Consolidated discussion - In dating/relationships, my gender has a much harder time

[jma500]

Lonlier still are men who are about to hit 45 and have never had any relationships, sex or even been kissed. That's my reality.

I am in the same boat but unlike posters such as the op i will never allow anger and bitterness in my life.

Edited March 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Blue Toast]

you know what interesting, the women who usually get mad at these type of thread are usually the women that are either

A- in a relationship

or

B- having tons of sex, or have a fwb, or an ex she sleeps with.

No surprise whatsoever there. These women can not fathom what it's like to get nothing year after year after year. To them going mere months without a relationship or sex is too much. I've gone almost 45 years without.

[Blue Toast]

I am in the same boat but unlike posters such as the op i will never allow anger and bitterness in my life.

When you are in the "same boat" what do you mean? Explain. Are you almost 45 and have never even been kissed yet?

[Blue Toast]

ladies, this is what loneliness is, Im sure blue toast is a good man.

But ladies, if you are regualry having sex, going on dates ( no matter how bad or stupid they are) then you don't have it that hard.

 

or at least, you ladies don't even compare to someone like bluetoast.

or other men in his position.

 

read what blue toast wrote: this is what true struggling is.

Being a "good man" is about as attractive to women as being a "nice guy". I may not be a good man anymore since my bitterness and lonliness is getting the better of me.

[bking]

Lonlier still are men who are about to hit 45 and have never had any relationships, sex or even been kissed. That's my reality. [/QUOTe]

I am in the same boat but unlike posters such as the op i will never allow anger and bitterness in my life.

 

 

I am not anger or bitter, this is a discussion , I get pretty passive on issues.

I am not angry at all women, just very annoyed from women who go around sleeping with tons of guys, and then turn around and tell men who never done anything with a woman at all ( kissing,sex,dating) they have it just as hard.

and to me, that is insulting towards men like blue toast, and others.

and if these same women said the same thing to other women who never date, had sex, kiss another man, I would support them lonely women too, from these type of women.

 

and I had sex before, so you can't use, the ''your just bitter, because you never had sex''

 

even If had sex with 1000's women and was a total players, I would still say the same damn thing.

 

( this is direct towards jma500, not blue toast)

Edited March 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Blue Toast]

How dare we want someone who we feel comfortable around,e asy to talk to, easy to spend time with, who we find attractive, who actually LIKES US, gets along with our family, doesn't blame us for everything that's wrong in their lives, has interests outside of getting laid, and bringing up their numbers so that they can brag to their mates. Have goals and want to build a life, rather than "hanging out" and expecting a woman to take care of everything - and stay under 110lbs, look good in a bikini - even after having their babies - and how dare they even have had a sex life before they met you ? they're supposed to be beautiful, and sexy, and innocent and pure, and loaded with cash, AND supposed to chase you down and give you sex, propose to you, because women wanted equality, so now they have it. And then you get to be scared, because she's trying to pin you down and men need their freedom.

 

Am I missing anything?

I haven't done any of this, what you are accusing men of doing yet here I am at almost 45 alone.

 

It's not so easy when women find so few men attractive. I ask out obese women and get flatly denied by them. It's not so easy when women automatically feel "uncomfortable" around men who are almost 45 with no experience. What does that word mean anyway? Uncomfortable.

[jma500]

When you are in the "same boat" what do you mean? Explain. Are you almost 45 and have never even been kissed yet?

 

I am 44, no relationship, no sex.

[Anela]

I haven't done any of this, what you are accusing men of doing yet here I am at almost 45 alone.

 

It's not so easy when women find so few men attractive. I ask out obese women and get flatly denied by them. It's not so easy when women automatically feel "uncomfortable" around men who are almost 45 with no experience. What does that word mean anyway? Uncomfortable.

 

I was being sarcastic, and what I wrote was based on what I've seen from guys like the OP all over this place. If they get to vent, I get to vent, too. And my post wasn't directed at you, but I understand seeing something and feeling like it was, or just taking it personally.

 

You'd be amazed at how many women go for personality - how looks can improve based on a man's attitude. I, on the other hand, have experienced being all sorts of wonderfulness, but not being pretty enough. I'm not even whining, I'm pissed off about something else.

[todreaminblue]

it seem the internet has a ton of quasi single women here.

seriously what is up, with alot of you ladies on love and dating forum,

all you do is complain how dating is so hard, but yet many of you gals

have a FWB, or can still go out and get laid. or still get dates ( maybe short and doesn't lead any where) but come on, you ladies don't have it that bad.

Look, Im 30 and only been with one woman ( by luck)

 

haven't done anything with a woman for 6 years now, and Im not the worst of the worst, there are people ( both male and female) who never had sex, never had a date, never had a FWB, never went on pointless short date.

