Consolidated discussion - In dating/relationships, my gender has a much harder time

[guest569]

Those are normal requirements all people have, nothing unreasonable there

 

 

But let's be honest here, there's another 5000 things that you're looking for that you didn't post there. Why even attempt to lie about it?

 

You don't have a clue who i am let alone what I want in a partner. And furthermore, why on earth do you care? Why are you so aggressive toward me?

 

Women struggle with dating too. This is a fact. I can vouch for it. I am a woman who has had trouble dating. There are plenty of us out there.

 

I got my first boyfriend at age 25. I was rejected a lot before that. I am not hideous or fat. I have female friends (very very attractive) who have been single all or most of their lives. So there. They are the facts.

[SoundofPerseverence]

This is just plain insulting to all women who have struggled with dating, either fat ones or beautiful ones. We have all been there.

 

It seems like a lot of these single whiney guys hate women, and we can sense that from a mile away.

 

 

What did I say there? I said all women have tons of dating options, which is obvious. I didn't say that all the dating options were male models who are earning 900K a year who cure cancer in free time

 

 

I don't discount or disagree that women can struggle in dating - their idea of a struggle is having 3 or 4 guys interested in them but none of them have everything the woman is looking for so their attention is worthless. Women tend to only like a very very small percentage of men they come across so they can feel very lonely just like we can. Suffering isn't relative

[SoundofPerseverence]

I got my first boyfriend at age 25. I was rejected a lot before that. I am not hideous or fat..

 

 

Were you pursuing Tom Brady or Brad Pitt?

 

 

I have female friends (very very attractive) who have been single all or most of their lives.

 

 

Women's idea of single - there are 500 guys after me but I don't like any of them

 

 

That's called single by choice, not being involuntarily single

[guest569]

Bollocks.

 

Totally.

[SoundofPerseverence]

Bollocks.

 

Totally.

 

 

Where am I off base?

 

 

I'm just going off what I see everyday. Even a lot of the threads posted here by frustrated women say something like "there are lots and lots of men interested in me but I rarely come across anybody I like"

 

 

Do you want me to go digging and find 50 threads like that?

 

 

I'm not disregarding the legitimacy of these complaints. Men and women have very different goals and standards in dating but we all suffer no matter what.

[contact1]

I'm amazed you're still single with all this insight and attitude OP, women should be flocking you like you are a 5 percenter

[SoundofPerseverence]

I'm amazed you're still single with all this insight and attitude OP, women should be flocking you like you are a 5 percenter

 

this thread is making me sound like I'm bitter and I'm really not. I don't care

 

 

I'm more just curious why our society is like this where a very small percentage of men can have 10 women after them at all times while the majority of men are lucky to find a girlfriend once in a great while. For women, it tends to be much more balanced where everyone who is a reasonably decent catch has tons and tons of options - while the real good looking ones are obviously getting hit on constantly everywhere they go. Overwhelming majority of men fall into what pick up artist call "AFC" - average frustrated chump. I'm not a follower or the believer of the PUA nonsense but that term is pretty funny and accurate

 

 

What is it about the structure of our dating world that causes this?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

this thread is making me sound like I'm bitter and I'm really not. I don't care

 

If you didn't care you wouldn't post about it.

 

I'm more just curious why our society is like this where a very small percentage of men can have 10 women after them at all times while the majority of men are lucky to find a girlfriend once in a great while.

 

Cite your evidence please. Because I can tell you right now this is categorically untrue. The "majority" of men aren't struggling to such an extent. End of story. How many times do you need to be told this?

[EngnimaticResponse]

You think Charles Manson and the woman he attracted is indicative of relationships as a whole? That because he has a wife that means all women or even most women would want to marry a mass murderer?

 

I am beginning to suspect your post was not made with authenticity and just an opportunity to chum the waters for other like minded individuals. Have a good evening.

 

I think what he was getting at, and others who have used this kind of example is: "If this guy can attract a woman(to whom He's attracted) and get MARRIED, the why can't I find the same for a DATE?"

 

I myself have wondered this. I've had women(already seeing someone else) who get to know me and ask "How are you still single?" I ask that same question ALL THE TIME!

[WonderKid]

You said it before, guys have to have a million qualities. Guys are responsible for a lot of things in life: what they don't have, what they don't do, choices they make. I have many aunts today that are single because they are so hell bent on what a guy has and what he doesn't, but ironically, then men they DID date, that had what my aunts required, played them like a fiddle.

 

 

When a man has everything that's when his loyalty is tested.

 

And also, dating is heavily accustomed to the internet now too. And regarding OLD it's terribly unfair for men but that's how it goes.

