, after 14 years, able to enjoy my freedom, I have no interest in a serious relationship. I meet a lot of women, and am lucky enough to not only not have trouble getting dates but I also don't have trouble getting those women interested in me. This is not meant as bragging, but I don't remember a time that there was a girl I was interested in that I didn't 'get'. It's pretty automatic.

 

So, taking those two variables, me not wanting to have a serious relationship along with it not being challenging to get women, along with the third variable that I live in a huge city, and that does not set up well for women.

 

Ok, I will grant you that it's not difficult for women to get dates in the first place. That's a given. If you're attractive and have a pulse, guys will want to go out with you. Nobody would argue that typically, women are in the position of being choosy over who they get involved with INITIALLY.

 

But then let's look at the aforementioned scenario with a guy like me. My goals and the goals of seemingly every woman I meet are generally pretty different. I don't want a relationship. I'm not just trying to hook up, because I do really enjoy the company of a woman....for a little while. So, I do end up forming relationships, but they're sort of superficial. But the woman, especially in the 25-35 year old demo that I typically tap into, so to speak, tend to have totally different relationship goals than I do. And even if we have the same relationship goals in the beginning, they typically become attached. Even though I clearly state my position (often repeatedly), that doesn't help.

 

So, all of this is a long-winded way of saying it's just as hard for a woman as it is for a man, albeit at a different stage. Where I live, there are a lot of men like me who just don't want relationships. So, women end up wasting a lot of time and emotional investment in guys that will never be what the woman wants them to be.

[Kate9292]

That dating is equally challenging for both genders?

 

 

I just don't get it. Women nowadays have all the same benefits that they've always had in dating (guys do everything) plus the benefits of being a man in that they can approach whoever they like and it's not looked down upon at all. Hell It's much easier for a girl to approach a guy than vice versa because guys aren't so incredibly picky about everything and don't get approached at all so they're not super defensive. As long as you're not ugly, fat or socially retarded, the overwhelming majority of guys will respond to your approaches in a very positive way

 

 

How exactly is it equal?

 

Sit for an hour in a bathroom and do some make up yourself that will look good but not slutty. Then try to walk in some sexy 6'' heels. Took me a while to find a pair that doesn't give me blisters...

 

And meanwhile, while you sit here and whine that your gender has it harder (LOL!), less bitter and entitled guys are approaching, talking to, kissing, having sex, and getting in relationship with other women. Who's winning now?

[OpheliaSong]

Not this again. Men and women both have challenges when dating. Women have to make sure they aren't attracting players who just want to get laid. Men have to make sure they aren't attracting gold diggers who just want to use them for their money. Both are pretty shallow these days and neither one has the market on being cruel. I don't do online dating so I don't really know or care about how men have to pursue on there while women sit back and wait for the e-mails. Geez, if that is the way it is and you are participating, you are just buying into it.

[CantonBound]

Examine this scenario:

 

I like to date a little, but being divorced with kids and finally, after 14 years, able to enjoy my freedom, I have no interest in a serious relationship. I meet a lot of women, and am lucky enough to not only not have trouble getting dates but I also don't have trouble getting those women interested in me. This is not meant as bragging, but I don't remember a time that there was a girl I was interested in that I didn't 'get'. It's pretty automatic.

 

So, taking those two variables, me not wanting to have a serious relationship along with it not being challenging to get women, along with the third variable that I live in a huge city, and that does not set up well for women.

 

Ok, I will grant you that it's not difficult for women to get dates in the first place. That's a given. If you're attractive and have a pulse, guys will want to go out with you. Nobody would argue that typically, women are in the position of being choosy over who they get involved with INITIALLY.

 

But then let's look at the aforementioned scenario with a guy like me. My goals and the goals of seemingly every woman I meet are generally pretty different. I don't want a relationship. I'm not just trying to hook up, because I do really enjoy the company of a woman....for a little while. So, I do end up forming relationships, but they're sort of superficial. But the woman, especially in the 25-35 year old demo that I typically tap into, so to speak, tend to have totally different relationship goals than I do. And even if we have the same relationship goals in the beginning, they typically become attached. Even though I clearly state my position (often repeatedly), that doesn't help.

 

So, all of this is a long-winded way of saying it's just as hard for a woman as it is for a man, albeit at a different stage. Where I live, there are a lot of men like me who just don't want relationships. So, women end up wasting a lot of time and emotional investment in guys that will never be what the woman wants them to be.

 

This is a good example of how not giving a sh*t about the woman goes a long way.

 

I'll be honest. I've been pretty pissed during my time on LS because I've been looking for a relationship. Girls (well, girls in the US, that is) can smell that a mile away. If you want to move things forward, they call it "desperate" or "needy".

 

When I was playing the field and trying to find creative ways not to get into relationships, I did much better overall.

 

Though, I've only actually been looking for a relationship for the past few weeks....and I've been dealing mostly with OLD. So that might hurt me since guys are at a CLEAR disadvantage on there (don't think anyone can deny that).