 

it annoys me, when I hear women complaining ''oh, Im so lonely''

''can't find a perfect man'' ''but last month, I sex with 4 guys'' ''and also my fwb came over for 2 weeks''

 

maybe some of you ladies have your set of problems, maybe you like a good long term relationship, but come on, you ladies have it way better than many men ( and few unlucky women) do.

 

in my book, if you have a fwb, can go out and get laid, or still get short dates

your a ''quasi'' single.

 

 

what si quasi single...all i getting is an image of is quasimodo.....not all women on here say oh so lonely cant find my one and only.........i think you are putting people in little cans and trying to label..no labelling.......we are all label less cans in the pantry here at loveshack pantry 101..

 

 

im the chickpeas in the back hiding out among the baked beans...shhh dont tell anyone im pretending to be artichoke hearts...:bunny: or stewed rabbit in a can...nah artichoke hearts..deb

[Maleficent]

Must be nice. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

it's alright you know can't complain

[bking]

what si quasi single...all i getting is an image of is quasimodo.....not all women on here say oh so lonely cant find my one and only.........i think you are putting people in little cans and trying to label..no labelling.......we are all label less cans in the pantry here at loveshack pantry 101..

 

 

im the chickpeas in the back hiding out among the baked beans...shhh dont tell anyone im pretending to be artichoke hearts...:bunny: or stewed rabbit in a can...nah artichoke hearts..deb

 

quasi-single: a single person who either

A- has a FWB

b- regulary has sex.

[KraftDinner]

Threads like this only annoy because they are emotional and illogical. One guy can't get a date therefore it's easy for women. That's not just projecting the experience of one onto many... That's actually coming to a completely different unrelated conclusion.

 

Bananas are yellow, therefor apples must be purple.

 

Huh?

 

I'd have sympathy for people who suffer from loneliness and explain it coherently, rather than just demonize my whole gender. What did I ever do to you? Try not to be so emotional...

[Blue Toast]

Threads like this only annoy because they are emotional and illogical. One guy can't get a date therefore it's easy for women. That's not just projecting the experience of one onto many... That's actually coming to a completely different unrelated conclusion.

 

Bananas are yellow, therefor apples must be purple.

 

Huh?

 

I'd have sympathy for people who suffer from loneliness and explain it coherently, rather than just demonize my whole gender. What did I ever do to you? Try not to be so emotional...

There will always be threads like this until women stop automatically writing off inexperienced guys and treating us like we are nothings.

 

A woman who I haven't even met yet in person asks when was my last relationship was. I respond never. She said it's too much pressure on her that I may be her first. I try to defend myself. She says I'm making her "uncomfortable". This **** happens over and over. Different words but same result.

[Maleficent]

There will always be threads like this until women stop automatically writing off inexperienced guys and treating us like we are nothings.

 

A woman who I haven't even met yet in person asks when was my last relationship was. I respond never. She said it's too much pressure on her that I may be her first. I try to defend myself. She says I'm making her "uncomfortable". This **** happens over and over. Different words but same result.

 

I'd be reluctant to dat someone who's never had a relationship too. You learn things from a relationship that goes bad.

In my early 20s I didn't mind but seeing as I'm currently dating men in their 30s - I'd be seriously worried if one told me they never had a serious relationship.

[Maleficent]

Whoa. I'm not alone. Try and find two 44 year old females with no relationships and no sex in an entire city.

 

Maybe if you had a sex change?

[Maleficent]

As is EVERY woman which dooms me to failure for good. Yet you mock us for complaining. There's two 44 year olds men in this one thread who have never even been given a chance at a relationship.

 

I said I would be reluctant. Not that I wouldn't do it.

 

And that probably happens because at some point, we don't want to be stuck with an inexperienced man who might very well be desperate and who complains all the time that he's not getting any.

 

I don't mock you for complaining. But sometimes, you have to acknowledge the fact that the reason why you have been single all these years lies within you and that you should do something to change this little detail.

And that involves no more complaining.

[Maleficent]

Why don't you explain how a 44 year old without relationship experience can get a relationship.

 

I can get in shape, get a top flight job, have a great attitude, but even if I did all of that, it would still be an automatic rejection. That doesn't get me the experience. Or is it too late as you implied in your last post?

 

nan it just got to the point where I think there's no reasoning with you. You seem to believe you are stuck in this situation and unwilling to change yourself because, as you say other people won't give you a chance and it's their fault.

[todreaminblue]

quasi-single: a single person who either

A- has a FWB

b- regulary has sex.