[SoundofPerseverence]

The "majority" of men aren't struggling to such an extent. End of story. How many times do you need to be told this?

 

 

me - I have never had a girlfriend. I am at least average in everything to WAY above average in most areas. Some areas, I'm even in top 1% for my age range. I honestly think I may die alone.

 

My best friend - has that beach body with the six pack abs, great looking face, fantastic guy. One of the nicest men I've ever known - I would go to the gates of hell for him. Comes from a rich family yet is not arrogant. Will be rich himself one day. He just got out of a relationship but before that, he really wasn't seeing anybody for 3 years. Not by choice either

 

The female versions of me or my friend are getting hit on 50 times a week and beating the men off with a stick.

 

Like I said, most men are lucky to stumble into a relationship every 3 or 4 years, otherwise they stay in that perma - single zone

[contact1]

this thread is making me sound like I'm bitter and I'm really not. I don't care

 

 

I'm more just curious why our society is like this where a very small percentage of men can have 10 women after them at all times while the majority of men are lucky to find a girlfriend once in a great while. For women, it tends to be much more balanced where everyone who is a reasonably decent catch has tons and tons of options - while the real good looking ones are obviously getting hit on constantly everywhere they go. Overwhelming majority of men fall into what pick up artist call "AFC" - average frustrated chump. I'm not a follower or the believer of the PUA nonsense but that term is pretty funny and accurate

 

 

What is it about the structure of our dating world that causes this?

 

The problem is that it really isn't like this, your view on how the dating world works is very skewed and is based on the notion of just a select few people you know. And I say a few when you consider the millions and billions of people there are in the world.

 

I'll give you a perfect example, myself, and how I got my wife. Back when I had only just known of my wife through a class we took together, I weighed over 300 pounds. I'm sure that would put be out of the top 5% league that you consider to have flocking at them. However, I have had, and still do, several women interested in me and willing to date when asked.

 

Maybe it's my attitude, maybe it's how I present myself in person, or how I can easily make people laugh and feel comfortable, could be many factors. The point being is, even back than when overweight, I can still get a woman's attention, not because I was extremely good looking, not because I was some a-hole that women in your view seem to flock to, or even because I knew the "secret" to get women.

 

They are simply human, like men, with varying types of attractions and preferences. So instead of trying to put blame on the "system" of dating to your 4+ year of singlehood, try focusing on yourself. Because by doing what you are doing, you are giving up control on your life and basically saying "I can't do anything to improve my situation" when really, you can.

[WonderKid]

I myself have wondered this. I've had women(already seeing someone else) who get to know me and ask "How are you still single?" I ask that same question ALL THE TIME!

 

I remember a conversation I had with a girl (I was hitting on her). She asked me the same question when we got on the subject of dating and I replied: because the good women like you keep turning me down. Lol

 

She had a BF though

[gaius]

Just because you have tons of options doesn't make it a great or easy experience. Dating for women can be like going to a used car lot with 1,000 salesmen, and 990 of them want to sell you a lemon. Good luck with that.

 

I like being the seller myself. Even if you have to drum up your own business.

[SoundofPerseverence]

They are simply human, like men, with varying types of attractions and preferences. So instead of trying to put blame on the "system" of dating to your 4+ year of singlehood, try focusing on yourself. Because by doing what you are doing, you are giving up control on your life and basically saying "I can't do anything to improve my situation" when really, you can.

 

 

I don't know anybody who works more obsessively on self improvement than I do

 

I made a 100K this year as a 25 year old man, an income that puts me easily in the top 1-2% for the under 30 age bracket and I was strongly disappointed. I should have made 130-150 (which is what I'm going to make this year). That's how harsh I am on myself and how hard I push myself to be the best that I can be across the board every single day.

 

When it comes to women, i've tried and I've tried and i've tried to improve myself in every single way I can and it's been to no avail. I try to read all the time to make myself a more eloquent and intelligent speaker (as well as know what's going on around the world). I've lived in 3 countries and 5 or 6 states so I'm well traveled. I go out 2-3 times a week and do all kinds of fun and exciting things.

 

Physically, I look like a professional football linebacker but even that I'm not happy with. I'm around 15% body fat right now and I should be down to about 8-9%. And people may think that's me being conceited, no I feel like I should be the best at everything I do. Physically, mentally, everything

 

Character wise, I think that's one of my absolute biggest strengths as well. I'm a very good son, brother and friend. I treat all my loved ones and everybody in my circle very well and they love me to death.