[William]

It appears this thread got caught up in the cleanup of a banned member, in error, as the topic was valid and conforming, so I've done some cleanup and returned it to open posting. As appropriate, please continue discussion the whys and wherefores of each gender having the harder time in the dating arena. As always, keep it topical and civil. Thanks!

[Armegoggon]

Let's say OkCupid. Do men or women find it faster to get a first date from there?

[Assasda]

Well women get asked out everywhere all the time, but its the quality of the person that needs to be taken into consideration.

 

We can all get a date, but quality people are what we strive for

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Maybe this thread will give you some insight?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/480154-you-girls-should-never-have-problem-finding-bf

[Armegoggon]

Correct me if I'm wrong but here is how I think of online dating.

 

Males = fewer messages in return

Females = more messages in return

 

So in other words because males hardly get messages back, it makes it hard for them to start something. It's also quite retarded the way how women don't spend time to write something back even if they're not interested.

 

On the other hand for females, they have a wide variety of choices because they have a lot of messages.

 

It's really all about the engagement of chatting that plays a huge part. If it was more balanced out in terms of exchanging messages, it would be a whole lot popular for online dating.

[Phoe]

It's also quite retarded the way how women don't spend time to write something back even if they're not interested.

 

Slow your horses!

 

 

When I did OLD, 18 guys messaged me. I responded to ALL of them, except the 2 messages that were a bit pervy.

[Armegoggon]

Slow your horses!

 

 

When I did OLD, 18 guys messaged me. I responded to ALL of them, except the 2 messages that were a bit pervy.

 

I'm an 18 year old guy and I've been using OkCupid for 4 months. My last replied message came over a month ago and between then I've messaged around 20 girls.

 

Also, all the messages were meant to be regarding common interests so I don't know what the hell makes them not interested in me but at least nothing about sex was written.

[SensitiveTJ]

It's easiest for very attractive men. Then very attractive women, then everyone else. I enjoyed my time doing OLD.

[Phoe]

Phoe, I think I can speak for most of the men here when I say this. When we have something negative to say about women, we aren't talking about you.

 

By the way, kudos to you for responding to those guys. Most women don't. I think this shows character on your part.

 

I just try to make sure my viewpoint doesn't get dismissed simply for being not the most common viewpoint. Sometimes when I voice my thoughts on topics, there's a general air of "Oh, it's just Phoe. Nevermind. Carry on"

 

 

While I sometimes do things a bit differently, I am far from the only woman here who does things or thinks things the same way I do.

 

 

There really are many nice women out there who are happy to reply to all OLD messages. It takes just a little time... it's worth it in my opinion.

[Under The Radar]

I suspect OLD is harder as a teenage male than the 40 plus crowd ...... just due to maturity ...... though I could be wrong.

[ltjg45]

There really are many nice women out there who are happy to reply to all OLD messages. It takes just a little time... it's worth it in my opinion.

 

No offense, Phone, but I have a hard time believing that "many" women would response back on messages like you have.

 

It is difficult enough to get a smile from a female IRL much less interest. I also believe women is much more cold hearted online since there is less repercussions for their actions there.

 

Which adds up to that men that message women in which the women doesn't like gets outright ignored in online dating.

 

It is truly a crap shoot there. You is like winning the lottery.

[kaylan]

A moderately attractive woman will do much much better than a moderately attractive man when it comes to scoring dates.

 

/thread.

[Mrin]

If you are a good looking guy, can put together a good profile and have email/text skills then I think you get the best of all worlds. Decent response rate and you get to do the choosing.

 

Otherwise - women have it easier.

[katinlc]

My experience is that women definitely have it easier getting the first date, but no easier finding a quality mate.

 

 

Most of the guys I talk to have been out with 2-3 people in 6+ months. I rejoined OLD mid-March and have probably been on 8+ first dates so I def have more luck than most the guys I talk to. However, I'm still no closer to a relationship, so I don't know that I'm having more success - just more 1st dates.

 

 

I had taken my pof account down a couple of weeks ago for a few reasons. I decided to put it back up on Saturday night. Since then I've received about 20+ messages. Yet, out of all of these, only one or two of these are possibilities (ie within my age range, not pervy, etc...).

 

 

So my experience is yes women may have better luck quantity wise, but not necessarily quality.

[Armegoggon]

Phoe, I think I can speak for most of the men here when I say this. When we have something negative to say about women, we aren't talking about you.

 

By the way, kudos to you for responding to those guys. Most women don't. I think this shows character on your part.

 

 

 

I hate to break it to you like this, but most likely they have better looking guys messaging them. A man's stock goes waaaay down online. If you're used to dating 7's in the real world, you'll be lucky to score with a 5 online.

 

Are you serious? Online girls are much more picky than the real world.

 

Btw, I am a lifelong single man, who isn't so good looking physically but can provide quite a bit with personality.

 

I came so close to dating a 7 online but she didn't like my young age because she was 26. TBH, I want women older than me (mid 20s preferred), but real life doesn't seem to have any of these.