 

 

ooh you mean the labelless cans that contains beans and franks....cool......im still the can of artichoke hearts......im frankfurterless celibately beanless........and single......with hearts of artichoke....lol.......what does it matter what choices the cans have in them.....all that matters is that you are happy in your own can with your own choices...and not trying to stack all the cans to perfection doesnt work anyway....if you dont like the cans contents....dont open it.............deb

[Maleficent]

What's the difference between being reluctant to and not doing it? Aren't they essentially the same thing?

 

Why bother when I can't change the detail of having no previous relationships. I can't change that until I get my first one. I wouldn't complain that I'm not getting any while in a relationship.

 

Suggesting I change sexes is not mocking me?

 

You can't change you can't change you can't change. There's your problem. You can't change. Stop complaining about what you can't change and start concentrating on what you have to offer. Instead of saying 'I get rejected because blah blah blah' say 'here are the reasons why you should give me a shot'

 

Not mocking you. Simply stating that since it seems so easy for women to score and it seems so hard for you, I'm simply suggesting the most simple solution. I'm actually mocking your attitude more than anything else.

[Maleficent]

There is no way for me to get a relationship or sex or anything when women use my inexperience against me. You haven't suggested any solution. I can change lots of things but I can't change my amount of previous relationships. I can get a million dollar career, big house, luxury car, great attitude, great personality, be in great shape, but it will never drown out the sad fact that I've never had a relationship before.

 

I've suggested you change your attitude and your answer was 'what good is it to change my attitude if I will still get rejected all the time'

So there.

 

Stay in your little corner of despair if you're so comfortable there.

[Truthsayer]

I said I would be reluctant. Not that I wouldn't do it.

 

And that probably happens because at some point, we don't want to be stuck with an inexperienced man who might very well be desperate and who complains all the time that he's not getting any.

 

I don't mock you for complaining. But sometimes, you have to acknowledge the fact that the reason why you have been single all these years lies within you and that you should do something to change this little detail.

And that involves no more complaining.

 

 

Not true. Men with little to no relationship history are not bad people or diseased. Ive seen plenty of people with college degrees go YEARS without a job. They tried hard to find them as well but it didn't matter. Talk about kicking a guy while hes down, your saying women don't want a desperate man but you have no idea what isn't like to be at that level of desperation.

Just because your good at basketball does not mean everybody else can be good or get to the level your at. Just the way it is.

Edited May 28, 2013 by Truthsayer

[jma500]

While like bluetoast i am 44 with no relationship or sexual experience, the fact i am alone is wholely my own fault. I had several different women in my life over the years but becuase i believed i was unlovable i let these ladies walk out of my life. I know now how irrational that thinking was. I still deal with it sometimes but i know how to deal with such thoughts now. My photography is a great help as well.

[KraftDinner]

I personally would consider a guy with no relationship history to be a plus... Sometimes it's yucky to imagine my fiance with his exes, blech. Not all women see that as a bad thing. Even if most do, it only takes one to look past it. But she won't get through the gates if she's automatically assumed to be the enemy.

 

There are so many lonely people out there, men and women. We're more similar than different. We're not rivals.

[ComingInHot]

Quote: Originally Posted by Blue Toast Why don't you explain how a 44 year old without relationship experience can get a relationship.

 

I can get in shape, get a top flight job, have a great attitude, but even if I did all of that, it would still be an automatic rejection. That doesn't get me the experience. Or is it too late as you implied in your last post?

 

nan it just got to the point where I think there's no reasoning with you. You seem to believe you are stuck in this situation and unwilling to change yourself because, as you say other people won't give you a chance and it's their fault.

 

 

Blue Toast, I have an idea "why" you may be struggling... without ever meeting me, you called me Ugly. It was mean and hurtful although it is Your right and opinion to speak your mind.

All I've Ever asked of any man was that he would be kind to me. I have not always dated "hot" men but the men I've dated then M were always good and kind.

Because I'm not the Most beautiful woman (especially to you) on the planet I do Not judge people based soley on their looks but rather their heart, mind and soul.

I don't mind you came out of No Where and called me Ugly.

But Plllease don't piss and moan you can't find Anyone who won't reject you when what you post here on LS is defining you isn't all that kind to begin with.

[Maleficent]

Not true. Men with little to no relationship history are not bad people or diseased. Ive seen plenty of people with college degrees go YEARS without a job. They tried hard to find them as well but it didn't matter. Talk about kicking a guy while hes down, your saying women don't want a desperate man but you have no idea what isn't like to be at that level of desperation.

Just because your good at basketball does not mean everybody else can be good or get to the level your at. Just the way it is.

 

And exactly where did I say these men were bad people or diseased?