 

None of it's enough though. There is a whole another gigantic list of requirements that I'm not satisfying and that's why women are never interested but it's alright. I'm going to keep ferociously working on myself everyday

[braindamage]

Well why don't you act like a sociopathic jackass for a while and have massive success with the ladies? Clearly it should be that easy. Looking forward to you report back how things went.

[WonderKid]

Making people smile and laugh works wonders. That's what worked for me. You should be lucky to have 15% bodyfat mine is like at 22-25% now. But I don't look it. If you aren't satisfied with it, it's not like you aren't unable to change it.

[HorseLuck]

I'm just curious. Unless you were being sarcastic, what is it that you're lacking?

[SoundofPerseverence]

Making people smile and laugh works wonders. That's what worked for me. You should be lucky to have 15% bodyfat mine is like at 22-25% now. But I don't look it. If you aren't satisfied with it, it's not like you aren't unable to change it.

 

 

15% is fat to me. I won't be happy until I look like Greg Plitt or Steve Cook

 

 

as far as making people smile and laugh. I make friends everywhere I go so that's not a problem. I enjoy being genuinely nice to people

[SoundofPerseverence]

I'm just curious. Unless you were being sarcastic, what is it that you're lacking?

 

 

No idea but there's a ton I'm obviously lacking or else I wouldn't be in forever single mode for closing in on 10 years now

 

 

I've asked some of my female friends to help me out with this and tell me what's wrong with me but they won't be honest and give me anything to work on. It's very frustrating

 

 

Nobody will tell me what's wrong with me so I'm like a dog chasing it's tail

[HorseLuck]

No idea but there's a ton I'm obviously lacking or else I wouldn't be in forever single mode for closing in on 10 years now

 

 

I've asked some of my female friends to help me out with this and tell me what's wrong with me but they won't be honest and give me anything to work on. It's very frustrating

 

 

Nobody will tell me what's wrong with me so I'm like a dog chasing it's tail

 

 

Have you ever thought they may have no negative feedback to give you that they could see as a big hinderance in your dating life?

 

This all just sounds odd and very skewed. Talk to me for awhile and i can give you blunt feedback.

Btw, i happen to be a female struggling in the dating world. No I don't have a million options.

[sillyanswer]

I said all women have tons of dating options, which is obvious.

 

Supposing for a moment that this is obvious, or even true, I think the issue is that "options" that someone doesn't want hold no value. Sure, she might have admirers, but that's of no use to her if she doesn't like any of them.

 

You suggested earlier that only morbidly obese or hideous women don't have options. I have a solution for you: try hitting on the morbidly obese or hideous women.

[Snowman219]

Of course, a man's perspective on women's sexual life is much better than a woman's...

 

It's just as easy for a man to get laid. They're just not doing it right.

Once I met this guy online who said he wasn't looking for a relationship. So one night I texted him 'come over so I can **** you' and he did.

Do this to a woman it probably won't work.

Of course.

 

It doesn't mean a man can't get a woman in bed. He just has to use different techniques.

 

So basically all I have to do is act like I don't want a relationship and women will be all over me? Sweet, sounds like a god damned nightmare! I feel bad for the guys who actually don't want relationships.

[hotpotato]

For women, pretty much every girl who is decent looking and not obese has plenty of dating options at all times

 

For men, you have a very small percentage of men who have tons and tons of dating options while most men find dating to be very very frustrating. The overwhelming majority of guys are lucky to find a relationship every 4 or 5 years

 

You see it over and over on this site. All these threads of women dating men who are players and jerks who are cheating on them or cheating on their gf with them. Why do so many women prefer to share a player than actually have a relationship with a guy who respects them?

 

Is it just women's natural inclination to constantly look for the most desirable man she can get her hands on? Many women seemingly would rather be a side toy for a top 5% guy than be in a relationship with a man her equal

Lolz that sounds like me. If I can get a relationship every 2 or 3 years, thats really good.

 

So much wrong with this! Its almost like saying a woman can fit with any man. Just because he has a key and she has a hole, doesnt mean they are a match.

 

This is more of that Evil Good Looking Guy stuff.

[organizedchaos]

Among my 20 closest single friends, I would say a few guys have a ton of dating options while most of them struggle by and large. Many are normal guys (above average in many ways) who really have no options at all

 

 

The female equivalent of that really doesn't exist. Every female who is not morbidly obese or hideous has tons of dating options

 

That's just not true. I know when who struggle to get dates, and some that do, struggle to meet a good one. There's a single girl who sits next to me at work doing OLD and can't meet a good guy there or offline. Asks if I have single friends I can set her up with. And I know other women like this too. These are not obese or hideous women either.